These Heartaches within me

Ezra got the message and he felt like he was fuming with anger, running down stairs and out to the front of the shop before he stopped by Iola's side. Why was this asshole so insistent on showing up at the worst times? "How can we help you today?" he asked in a bitter yet clearly mocking costumer service voice. Gritting his teeth he placed his hand on Iola's shoulder, as if that would ground him some way. He wasn't normally an angry person, but seeing the state that Margot was in right now just made him act differently than normal.
"I've finally gotten her to sleep, so maybe come back some other day ... Or not at all," he hissed. He was rather protective of Margot, even though he hadn't known her as long as it felt like. He walked around the disk, to the door and held it open for the daemon, his eyes cold.
Just then Margot's scream could be heard echoing from the house, and Ezra gritted his teeth, letting go of the door to just run inside again. This was how he spent his days off, and it was taking a toll on him, but he was not giving up on her yet. At this point he didn't even care if Ace followed, he just needed to get to her. Getting up to his room under the roof, he pulled Margot in to his arms as she sobbed. Her nightmares had increased, and it was clear from the bags under her eyes. "It's alright," he cooed her, but the human was visibly shaking.

Margot hadn't been doing good. She tried pushing away sleep but it always caught up with her, however when she finally slept she was haunted by nightmares. Horrible dreams where she couldn't escape, where she was all alone and no-one was there as she was pushed away and in to the deep abyss. Other times she dream of him, but just thinking his name cut her heart so deep that she felt like combusting.
And then there was the whole headache with Benjamin. He constantly called, trying to apologize, or seek out the flower shop and nag Ezra or Iola to see her. But Margot didn't want to see him. She didn't want to see anyone, but she also knew that Ezra would never just leave her be alone in this time. She had been texting more with TJ, even seen him for a movie, but it was like even he couldn't mend her broken heart.
Last but not least there were her intrusive thoughts, almost like whispers in her ear to give in. She had had them before when she was much younger, but being around TJ back then had helped her get out of it. Now she just felt like a lowlife. The label was constantly pushing her to finish her EP, but she wasn't satisfied with the songs she had recorded. She wanted them to be better, she wanted them to make other people feel the despair in her mind, but it was like she couldn't get the sound just right. She felt out of tune, and while Iola had tried, Margot hadn't picked up her guitar in weeks.
Now here she was, sleeping in Ezra's bed before she had another nightmare, screaming out just to feel her vocal chords strain, awakening confused and alone before the mythical came in and cradled her. However every time she just felt that sinking feeling in her chest. The knowledge that it would never be the demon who would come to wake her from her bad dreams.

"Oh shut the fuck up, just for once Garth. I'm just here to talk to her," he clarified rather aggressively, eyeing the mythical. Though knowing that Margot had nightmares again wasnt exactly a comforting thought. He felt like he was to blame for it, which he probably was partly. It hadnt always been a joyride, the two of them but there had been a stability in their relationship regardless of it all. And Ace really did love her with all his heart, even now when it didnt seem like things between them could work out.
The scream made him frown and as the mythical went ahead, he followed. It wasnt even like a given moment for thought, his body just sort of moved on his own because he knew it was her and she was in distress. He would always come to her aid even if it was inconvenient for the both of them.
He stood in the door as Ezra went to her, feeling unsure whether he should say something or not. But he just felt like he couldnt just stand there and do nothing. He sighed deeply through his nose like he needed a moment to muster up the courage. "Margot?" he called quietly, feeling his heart ache from just saying her name. He thought he would be used to it by now, but he probably never would be.

Ezra just pulled her close as she started sobbing. they hadn't even noticed Ace following, and they had actually thought the brute might not have cared enough to follow. He sure had acted like that, at least in the eyes of the mythical. However as the daemon spoke, they felt a cold shiver run down their back with pure anger. Their eyes turned away from Margot, looking at the brute in the doorway, opening their mouth to say something as they felt the human in his arms tug at them.

Margot felt like she was still dreaming, crying there in Ezra's arms, but then she heard her name. The sound of his voice was so familiar, so soothing, and she hated it. She hated that he still had this power over her, that he could still make her feel a longing for him. She could feel Ezra tensing up, but the last thing she needed was any more people fighting for her. She needed to stand up for herself. "Ezzy ... Will you go grab some tea?" she mumbled, her voice soar but not broken.
Ezra got up reluctantly and left the room, passing Ace with a hard stare in the doorway before going downstairs. Margot sat up on the bed, her blonde hair messy, as she rubbed her face free of tears. She didn't need him, she told herself, she was strong enough on her own. "What do you want Alister?" she asked, looking at him, but her eyes betrayed her as she couldn't help but look at him a little helplessly. There was just no use in trying to be angry. She felt defeated.
Scooting over, she made place for him on the bed if he was even coming closer, but she wouldn't hold it against him if he stayed put.

