Revenge for the fallen [tw]

She knew that life had to be a little different with Xander, there were things that still had to be processed. Despite the time that had passed, she didnt think that he was taking too long and whenever he got frustrated with himself she always kept calm and told him exactly how it was; that it was okay. She nodded as he listed the things they had to do. But then he pulled away and she looked up at him to greet his eyes. His confession made her smile, lifting a hand to place on his cheek, “Of course,” she answered softly, leaning closer and pushing herself up on tippy toes as she kissed him gently with a soft tenderness as her lips only almost touched his. She liked doing that because it felt as if she was asking him to decide whether he wanted her lips on his and then he could kiss her back and fully connect their lips. She knew she didnt have to ask for permission, but she was extra careful now that he was processing what had happened to Buffy - Adding more to that by reminding him of the woman that just took what she wanted from him wasnt what Aiden wanted, for either of them.

He knew how he sounded in that moment, but he felt quite powerless in the moment and it was like something else was just adding to his mind that it would all get much worse if he just kept waiting. She didnt have to remind him of what had happened the last time, when it had been him who was held captive. He had wondered if he would ever see her again. He closed his eyes at her beg, wanting to give in, but what would that mean? That she wanted him to do nothing to prevent them from taking her again? “Buffy please,” he begged her in a faint tone with their foreheads connected, his eyes as desperate as the tone of voice that begged for her to understand him. “We have our bond now, it’s right here on our wrists,” he said in a soft tone but that was because anything louder would tear at his heartstrings. “I felt you as you got so cold and I felt your heart break from what you saw. No matter what we do, we’ll be in this together,” he whispered, leaning away from her forehead to look at her. “Please have faith in me,” he felt his voice break and he just looked down.

Feeling how he kissed her back just made her heart flutter with emotions. She knew she had left him before in fear of what life would have been like for them. But she only seemed to realize in these small moments that she had chosen the right thing when she decided to be with him again. His confession made her wrinkle her nose a little with surprise, a smile spreading over her lips. “It’s no rush,” she assured him with a gentle stroke on his cheek. She nodded when he asked her to make dinner, placing a gentle peck on his cheek before she chuckled softly. “I’ll admit, I’m getting a little curious,” she confessed but she shook her head and ran her hand down the side of his arm before she went to the kitchen. She decided to make a salad, since the weather was still warm outside. She grabbed the veggies that she needed, making sure to pick the best ones. Despite not needing food herself, she knew so much about nutrients and which food went well with what. She began to slice as she hummed a melody to herself.

“It’s no lion’s den. And I’m the blood of Bael. Unless they find a way to transfer my blood and genes into someone else, I’m not any use to them dead,” he explained, hoping that would make her understand. He didnt even know where those words were coming from but being confused about his own words now was pointless. She was tired and he could agree to sleeping on it for now. He grabbed a towel and helped her out of the tub, wrapping the towel close around her to keep her warm. He could help her dry off in bed. He guided her to the bedroom, looking at Xander in passing. He would have said something, thanked the nephilim but his focus was all on Buffy and getting her into bed.

She hadnt minded when Buffy and Baal had been around, but it was like when they left, she and Xander finally seemed to lay the last bricks for the foundation of their relationship. She just liked that he hadnt been forcing himself to look strong as he sometimes had when his sister was around. Even though they were twins, she had noticed how he seemed to feel them drift apart and maybe he thought that he could chin up and power through it, despite how it wore him out at times. Now it was just the two of them in the apartment and somehow it felt like the less tension that the daemon brought now when he wasnt around as much, Xander was doing better. She cut the lettuce in thin fine cuts, placing it in a bowl before she sliced a couple of tomatoes. She had made a special dressing that she liked adding to it, a little lemony freshness. Feeling the nephilim behind her with the kiss on her shoulder made her smile instinctively. He genuinely made her feel so happy. “You smell good,” she playfully answered but she took the compliment.
She didnt mind having him close and it didnt disturb her in making the salad. She grabbed a bag of walnuts and started crushing them to add to the salad, as well as some small cubes of tofu that she had seasoned and given a light roast. “I remember how you used to sulk at Baal when you thought no one would see,” she teased him with a chuckle, taking the top of the tomatoes that she wouldnt add and popped in her mouth.

