The beginning

He felt a little discouraged by her confession as he felt like he definitely had made a fool of himself, ready to let go and give it up, just as she reached out touching his face as he looked at her in mesmerization. He listened to her words as his eyes watched her lips move, feeling like time was moving slower but not slow enough - He would be just fine with freezing the moment here. She touched his lips and his breath trembled at the mere touch, anticipation at it’s highest while he just wanted to follow his mind’s plea and pull her close. He listened on as she spoke, frowning a little as she got to her last sentence. “That’s foolish of you to think,” he said in a low tone, lifting his other hand to gently place around the side of her neck, the one on her shoulder moving up to her cheek. He touched her lip with his thumb just as she had touched his, biting his lower lip gently with a shaky breath, “It’s forbidden for me to follow a bodily need such as that, even if it’s all that’s all I’m thinking about. Exploring whether my mind was right to assume that your lips would be softer than silk” he almost whispered breathless, but his tone was begging.

She felt his thumb running across her lower lip, her mouth open slightly as her breath seemed heavy. What was she waiting for? She was normally the first to jump into an opportunity like this, but for now she just let herself feel his gentle touch. How his hand on his shoulder moved to her neck, feeling the warmth that radiated off of him. Rules. It always came down to what people were allowed to and not. Swallowing she took a step closer, basically standing as close to his chest while still being able to look at his eyes. "I wouldn't mind you exploring," she said breathlessly, shifting between his eyes before she sighed, looking down. "I hate rules; who says a seraph is good and a daemon is bad? Who says a lycan cannot fall in love with a vampire?" she pleaded, because she really wanted to know. Being restricted by rules was not something a fenix was familiar with, but it was probably because it was rare to see a full on fenix family. She leaned closer to him, kissing his chest gently and breathing in his scent.

He chuckled softly at her words, wishing it was so. But he was brought up by the rules, bound to them by birth. She may not understand why and neither did he, but he understood the consequences. They wouldnt be the first to break the rules, he had seen what would eventually happen with an intermingle as such. The female hadnt even been a daemon and she was brought to the temple in the midst of night to never leave again. Baal had only been a boy when it happened but it had never left his mind. “I know where it would lead. My love could kill you,” he whispered as an answer to her plea, feeling the kiss on his chest as he wrapped his arms close around her. He hadnt imagined to even speak of love, but he couldnt hide the truth from her. “The Order will choose who I am destined to be with,” he felt his words heavy on his chest as he placed his nose in her hair, closing his eyes as he inhaled the sweet notes of lavender that she bore. It was as sweet as he had thought it would be. He opened his eyes as he moved his head back to look at her, looking at her lips again. “I dont want them to,” he confessed, moving his hand up to the back of her neck as he leaned down, gently pressing his lips to hers in a cautious yet tender kiss.

Breathing out at his words she felt like she was at a crossroads and he was trying to convince her to go in a different direction than he was going. However she wanted to go with him, walk by his side the whole way to the end. His words about someone choosing a love for him didn't sound like something she could ever do. She wanted to follow her heart, wherever it lead her. His arms around her was telling a different story than his mouth. His body told her that he wanted her close, that he didn't want her to leave, yet his words spoke of the impending doom that would happen if they did follow down this path. She looked at him, feeling breathless from it all, but she forgot all her worries as he pulled her in to a tender kiss. Her heart exploded with emotions, feeling like nothing would ever feel like this, and she returned the kiss, matching the tenderness of his. Her arms moved up and around his neck, pulling him closer as she struggled to keep up with her lip movements and her breathing. She pulled away briefly. "Woa..." she whispered, her eyes still closed as her chest was heaving from air.

The kiss felt like something out of this world, making him feel like his being could crumble if she’d pull away now and reject him. He felt tense and relaxed at the same time, his mind stuck in confusion as to what to feel how to react, and yet it seemed that his body didnt need him to know. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, his arm around her waist following her movement as he wanted her closer than physically possible. She pulled away and his head leaned a little with her like he wasnt quite ready to end it yet. He opened his eyes a bit, looking into hers with a need behind the green sea grass that made his eyes. “We shouldnt...” he mumbled, but he could barely heed his own warning, leaning back in to kiss her again, this time his lips acting a little greedier against hers as he deepened the kiss. It took a good amount of self restraint for him to pull away that it was quite sudden, his teeth gritting slightly at his own decision to deny himself feeling this way, “Deny me,” he pleaded but it wasnt a plea for rejection.