As he sat down she was at first a little surprised, but having him near was also the most familiar thing to her in this world. She looked down, picking at her purple nail polish that was already chipping. Even when she tried, she wanted something of him near to remind her of happiness. He had taken her happiness with him, as if he had just plucked it out of her chest. With Benjamin it had felt like it was starting to come back, but now every time she even thought about that guy her body reacted with fear. She could feel the goosebumps rising on her arms, and she pulled the duvet closer to hide them.
Breathing out in a heavy sigh she shook her head. Of course TJ had gone to him, did he really have another choice? She hadn't really been acting like herself at the movie theater, and of all people TJ just had to act on it. Ezra of course refused to do anything about it, but he also didn't know what it was like for someone like her.
Looking up at him as he moved some of her hair, she felt her heart flutter, which ultimately made her feel guilty and look away. "You don't want to be friends, and you've made that very clear ... You also don't want to be with me, which is also stone cold clear by now," she said, pulling the duvet up closer around her. She felt a little delusional, not really sleeping properly. "Alister, you made your choice for us, I didn't get a say and therefor there's nothing to talk about," she said, suddenly feeling a little underdressed. She had never felt that way around Ace, she had always been rather secure in how she looked around him, but being in one of Ezra's old t-shirts and the only make up on her face was from a few days ago and rather smudged. Wasn't she supposed to show that she was the strong and independent one? That she could handle herself, despite her heart aching so much right now. "So really ... Stop this bullshit; You don't want me, and I'm just trying to deal with that acceptance in my own way."

He knew what he had said and how he probably still meant it. But a part of him also wanted to look at the situation from a rational point of view. It was uncommon for Ace to ever chose rationality, but it was only because all this was revolving around her safety. It tore at his heartstrings just to sit this near her, but he also knew that something simple as him just being near her had helped so much in the past. The times they would argue and things would get so heated that none of them wouldnt even speak a word to the other. Those times where she wouldnt storm out and he would sit down behind her and feel their backs press slightly together. He missed those times. Wished that it was just how it could be now. Sit and wait for the emotions to dwindle down and then talk things through in a calmer tone.
But even if he knew what he had said and done, hearing her say it all over just made him bite his tongue and keep his words to himself. He looked away and down and nodded a few times, because she was right to some extent. "I've known you for far too long to know that you dealing with this on your own has never been a good fucking idea," he said with a sigh, looking up but not at her. "And I dont know who T.J is, he could be some nobody for all I care. But what he said made sense to me," he said shrugging a little. "This sucks for me too. I want nothing more than for you to be happy," he said, knowing it was probably a broken record by now. Then again, Ace hadnt ever been the knowledgeable on a broad vocabulary. "Can you please just tell me what the fuck I can do that would make things better for you? Anything!" he almost pleaded but with Ace that meant aggression over desperation.

He was right. Relatively to TJ they hadn't known each other for long, but when it came to everything else, Ace knew everything about her. Of course he didn't know everything, but he was damn near close. And her dealing with this herself was not a good idea, but she was still trying to stay determined of her choice. There was so much she wanted to tell him, the first thing on her list was to tell him to fuck off. But she didn't really want to say that. She wanted to push him away until there really was no turning back, but she also wanted to fall in to his arms and hold herself close. She loved him, she had even told him that with much struggle, but it hadn't been enough - so would it ever be enough?
Hearing the aggression in his voice she suddenly felt that rush in her stomach. That emotion she always got when they were fighting or in a heated discussion. That burning passion that had fueled the both of them. She was quiet for a while, silent as she thought it through. "You remember that diner where you fed me?" she asked, but of course he did. They had never really gone back there, mostly because it was in a part of town they didn't frequent anymore. "I want to have a meal, a real meal ... I want you to take me to the motel you dropped me off at afterwards ... And then I want you to stay with me while I get some sleep," she said, climbing out of bed, pulling down on the oversized shirt before grabbing her pants and her hoodie. She knew Ace hated that hoodie because it was so old and torn, but she needed that comfort more and more.
"So, is that agreeable or too much to ask?" her question coming out a little cold, but she just needed to know if he was being real in all of this. She pulled her hair out of her face, setting it in a messy ponytail as it was just easier to manage this way. The weather outside was fairly decent, but she also knew with her luck it would probably start snowing or raining later.

