It doesn’t feel like this with other people

For @Jeremy

The split had been rough. Even though they had never made it public, Damiano was hurting much more than he led on. He wasn’t doing bad in school, no things like that he had down to a tee how to manage. However his body was starting to have more scars. And as for taking care of himself? Well he had sorta gone into a mode where he tried to drown out his sorrows by hooking up with people over a dating app he had gotten on. It was stupid, nothing serious and he only seemed to do it to either forget himself in the other person’s euphoria or perhaps to punish himself.
He moved through the school hallways, heading down to the library to get some books for one of his assignments. Finding it on the shelf, he moved over to sit down by one of the tables, taking out his computer as well. He wasn’t sure what compelled him, but he did something he hadn’t done in a long while.

[Messages between Damiano and Jeremy]
[Damiano:] Hi
[Damiano:] I was wondering if you would mind meeting up?
[Damiano:] I found one of your shirts, and I kinda want to return it

Placing the phone down beside him he breathed out in a sigh. Fuck, despite all the sneaking around, Damiano really missed him. And it was as if the guys he spent his time with couldn’t even compare. Maybe it was his own damn fault as most of the guys he seemed to hook up with were straight and wanting the same secrecy. Was it really better than what he and Jeremy had had? No, what he and Jeremy had couldn’t even compare, because what they had was love. But he felt as if it was silly to think about it when he had been the one to break it off.

Damiano hadn't really expected him to reply. Maybe he was stupid for even writing to him in the first place. But as his phone buzzed he felt a little surprised, looking at his screen in disbelief as he considered his options. He decided to go for something simple, humming to himself in approval as he typed on his phone.

[Damiano:] By the smoking shed
[Damiano:] After last period?

At least people wouldn't be out there as most would head home. But it would also be a place where they could just meet up without people staring. This breakup had been messy, and that was mostly because of the fact that very few knew about it. He placed his phone down, taking a sip of his water before continuing with his assignment.
Once the bell rang for last period to be over with, he packed up his bag, putting Jeremy's shirt at the top of it just so it would be easy to find. He headed over to the smoking shed, stepping inside there was only two people. Damiano just nodded at them, lighting a cigarette that he held to his lips.

Damiano was minding his own business as per usual in the smoking shed. Puffing lightly on his lit cigarette, he scrolled through his phone until he heard that familiar voice. Fuck. It still sent shivers down his back. However looking up only to be met by the half assed smile and the dead eyes he felt like shit again. Frowning a little he just hummed, reaching down in his bag, fetching out the shirt to hand it to him, "thanks," he wasn't sure what else to say. He looked alright himself, and yet he was feeling a bit awkward, especially as the couple who were smoking left them. Damiano kept his eyes on the ground, being silent for a while.
"I'm really fucking sorry," he said, his lower lip quivering a little, but he didn't want to look up and show it. He cared about Jeremy so much, his fingers itching to reach out and touch him. "Giana .. Giana wants to know why you aren't replying to her messages," he said, feeling stupid but it was true. Fuck, his heart was really hurting.

Busy? Well if that was what he said, then it was just going to be the message he passed on. However the question made him bite down on the bud of his cigarette, inhaling from it just to fill his lungs as he shrugged. "I don't know," he confessed. He couldn't really feel himself as much as he wanted to. He wished he could just yell it out or punch it away, but there was an emptiness in him now without Jeremy. "I guess alright," a mutter that was as unsure in tone as anything. "To be honest I haven't been too good to myself." Jeremy knew of his tendencies to hurt himself, but this had been going to the next level. "Sorry, you don't gotta hear that shit," he scoffed, snuffing out his cigarette against the wall of the shed as he sighed.

"It's not fine," he said a bit defeated. He felt like he shouldn't have been allowed to feel this shitty. He had been the one to break it off! "It's not fair to tell you all this," he confessed shaking his head no as he considered whether now was the best time to leave. He walked towards the exit of the shed, and yet something stopped him. He wasn't sure what it was about, and yet he turned to look at Damiano. Up close he looked a bit worse, but he supposed Jeremy didn't look too well either. "I still love you," he confessed in a hushed whisper, not wanting to talk too loud in case people were listening.

