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World Name | Gambion
Period | Modern
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<News> The Pipes, Royals and Clans, oh my!
The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptyThu Jan 23, 2020 5:58 pm by bels
The Pipes, Royals and Clans, oh my!
January - 2020


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We are stoked to see new people have joined, and as a result we are working hard at making Kaleidoscope a better place. Over the coming month some changes might appear, but fear not, the lore and races already in …


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<News> Kaleidoscope is OPEN!
The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptyThu Nov 07, 2019 9:41 pm by bels
Kaleidoscope is OPEN!
November - 2019


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A little late on the welcome, but this is the official notice that we're more than ready to take in newcomers. We have been working hard on setting up this page since last thursday and it's quite rewarding to know that we've managed …


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 The stages of grief [cw/tw]

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Xander

Xander

Full name : Xander Elior Fayre
Posts : 110
Join date : 2019-11-07

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PostSubject: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptyFri Nov 15, 2019 10:49 pm

@Aiden + @Baal + @Buffy
TRIGGERWARNING: Talk of suicide and death
CONTENT WARNING: Contains sexual content

______

It had been a couple of weeks since that dreadful night. Xander had barely had time to accept what had happened, and barely rested enough as to where he felt energy in his body. He felt restless. Buffy hadn't come home, and she wasn't answering calls or messages. He was worried, worried that she was not going to show up again, and it was breaking his heart. In this time of grief, he wouldn't be able to handle his sister's disappearance as well. He had been to the temple of Verity more often, as often as Aiden would let him leave his bed. Somehow she had taken it upon herself to stay by his side, coming by every day, even multiple times. There was something comforting to that thought. He had spoken in depth with his aunt about what to do with all these deaths. It felt too much to sit through each funeral, but on the other hand would one ceremony be enough to please all of the fallen? He was standing outside the temple of Verity, looking a bit blankly in to the air. He could spot the dark building that was the temple of Bael. It made his stomach turn. Then he looked to the temple of Faeth, thinking of all the times he had escorted his sister to the temple but never entering. Just like she was excluded from some seraphim business, he was excluded from the fenix business. Taking a deep breath, he coughed a bit, groaning as it hurt in his wing when he did so. Xander was trying to keep it resting, making sure to get the bandages rewound when they felt loose or too tight. "I feel empty," he said to Aiden, looking at her with a blank stare. He felt numb almost, like nothing could ever bring him happiness again. Was that how he would live the rest of eternity from now on?


Last edited by Xander on Tue Nov 19, 2019 1:54 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Aiden

Aiden

Full name : Aiden Sammie Saldena (ASS)
Posts : 101
Join date : 2019-11-11

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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptyFri Nov 15, 2019 11:25 pm

No one had really known what to do about the aftermatch of the massacre. It had been difficult to move the wounded and even more to count the losses. Aiden hadnt been able to keep away from the nephilim after the kindness he had shown despite his own hurting, checking on him daily to make sure he was eating and resting. It may had been pestering to a point, but she kept showing up either way. She hadnt experienced a loss like the one he had so she had no words of comfort or knowledge to share off that could help alleviate at least some of the pain he felt. She was just hoping that she was doing something right, by taking care of him.
She escorted him to the temples when he was in a condition to travel, but she wasnt sure how healing it truly was. She had managed to fit the pieces together of what had happened so she didnt have to ask - The stern look from the aunt had made her swallow her questions faster than they formed in her throat. She looked up at the beauty of the temples as he spoke, turning her eyes to look into his blank stare. "It's natural, it's just your mind adjusting to... everything," she said with a sad tone, frowning a little as she felt like she wasnt helping - But she wasnt going to tell him some sort of lie that it would all be alright. She looked down at the ground as she dug her foot a little into the gravel, twisting her foot slightly while she made a short frown. "It'll pass. But I cant say what will be next," she said, looking back up at him, lifting her hand to carefully put it on his arm, "I'm here for you as long as you need me to," she added, making a small gentle smile, but it wasnt really a happy one - How could it be? She knew he didnt really need her, he needed his sister and she was gone. They just had to make due.
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Xander

Xander

Full name : Xander Elior Fayre
Posts : 110
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySat Nov 16, 2019 10:10 am

It didn't feel natural. It felt like something was missing, and it wasn't just her mother. Everything in his life had seemed to fall to pieces before his eyes, and he was still trying to gather the scraps, scattered across the floor. Every now and again he would cut himself on these scraps, opening up emotions he didn't know he could feel, only to return to the numbness of existing. "Is forever reasonable?" he replied, looking at her with hurt eyes. Without her, he didn't think he would've made it through just a day before giving up. However she seemed to remind him of what his purpose was, what his duties entailed, and he would forever be grateful for that. He took her hand, looking at it and feeling the weird mixture of dark and light in her. A feeling he had come to appreciate. "The other seraphim doesn't see you like I see you; you have a good heart, and that's all that being a seraph is about," he said as he looked in to her eyes. He cared for her, cared for her like she had always been a part of the conjugation of seraphim, but he had known her for less than a month. Then he spotted someone from the corner of his eyes, making him freeze in an instant. It was that damned daemon. He let go of Aiden's hand, marching ahead, his eyes filled with hurt and anger as he grabbed the daemon by the collar. "Where is she?" Xander demanded in an angry voice, rather unusual for a seraph, but he was nephilim after all. "What have you done with my sister?" he yelled, feeling tears press on, but he would not let the daemon see him cry. No, he felt the anger in him fuel his body, the adrenaline making his wounded wing move slightly; something he would come to regret later.
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Aiden

Aiden

Full name : Aiden Sammie Saldena (ASS)
Posts : 101
Join date : 2019-11-11

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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySat Nov 16, 2019 11:50 am

His reply made her sigh but it wasnt out of annoyance at his lack of optimism. She looked at him as she shook her head before speaking, “Not really. But I wouldnt blame you for feeling that way,” she said, a small smile on her lips. The politeness to her recent smiles had disappeared completely as she had opened up for the nephilim. It wasnt something she did often to other people, but it hadnt seemed all that scary after a while. It had actually felt quite natural, to sit by his side when he was resting to tell him some stories about her life to keep his mind busy when it was bad.
She let him take her hand, giving it a soft squeeze as his words forced a smaller yet bright smile on her lips. “Maybe they’ll see it one day,” she said with a shrug but his words did make a warmth spread inside her. He was kind even when he hadnt needed to be. She liked that about him. She followed his eyes as her face drained at emotion at the sight, feeling her hand be freed before watching him march towards the daemon. She should have grabbed his hand again and persuaded him to stay - Or thats what she thought she should have.

