Where does it go from here? [cw]

Getting some warm tea down helped her calm the nervousness she felt and instead of talking further about what has been happening, Aiden had just been talking about some casual things, like some stuff from work, that quickly sparked a conversation about what Buffy was studying at the institute. "I had been planning on starting on a course some day when I would finish my assistant thing. I just wouldnt know what would be a good combination for opening a wide range. I've never really had a dream job," she admitted as she took a sip of her tea. Aiden could always calm down if her mind focused on something else for a while, even the most trivial of things could work wonders. Then the door opened and she bit the inside of her cheek as she stared a little at the table. She placed the cup before she got up to follow Buffy out.

Baal had sent the hound back when they were at the apartment before he had helped Xander up stairs. He found himself wondering if he ever had to do something like this again and in his mind he hoped for Buffy's sake that he didnt. He just led Xander directly to the couch to let him sit down and relax. Looking up, he saw Buffy and Aiden slightly behind her. He frowned a little before he gave Xander's shoulder a comforting squeeze and moved away. He wasnt trying to let it show how Xander's words had deeply disturbed him.

Buffy felt comforted by the fact that Aiden had moved on to some more normal topics to speak about. "If I'm being honest, I don't know what I want to do either, but I think it's too early to just know that yet," she said taking another sip of her tea. She liked her tea as hot as possible, so drinking it before blowing on it was her preferred way of going about it. "Don't get me wrong, I do have dreams, but most of them involve traveling and seeing the world," she said, shrugging a bit. That was when she heard the door open, swallowing her tea fast before hurrying in to the living room. She felt a rush of relief at first, that was before she saw the deep gashes on Xander's face as well as the gauze around his neck. What had happened? She felt a little breathless, looking at her brother like that made her heart ache. "Xandy," she whispered in a concerned voice, walking closer, looking at his wounds. Her pupils shaking a little as she tried figuring out what to do. "Please don't look at me like I'm broken," he said in a hoarse voice, making Buffy's lower lip quiver a bit. "It will heal, don't worry about it," he said, feeling timid as he knew that Aiden was watching him. He wanted to fall to his knees, plead for forgiveness, but his body wouldn't react. He took a deep breath, looking at his sister, then looking at Baal. Then his eyes fell on Aiden and he felt his eyes fill with water. He feared to see two eyes looking at him with hatred, feared that she would detest what he had said, judging him before knowing what had happened. "Could you ... Could you give me and Aiden a minute?" Xander pleaded. His sister looked a little confused, looking at Baal and then her brother she nodded, taking the daemon's hand and moving out to the kitchen. Now that they were alone, Xander barely knew where to start.

She chuckled a little at Buffy's words and nodded, "I dont think anyone does, except your brother," she said, frowning slightly at the mention of him though it was more that she found it so natural to talk about him. She nodded a little, blowing the steam away from her tea before she took another sip. She was surprised to see Buffy just drink it straight without doing anything about the heat, but she figured it was a fenix thing. "Travelling sounds nice. Seeing other parts of the world," she said with a ponder, looking out into the room for a bit. There were places she wanted to see as well. She was pulled from her mind as the door opened.
She wanted to say something as she stood there, but she was a little horrified when she saw the gashes and the gauze around his neck, feeling herself fill with worry as to what or why had caused his wounds. She had a lot of questions but she wouldnt even know where to begin. When he looked at her, she looked away for a moment, but Buffy's words of comfort resounded in her head and she looked at him to see how teary he looked. She felt her lip quiver as she stepped closer, Baal nodding at his words before he followed Buffy to the kitchen.
Aiden carefully sat down on the couch as she bit her lip a little, exhaling in a tremble, before she looked at him. She placed a hand carefully against the side of his head as her other inspected the wounds, just to be sure they werent too deep. "It's fine," she mumbled as she looked into his eyes.