"Because I'm stupid," he just replied to the question. It was odd, he knew that, but he also just felt the need to say it. His mutter made him grit his teeth, reaching out to touch him and yet he pulled away. Not at school. No. "Can you really end something that never officially started?" he asked, feeling bitter to say it out loud, but Jeremy was mean too. He felt hurt and yet he had no-one to talk to. Jeremy had his friends that knew, but Damiano could talk to nobody about this. Not even his family knew what they had been, even if Giana had her suspicions. "I guess I'm the bad guy, huh?" he scoffed.

He was stupid? Jeremy doubted that very much. He noticed how Damiano was reaching out but it was for the best that he pulled away. The question was cruel and it made Jeremy upset as he frowned and looked at Damiano with hurt in his eyes. “So that was just what it all was to you? Something that never started?” He had to scoff. Damiano called himself the bad guy and maybe Jeremy agreed a little. “Maybe we’ve both been hurting for nothing then.” He said, maybe a little bitter. It had been a while since he had gotten in touch with his emotions like this, so he was a bit unhinged. “Is that why you wanted me to come here? To tell me that it was just nothing?” He said before he held up the shirt. “I dont recognize this. Cant be mine.” He said quite steadfast, to then hand Damiano back. He wanted to leave. And he opted to, but then he stopped. “It wasnt just nothing to me. Even without a label, it meant everything.”

This had been what he had been after, wasn't it? He wanted Jeremy to get mad at him, he wanted to be yelled at and told what a horrible person he was. He wanted the nephilim to hate him as much as he hated himself, and yet those sweet words just made his body react. He reached out, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and pushed him backwards. Holding him against the wall of the shed, his breathing was a bit out of control before he leaned in to kiss him. Those sweet lips that he had missed so dearly, that nobody could even compare to, and yet he felt the guilt building in him. He had been the one to break it off, and now here he was actively kissing him. And on school grounds no less. His shoulders were shaking, breaking the kiss with a gasp as he turned his face away from Jeremy in pure shame.

Maybe Jeremy should have been yelling and be furious with the hybrid but there was a strong damper on his emotions, so the best he could do was being very irritable. That was the only feeling he knew the best as of lately anyway. He hadnt expected to be grabbed and even less pushed. Unsure if the hybrid would clap back with something or genuinely fight him, Jeremy didnt know. He just looked at him as they had that moment of Daminao’s contemplation before the hybrid leaned in to connect their lips. By instinct, he kissed him back, forgetting for a moment where they were and why it mattered that they didnt. When Damiano broke off the kiss, Jeremy was gasping lightly too. And then he realized. “What the fuck?!” He hissed in a lowered tone, pulling the hybrid’s hands off of him. He could feel the anger rise within him but so was the hurting, the longing and everything in-between. He grabbed back like he would shove him away but instead he pulled him in to connect their lips once more.

The fact he was kissing him back sent shivers down his spine. It felt so right, even if the circumstances were so wrong. And he knew it was wrong as Jeremy grabbed him. The hybrid's eyes vulnerable, praying that the other guy wouldn't push him away. And he didn't, pulling him in close, kissing him again. Damiano's hands moved to Jeremy's hips, pulling himself close as they were quite passionately making out. "Come home with me," he pleaded in a hasty breath. He needed him. He needed to have him close and to feel them pressed up close, "please," he would beg if he had to.

They werent supposed to and yet here they were, making out on school grounds, as if they had always done that. Jeremy’s lips were just as longing as Damiano’s and he had to admit that it was a pretty good band aid on all his hurt. The pleading made him grit his teeth, unsure of what to say. But could he really say no when Damiano was practically begging him? It was a bad idea. He probably should have said no. “Let’s go.” He muttered, waiting for Damiano to let go so they could go on ahead.