Baal had had some rough days lately. He wasnt really used to breaking up because it wasnt even allowed for him in the first place. He was feeling this whirlwind of emotions inside with no way of letting them show or telling anyone. Well he told Daniel, but as good a friend the blonde was, no talking was going to help Baal get better. He needed to find her and talk it out. He had been by the temple of daemons but he had started to dread this place and their god that couldnt give less of a shit about them. When he saw the blonde hair in the distance, he knew who it was. Frankly he hadnt expected him to approach him. He figured the nephilim had locked her away in a tower somewhere for her own safety, or whatever the excuse could be.
But then he approached him, even grabbed his collar which stunned Baal completely for a second to listen to his words. What did he mean where was she? Baal frowned, as he lifted his hands to grab around the wrists of the nephilim, “Is this some cruel joke? I havent seen her at all since that night,” he hissed in anger as he shifted between the green eyes that looked too much like hers without the flames. He looked away, tensing his jaw as he felt his vision blur a little from the oncoming tears. But like the nephilim, he wouldnt stand here and cry. “I thought you would have been more than happy to lock her away,” he said in a rather spiteful tone, wringing the twinbrother’s hands off his collar to step back and create some distance.
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Xander

Xander

Full name : Xander Elior Fayre
Posts : 110
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySat Nov 16, 2019 12:18 pm

"They will see it, we just gotta be patient," he said, trying to sound optimistic for her sake. He liked her, and if she wanted to be a part of their community, then he would do whatever he could to prove how she belonged. However kind he was towards Aiden, it seemed to wash away around the daemon. Just the touch of the daemon's hand on his wrist felt almost scorching. "Since the night you murdered my kind?" he said in a cold voice before Baal seemed to push him off. He felt stunned. Felt like the daemon was lying to him, but as he said that Buffy might be locked away he lost it. "She hasn't been home in weeks," he said in a hurt voice. He felt the numbness in his fingers. He knew his life was missing the sparkle that only his sister could seem to provide him with. "I could never keep her locked up, but I just want to see her; I want her to come home and help bury our mother," he said, and with those words a tear fell from his eye. He was being betrayed by his own body, looking down as he tried keeping those emotions at bay. "You knew her for a split second; I've known my sister for my entire existence, and she has never done something like this," he said, swallowing some of his pride to look at Baal. His hands were clutched into fists, wanting to protect himself if the daemon had tricks up his sleeve. "I thought I was giving her happiness, allowing you two to figure out your feelings, letting her have a sense of belonging; even if it meant to my created enemy," he said, his voice filled with spite, yet the sadness underneath he could not hide. "Instead you have provided her with nothing but sorrow and pain; you have driven her away from her family and you dare walk around like nothing happened," he said, shaking his head. The daemon wouldn't understand. No, his aunt was right, they couldn't feel anything. They were emotionless and only one thing fueled them and it was hatred. "The only cruel joke here is that you seduced my sister and did it with a purpose to hurt her!" he said. He wanted to hit the daemon, but his calling to Verity was stronger than that. The daemon would have to hit first before he could protect himself.
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Aiden

Aiden

Full name : Aiden Sammie Saldena (ASS)
Posts : 101
Join date : 2019-11-11

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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySat Nov 16, 2019 3:53 pm

Baal blinked in surprise as Xander said she hadnt been home, wondering where else she could be. He felt a tear of his own escape as his face looked so frustrated and confused. He wouldnt expect the nephilim to understand anything, but he also couldnt help clear out the accusations that he was about to throw at him. Standing here so close to his own kind, he was bound to just stand and listen with a bitter taste forming in his mouth. With Xander’s last sentence, the daemon lost his composure, forgetting for a moment where they were and what he shouldnt do. He turned his eyes sway again from the familiar greens, grinding his teeth a little. Maybe Xander was right, but it didnt feel that way. Baal had had no intentions of hurting her till he was forced to. Would the nephilim get how it was kill or be killed? Probably not. “Maybe she would have stayed if she didnt feel like she needed to be allowed to live around your kind all the time,” was all he said through gritted teeth, turning his eyes to look into Xander’s.
Aiden came closer to the two, frowning with worry as she thought about how to approach this. “Arguing like this wont bring her back,” she said as she stepped in between the two, turning her head to look at the both of them. It had been a bad idea as Baal just grabbed her to push her away like she was nothing, stepping closer to Xander before he could check on her, “She’s all I ever wanted. All. You wouldnt understand because you can love without ever having something at stake,” he said with such anger in his tone. Aiden had lost her footing at the unexpected push, falling to the ground as she scraped her hands when she let them take the fall.
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Buffy

Buffy

Full name : Buffy Elior Fayre
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySat Nov 16, 2019 7:01 pm

Xander should’ve know this day would come, a day where he needed to fight for what he believed in. His aunt had thought him that much. It was as if he watched Aiden fall in slow motion, wanting to reach out and catch her, but Baal was quickly in his face. His words made him angry. “You want, that’s all you daemons do; you want and you take, but did you ever consider that love means you give yourself to someone else? You devote your entire being to them, and expect nothing in return,” he said in an angry voice. He pushe Baal back, feeling a voice fill his head. Telling him that a fight was not wise right now, but he pushed Baal again, taking a step forward. “My sister belongs with our family; you are nothing but shadows trying to cover her in darkness until her beautiful light fades!” he yelled angrily.