His lips. To describe someones lips would be hard, but the feeling of them against hers were jaw dropping. Like being hit in the face with a gust of wind, knocking out the air from her lungs as she almost clung to him. She didn't want to pull away, but if she didn't she would pass out from the lack of breathing she was doing. Looking in to his eyes she felt like he was actually looking at her. Not at a fenix, but at Buffy. His mumble made her frown but soon she felt him pull her close again, her lips locking with his as she pulled him closer as well. Her lips moved with his, feeling like he could devour her and she wouldn't even notice in her bliss. Then it was like a blunt halt, he pulled away and her lips still separated just pouted as if they waited to feel his lips again. She opened her eyes slowly, looking at how tense he was. "Deny you what?" she whispered, looking at him with a fast beating heart in her chest. She felt like she could collapse and fall to the ground if he didn't pull her close again. She had had a taste of heaven, and now she wanted more.

Pulling away was bitter, the sweetness was her lips and without them on his, he felt frustration rise up slowly in him like a kettle being put over a fire to boil. His words had been for her to end this while it was fresh, but it seemed that the attachment had already been established. Baal had never fallen in love nor had he believed he ever would. And there she had just barged into his life and taken him by storm, a tornado that had sucked everything up which he used to believe, to throw it out as something knew he couldnt quite understand. “You,” he said pushing her forward with his body as he forced her up to the wall next to the doorframe, lifting her up by her legs in a swift movement so he didnt have to lean down anymore to feel her soft lips. Whatever he was thinking, he body didnt care about as it knew only to keep her as close as possible. He kissed her again, his hands around her thighs grasping tight onto her as he tensed his body while indulging in her savoury taste.

She felt so confused and yet so understanding at the same time, however she couldn't comply with his plea. She couldn't deny herself this experience, even if it meant the ending of her life. Perhaps that was a very selfish thought for her, but just thinking of him not being close to her broke her heart. He pushed her back, feeling herself being lifted by his hands, wrapping her legs around his hips. Their lips collided once more, and a faint moan escaped her lips as he grabbed at her thighs. "Baal," she pleaded, feeling her heart beat so fast that she could barely breathe normally. "This is ... This is moving fast," she whispered. She didn't mind him being close, and she had to admit she wanted him closer, but giving herself away like this without her even knowing his last name or just a little bit about him. It just wasn't her. "I ... I'm not a one night stand," she said in a serious tone, looking at his eyes, feeling a little hurt because she wasn't saying he didn't care for her. There was just a part of her that wanted to be sure about it before jumping in to it.

He would lie if he said her moan didnt affect him, but it wasnt like he had any intention of following up on it. He may have seemed eager to devour her lips but that was as far as he could allow himself to get. Her plea made him look at her, her whisper made him frown a little as he was trying to follow her meaning. His grip slowly loosened, his breath haltering and shaking from having her close but npw that their lips were seperated, he felt it was a little easier to think. Her words were serious but they hadnt even needed to be. It was like a shift in him and he quickly let her down on the floor again, keeping his hands on her waist now as he gave her a little space, “I wasnt intending to make you that,” he said, sounding a little more clearheaded now but if that was a good thing, he didnt know. “I watched a young lycan woman once be torn apart for the fact that a daemon like me had gotten her pregnant,” he said in a quiet yet serious tone. He let go of her waist, remembering the memory made him feel like he needed the distance again, to keep away and keep her safe. His eyes were filled with hurt at just the thought of it being Buffy eventually, left to such a cruel fate because he was careless. “I told you. My love could kill you,” he said again, tensing his jaw before moving away from her. He was cruel, he knew and it was a feeling more bitter than before.

He kept pushing her away only to pull her back. What was she to believe by now? Feeling the floor beneath her feet once more made her sigh, because it felt like walking on pins and needles. He still held on to her, but as he spoke her expression changed from relaxed to shocked. Swallowing she looked down. She didn't fear death but the thought of being torn limb from limb made her feel sick to her stomach. He moved away from her and her eyes went to his. So filled with hurt that she felt herself tear up. She stood still, feeling scared and sad. "Breathing could kill me, taking a wrong turn on the streets could kill me," she said, looking at him with tears coming down her cheeks. "I don't want to die, but I do want to live while I'm here," she said gently, taking a step closer, reaching out to take his hand if he allowed her to, entangling their fingers. "If you can't love me, at least be in my life," she said with a hopeful smile on her face, but the sadness still lingered in her eyes.