Buffy just walked with Baal, and as soon as they were in the kitchen she embraced him, hugging herself close to him. "Thank you," she whispered, looking up at him. Her eyes had a fluid look to them, but she seemed relieved to have them both back safe. She placed a hand against his cheek, pulling him down to a tender kiss. She had wanted to kiss him before he left, but the hound had run off. "I love you ... So much," she whispered against his lips. She still had so many questions, but most of them were for Xander. Taking a moment more she took a small step away, looking him up and down to make sure he wasn't hurting. "Are you alright?" she asked, taking his hand and entangling their fingers. She made sure to grab the unmarked one, in case that his marked one hurt from his summon.

Xander watched his sister walk off with Baal, taking a deep breath as Aiden moved closer. He looked at her, feeling her hand against his face made him flinch a bit, but it was only because it stung. He looked at her, looked at her soft features, and feeling her warm hand made him relax. He didn't think he could ever handle a cold hand against his skin ever again. "It's not fine," he said, frowning as he reached up to take her hand. Would she even accept such a gesture? He held her hand, looking at it as his thumb stroked the back of her hand, touching her warm skin, feeling the blood pumping beneath the surface. "I didn't mean what I said," he said. He felt like a coward. He should've fought Nahia more, he should've tried to avoid this, but he knew it would have ended up the same. Taking in a deep breath he started to explain what had happened after he left her apartment. Told her how Nahia had seemed to appear only to turn in 180 and make him regret ever following her. He told her how he had tried to fight back, tried to say that he cared for Aiden, but she wouldn't listen. He told her everything, spared her no detail, because he believed she needed to know.

He smiled a little as he felt her arms around him, pulling her close, though he was feeling a little dreadful of what he knew. He returned her kiss, pressing his palms gently against her back as he just wanted her close after all this tension. "There's nothing I wouldnt do for you," he whispered back with a small smile. He made a sigh as she stepped away to inspect him, nodding before he looked at her hand in his. He shook his head, letting to just be pulling her close once more to hugging her close to him, "I'm fine my love," he assured her, kissing the top of her head to inhale a little of her scent. He frowned a little before he moved his head away to look into her eyes, having a rather calculating look in his eyes, leaning close to kiss her forehead in a cute little peck. "Xander is back, that's all that matters right now" he said against her skin before he hugged her close again.

Aiden retracted her hand a little as he flinched, to move more carefully as she touched his face. She frowned deeply, feeling angry at whoever had done this to him and somehow forgetting how hurt she had felt. She bit her cheek a little as he disagreed with her, shaking her head as she wrapped her hand around his as he took it. She couldnt deny him the comfort, no matter how hurt she had felt before. She scoffed with a faint smile as she placed her hand over his and looked at him. "I had a hope you didnt," she said with a slither of a sad tone, though she couldnt hide how happy she felt to hear him say that he hadnt meant it.
She listened to him explain the whole thing and frankly she was somewhere between horrified and angry, to frustrated and worried. When he finished, she just shook her head, looking at the ground as she took a moment to think about her words. "And you're saying she's been stalking you for months?" she asked. She rubbed her forehead, exhaling as she clenched her jaw. "You need to go to the authorities. Have some sort of restraining order put in place," she said, looking at him with pleading eyes as she gave his hand a squeeze.

Buffy sighed a bit relieved as he said he was fine, feeling his arms around her just made her relax more. She wanted him close, wanted to stay close to him after what had just happened. She looked at him as he leaned away, watching his calculating eyes and she knew it meant he had seen or heard something that made him have that look. "What is important is that both of you are back safe," she corrected him, wrapping her arms tighter around him. She placed her ear to his chest, listening to the way his heart always seemed to have a steady rhythm just seemed to make her happy. "Sometimes I wish I could read your mind," she said in a soft-spoken voice. She loved him for all he was, but sometimes she just wish he would speak to her instead of hiding away his thoughts.