Buffy had been staying at the temple, reflecting over her decisions. She was coming back from a walk in the Woods of Ash, carrying some white flower that she felt would perhaps be pretty in the room she had. She looked up as she spotted her brother and Baal, then she saw the girl from that night being pushed back and to the ground. Dropping her flowers, Buffy went to the girl, sitting down and helping the girl back to her feet. She then looked at both her brother and Baal with hurt eyes, walking over she grabbed her brother’s wrist, holding him back from pushing Baal further. “Stop this,” she said. Her voice weak and hurting, but it was only because whenever she looked at the daemon her heart started beating faster once more. Why wouldn’t these feelings just go away? She looked at her brother, but Xander seemed more stunned at the fact he was looking back at his sister. All colour disappeared from his face as he tried speaking, but Buffy looked to Baal. There was an urge in her. An urge to run in to his arms, let their bodies collide and let herself breathe in his calming scent. However she stood her ground, looking at the daemon that had stolen not only her heart but her mother’s life. “Baal,” she greeted, but her voice was weak. She was close to breaking down again, and Xander grabbed her arm, shaking her lightly. “Where have you been? We’ve all been worrying sick about you,” Xander pleaded, clearly worried, but Buffy removed his hand from her arm in a dismissive movement. “I’ve been at either the temple or in the woods; it seems the only places I can feel anything anymore,” she said, looking down as she couldn’t face them fully. There was a reason she had hidden herself away. She needed time to heal.

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Baal

Baal

Full name : Belial Sionis Kharne
Quote : It made sense to let my heartstrings play at the sound of your laughter
Posts : 485
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySat Nov 16, 2019 9:16 pm

He was so angry in the moment that he hadnt really been thinking about what he was doing, pushing Aiden to the ground in such a way. Xander's harsh words made him clench his fists, but for some reason he couldnt let his anger out. It was like turning that valve of anger would make him unable to turn it back off. He let the nephilim push him, his face going numb as he just stood there and listened. A fight was pointless, it wouldnt bring her back and it wouldnt fix any of the issues at hand. Maybe Xander was right. Maybe he was just a shadow that wanted to absorb the light she bore.

Aiden was laying on the ground, lifting her hands to carefully brush off the gravel that stuck to her skin, small scrapes on the surface made her grit her teeth as it was so tender to the touch. She looked up to see the fenix girl from the other night and a part of her looked relieved to see her. She was helped to her feet, but decided to stay back and not meddle in their business. After all, she was just here for Xander's sake.

When Baal saw her, he just made a deep frown as his expression turned from anger to sadness. He hadnt seen her in so long and after what had happened, he had expected to not see her at all again - At least so close. He swallowed hard at her greeting, though it seemed confusing to him as her last message was a goodbye. He had tried calling her and messaging her only to eventually be greeted by an automated voice that the number was no longer in service, the message had seemed rather clear. He blinked a few times as he just looked at her, not knowing what to do or say. He opened his mouth to say something but Xander's harsh words just rung in his head once more, mixing with his plea to his sister to some weird concoction that made the daemon look away for a second. "You cant even look at me," he said in a low tone as he looked at her with sad eyes. "I know what I've done and telling you that I wish I could take it back wont change a thing," he then said, not knowing whether it was wise to speak of now or not. He didnt care if any daemon would walk by and accidentally hear him speak in ways like this. If this was the only time he was going to be able to talk to her, he wanted to say the right things before she was gone again. "The choices that were left me would have torn you apart one way or another," he said as he looked at her, clenching his jaw shortly as he blinked the wetness in his eyes away. Could it be that he had chosen wrong in the matter, he thought? He shook his head, looking down. "But this is madness. Dont let my actions tear you away from your family like this, it wouldnt have been this way if you hadnt been with me" he said, biting his cheek a little as he shook his head again.
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Xander

Xander

Full name : Xander Elior Fayre
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySat Nov 16, 2019 10:08 pm

Feeling Buffy deny him like this made his heart break further. He knew he couldn't keep on going if his sister wasn't there with him. "Buffy, please," he begged. He wanted to throw himself on knees for her, beg for her to come home, but something in him made him refuse to show himself like that in front of the daemon. Maybe it was pride that held him back, but he truly just wanted his sister home and safe. Then the daemon started speaking, making him grit his teeth as he wanted to push the guy again, make as much distance between him and Buffy so he wouldn't hurt her again. However he could also see his sister listening to the daemon, making him retain his posture. He looked to Aiden, a pleading gaze in his eyes as he felt like she was the only one right now that knew what he had went through. How he had struggled these past couple of weeks.

Buffy listened to Baal, taking a deep breath as he spoke about him being the reason for everything. She shook her head, facing him only now, even going so far as to take a step closer. Why did love have to be this weird emotion? "You are not the only reason as to what I do with my life," she said, frowning as she forced herself to look at him. She studied his features, she could see him hurting, and despite what he had done she wanted to reach out. Comfort him and hold him close. She was a mess, anyone could have seen that, but the flame that had felt so mild in her eyes these last couple of weeks seemed to burn a little brighter when she was looking at him. "I gave you my everything, I gave you my love and my patience, my empathy and comfort," she whispered, feeling tears well up in her eyes, taking a deep breath as she tried blinking the water away. "You made me feel like I could belong, when you held me in your arms I knew I had found that missing piece I had been looking for," she said, feeling her hand itch. She wanted to reach out. She wanted him to hold her and tell her this was just one of her nightmares, that she was dreaming and he was there to take her out of that bad dream. "But Baal, you killed the woman that gave birth to me; my mother, you ended her life and every time I close my eyes I see her bloodied body in pieces on the dirty ground," she whimpered, covering her mouth as she was reliving the horror once more. She wept silently. Xander stood surprised as he looked at his sister, never seen her like this, he felt himself angry. Angry because she was feeling like that, angry because Baal had done this. Angry, because he was angry.
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Baal

Baal

Full name : Belial Sionis Kharne
Quote : It made sense to let my heartstrings play at the sound of your laughter
Posts : 485
Join date : 2019-11-06

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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySat Nov 16, 2019 10:34 pm

Aiden could see his pain and the hurt he was feeling but she knew she couldnt just step in and intervene. It wasnt her place to partake in their conversation, so instead she just went up to the nephilim, placing her hand gently against his upperarm to let him know she was there without having to say the words. She looked up at him, before she watched the two others talk. "We should get you home before you strain yourself further," she said in a low tone filled with worry, glancing at his wing. She hadnt liked seeing him shove the daemon like that, no matter how angry he had felt.