He nodded, following but not touching him while they walked. It wasn't before they were heading up the stairs, he grabbed on to his hand, pulling him with him up against the door in to his apartment, stealing a quick make out session. His hand stumbling as he unlocked the door and pulled him inside. He wasted no time, dropping his back on the floor as he shut the door behind them. His hands moved down, grabbing at his ass, pulling him closer as he snuffed out a moan against the nephilim's lips.

For a moment it felt pretty normal. Like back before they stopped seeing each other, when it was good. Just a fleeting moment of that before they reached the apartment. It definitely encouraged Jeremy to continue, letting Damiano take his hand as they went up the stairs. Inside the apartment, he dropped his bag as well and greeted Damiano eagerly. It almost looked as if they had magnets in their lips that just couldnt keep them from each other and Jeremy’s hands quickly found their way to the hybrid’s shirt, wanting it off him while he let out his tongue to increase the already heated kiss. “Is it okay?” He asked before he would just start undressing him on the spot. If not, then he would just wrap his arms around him and let him control the order in which what would happen. He was moaning and touching and feeling, just eager for more of Damiano, the man he loved.

Damiano felt the tug on his shirt, humming as he got out of the shirt pretty fast. He wanted Jeremy naked right now, wanted to feel his warm skin against his own. "Yeah, yeah," he was encouraging him as his fingers started to explore his chest. Gods he had missed him, missed every part of what they had. And the last thing he wanted to do was burst this bubble they were in. He greeted his tongue, helping him out of his pants. In the moment he had forgotten all the new scars on his legs, he just wanted to be with him and never parted again. He moved back, sitting down on the bed, pulling Jeremy on top of him, kissing him down his neck and chest.

"Only for you baby," he muttered, kissing him moving his hands down under the other's underwear. Grasping around his butt-cheeks he pressed him closer, moaning softly at the friction. Yeah it wasn't like this with other people. This was a feeling he could only get from Jeremy and Jeremy alone. "I love you," he whispered, holding him close and softly grinding against him, just letting him feel how turned on he was right now. His lips were busy, devouring his neck, biting softly and sucking needy.

Oh he would gladly give him more, humming and smiling against his skin. His hands eager to spread him gently, a finger finding its way down to his entrance, pressing lightly against it, groaning softly. "I know, but I need to stretch you out first," he whispered tenderly, kissing across his chest. "Be good for me .. take off your underwear and lie down on your back," he muttered, removing his hands to release him. If he did as he said, he would lay down between his legs, kissing up along his inner thigh, breathing in his scent as it got stronger the closer he got to his destination. His tongue moved out, licking the upper most part of his inner thigh, groaning softly. He still smelled so heavenly. His mouth soon moved up, placing a few pecks scattered over his groin and member before engulfing the latter in his warm mouth, starting to bop his head.

Jeremy was quite eager, but could you blame him? It felt like it had been forever since he got to feel Damiano pressed close up against him. Before when they were sneaking around, letting no one know of them. But what was the difference from then till now? Was this not hiding it even more by hooking up in secret? He took off his underwear and laid down as instructed, looking at the hybrid with longing eyes. Fuck, he was far too impatient for this part.
And yet it was like Damiano knew how to deal with it, the kisses and touches redirecting his mind as he closed his eyes to concentrate on the feeling. He felt the kisses before the warm mouth taking him in, moaning deep from his stomach as he hadnt felt that heavenly feeling in forever. Not even his hand could match the way Damiano handled him. “Fuck that’s so good.” He moaned, lifting his head to look at him, his eyes vulnerable and yet so needy.

Hearing him moan sent shivers down his spine. How he had missed hearing him in general, but like this was always best. Maybe it was because like this the nephilim didn't hold back, he just let himself over to the feeling that Damiano could provide him with. Moaning against his length he released him briefly, drooling and sucking on his fingers as he looked at him. His cheeks having gotten a little hot, "about to feel so much better." Like it was a promise, moving his finger carefully down to his entrance, teasing him gently before his mouth moved back to work on his length. Fuck he had really missed him, missed seeing him come undone, missed seeing him happy. He was happy now, right? Bopping his head in a steady rhythm, his finger slowly starting to enter him, moaning, but it was muffled.