Xander could hear the sadness in her voice, and he could hear his heart breaking slowly. He had never wished to hurt her, never wished to say such mean words, but the circumstances were just too dangerous. "No, she said she had been stalking me for months ... I don't know if she was speaking the truth, but I wouldn't know why she would lie about it," he said taking a deep breath. It just seemed so scary. The way that Nahia had grabbed his head and forced it to the side to bite him, it gave him shivers to think about, and not the pleasant kind. Aiden's words made him nod, however how could he put in place a restraining order when he only knew her first name? "I'll try, but I only got so little information about her," he said, looking at their hands. He had made up in his mind that he wanted to hold it forever, but he felt it was wrong to do so right now. However he couldn't get his body to follow his mind. "Aiden, I care about you," he said, looking her directly in her muddy brown eyes. "I only said what I said ... Because I ... I ..." he said feeling his eyes water again. He was hurt, torn and that was both physically and mentally at this point. "Because I couldn't let you get hurt by that maniac, I ... I just wanted you safe, but ... I know what I said was wrong," he said, falling over his words. Why couldn't he just say it? Say that he had fallen in love with her and that was the reason why everything was so twisted. "I know you might never forgive me, so ... I just need to come clean and get it off my chest; then you can move on," he said, his breath trembling as he looked down. "I'm in love with you," he said, looking her directly in the eyes. There was no sign of confusion, he was certain. He knew for a fact that he was in love with her, that he couldn't get her out of his mind even if he tried.

He chuckled at her correction, giving her a soft squeeze as he subtly sniffed her hair. "Yes, my love, you're right," he whispered into the blonde strands. He lifted a hand to run it through her hair, feeling the softness so nicely run between his fingers. When she spoke of mindreading, he frowned a little before he sighed with a smile and kissed her hair. "I'm sorry. I just wouldnt want you worry unnecessarily," he said truthfully as he let the hand in her hair move out and cup her cheek. He ran his thumb along her cheekbone as he looked into the beautiful green eyes of hers with the hidden fire behind them. Of course he couldnt really hide anything from her. "I'm just not allowed to use my summon for a thing like that. And if it's discovered, then I'll be in trouble," he admitted as he shifted between her eyes. He wasnt regretting what he did though, not by one bit.

Aiden frowned at his answer and nodded in agreement. It wouldnt make sense for her to lie about it, unless it had gone on for longer than that. She felt her mind drift off in wonders and she had to stop herself, shaking her head as she sighed. She couldnt imagine how scary the situation must have been for him and why he had acted as he did, made sense to her now. She swallowed hard at the thought that the crazy vampyre would return - Which she probably would if she was that obsessed.
She followed his eyes to their hands, though when he confessed, she lifted her eyes to his as she felt her heart starting to race a little. The blood was rushing to her cheeks, but she was thankful that her darker colour didnt let it show that easily. She just lookied at him with no chance at letting her surprise stay hidden, if not at his confession then the way she could feel her heart act in the matter. She looked down, biting her cheek a little as she just listened. She was pretty much speechless at this point and even though he was stumbling over his words, she felt she would be far worse.
But when when he thought she wouldnt ever forgive him, she looked at him with a frown as she was about to object but then another confession was made. Her mouth still slightly open from the oncoming objection, now in full surprise as she blinked a few times, before she shook her head a him, shifting between his eyes. "Are you?" she asked a little breathless as she lifted the hand above his and placed it over her heart as she took in a deep breath. She could feel herself breathe faster as she just looked at him. She grabbed his hand and placed it over her heart as she closed her eyes for a bit. "I... ummmm... Me too," she whispered hoarsely. She hated how her vocal chords always felt like clamping up when it came to confessions such as these.

Feeling his fingers run through her hair. Was there any better feeling than that? Her eyes closed halfway, enjoying the feeling as he spoke about not worrying her. But she knew that when it came to things like this she would always worry somewhat. His hand moved to her cheek, and she leaned against it for a while, feeling the heat radiating off of him. As he said he wasn't allowed to use his abilities like this she nodded. She knew that, even if he hadn't said it, she would've thought as much. "If they find out, we'll deal with it then," she promised in a whisper. Leaning against him she placed her lips softly against his, a small tender kiss just to show how grateful she was. She felt her breath halter for a bit as she kissed him again. She had been scared, scared that something might've happened, or that when he had run off she would've never seen him again. She moved her hands up over his chest in a slow motion, feeling that his shirt was still a bit cold from the outside as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself closer. She didn't know what had gotten in to her, she just felt the need to be close to him, and with her heart beating fast she thought herself safe in the moment. She leaned away for a bit, looking at him with soft eyes. "Sorry, I ..." she breathed out in a small chuckle.