Baal was surprised to see her step closer but it didnt make him think that it meant she would be ready again if he were to hug her tight or grab her hands. He listened to her words as he made a deep sigh. She was right, but she wouldnt have had an issue with her family if there hadnt been a daemon between them - He thought she could see that as well. He felt like this was hurting him more than it did any good, because he really just wanted to reach out and touch her cheek, show her that he did in fact love her though he hadnt ever told her. But hearing her whisper it and see her eyes fill with tears. He looked down at the ground, frowning while he felt so guilty because to him it sounded like he couldnt make her feel like she belonged or be the missing piece she needed. He looked back up at her, knowing that whatever pain he felt from seeing her like this, he deserved.
"Buffy please," he pleaded but it was too late as it seemed she was taken back to the night in her mind. He just inhaled in a deep tremble as he looked at her, "I know I cant take away your pain. But you shouldnt be dealing with your loss alone," he said, before he gritted his teeth and shook his head, "I dont want you to look at me and be reminded of what I have done. But I feel too selfish to let you go too. So when you feel ready to see me, I'll be around. However long that may be," he said, feeling a few more tears escape his eyes before he looked around at the feeling of eyes on him. It may have been daemon but he didnt care.

_________________
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“It was never the way she looked
always the way she was
I would have fallen in love with her
with my eyes closed.”

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Buffy

Buffy

Full name : Buffy Elior Fayre
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySat Nov 16, 2019 11:06 pm

Xander felt Aiden place a hand on his upper arm. Simply knowing she was there was the comfort he needed, however it could not stand in for the comfort he needed from his sister. The two had always been close, always told each other everything, and now he felt her slipping away. He didn't like seeing her speak to that daemon, he wanted to grab her and force her to come back home, but he couldn't do that. She needed to figure herself out, and he would have to accept that it would take time. He nodded at her words, knowing that the hybrid was right, however he felt he might ask her to stay the night. Not for any activities, but simply to have someone around him. He liked Aiden, that much was clear, but he couldn't see himself as a lover of any sorts. He had a big heart, but he didn't feel capable of finding what people called true love. "Alright, but ..." he said, turning his head to look at Buffy with sad eyes. "Please come home soon," he pleaded in a whisper before he followed Aiden away. He wanted to stay and keep an eye on Buffy, but he also knew he had to rest. "Am I a bad person, Ai-dee?" he asked, frowning as he was walking as calmly as his body allowed him to. He felt like his emotions had gotten the best of him. Something in him wanted to turn around and apologize for pushing, but the daemon had killed his mother. Was he not allowed to be a little angry?

Buffy felt her heart break, felt that she couldn't think straight in this moment and wished she had stayed out of their discussion. She heard his pleading words, knew what he was saying to be true, but she needed time away. She needed the place and the right surroundings to discover what her feelings meant. "Did you kill her?" she asked, now looking him straight in the eyes. There was still denial in her, like she couldn't believe he had given his summon the order to go after her mother like that. He was not a killer, at least not in her eyes. "Please, tell me if you were the one to deliver the command, I need to know, because if you were then I need to go and end my life; I can't deal with loving you if you did that," she said in a whimper. She wasn't one to threaten her life, but she couldn't see herself continue to live with that in her mind. Her mother's killer be her lover was too strange and too morbid for her. She needed to hear it was all a lie, or that he at least didn't give the command. She loved him. She loved him and it was tearing her apart. Reaching out she took his hand. "If my mother is dead by your hands, and your hands alone I have a right to know," she said, looking in to his eyes, tears falling down her cheeks as she feared the answer he would give her.

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Baal

Full name : Belial Sionis Kharne
Quote : It made sense to let my heartstrings play at the sound of your laughter
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySat Nov 16, 2019 11:54 pm

She could sense the struggle in him and she didnt blame him for it. Twins have said to have some sort of special bond that others couldnt compare to. It was just a different love that Aiden wouldnt ever come to understand. She made a small sad smile as he agreed to come and she let him go at his own pace as pushing him wasnt what she wanted to do at all. She looked at him with her eyebrows raised a little as he seemed to doubt whether he was a good person or not. "You just want to keep her safe. It's not expected for you to be perfectly able to handle a situation, such as facing the guy that seemingly did what he did and at the same time is the one your sister loves. It's difficult. And you're not wrong for being angry," she said as she looked at him, grabbing his hand to give it a soft squeeze. "Anyone would have been angry, seraph or not," she made a half smile as she moved her head to look ahead, "She'll come around when she's ready. You just have to be a little patient," she said, trying to sound as optimistic as possible.

The question he dreaded soon rose and he blinked a few times to look at her with a serious expression. He wasnt so surprised as to why she was asking, but he still found it hard to get the words out. He opened his mouth to speak but he just shifted between her eyes instead of getting a single word out. Her whimper made him feel his jaw tremble with anger towards himself, his eyes widening a little as she spoke of ending her life. Just the notion of it forced more tears from his eyes, he felt it sting like no other pain. "I killed her Buffy. But my hand was forced..." he gritted his teeth as he looked away. "... I was given a choice; To be deemed a sympathizer and be killed. Or follow the orders I had been given," he finished, feeling his voice strain as he looked down at the ground. His expression changed as he just seemed to have this sort of numb expression. He looked up at her before he gently and rather carefully placed his unmarked hand on her cheek, sighing deeply. "If your life ends, mine will too," he just said, shifting between her eyes with eyes that didnt really emote anything at all. He ran his thumb along her cheekbone before he let it fall to his side. He just shook his head before he placed his hands in his pockets, knowing he was definitely making the wrong decision now. "Goodbye Buffy," he said in a quiet tone before he turned and walked off.

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The stages of grief [cw/tw] Tumblr_prqqgk8wMJ1r0uoy9_540
“It was never the way she looked
always the way she was
I would have fallen in love with her
with my eyes closed.”

