Nightly endeavors

He had always made sure his duties came first, to be there for the gods, for the people, to what he was made to be, and being selfish was not a trait he could afford to have as a clergy, he knew he was not one of the good clergies, the ones that never strayed from the path. And yeah he had his vices, but as selfish and hedonistic as they were, it only involved him, but this was more than that, he had brought her into it, which made the offence worse. But as bad as it was, he still didn't stop himself, and he didn't stop her, like there was a part of him that was struggling over control of him and his will, and he couldn't explain it, because he was both sides. Her voice snapped him out of his thinking, feeling her finger on his face was comforting in a way for him, made him seem like she was still comfortable with the situation. "It's not that.. i shouldn't be.." he stopped himself from finishing what he was about to say, like he was muffling the responsible side of him that kept him in check. The last barrier, the saving grace that the responsible side could always count on keeping him in check, using other people as a reason to keep straight and not stray from the path, even if he wanted this, it wasn't fair to use her.
He was starting to accept that he should stop it and head home, until she mentioned that he should not worry about her, his heart started pounding more as she got on top of him. Looking into her eyes again reignited what he felt earlier when he was leaning over her, now she was asking him for permission, there was no doubt about it any more, the only excuse left to stop this whole thing wasn't there any more, and he started to twist it into his own favour. If she wanted to move further then who was he to stop her, was he not placed here to help guide the people? And just like that he had managed to turn it around to favour his desire.
Right after she asked for a reply he smirked as their eyes met again, then quickly lifted his face to hers and covered her upper lip with his lips for a heavy kiss, gently departing them after having his fill, looking into her eyes as he slowly descends back to the bed. "Does that answer your question?" he said with a grin on his face, waiting for how she would react. He didn't care about the consequences any more, worries for another time, right now was only about her.

He already missed the taste of her lips as he saw her bite down on them. He pushed his shoes off over the end of the bed with his feet and he could feel his heart beat faster as she leaned back down on his chest, closing his eyes and letting out a soft exhale as he feels her soft lips on his neck. Her response made him smile and open his eyes to look at her again, seeing her pretty face. Cain recalled the old saying that the eyes were the windows in to a persons soul, but the further along he went with her the more he felt he was losing control of his strengths as a clergy, like his guard was down and the ability to be outside the moment faded. He had broken the chains his duty held on him only for new chains to be made for her to control him with, but he didn't feel trapped, he knew they were fragile and only there for as long as he allowed them to be, but knowing and feeling her, he didn't see them going anywhere. As she got closer to his face he slowly closed his eyes and felt her soft breath as she brushed her lips against his, realising it was just her teasing him his grind grew without him realizing it. He paused for a moment looking at her cute face, thinking about what he wanted, seeing how much in control he really was, but he quickly realised there was nothing else occupying his mind at that moment. "I want you.."  He finally admitted to her out loud, almost like there was some hidden pride stopping him from saying it earlier.

Even now she still seemed to be so careful with him, making sure he was comfortable with everything going on, so protective and empathetic he couldn't stop his lips from widening. "You are too cute" He said through a slow exhale. Cain was not one to give in to desires of the flesh, sure he was a big hedonist but only really giving in when it did not involve anyone else. He could atone or live with personal faults, involving others complicated things. But she made him slip up, there was something about her that was irresistible, she was beautiful but there was more to it. Beauty alone would never catch him off guard, hadn't so far in his life, no it was her intimacy, the empathy in her that made him connect with her almost on a spiritual level. He put his left hand gently on her thigh, the other hand slowly sneaking under her turtle-neck, up the side of her ribs, feeling the gentle ridges on her soft skin with the tip of his fingers. His breathing was starting to get heavier as her hips moved slowly back and forth on him, his hand resting on her side slowly gliding down her stomach on to her thigh as she leaned back up. As he saw her skin get exposed when removing her turtle-neck he wanted to feel his skin on hers, but before he could start taking off his vest and shirt, she leaned back down on him. When kissing her he felt like time didn't pass until it was over, he let her lips guide his until he heard her moan his name, asking him to kiss her harder. He leaned more in on her lips with his, letting his teeth gently grind across her soft lips when moving his, caressing his left hand up her thigh and the other up her back while feeling her hand in his hair and the other starting to unbutton his shirt.