As Margot packed her shit and got signed out of the hospital, she was feeling a little weird. Getting her phone to turn on she saw all the messages that Ezra had sent. Along with pleadings from Benjamin. She decided not to reply to them, it wouldn't change her mind about what she was about to do. She kept telling herself that she just needed one night with Ace, just one good rest and then they could part where it had all began.
Coming out to the car she could see that Ace was fuming. "What's wrong? You got a parking ticket?" She asked, but she didn't see any paper in the window. Opening the trunk of his car she placed her bag, just so she didn't have to sit with it during the ride. It wasn't far but she didn't want to sit with everything. "C'mon," she mumbled, getting in the passenger seat up front, looking out the front window with a blank stare. Her eyes were baggy from bad sleep, her body clearly having taken a toll, and it wasn't just her beaten up face. Her head still felt like it was spinning slightly and as the car started, she had to place her hand on the hand hold just to feel somewhat stable.

Sitting with him in his car felt so nostalgic, and as he put on the music she was a little surprised at the fact he had kept the CDs. It had just been something she had thrown together, and as he started to sing along in gibberish she couldn't stop herself from smiling. Looking down she was fiddling with one of the broken strings of her hoodie. "You would think you'd know the words by now," she chuckled, reaching over to turn up the music. She began singing with him, trying to match his gibberish words that meant nothing, but just singing them out made her feel better in a way.
As the song changed, she laughed, leaning back in her seat, turning her head to look out at the world passing by. "What we had was real, right?" she said, sighing a bit to herself as she was still smiling slightly. She had thought about it a lot, thought about how they could've ended much sadder than they had, or perhaps even hating each other. But she didn't hate him, and she knew why. It was because no matter how much she tried, he would always hold a piece of her heart, and she just had to accept that. "You were right about Benjamin ... It didn't feel the same, it felt good, but it wasn't the right feeling I got when I looked at him," she sighed. She couldn't believe she was talking to her ex about an ex, but hey, life was weird that way. "I think I just need to focus on myself for a bit, focus on my music ... Finish that record," she said, shaking her hair and making it puff up a bit. Chuckling she just looked ahead and out the window, reaching over to turn the heat down a little, grazing his hand on the gearshift.
Placing her hand on top of his, she helped him change the gears, like she had done a million times before letting go. "But I miss you Ace ... You'll always be the one that got away to me."

"Fuck you, I'm singing it perfectly," he said with a soft chuckle leaving his lips, clearly joking. In all honesty, he loved the song but he kept forgetting the words no matter how many times he'd be hearing it. But her singing along only made his smile grow as he felt a little more confident in his half-words half-mumble as he started drumming a little on the steering wheel. It felt good. In a way it hadnt felt like in a long. When the song was over, he looked into the side mirror on his side, unable to hide the happy smile that spread on his lips for a small moment. Her words made him sigh. "Yeah, we did," he agreed.
It was like singing that little song had removed all tension from Ace's side, making him finally relaxed and somewhat talkative. "Well I'm sorry it didnt work out," he said sincerely. It was definitely weird for him too, thinking of someone that Margot had wanted to see romantically at some point. His possessive side didnt want to allow it, but he forced himself to. "Are you getting any closer to that?" he asked, glancing at her as he was clearly interested. He noticed her hand and blinked a bit in surprise as she placed her hand over his, but he didnt move his hand away, kind of just behaved as normal as he did every time she had done that in the past. When she let go and spoke again his expression clearly changed to hurt for a second as he nodded. "Yeah..." he mumbled. He could understand what she was feeling like. Soon they arrived at the diner and he parked the car, holding the door as they went inside.

"I don't know, I feel like every time I finish a track I feel like I'm acting ungrateful ... Like I should be working harder, you know?" but she was always like that with her music. She had a burning passion for it, even one that her producers found strange. But at least they let her have her creative freedom. "I've actually had an offer on a light feature on someone else's song once my album is out, which is kinda crazy," she admitted, scoffing as she felt like it was weird to think how this had all started. She couldn't have done it without Ace's support, that was for sure.
As he parked the car she got out, curtseying for him as he opened the door for her, entering with a chuckle, taking the spot they had been in what felt forever ago. The waiter came over, and she ordered a steak with a salad on the side. How things had changed, huh? "And he'll have a coke zero," she said, pointing to Ace with her thumb. The waiter looked a little confused as they seemed like a rather odd couple but he simply nodded and got to it. Turning her eyes back to look at Ace, she bit her lower lip slightly. "Your gift," she said, digging in to her pocket and sliding a jewelry box over the table for him. "Isn't it funny how things get sentimental?" she scoffed looking down and playing with one of the napkins. Inside the jewelry box would be a silver guitar pick necklace, his initials engraved with a small star next to it. "I had them redo it without my initials," she explained, swallowing because it had been a bit expensive to change the order, but she didn't mind.