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Buffy

Full name : Buffy Elior Fayre
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySun Nov 17, 2019 9:33 am

"I just don't believe he will be able to mend what he has done," he said, knowing that his sister might do something rash. She was impulsive, and then combined with her stubbornness it could be dangerous. "I really don't like acting on my anger; it's like something in me is threatening to flip a switch that can't be flipped back," he said in a trembling breath. Being nephilim meant only being half seraph, but it also meant that darkness had an easier time wiggling is way in to him. He had always been careful, tried not to stray or act on his emotions, but seeing Buffy torn and crying in front of him was more than he could handle. "I want to have patience, as you tell me to, but it's hard when I fear something being lost - something I can't afford to lose," he said, clearly referring to his sister. If he lost her before her time, he wouldn't know what to do. How would he be able to face any of his family members when he felt guilty. Guilty for letting all of this happen in the first place. He took a deep breath. "I was the one allowing them to see each other, and not I feel like I am the culprit," he confessed, looking down to the ground as they walked in a slow tempo. "If I had denied my sister to see him, if I had told on her and made sure she was kept away from him, then she wouldn't be like that; who knows, our mother might've been alive as well," he said as he poured out all of his what-ifs. It was not easy to speak of this, but he felt like he could be open with Aiden. He could tell her of his worries and his regrets, and she would either remain silent and give comfort in knowing there was nothing more to say, or she would tell him something he hadn't even thought of. He gave her hand a squeeze, feeling the comfort of her touch cool his hot anger. Up until now it had only been Buffy who could do that.

He spoke, unraveling her nightmare to their fullest, but why would her heart not stop this nonsense? He said it word for, told her he had been the one to kill her mother, but her mind could only seem to focus on one thing. That he had done it because he had no other choice. He then reached for her as she was holding his hand, closing her eyes to take in the comforting gesture. His touch could not heal her, but they seemed to dull the frustration and pain that was inside of her. Her eyes opened, watery as he said he would end his life if hers were to pass too, making her shake her head. That wasn't what she wanted. She wanted him to live despite what he had done. His words seemed cold when he said goodbye, turning his heel and starting to walk away, however she hadn't let go of his hand, keeping him in place. "Meet me at midnight by the misty lake," she whispered, her tone almost begging. She wanted to see him, speak with him where they didn't feel people look at them. "I just want to talk with you, hear everything so that I may understand it better," she whispered. She knew that they had already been speaking too long out in the open and she feared that something might happen to him. "Midnight, please Baal," she said before letting go of his hand. Then she moved away quickly, almost running to the temple before anything could happen to her.

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Aiden

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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySun Nov 17, 2019 1:52 pm

She sighed at the mention of a switch, nodding as she understood what he meant by that, “It’s difficult to tackle your anger when you’re surrounded by others who have been blessed with the ability to calm it in an instant,” she said. Oh she knew how hard it was to not be wholly something. She wasnt a full seraph or daemon, she was a crossing between the both. An unstable amount of goodness and evil that once had fought tirelessly for control. She had only been lucky to find a balance between the two so she wouldnt have to pick.
“You havent lost her, not at all. She may be far away from you now, but it’s all tempoary,” she made a sad smile, shrugging a little before looking ahead - Hoping that she wasnt just filling his head with false hope. She couldnt see why his sister would stay away forever, it just wouldnt make sense from the sound of how their bond was.
Aiden made a small raise of her eyebrows as he spoke of what-if scenarios, revolving around if he had denied his sister to follow her heart. She made a small scoff before she shook his head at him, looking down at the ground as they walked, “Had you denied her her love for this daemon, nothing much would have changed. Except that she would have gone to him either way. We cant control who we love... and the way her eyes lit up when she was looking at him,” she said as she lifted one corner of her mouth, clicking her teeth slightly. “Either way, it had been unavoidable. They would have found a way to explore the love they felt, and because you were against it, she’d have left much sooner,” she said, hoping what she said made sense as she was just really guessing. No one could tell the real outcome of a what-if, because it wasnt real.
“Now lets get you home and get you comfortable. My father always told me that anger cant stay in the bliss of simple things. Like a nice warm blanket, a warm bubble bath or a delicious meal,” she said as she looked at him with optimistic eyes. It wasnt her real father she spoke of, as he had died when she was born, but she had meant the lycan who cared for her as a child.

His goodbye may have been cold, but he hadnt known what else to do or say. He had been going for so long with his feelings pent up inside and now meeting her again had ripped the wound right open and the feelings inside him were stronger than ever. He couldnt afford to stand here and let more of the emotions he werent allowed to feel show. What if a superior of the order had seen them? Then all this would have been pointless. He was ready to leave, but her hand holding his was stopping him. He looked down at their hands before looking up at her eyes. Even if he wanted to pull his hand away, his body wouldnt let him. He frowned a little at her whisper, before he looked down at the ground. She had spent all this time in hiding and now she wanted to meet with him in secret? Could his heart muster such a hope of being able to mend their bond? Before he could give her a decent answer that wasnt just a thoughtful stare, she had let go of his hand and ran off to her temple. He looked around for a bit before drying off his cheeks, making a small sniffle too before he went off.
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySun Nov 17, 2019 4:07 pm

Was this what he had become? A guy so split between his two selves? He had never been split like this, never seen himself but anything but a seraph, and now he was doubting his place in all of this. Aiden seemed to be his voice of reason, and he felt bad. Because he felt like he was taking advantage of her in a way. He swallowed, feeling that her hand was still in his, but it didn't bother him. More so it calmed him, kept him grounded as he felt like his anger and turmoil would subside for a while. As she spoke of distracting himself with nice things he couldn't help but chuckle, but it sounded more like a small scoff. "Your father sound like a wise man then," he said, looking at her with something more relaxed of a look. It had been good for him to see his sister, not good for his physical healing, but his mental healing it would do wonders for. However he couldn't shake the feeling of being worried for what the daemon had caused. If his sister was ever to forgive such an action, how could he then handle the situation? And what of his aunt? Would she ever accept Buffy's choice? He felt a headache coming on, thinking so much as he seemed to squeeze Aiden's hand a little tighter, but not enough to hurt her. "I think I could eat some of that mushroom soup you made the other night," he said, forcing himself out of his thoughts. "And I'm cooking," he said, sending her a smile. He hadn't smiled much these days, but seeing his sister had clearly helped. "Or at least let me help cut the mushrooms," he said, smiling gently at her.