Xander didn't know what to do now that he had said it. On one hand he felt relieved that he had said it, on the other he had to brace himself to get his heart broken. Closing his eyes he waited for the final blow. The blow that would break his heart into tiny fragments, but all that came from her was a question of almost disbelief. He opened his eyes looking into hers, feeling her hand grab his. He couldn't help but separate his lips, feeling like he could pant just to get air in and out of his lungs. He could feel how hard her heart was beating, and he was sure his was beating just as fast and hard. Then she spoke again, a hoarse voice, and he knew she was speaking the truth. Why were they confessing their mutual feelings like this? They should've not been sitting here after what he had said to her, no they should've kept on letting their friendship flourish. They should have confessed it to each other on a late night of cooking. "I wish I had told you sooner, but I wasn't sure how to," he confessed, feeling a few tears escape his eyes. Maybe things would've been different if he had stayed a little longer at her place. He had lingered in the door before leaving, but he had decided to go home. "I'm afraid she'll come back, wanting to claim me again, but she could never have my heart," he said in a whisper. He moved the hand he held at her heart, placing it around hers and pulling it to his chest so she could feel how his heart beat matched hers. "You have it; my heart, and no-one could ever take that away," he said in a serious voice. He was trusting her, trusting her that she wouldn't break his heart with her beautiful hands.

"That we will," he agreed with her whisper in a low tone. He ran his arms up and down her back as he leaned a little into the small tender kiss, frowning a little as he seemed to long for more. So when she kissed him again, he pressed her closer, grasping softly at her clothes like he always did when he felt like he was at her lips' mercy. He felt her hands move and how she wrapped herself around his neck, sighing through his nose as he felt his body yearn for her when she was staying this close to him. She leaned away and he bit the inside of his lower lip as he looked at her, "It's alright," he assured her, releasing the grasp he had had on her clothes as he closed his eyes and drew in a calming breath. "I just wish that this moment hadnt been after I had just pulled your brother from some lunatic's apartment," he mumbled, frowning a little though he touched her back to gently with his hands, fiddling a little with the fabric. He had hoped that mentioning her brother and the past event would drive his thoughts to a more decent place.

She knew the moment had been forced with the horrible happening that had occured, but it didnt make her regret what she was trying to say. The only regret she had, was letting her body make her struggle this much to speak and tell him how she was feeling. "I dont think.... there's a manual... or um, a recipe, for these sort of... things," he mumbled as she frowned a little wishing she would either just say it or stop talking altogether. She looked at him at his whisper, blinking a few times when he said the vampyre couldnt have his heart. She sure hoped that the vampyre wouldnt take it, since he needed it, but when he pulled her hand to feel his heart going just as crazy as hers, she understood that it wasnt a physical heart. She gasped a little looking at him with serious eyes as she felt her jaw tremble. "Xander?" she asked in a small whisper, closing her eyes as she thought she wouldnt be able to say it. She opened her eyes again to look into his beautiful green eyes, pinching her lips shortly, "Kiss me please," she pleaded in a broken whisper, feeling her eyes tear up a little. Any other day, she would have thrown herself over him and spared herself the plea, but after hearing how Nahia had done whatever she wanted, she wanted it to be if it was something he wanted to and let him be in control of it.

