Diving deep into this assumed transgression

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Subject: Diving deep into this assumed transgression Thu Sep 16, 2021 10:30 pm

@Valerian , continuing off of First day in this world, already in trouble

Valerian wrote:: Valerian was no fool, he had tried to help where he could, but the way Aurel treated him right now he didn't know if he would ever be forgiven for his past mistakes. Not that it mattered. He knew what people had called him, he knew how they had defaced images of him and ridiculed his name.
Watching as Aurel got out of the pool he scoffed at the notion of him coming with his cousin. There was no doubt that he would, but he found it silly. "Afraid I'll disappear? Or scared that I'd be scheming to hurt you?" He had to ask. The hybrid didn't seem to move as Valerian passed her and led the way.

Valerian had stopped, waiting for Aurel to catch up as he grabbed a torch from the wall. He was silently taking him deeper in to the pathways beneath the castle until they reached a rather sacred area. He could feel his eyes sting, but he told himself it was just the torch smoke and not the feeling in his chest.
They reached a gate, Valerian asked for the key and unlocked it before going through, holding the gate for his cousin. "You know where we are heading, don't you?" He asked, his voice felt strange, as if he was trying to numb himself up for what met them. A long line of statues on each side appeared. Valerian passed along them, not looking at the carvings of his ancestors. That was until he reached a statue at the far end. It was much lighter in color than the rest, suggesting it was newer. Although it had clearly aged.
Placing the torch at a holder by the statue he looked up at his former wife. In her arms she was swaddling a baby. "Hello dear," he whispered, reaching up to touch her face. A tear escaped from his wounded eye, the small ball of water fighting with the bumpy skin on his cheek. He then touched the baby's hand carefully before he gestured for Aurel to go around the back of the statue. There he would find a small chest where the key would also fit in to. Unlocking it inside his cousin would find jewelry and a beautiful baby toy in silver, but wrapped in delicate linen were the book that he had been searching for.
"Tell me Aurel, do you still despise me for what happened to her?" He asked, meaning his wife of course.

Aurel was no fool. Valerian had been gone for so long and if he just let him leave at that note, who was to say when they would meet again. No, he wasnt going to just let more people slip away without putting up a fight. He followed his cousin that had the lead. He had hoped they were heading somewhere else, but he recognized the key so it wasnt hard to guess where they were going. He gave Valerian the key as he asked for it, but he felt a pit in his stomach as the prince held the door. "Dont ask silly questions." he just retaliated a little annoyed, though it was only because it stung to realize.
They went down the line of Valerian's ancestors until they reached a fairly new one. Aurel didnt look up but rather just looked down. He felt a bitter taste in his mouth, noticing the gesture out of the corner of his eye that he didnt waste time abiding. "Yes." he just replied without a doubt, lifting his eyes to look at his cousin with a bit of resent in his eyes. He was irrational when it came to his own feelings and though it had been Valerian's wife, Aurel had still found love for her that he never seemed to have been able to let go of. Her passing had only made it manifest somewhere deep inside of him like a wound. He took the book. "Do you not despise yourself for it?" he just asked quite bluntly.

Of course he knew, but Valerian couldn't help wonder if this was as forgotten at this point as the realm itself. He was quiet while Aurel retrieved the book, just studying the sculpture before him as he replayed his last words. There was a lot of regret in him, something that manifested itself quite clearly in the way his eyes turned vulnerable, but most of all he hated himself for not being able to save her. The blunt question made him scoff, sniffling as he looked down, nodding solemnly. "I do; I regret everyday that I didn't fight for her harder, that I couldn't talk her out of it ... But she was so convinced in her mind that she could do it," he said, blinking a few times as he could remember the day everything changed so clearly. "I also remember pleading with you, seeing if you could change her choice, but it seemed even you couldn't ... I'm sorry for asking that of you," he said.
Jeanie had been the most wonderful person in his life. He wasn't in line to the throne, so he had been able to marry whoever he wanted, and she was no more than a merchant's daughter. But she had been beautiful. Her dark skin and curly hair was something to be awed at. Her full lips that he in the heated nights called only his. But once she had gotten pregnant with their would be first born she had been hell bent on keeping it, even though the healers had advised her not to go through with it.
"I know you cared for her, maybe even more than I ever could, but I did love her truly and whatever I have done after her death was never to tarnish her good standing," Valerian said rather seriously before he turned to look at his cousin. The prince was changed. Solitude did a lot to a person, but he looked rather ghoulish standing here in the crypt. He could've been a ghost, he thought, probably pale as one and just as sulky. "But there was only so much I could do and in the end I lost not only my wife but our unborn son," his voice sounded empty, and it was because the pain of the loss still managed to numb his body with terror. The knowledge that he would never get to hold her again, caress her cheek or kiss her. "The new keyholder reminds me of her ... Not in looks, but in spirits - there's something quite fierce about that young woman," he noted before taking the key back, placing it back in the chain he kept around his neck, as if it symbolized his biggest burden. "We shouldn't dwell down here ... This way," leading the way through the crypt and back in to the narrow tunnels. It was dark, and he hadn't grabbed a torch this time around, just heading through because he knew the way. "I trust you have more than hatred for me at this point," he said, sounding more like him self now that they were away from the place of mourning.