He noticed how her lips grew a smirk as she placed her hand on his chest, but he stayed in the trance until she broke off the kiss, making him look up at her for an answer. It was then he noticed she was feeling for his heartbeat, he tried to calm it, but it was beyond control, she was right and he couldn't conceal it. "Heh.. I believe it's seeking the companionship of yours" He said faintly, almost resembling soft drawn out panting. He had noticed her heartbeat earlier but feeling it directly with his hand made him fall more into the moment, like her heart rhythm was vaguely hypnotic. Its not like his kind was held to an insane standard, most of them had normal lives just like other races. But he held himself to a higher standard than anyone else he knew, because of what happened a few years ago, because of the promise he made. But none of that was in his mind any more, he had let all of that go that night for her, to share something with her that was significantly bigger than just something physical. Feeling her lips on his torso made his heart quiver, like it was receiving the kisses directly, closing his eyes he let out a quiet moan, keeping his eyes closed until she asked him to help her out. He looked at her with a pause before smirking. "With pleasure miss.." he said with a teasing tone before quickly moving his arms around her back, flipping her over his side with him now being over her. He looks down at her for a second thinking about exposing his back, it had a lot of scars, slightly worried they would put her off. But they were all healed a long time ago so he figured she might not notice, at least by touch. He quickly slipped out of the shirt and vest, dragging the knot to his tie down and dropping it all down on the floor behind him, fully exposing his torso. Then unbuckles his belt and drags it out and to the floor, loosening his pants greatly but them still slightly staying on. He unfixes the laces on her skirt, making it loose before he pulls it up her legs, not really noticing where it lands. He looks down at her again and can't resist the temptation, he leaned down on her between her legs, pressing his lips on hers while he moved his left hand to hers, locking fingers pulling her hand over her head, pinning it down on the bed. Wanting more he moved his lips around her lower lip, digging his teeth into it, not enough to pierce anything but enough to get a good grip, then proceeding to pull her lip out gently until his teeth lost their grip, letting her lip glide away between his lips. He looks her in the eyes as he softly moans out some words, feeling his adrenaline take away his breath. "I can't get enough of you.." Before he moves his other hand softly up her stomach to her chest and his lips on her neck, planting rough kisses down her neck, feeling his teeth barely graze over her skin.

It was a simple question right? Her checking up on him again, he realized he had probably been acting very contradicting to what he was saying, specially with the hesitation. But he had already made up his mind about her, at least that's what he kept reminding himself of. Cain just looked down at her seductive eyes and said "yeah" but he couldn't word it out, he said it in his head but just let out a short exhale with a small smile before continuing.
Millie knew exactly what to say to make his hedonistic side act up, wanting her more than ever before as he continued to kiss down her neck to her collarbone before letting out a soft moan-like breath on her skin, his lips forming a smile as she asked him to take of his pants. "Will do" he said with a smile and a soft voice, leaning back up on his knees. Cain starts to undo his pants but as he leans back up to a straight position he feels a tiny prick in his back, presumably from an old scar and it stops him in his tracks, his chest tightens and he starts to notice something coming on. His fingers slip off the edge of his pants and as he feel the small panic get closer. "fuck" he whispers under his breath as he moves his gaze up to Millie's face, then falls down over her, holding himself up with his arms on each side of her looking down at her expression for some reassurance or something that could make it go away. He says nothing but in a desperate attempt he tries to continue where he left off, kissing her lower neck over her collarbone but its not the same, he is rougher, stiffer and he quickly stops as he feels the bubble inside burst.

He hadn't convinced himself that it was ok to do this, he had just pushed the doubts back and pretended it wouldn't come back, at least until way later. His whole body becomes less tense, almost hanging over her, his head leaning against her upper chest where he stopped. He lets out a long exhale "I can't.." he whispers, not wanting to say it out loud as it would make it a reality. It was only a brief time before he leaned off her and moved to the side of the bed all while avoiding making eye contact from the guilt. Sitting on the side of the bed with his back turned he placed his head into his hands leaning on his knees, dragging his palms down, trying to compose himself and get a grip to avoid his emotional side taking charge. "What the fuck am i doing here" he thinks so loud he could almost hear it, swallowing down his emotions like a bad taste in his mouth.

"Trust me, it's not that i don't want to.. its just.. complicated" he said with a sigh not really bothering to finish the sentence and just cutting it short to hopefully get moving. He kept being surprised by her maturity, or maybe her profound mind, not that she gave off a bad aura, but she was not what he expected or had encountered before of a human her age. It was a nice thought, even comforting in a way seeing it through her eyes without having context, but it wasn't that simple, or maybe it was and he was just making it complicated. He knew well it was purely him keeping him accountable for how he himself set up for life after he inherited the responsibilities. Millie was definitely a calming spirit to have around oneself, he could feel himself wanting to stay, relax and just forget about the night as a whole, but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep, and was not in the state to open up or talk, even if she seemed like a good person for exactly that.  "I would like that" He said with a more hopeful tone, her company was something he genuinely enjoyed and would like to continue in the future. And there it was again, showing how humble or loving she was by trying to make him stay and kissing his hand. He looked up at her face and he could see how genuine her eyes were, which made it all that more difficult for him.
Cain was headed for penance regardless so he figured adding a little more on the way to make it easier wouldn't matter. She was felt like too good of a person to him for him to leave her like that so he channelled his colder exterior, squeezing her hand gently before he got up form the bed and started picking up his clothes. "I appreciate your concern Millie, but i have to go." keeping a low voice and a tone that didn't come with emotion. Buttoning his shirt up, continuing to get dressed without saying much. If it wasn't for the fact that he had to walk a bit to get to his place he wouldn't fully fix up his clothes again, but since there was a chance he could meet familiar faces on the street, as late as it was, put him in a must situation. Keeping up appearances and a good image for the temple and his kind was paramount, which gave him little choice in leaving there without being fit to be seen, their situation had made him sober again so that wasn't really an issue. "If it helps, it has nothing to do with you" He lets out realizing it probably sounded cold despite it being an effort to seem less so. After finishing his last button, he headed  towards the door, but before he grabs the handle he stops himself for a few seconds and turns his head halfway her way with a forced smile. "I hope i see you again Millie, despite me ruining the the moment here, i did enjoy your company tonight. If this is the last time i see you, good luck on your music, and your path in life" Keeping a warm and genuine tone to his words before bringing his look back forth and grabbing the door handle.

//End//