It felt nostalgic to be back here, even if the room looked nothing like it used to. Times then felt simpler, when they would lie in her bed under the fairy lights and talk about everything and nothing. It made him feel a little sad that it felt like they had aged so much in just the short span of barely a year. Parenthood was bound to do that eventually, but all the other things that had happened seemed to speed it up. He would lie down with her but first he had to shed some of his clothing. He gave her his tshirt to wear under the blanket. Then he laid down and let her rest her head on his chest, his hand loosely caressing the back of her neck. He nodded at her mumble, pulling out his phone from his pants on the floor with his free hand. He opened a text from Saoirse and showed Buffy. “She sent me this picture today of her holding a crab. Connor took her to the beach,” he said, just to make her think of something else. He let her hold the phone if she wanted to look at it a little longer. He looked up at the ceiling. “I remember when we laid here and jokingly spoke about our future. How we seemed to have different views of what we thought would happen. Neither of us seemed to hit the spot,” he said with a sigh, looking at Buffy in the dark. He turned to his side and pulled her as close as he could get her. “You’re my heart. I cant undo what she did, I wish I could,” he said softly. He kissed her forehead and sighed. “You thought we would move to my apartment and you’d start working beside your study. I thought we would just find somewhere cheap and hope that all would work out. Neither of us were right,” he said softly. He was mostly speaking just to speak, wanting to keep her mind occupied with listening to him reminiscing.

He listened to him as he spoke, preparing the salad to keep her hands busy. She didnt know what it was like having a sibling, especially a twin. She imagined that most twins had a closer bond than most, a bond that some would look weird upon. She didnt find it weird that he had felt left out if he was so used to always be in on everything. “You sound like a disapproving father,” she calmly said before she looked up at him with a smile. She had prepared two bowls and she started placing even portions in them, leaving some behind for Buffy. It wouldnt be as fresh tomorrow, but the lemon would hopefully make it taste as if it was. “She had to find someone eventually. Just as you stumbled over me... almost literally speaking,” she chuckled. But she shook her head. “You’ll catch up on the lost when the time is right,” she said in a quite certain voice. A bond like theirs couldnt just be broken, it seemed impossible.

He wasnt sure what he had thought when he had asked their daughter to make sure to send pictures of whatever exciting things she discovered. At first he had thought it was to show Buffy what their daughter experienced when she was out on her own. But now he was happy that he had. The fenix always wanted to be the best mom at all times and he admired how hard she kept working for it - Though he felt like she might not realize that she already was a great mother to their child, at least from his perspective. “I’m not complaining,” he replied to her confession, smiling softly.
He however didnt expect her to mention their first kiss. As enticing as it had been, it had been an odd experience for the both of them. He had kept telling her that he couldnt be with her and yet it seemed that he had tried to lead her on as if he could have. “I dont blame you for leaving. I hadnt realized how strongly I felt towards you... So you leaving when you felt overwhelmed, was the best decision you could make. Who knows what life would have been like if we hadnt gone the way we did. Maybe we wouldnt have worked out if we hadnt gotten the chance to brew the raw feelings we had into something meaningful?” He pondered before he looked at her. Had he knew then what he knew now, he wouldnt ever had let her leave.
“We’ve still got lots of time on our hands to experience all sorts of things, even with Saoirse” he said in a hopeful voice. He couldnt deny that exhaustion was getting to him, but he liked the sweetness of this moment. He looked at her in the dark, lifting his free hand to move some of her damp hair off of her face. “Besides, no time spent with you is a waste to me,” he whispered, leaning in to connect their foreheads.