It was somewhat a short lived relief to hear Valerian admit to the reason why Aurel found it so hard to look at him most of the time. A short lived relief because no words could ever bring back what was lost. "I could never tell her what to do. Not even as children would she ever listen." he said with a bittersweet smile at the memory.
He listened as Valerian spoke of his feelings towards Jeanie, looking away as he didnt even know anymore. Maybe he did, maybe it was worsened by the fact that she was no longer here. He glanced at his cousin but never took the time to look at the craved figurine of Jeanie. It was like he didnt want that picture he still had of her in his head changed by anything.
The prince then went on to compare Saoirse to her and Aurel's furrowed brows deepened. "People arent just alike. They're different to each other, so dont give me that nonesense." he just said, though he agreed that it was best to head out. He wouldnt forgive himself if he accidentally looked at her. They went out and Aurel just followed in the dark, having a pretty good memory of where they went. "You are still family, even if I hate you like the pest you are." he replied dryly. Sure, there were many things that Aurel still had his suspicions about, such as how the daemon god knew just where to strike. "Dont talk to Saoirse anymore. She has a mission to do, and you would be the last person that could be of use to her in this." he then just said, just to get it off his chest. He wasnt going to have it.

"An important mission to reduce your own loneliness?" he asked rolling his eyes in the dark. "Don't kid yourself, I saw what you were doing in the water, and I know that eventually it escalates to more than a simple kiss," he said, reaching a crossroads. He let them down the left hand side until they reached a winding staircase leading upwards. They were rather far down below ground, but this would take them up to the next level above them. Not quite reaching surface level however. Once out of the staircase he led them down a rather narrow corridor, one where he had to hunch over just to keep his frame within the confines.
"No matter what you think, both you and I know that I have to talk to the keyholder - Despite what you might think of me, I am here to help," he said quite blankly. Reaching a room that was lit up by torches he stretched his back, making it pop a few places. He was clearly not pleased with the smaller corridors. Turning he looked at Aurel with serious eyes. "Aurel you need to be realistic with yourself; If the keyholder falls with child she won't be of use to any of us - She'd be tethered to this world and you know that a mother would refuse to leave their child here," he was being realistic in all of this, trying to remind his cousin of what a stupid thing it was he was trying to do. "A keyholder shouldn't love, a keyholder is a valuable item for the realm, and I had hoped you had been better schooled on that," his words were cold, but also meant to remind them both that they weren't working for their own self interest, they were there to work for the realm. "Now, I would like to speak to her and this new king, even if you believe that I am not worthy ... Set up a meeting, and stop acting like a foolish teenager."

The question hit hard but Aurel didnt believe it to be true. Hadnt he wanted to be alone, he could have gone off to stay in the new world that were at the end of the portals. But he had come back because he wanted to restore the little that was left of his home. He kept quiet as he didnt feel the need to argue with his cousin of all people; Valerian could believe what he wanted. "I dont think your history gives you much of a stance to play high and holy, so save your breath." he said quite calmly despite how irritating he found it for the prince to meddle in what had happened in the underground springs.
"I'm sure there is a way to keep you out of the picture." he mumbled under his breath. At least he would do his to try and find a way. He couldnt just believe that Valerian simply wanted to help. Aurel just knew that it wasnt his decision fully to whether the prince would be cut out or not. It was up to Saoirse.
However as he asked him to be realistic, Aurel stopped in his tracks, a deep frown on his face as he couldnt believe what he was hearing. "Dont project your own wrongdoings onto me! We may share blood, but we are not the same down the line. I know where my place had been and I know where I want to be if everything gets to go back to what it was."
Quite frankly he had had enough of this bickering back and forth. Maybe it was just because it had been so long since they had seen each other, that there was so much to argue about. He shook his head as Valerian asked him to set up a meeting. "Be at your will what you want to do. But dont go around telling me to do as if I jump at command. I dont serve you anymore, Valerian. Set up your own meeting with the usurper, your new king." he said, drawing in a deep breath to calm himself before he stood for a bit like he was considering saying more. But in the end, he decided to leave it at that, walking past Valerian with the book as he went off to find Saoirse.

They were basically just throwing mud at each other right now, but Valerian had too much pride in him to see it for himself. Then Aurel finally seemed to snap, saying that he was projecting and perhaps he was. But was it really so wrong that he didn't want his cousin to make the same mistakes? He got quiet, looking in to the room as he stood still, but then his cousin hit him with a final blow, one that hurt more than he would've thought. Command? He hadn't realized how demanding he sounded, perhaps because so many things he had taken for granted.
As Aurel left he stood back, staring in the direction that he went, but not for long. Gathering himself he needed to face the new king. He was scared, terrified that this usurper had no intention of honoring the old ways, but alas, he had to show himself eventually. If the realm was to be rebuilt, then there was no telling in just how few hiding places there would be left for an outcast like Valerian.
Heading further up in to the castle, he took the hidden stairwells and corridors, which he had always been rather fond off as a child. However nowadays he used them mostly for his own peace of mind. But he was not yet ready to meet this new king, and after the scolding from Aurel, he needed time to lick his wounded pride before he could return strong once more.

//End of topic//