As they got back to the apartment, he let go of her hand, taking off his shoes by stepping on the heels. It was easier and less painful than bowing forward to take them off. Then he looked at Aiden, feeling again like he was taking advantage of her kindness. "I need to know," he said, frowning slightly as he had been filled with these thoughts for as long as she had been around. "Why do you stay by my side like you do? Is it because you take pity in me or is it because you wish to gain something from me?" he asked. He wouldn't really be hurt if she said she was only doing this for a specific reason, but he just felt like he needed to know.

//Buffy out//
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySun Nov 17, 2019 4:47 pm

She chuckled at his words, shaking her head with a small smile at the memory of her father, “He was,” she said, looking at him to be surprised at how relaxed he looked. He hadnt looked like this at all since she met him and it made her wonder if he really thought that he had lost his sister when she could impact him like this after a brief encounter as the one they had had at the temples. She kept an eye on him as they walked, subtle looks, but she wanted to be sure he wasnt just peeling out unlikely scenarios from what they had seen. She knew what overthinking could do to the mind if it was let loose. His squeeze made her frown for a second but then he spoke of her mushroom stew that she had made a couple of times as it was easy to make and eat. She scoffed when he insisted to cook it, sending him a look with her eyes narrowed, “Have you been watching closely enough to know how to make it?” She teased him with a smile over her lips. It felt good to see this change in him.

When they got home, she had taken off her jacket as soon as he let go, to reveal a half sleeved white shirt that sat nicely around her slight curves. By no means was she either big or skinny but she was somewhere in the middle between the two. She got out of her shoes and glanced shortly at the scar on her arm from that night, frowning a little though she was more than thankful that she could use her tears to make the scarring as pretty as possible. She looked up as Xander spoke, pushing herself back on her feet as she wondered what he was going to ask. When he asked, she puckered her lips before she shook her head, “In all honesty, I was just hoping to gain your friendship,” she admitted with a shrug. She didnt have lots of friends in her life, mostly because she had been afraid to talk to people being the mix that she was. “I havent really brought any ingredients for soup, so we might have to buy some if I havent left some things behind from last time,” she said before she went to the kitchen to check.
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySun Nov 17, 2019 5:25 pm

Could he admit that he had taken a liking to her? It was far from love, but an interest had been sparked, yet he didn't feel like he should act on it. Not that she wasn't deserving of affection, he just thought it might be inappropriate. He looked at her, seeing her shirt hug her body so nicely. He had been with people before, people he thought he had loved, but he had always found that they lost interest in him. Seeing as he was rather busy with his studies, it meant that he often took for granted what he had. "I've been watching, but perhaps not paying too much attention," he admitted, smiling gently at her. Getting inside he felt his body relax more, the heat always turned on a little higher in their apartment during the winter. He felt like it was often too hot, but he let Buffy decide the temperature. She was so quick to freeze. Looking at her as she answered his question made him sigh, smiling a bit to himself. [color=#669966]"I guess we are a bit the same then, however I do surround myself with a lot of people, not all of them I consider friends; and you ..." he said, looking at her more closely. "You are definitely my friend," he said.

As she walked out to the kitchen he firstly followed her with his eyes, then his body started moving. He stood in the frame, looking at her as she seemed to look through the cabinets and fridge. "Or we could order take out; I wouldn't mind paying," he suggested. He didn't really feel like going out, and he really didn't like thinking of her walking alone in the dark, even if she was able to protect herself. "Really, I'm just thinking of reasons for you to stay tonight, aren't I?" he chuckled to himself, placing his palm over his forehead as he looked down. He shouldn't be thinking in these lanes, especially not when he was still healing, but he wanted her close. He wanted her to just be around for one reason or another.
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySun Nov 17, 2019 6:13 pm

"Then you'd fail miserably in remaking it," she said with a soft chuckle to follow, only to shake her head, "But who knows? May be that your version is even better than mine," she shrugged. If anything it made her curious to see just how much or how little he had paid attention. The soup was fairly simple in a way, but the most essential part to it was the seasoning that had to be just right to enhance the flavour of the squishy mushrooms.
She looked at him with curiousity as he said they were a bit of the same. She tilted her head a little to the side as she wouldnt exactly have thought they were. His pause made her hold her breath a little for a reason she didnt know. She exhaled with a bit of relief as he called her friend, "Thank god. Would have been rude to have me coming every day and not consider me a friend," she said with a sincere smile on her lips. She didnt think he would be the type to be that kind of person, but she hadnt known him for that long and the one she had known over the weeks had been in recovery and hurting from losses.

She bit her lip a little with concentration as she searched through the kitchen for any leftover ingredients, counting in her head as she found something from the recipe. It had been a soup she had had so many times as a kid as her lycan parents didnt know what to give her. But when she had found the mushrooms in the store, they knew they had to figure out a way to use it. And soon mushrooms were placed into their daily nutrients, mostly around dinner. There were just something about the capped fungi that she seemed to like so much. She blew a few raspberries at his suggestion, thinking about it as she counted the mushrooms. It wouldnt be enough for a soup, that much she knew. "It seems it might be our only chance at a proper meal," she said with a smile, looking at him standing in the frame.
She noticed that something was a bit off, and as he admitted to just looking for ways to make her stay, a gentle smile fell over her lips. "I mean, asking would be a good first step to making me stay?" she teased him just to show that she didnt think it was an odd suggestion. But then again, she wasnt really thinking much into it. She hadnt felt like there was something she was supposed to be wary of when it came to the nephilim.
"We could.... order some fried noodles or something else and settle for the couches to watch some comedy movies?" she suggested, tapping her fingers a little on the counter as she tilted her head slightly to the side while she waited for his response. Seemed like a promise for a good night with no worries, at least she thought it to be. If he needed her to stay, she would - She didnt need a reason.
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySun Nov 17, 2019 8:31 pm