She grabbed her own bowl and sat down at the table, lifting one foot up on the chair before she dug into the salad. She always wanted to make something good for him to enjoy. The dishes couldnt be the same, not on a regular basis at least. Had she been rich, she wouldnt have doubted her desire to acquire all the spices of the world, but for now she had to stick to having a few fancy ones, some that she even had made herself. She ate slow and judged the mix of flavours, but she mostly looked to Xander to see if he liked it. She knew that healthy food didnt always taste good, but she tried her best to make it taste less like healthy food.
She finished her bowl and breathed out. Though she had the ability to eat and taste food, it didnt really do anything to keep her functional. Food was a luxury, it wasnt a necessity. She grabbed a vial on the way out. She didnt really like drinking the vials in front of him, because he knew what was in them. She went to the bathroom and washed her face, running a hand through her long hair. She braided it in a loose long braid, that went down the side of her neck. It was just annoying when her hair went everywhere. She found a shirt to sleep in before she emptied the vial and felt a little better. There had been days where she had forgotten to ingest a soul and she had been so tired that she had slept half a day away. She went to bed and laid down under the duvet. A yawn escaped her lips and she stretched lightly.

He waited for her to fall asleep first before he could let himself drift off. He wanted to make sure that she was getting the rest she needed, though that would mean that he completely forgot himself - Which wasnt really that surprising. He moved onto his side and wrapped his arms close around her, as if he was her shield and only then could he finally give in to falling asleep.

She smiled at him as he came into the bedroom, scooting a little to the side to allow him under the duvet next to her. She noticed the nervousness in his breath, and she looked at him with concern. Had something happened while she had been gone? Was he thinking of something bad? She was about to ask just as he reached over and placed a hand on her hip. She folded her lips to swallow her words but she couldnt hide her surprise as he got closer. “Xan..” she mumbled just as he went on to explain. He pulled her closer and she felt her cheeks redden a little the closer he got.
He apologized, but she wasnt sure why. She had gotten so used to putting his need before hers that she hadnt really been bothered by not being close for a long time. Which she realized in the moment probably wasnt good for either of them. “I dont want to force you to something that makes you uncomfortable,” she whispered back, lifting a hand to carefully place on his cheek. “I’ve been ignoring my own needs... but that’s okay,” she mumbled, but frowned a little. Though she wanted to be as supportive as she could, sometimes it did feel like they behaved as nothing more than friends at times. She made a sigh and cuddled closer to him. “I dont want to be selfish. It’s not your fault that what happened happened,” she whispered a little choked up, but she was trying her best not to lose control of her emotions.

His whisper should have been encouraging but she really worried that if she budged and just told him, he would start pressuring himself into things that he wasnt ready to do. It just didnt seem worth it. She instead just looked at him and shook her head gently. Just warning him non-verbally to be careful. But he was persistent, explaining to her how he was feeling. Was she just supposed to turn that down? She couldnt. She folded her lips for a second, grunting softly under her own breath when she felt him dig into her skin.
Her hand was still on his cheek, caressing it in gently strokes. Her own cheeks reddened at the thoughts that came to mind, but he had asked so she would tell him.  “I want what every couple do... intimately,” she explained, feeling her cheeks begin to burn, which only made her happy that it was so dark. “But I know how it’s not something you can give me yet. That you need time,” she then added, wanting to highlight that she really didnt want him to feel any sort of pressure. “I’m okay with things as they are now,” she sort of lied, but not really - Because of course there were things they had yet to discover, it was just circumstantial that they would have to work it up slowly.

She knew she couldnt lie to him, but somehow she wished that she could anyway. What good was it to remind him of something that he couldnt just go ahead and do? She couldnt be selfish, not when she loved him as much as she did. He pleaded with her but she just felt her eyes water, unsure if he was going to do something drastic or start blaming himself. She gasped softly against his lips as he kissed her, the surprise overwhelming her a little. She felt his lips again and this time she lifted her hands to gently place against his body, one on his shoulder and the other gently resting against the back of his neck. She felt as if she was under his spell, his kisses’ eagerness making her core spin a little. Was he actually longing for her? The thought made her bite down on her full lip, his plea making her eyes sting. She didnt know whether to cry or not cry, “Okay. We can try,” she whispered, moving her hand from the back of his neck to his cheek. “Just dont pressure yourself,” she said with a slight worry in her tone. He had already taken quite the step today by touching her, she didnt want to be the reason why he also had to go back two steps for trying to please her.