She didn't really know what she had expected, but that he actually placed it around his neck made her smile. Ace didn't just do things to please her and he only wore what he wanted to, so him just putting on this jewelry, even if it was bittersweet, was a good thing to see. "It suits you," she said, shrugging off the fact that he had thanked her. What was there to thank her for? Keeping that necklace would only make her regret not giving it to him, and the money had already been spent. She wouldn't call herself a cheapskate, but she was resourceful, so spending money on something that had no use except looking nice was a bit out of her box. "It's meant to be like a ... Good luck charm or whatever," she said, looking down at the napkin. She wanted to say that she hoped he would still be rooting for her. That he would look at the necklace and maybe think of her. But it was too selfish for her to say, so she didn't.
Their food was brought over and she was rather surprised, mostly because last time they had waited a while for the food. Or maybe it had just been the fact that she had been starving back then. Turning to look at her steak, it at least looked decent. "I guess it's because of the curfew ... They probably have staff that has to leave early to get home," she pondered. Churchill had changed, and part of her thought it was a good sign not to linger around the town for too long. Her management had set her up with a nicer studio overseas, where they thought her sound would have a bigger chance at success. She was going to leave in a couple of weeks, but she hadn't told anyone. Mostly because it felt like a goodbye. "I'm a fast eater anyways," she said, smiling as she dug in to her food. In between chewing she found time to talk more casually with Ace. Talking about how she was planning on moving out of Ezra's place, without mentioning where she was going of course, and even talking about this new pedal for her guitar. "It has a distinctively more rustic sound, you know, like the old records you have," she tried explaining, but she wasn't sure he knew what she meant.
After finishing up her meal she leaned back with a smile on her face and a hand on her stomach. She didn't feel too full, which was nice because she didn't have to worry about her next meal. "I'll pay this time around," she said as the waiter came around. They really weren't letting people linger. Paying in cash she got up from her seat if he had finished his soda as well. She could feel her heart race a little, because she knew what she had asked for next. But she didn't know if her heart could handle it. "Do you want to go for a little walk before checking in?" she asked, maybe because she was stalling a bit.

"Yeah, old," she chuckled. It always had to be simple with Ace, but that was always something she had loved. It didn't have to be described to the smallest details, he just needed to get the gist of it. She did however go on to mention a couple of songs that had the particular sound that she was trying to describe, hoping that he had listened to at least one to understand better. Or else she had a hunch that he was mentally writing the songs down to listen to them later. Either way worked for her.
Once outside they just started walking. The weather was decent, but still a bit too cold to call it summer or even spring. But they made do, and with her hoodie, it just seemed easier to keep warm. The mention of a dog made her smile, nodding a few times. "I would've offered myself, but I'm leaving Churchill in a few weeks, so I can't really help there," she said, just to get it out there. Then maybe he could understand why she needed this last night. It was just to put a nice ribbon around what they had used to be, and the sad fact that Ace couldn't be her friend. That made her think. "Do you still don't think we could be friends?" she asked, knowing it wasn't a happy topic to talk about, but she just had to ask. Maybe it was better if he said they couldn't, that way she would have nothing tying her down in that sense. But she wasn't thinking rationally, rather her heart was trying to take over the conversation.

"Yeah, it's going to be good; But I'm gonna miss it here and everyone I know," she breathed out. She knew it was the right decision to get away and just focus on her art, but it also felt weird to not be able to just call Ezra or Iola and hang out.
Not right now. That was it then, right? Everything between them over and who knew if they would ever get to be friends. It just felt weird. This whole last year had been some of the best in her life, well excluding the breakup. "I'll send you a signed copy," she joked, but she felt her heart sting. It was better this way, but it didn't make it suck any less.
Eventually they had walked in a big circle, chatting back and forth; Ace about which breed of dog he was looking for and Margot trying to hum a few melodies for him to hear a sneak peak of what was going through her mind with a few songs. But then they ended up at the motel. Looking at the glass door to the reception, she felt determined. Getting a room was nice, but it felt like fate was playing tricks on them. It was the same room that she had stayed in so long ago. Leading the way she reached the door, unlocking it as she couldn't help but chuckle. "Hasn't changed much, huh?" she muttered, walking in, dropping her bag off on a chair before sitting down on the edge of the bed. She looked around before her eyes fell on Ace, her eyes vulnerable and a little sad. Reaching her hands out she silently asked him to come closer.
If he did she would take his hand, still feeling that energy that could flow between them, and it was no use ignoring it. "Did you mean it ... When you said anything?" she asked, referring back to what he had said at the hospital.