Buffy smiled a little at his assurance, but she had to agree with him. This moment would've been better if her brother hadn't just been rescued, but then again every time they seemed to get a calm period, things would happen. She wondered when it was ever going to be the perfect moment. She could still feel him fiddling with her clothed, and every time he did, she just felt her core spin lightly. "Stay the night," she said in a soft voice, looking at him, shifting between his eyes. She needed him. Needed him close, but closer than they had been before. She pressed herself closer to him once more, feeling like she couldn't control herself. Sighing she looked down, fiddling with his shirt a little. "I want to be there for my brother, but my guess is he'll need a good night's sleep," she said. She didn't know what to do in this situation, she didn't know how to console when she could barely dare think about what Xander had gone through.

Xander couldn't help but smile a little, frowning but chuckling lightly as she said there wasn't a recipe. Of course there weren't, and perhaps that was why he had kept mostly from having relationships. As he spoke of his heart he could see the confusion in her eyes, however as she spoke his name he had never imagined what she would say next. Her plea made him swallow as he looked down, shaking his head in shame. He took a few deep breaths, because he really wanted to, but he felt unclean after what Nahia had done to him. He didn't want to bid Aiden his tainted lips. "Believe me, I want to," he whispered in a broken voice, swallowing to see if that helped with him speaking. [color=#669966]"But ... Before I do, I ... I want to have a shower, brush my teeth," he said, a sad frown on his face as he looked in to her eyes. "I don't ... I don't want to rub her ... Her ... Filth on you," he said, biting the inside of his lower lip. He looked down, feeling rather ashamed. Was he not supposed to just man up and put what had happened past him? Then why was it so hard?

He frowned a little confused as she told him to stay the night, still fiddling a little with her clothes. They hadnt been together in the way his mind was dragging him and it would have been a lie to say he wasnt craving it. He just couldnt feel like he could pressure her into it and with all that had happened with her mother, he had pushed those thoughts away. But with the risk he had run today, he had felt the same worry as her, whether he would have come back or not. And a worry like that to be deflated, sparked a lot of new better feelings. The way she pressed herself closer made him close his eyes as he had to keep his calm. “Are you sure?” He asked in a low mumble as he ran his hand slowly down her back. He felt like he was insane or incredibly stupid for feeling this sort of craving at a time right now - For heavens sake, her brother was wounded in the other room. And yet he looked into her eyes and it was like all he saw and knew was her.

She couldnt lie and say the way he shook his head didnt make her heart hurt a little, but she couldnt blame him. It was only that her mind started to think it was because of her, giving her no chance at thinking it was something else, like the fact that he was fresh out of capture. She swallowed her pride and just nodded as she looked at him, switching rather fast from her ‘selfish’ love-craving side to the caretaker she had been over the few weeks - Maybe it was unfair, but she felt like they wouldnt go anywhere the other way. When he spoke of filth, or more her filth, Aiden frowned for a little while, mostly because she didnt care about that sort of stuff but she could see that he clearly did. She just gave his hand a squeeze, as she tried to catch his eyes, making a faint yet soft smile at him, “Hey.... it’s alright,” she assured him, running her thumb over the back of his hand.
“It’s alright to not be fine with what happened to you,” she whispered, leaning a little closer to him as she looked down at their hands, feeling her jaw tremble a little. She was raised around lycans so she was used to the males in her life being quite open about their feelings. But she also understood that it was frowned upon by most. “How about a nice bath?” She asked him, though she frowned as she thought about it, “I’d only prepare it for you and let you handle... the rest,” she quickly added, feeling her cheeks redden a little.

Buffy had been in her head a lot these past weeks, but right now felt as good as any to be with the daemon she loved. As he asked her to confirm that she was sure, she nodded, looking in to the soft sea of grass that was his eyes. "Never been more certain," she said in a soft voice. It was a big step for them, not just the sex part, but the fact that they could open up in a different way. She touched his cheek, pulling him down in another tender kiss as she pressed herself closer to him. They would probably have to wait until Xander had gone to bed, but for now there was nothing wrong in savoring the taste of his lips. She had been wanting to do this for a long time, and now that she felt ready, she felt a small shiver run down her spine. There was something unknown and yet awfully familiar about this, like her body had done this with him a thousand times over, even though it also had that feeling of the first time. "But perhaps we should wait until we've seen Xander and Aiden go to bed," she whispered, shifting between his eyes as she had a quite excited look on her face. She felt giddy, like she could jump up and down. She giggled a little, hiding her face in his chest as she felt color rise to her cheeks, mostly because she could remember so vividly how he had touched her. If he could do that with his hands, she knew she would succumb to something deeper when they finally connected. Even still, she felt nervous, excited and a bit overwhelmed. However she guessed if came with the thought of it all.

