I don't know what this is

For @T.J

She had written to TJ just to see if he had the time to meet up. She really needed at friend right now, one that wouldn't be biased in this mess she called her life. TJ she had known since childhood, he had been pretty much the only friend she had had back then, seeing as they lived next door just made it easier. Each of them knew what went on in the other's house, so neither of them ever had to talk about it. She had decided to meet at the movies, buying two tickets to a movie that was in one of it's last weeks of showing and it would just be them in there. She had even splurged, bought popcorn and sodas for the two of them.
Sitting on the stairs leading up to the viewing rooms, she just looked down at the popcorn between her legs and the tickets in her hand. Her body was still not over the trauma of the hit, and her sleep patterns had gotten worse. It was down to her mostly napping between waking up from nightmares. Where she stood regarding Benjamin and Ace was unknown. Margot twirled a piece of her bleached hair between her free hand, spacing out as she was waiting. She must've looked a little crazy, in the clothes she had slept in, but it wasn't pajamas. Her jeans were black and had a fainted color to them. Her oversized hoodie was filled with holes, but it was a hoodie she had had for as long as she could remember. It was like a safety blanket for her at this point.

So much had happened since he last saw Margot. They hadnt hung out like they used to in what felt like forever. Sure, they had kept on texting each other with updates, because not keeping in contact was just not an option. It was like a sort of safety net, assuring them both that if everything fell apart, at least someone was there to pick up the pieces. It had been like that since the day they became friends. He saw her at the stairs, even if her hair was different, he would always be able to recognize her, especially in that hoodie. "It's a good thing you've still got that old thing. I can never lose you in a crowd like this" he remarked with an eyebrow raised before scoffed and chuckled.

Looking up at the familiar voice a faint smile spread on her face. TJ was more than just a friend, more than a brother even. It seemed like they were just meant to know each other, but not in a romantical manner. They had always kept it platonic, and Margot didn't want it any other way; Sure they had pretended to date if one of them had been approached by unwanted suitors, but that was as far as it went. Not that either of them were particularly dangerous looking, but it just helped knowing someone had your back.
"If it ain't broken ..." she just replied, shrugging as she got to her feet, holding the popcorn before she hugged TJ a bit awkwardly. She wasn't much for contact with others right now, but not hugging her best friend seemed off in so many ways. "Thanks for coming," she mumbled before letting go, handing the tickets to him before ascending the stairs up to the theater itself. An employee gave the two of them a suspicious gaze, checking their tickets before they were let in to the big screen.
She had bought cheap seats, but they could sit anywhere they wanted as there were no others coming. "It's just some lame action movie," she said, gesturing loosely to the screen with a faint shrug. But they both knew it wasn't because she was dying to watch a movie they had decided to meet up. In here they wouldn't have a chance of being followed or listened in on. "So, how are you?" she asked, knowing that he had a pretty steady girlfriend who seemed to be loaded with cash.

[tw: suicidal thoughts]

Being around TJ was just a reminder that even though her childhood was shitty, it had good parts in it as well, him being one of them. He could always make her laugh, even when she was close to crying, and she could always pull him out of a pondering situation where he couldn't find his words. They were just like two peas in a pod, even though the times they saw each other physically could be far and few between. The texting had helped a lot, especially since TJ was always up at odd hours, and she had woken from a nightmare.
As they found their seats she removed some old popcorn from her chair's armrest before sitting down, handing him a soda and placed the popcorn between them. She looked at him while the pre-roll-advertisements played on the big screen. Frowning at the mention of him not being unworthy she shook her head. "Her family's opinion don't mean shit, and you know that," she said quite confidently. She knew that whoever got to be with TJ would be lucky to have him. He was a genuine guy and a hopeless romantic at heart. "Their little brains just can't understand because they haven't lived your life, that's all," shrugging as she grabbed a handful of popcorn, popping a few in her mouth as she started chewing.
Breathing out in a heavy sigh she shrugged at his question. "I don't really know anymore - I told you about the whole ordeal with Benjamin and Ace and the hospital ... But every time I see Benjamin I just freeze, like he's about to hit me again," she said, closing her eyes and shaking her head to clear her mind. She knew he hadn't meant to hit her, but he had meant to hit the one she truly loved. Ace would always be in her heart, even if she was too stubborn to admit it. "And Ace?" a scoff left her mouth, taking a sip of her soda before continuing. "Well I haven't heard from him since I left the hospital, and part of me is scared I'll never see him again," she confessed. It was as if she could only be honest around TJ these days, she couldn't even confess that to Ezra or Iola.
"I just want to stop hurting all the time," she whispered, her lower lip quivering a bit before she bit down on it. She couldn't even cry anymore, it was just empty sobbing cause her tears seemed to have run dry. She was exhausted, and though she tried, resting did little to soothe her. "The voices have returned," she whispered. She called them her voices, cause she hated thinking that it was her own thoughts. They were thoughts of just ending it all, promising that the hurting would stop if she did something irreversible. TJ had been there when it was the worst, and they had been just kids back then. Maybe that was why she had called him now, because she was afraid that without him she would give in to those thoughts.