Xander smiled a little to himself at her words, feeling like she was helping him. In more ways than tending to his wounds that is. "I think that sounds like the greatest idea I've heard all my life," he said in a relaxed voice. He could still feel the sorrow in him, the mourning that he had been in since his mother died, but seeing his sister had helped him put some things in to perspective. He leaned away from the frame, taking out his phone as he went to a food ordering app. Walking over, he placed himself beside her, handing her the phone. "Can you find us a bucket load of food? I'll go take a bath; like you suggested," he said. He didn't really care what she ordered, as he was far from picky. His mother had always said that he would eat anything she served him, even if it was burnt and almost inedible. He looked at Aiden shortly, reaching out to place a few strands of her hair behind her ear, nodding a bit to himself before heading for the bathroom. Walking in he turned on the lights and the fan, looking at himself in the mirror. It was odd seeing his face and not really recognizing what he saw, but he checked mostly on his wing. It had healed rather nicely, but he wanted to retract it. He missed sleeping on his back, missed being able to move through doors without the risk of bumping in to them. He went over to turn on the water, filling up the tub before pouring a potion of his own concoction in with the water. Then he went back to the mirror, staring at his own wings again. Slowly he retracted his good wing, feeling relieved at the weight that seemed to disappear. Then his gaze moved to his bad wing, gritting his teeth as he slowly tried retracting. He grunted, in pain as he leaned over the sink. He wanted to scream, yell at himself for doing this, but slowly and surely he retracted the wing fully; hopefully Aiden wouldn't have heard the ruckus.

Sitting in the bath felt relieving, feeling his bare back against the tub was just calming to him. He let out a sigh as he knew he had to finish up soon enough. Moving out of the tub he felt his body shift it's weight, just enough for him to loose his balance, momentarily, and managing to drive some of the bottles of shampoo down to the floor with him. It made a rather large thump, but he managed to move to his feet, grabbing a towel as he sighed. He had been too used to the heavy weight of his wings, and now he had nothing to help him with his balance. Grunting under his breath he seemed to stumble in to the hallway, managing to slam his face first in to his door to his room. "Thank Verity I closed the door," he mumbled.
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySun Nov 17, 2019 8:58 pm

She giggled at his words and felt a slight blush in her cheeks as she hadnt thought he would make such a compliment for something she just quickly made up on the spot. None the less she appreciated it even if she wasnt that used to that kind of speech by anyone who wasnt a lycan. She looked at his phone with wonder as she grabbed it to scroll through the different nearby fastfood places. It really came down to what had the biggest selection as she herself felt quite hungry. "I'll make sure your needs are met," she assured him with a smile before she nodded and turned her attention to the phone. She quickly found a place that wasnt too far but far enough to ensure delivery - That way they didnt really have to go anywhere. She stood and scrolled through the selection, picking a bit of each. She raised her eyebrow a little at the wide selection but figured that leftovers would be fine to have as well. She frowned a little as she realized it probably wasnt her decision, so she wanted to run it through Xander before ordering, just to be sure that he was fine with it.
She went into the living room to look around a little. She went to the couch to pull down the pillows to the floor so they could sit close by the little table, making sure it was nothing but comfortable. She was in the midst of covering the pillows with blankets as she heard a thump upstairs, frowning a little as she felt quite worried. She went to the hallway to see Xander stumble. Her eyes widened as she hurried over to grab his face gentle and inspect it, "Are you alright?" she asked with concern. She noticed his wings were gone and then she understood what had happened, scoffing under her breath with relief, "By the Elders. You had me worried for a second there, Xander" she admitted with a soft chuckle, shaking her head as she looked up at him with soft eyes - Not aware of how she was looking at him.
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySun Nov 17, 2019 9:18 pm

Xander heard her concern, looking in to her eyes as she held his face. His heart started pounding harder behind his chest bone, and he was afraid that she was going to hear it. Had he ever felt someone that wasn't family hold his face so gently? He exhaled, looking at her with an apologetic look to his eyes. "I'm fine, I'm thick skulled," he promised, however he moved out of her gentle touch. He didn't want her to feel like he was taking advantage of her kindness, not more than he already was. "Did you manage to order some food?" he asked, not wanting her to worry too much, however the way she looked at him made his eyes wander down to her full lips shortly. Dangerous ground. Baal had said that finding love and choosing love was easy for a seraph, however he felt those conflicting emotions just as much as any other creature. He opened the door to his room, looking at her gently before stepping in and finding a new set of clothes. Then he joined her in the living room, and looking at how cozy she had made it he just smiled to himself. Had anyone ever done something like this for him? It was nice, looking at it it felt like home for once, and not just the same old living room. He remembered his promise to Buffy, how they had planned on a siblings night after the seraphim meeting. And then their lives had changed, at least for the time being. He looked at Aiden, looking at her he felt himself smile a little more. It was strange. And perhaps it was because he knew that she was on his side. He was standing in an oversized grey sweater and some nice sweatpants. He was usually rather well dressed, but being in healing still meant that he preferred the cozy attire rather than his posh style. "Show me what you've ordered," he said, moving over to sit down next to her, looking at her brown eyes shortly before turning his attention to the phone.
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySun Nov 17, 2019 9:44 pm

She chuckled a little at his words, though she didnt really believe that a thick skull was a real thing, she could accept it for the funny side of it. "You better be right. I dont know how to treat a concussion," she warned him as he moved out of her grip, which seemed a little bitter, though she didnt know why so it wasnt like she could allow herself to be bothered by it. She was pulled out of her slight stream of thoughts at his words, nodding as she looked a little at the ground when the realization hit that he was only dressed in a towel, "Sort of. I wanted to run it by you before ordering," she said. She felt her mouth a little dry with a shyness that she didnt even dare to really sneak a glance.
She let him go get dressed as she turned to walk back to her rearranging in the living room. She added the last few touches before he came in. She didnt mind that he wasnt dressing to impress as he was supposed to heal. Either way, why would she even think that he would try to impress her? She gestured for him to sit, sighing at his words as she pulled out his phone to hand him it. She had kept it on the ordering list so he could check it. "I didnt know if you wanted a whole bunch of food, but I did make a wide sweep for some of my favorites," she said, tilting her head a little as she looked at the list. It was a bunch of small dishes that were made for those who couldnt really decide. On the side she had ordered some soft fizzy drinks and some iced tea.
She adjusted herself on her pillow, leaning her arm a little against his shoulder as she looked at the phone, "We can split it, I wouldnt make you order all that food for the both of us on your own," she said with a smile as she looked up at him and chuckled a little. Frankly she was sure of the two of them, she would be the one to eat the most of it either way. She turned her head to the tv, grabbing the remote to turn it on. They might as well settle on something to watch, though she never knew what she wanted to watch.
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySun Nov 17, 2019 10:04 pm