He looked away as he saw the tears, frowning as he suddenly felt so angry at himself for making her feel this way. He wanted to go back to just feeling her lips, but what would it cost them? He let her speak while his mind was figuring out what to do. He didnt want her gone, but with the memory burning in his mind, he couldnt continue what they had been doing. She entangled their fingers and he made a deep sigh as he looked at her with eyes that could just give up on everything, her words making him close his lips as he swallowed softly. “As what?” He asked, looking down at their hands before looking up at her. He finally understood those nights where he kept awake just to text her till she would fall asleep, where that feeling on those nights had been trying to lead him.

"As whatever you can be," she said. She couldn't let him go, she couldn't deny that she felt the need to have him close. "As a friend, as a secret lover; what ever you want to be I'll return to you," she said gently, giving his hand a squeeze. She exhaled, looking down to their hands as she tried calming her heart. Buffy wanted him close, wanted to figure out what this exploding emotions could turn in to, but if that could not be she would have to lock those feelings away. She would do that, because she could feel something in him. Something that she hadn't ever felt before, and perhaps it was the feeling of belonging. A feeling that she wouldn't be alone. "I don't need a label before I know how I feel, but I want you in my life; and I can't explain why," she said, looking at him.

He made a deep sigh as she seemed to lay out all sorts of options for him to choose, yet choosing seemed like too much for him to comprehend right now. He took in a deep breath. He couldnt say that he was feeling love now, he would deny it to be even close, even if it would deem him to be the worst liar of the century. He looked down at their hands again, feeling that liberating feeling of some sort of magic that seemed to radiate off her hand for his to absorb. Her addition made him frown a little as he looked at her, “I’ll be in your life. But it would be safer as a friend,” he said as he lifted their hands, placing his other gently over hers. “We’ve only known each other for a few weeks. We were acting rash on emotion,” he said, sounding like he was needing to convince himself. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand. He closed his eyes and sighed.

Nodding at his words about them just being friends. She knew it would hurt for the first period of time, but she also knew that she was already in too deep. However hearing him speak of them only knowing each other pulled her back to reality. He was right, but she felt like she had known him forever. Maybe it was strange. "I know, but sometimes I can't control myself," she said, smiling as she tried lightening the mood a bit. "When I was a kid, I heard the ice cream truck a few blocks down, and I kept running until I reached that truck," she chuckled shaking her head at how silly it sounded. "I did it because my brother said he wanted an ice cream sandwich, and I just really wanted to get one for him - When I finally reached it, my aunt Leona caught up to me, scolding me for running away from home," she giggled, shaking her head as it felt a little silly. She never really told anybody of herself growing up, mostly because she didn't like all of the memories. "All in all, I've always followed my gut, I've always let my feelings take control of me," she confessed, looking at their hands.

She chuckled at his words, because maybe he should've known. And maybe she should've been more cautious, but right now she couldn't regret anything. His words about their handholding made her chuckle a bit, shrugging as she couldn't see any harm in what they were doing. "Are you going to deny even me holding your hand?" she asked, looking up at him with pleading eyes. She needed the comfort, but she slowly let go of his hand, feeling it sting in her heart to even do that. She let her hand fall down the side of her body, fiddling a bit with the large shirt she was wearing. Her cheek had gained some color, a reminder of what they had just been doing. "Maybe ... I should get going," she said, frowning as she felt she had a lot to think about. She couldn't tell, but she felt like crying, like she had lost the chance to ever kiss him again, and maybe she had.

Again he spoke with double meaning. He said he couldn't deny her anything, but did that mean that if she demanded his closeness that he would give in? She swallowed as he said sorry, shaking her head as she bit her lip. In her eyes he had done nothing wrong, the emotions she was feeling was as always her ever beating heart that seemed to decide things for her. "Don't ever apologize to me, alright - I don't need that," she said with a gentle smile on her lips. As he said she could keep the shirt she nodded, walking out to grab her coat and scarf. She wanted to stay, to pull herself close to him once more, but she couldn't do that. To think that the word friend could be something she could come to dislike. As she had gotten it on she went back to the living room, scratching Juno behind one of her ears. Then she went to Baal, looking at him shortly before leaning up to kiss his cheek gently. "I'll see you around," she said gently before moving to leave the apartment.

//Out <33//