It was very considerate of her to want him to read it through before placing the order, however he thought he had made it clear he would eat anything. As he sat down he took his phone back, looking at the screen, chuckling a bit at how much she had seemed to want. However he also found it rather endearing. It came rather natural to him to wrap an arm around her as she leaned against him, biting his lower lip as he read through the list. "It all looks great, but I don't think I've tried even half of the dishes," he chuckled before placing the order. Then he leaned back on the pillows, pulling a pained face as his back was rather sore, however it was only hurting to move. Laying still and being relaxed didn't hurt at all. He looked at the screen as she spoke of wanting to pay the half, making him hum slightly as a response. "You can get the next time, alright?" he said, absentmindedly looking at the screen. His hand brushing against her upper arm as she leaned against him. It was all so casual. Easy as breathing and doing this small gesture just felt like something he needed to do. It wasn't a strong need, just felt right in the moment. "How about some simple comedy? I feel like I could use a good laugh," he remarked, leaning his head back a bit to look at the ceiling, stretching his neck to relax more. He felt tired, but he wanted to stay awake and have this evening spent with Aiden. She wasn't only good company, she just seemed to always know when he needed the peace not to speak and she didn't seem to mind him sometimes just zoning out. "I hope she comes home soon, I think you'll like her," he said, talking about his sister, however this time he sounded more optimistic. He looked at her, looking in to those earthy brown eyes before him, and suddenly he felt his heart beat faster again, placing a hand over his chest to feel if it was really pumping blood around this quickly. He tried not thinking of her full lips, not thinking of her soft features and her curves that was pressed against him.
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySun Nov 17, 2019 11:04 pm

It didnt seem to faze her much to feel his arm around her except that she felt that more secure now. She was used to intimacy from the lycans that had taken her in and become her family, but for some reason this comfort felt so different. It was a feeling she couldnt explain, a different comfort that made her cheeks feel a little warmer and it wasnt due to the extra warmth from the heating in the apartment.
She narrowed her eyes at him with a chuckle before she shook her head, "Next time?" she teased him but she didnt mean anything by it other than she might even had felt grateful that he was thinking of a next time. She didnt know she had needed a friend like Xander in her life, though their circumstances when they met had been at the worst, they had gotten quite far since then. As friends, that was what she told herself.
She was too busy to think of something like a simple comedy like he wanted. She stuck her tongue out of the side of her mouth unconsciously as she thought and thought while her hand holding the remote scrolled through titles. She groaned a little at the strain her mind was going through but it wasnt an annoyed groan at all. She decided to pick something simple, a comedic movie about a nobody being a goof to then rise to riches and fame by some odd luck like finding a lost lottery ticket. She had watched a few times, knowing there were some funny scenes. "There's one scene that'll make you laugh for sure" she said biting down on her lower lip with anticipation. The scene was fairly simple as the guy was sitting by his desk, putting papers through a shredder, only to have his tie stuck in the shredder - A classic cliché. The fight to get it out only resulted in all the shredded pieces of paper thrown to every each side. But she wasnt going to start the movie just yet.
He spoke of his sister and the sound of optimism in his tone made her smile as she looked up at him, nodding in agreement. She was sure she could easily get along with his sister the way he had spoken about her when he did those few times. She seemed to have a big heart. She looked up at him with gentle eyes as she just leaned her head onto his shoulder as she looked at him. She didnt even notice that he was feeling his heartbeat as she was busy observing the green. She could feel her own heart pound lightly in her chest, feel the slight rhythm reach her ribs.
She decided to close her eyes and just enjoy the moment of comfort instead of asking any questions. It didnt have to be complicated or even be something to think about. She barely knew what it was she was feeling anyway. She opened her eyes slightly after a bit, glancing at him before chuckling, pushing herself back up to sit, "I'll end up falling asleep like that," she said, feeling her cheeks a little red as she had removed her head from his shoulder yet remained in his grip.
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PostSubject: Re: The stages of grief [cw/tw]   The stages of grief [cw/tw] EmptySun Nov 17, 2019 11:29 pm

To Xander it didn't seem strange that there would be a next time. He enjoyed her company, liked having her around, and he hoped that she knew that. As she found a movie he smiled, something in him was rather grateful for the fact she didn't just start it. Sitting here, feeling her lean against him and just relaxing for a while felt better than any comedic movie. As she closed her eyes, he kept his own open, looking at her face, seeing the light almost radiate off of her. To think that there was any daemon inside of her seemed almost impossible to him, however he could not find it in himself to dismiss that side of her. Sitting with her, leaned against him, hearing her breathing relax made him happy, but he couldn't help but feel a little guilty for that happiness. Was he not supposed to be in mourning? But then again his mother never wished to mourn the dead long. She had always thought him that Verity would take care of any seraph passing through to the other side. He lifted his hand, wanting to stroke her cheek but she pushed herself away in that instant, making his hand fall down to his lap as she said something about falling asleep up against him. "Am I really that boring?" he chuckled lightly, but he could still feel his hand brushing against her arm. Her skin underneath was soft, and she took her free right hand, looking at the discoloration. He frowned, looking at it, but he was not disgusted. Rather he looked at it as he was thinking, thinking of a question he wanted to ask her. "Ai-dee ... Would you let me kiss you?" he asked. He knew it was strange to ask, mostly because in movies it just seemed to happen naturally. However he felt too shy to take that chance, he wanted her to want it too and not just steal a kiss if that was not what she wanted from him. He frowned further, daring to look in to her eyes as he felt his heart beat pounding away. He would understand if she said no; It could mean ruining a friendship. However no friend had ever made his heart beat so hard.
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The stages of grief [cw/tw] Empty
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