Xander felt her hand squeeze his, feeling the comfort of her touch as he looked in to her eyes. Her full lips pulling up in a soft smile could make his heart melt. She told him it was alright, but why did he feel like he couldn't just break down. He wanted to cry, cry and get it over with, but for some reason he couldn't. Not when she was there brightening his world just by looking at him. As she suggested a bath he nodded, looking down and not seeing the frown on her face. She added something, something he hadn't even thought about making him blush. In another time he would've been cheeky and asked her to join him, but he felt like he needed to scrub his body clean. He needed to wash away the feeling of Nahia's body and lips. Quite frankly he felt dirty, like he would never be clean no matter how much he scrubbed himself. "A bath sounds nice," he said when he realized he had been caught up in his thoughts. He looked at her, and what he really wanted to do was pull her close and hide his torn face away in her brown hair, inhale her scent and make his whole body relax. Yet the dirty feeling kept him from doing it. Moving to his feet, he shuffled a bit forward, still holding her hand as part of him feared letting go. "I don't want you to go home tonight," he said in a hoarse voice. He wanted her to stay like when she had watched over him during the night after his mother had died. However this time he wanted to hold her tight, sleep next to her and just hope that he would sleep all the way through the night.

He deepened the kiss, and she didn't mind at all, leaning in to it before pulling away and hiding her face. Him calling her adorable made her chuckle a bit, because she just felt silly. And maybe being silly was what she really needed to feel right now, however it seemed that the moment had passed as Baal looked towards the livingroom. As he looked back at her, she smiled before making a small surprised noise as he lifted her up, but she was soon silenced by his lips. She couldn't help but moan slightly against his lips as she felt him closer. He pulled away, making her pout a little as her eyes were still closed. Slowly she opened his eyes, and as she did he said something that made her heart flutter so wonderfully. She felt her cheeks gain more color, her arms wrapping around Baal's neck as he was still holding her. "I'm counting on it," she whispered, her eyes soft as she looked at him. He might've been determined, but she knew that it would need to happen. She was not much in to tradition, weddings and such she had often just viewed as people displaying their respect for how things had always been done. However the thought of calling Baal her husband did not put her off. It was strange how another person could open your eyes this way, make you see things from a different perspective than before. "But can we at least be boyfriend and girlfriend just for a few more days before I need to start calling you my fiancee?" she teased him. It wasn't a proposal, and she was not taking it as one. Buffy had a whole life ahead of her, so why rush in to things when they enjoyed it as it was? Her fingers played lightly with the small curls on his neck, smiling a little to herself. "Should we check on them?" she asked looking at the door to the livingroom. She much rather just wanted the two to figure it out themselves, but she was a bit anxious to know how her brother was keeping up. She hadn't heard any door slam in anger, so she guessed that was only a good sign.

Xander lead them to the bathroom, opening the door in a slow movement, or at least it felt slow to him. He moved to the mirror, letting go of her hand momentarily as she went to the tub. Her question made him shrug. He usually took showers, but if he needed to sit in it, he would want it at least to be a little hot. "Moderately warm," he replied, but he didn't seem too certain in his answer. He looked at himself in the mirror, his eyes fixated on the gauze around his neck as he found his toothbrush and started brushing away in fast strokes with quite the amount of toothpaste. If it hadn't been clear before, it was clear now. He felt like Aiden could see how dirty he was, how tainted his body had become after what Nahia had done. He finished brushing his teeth, feeling his gums a little sore from the hard brushing, but he had left no place in his mouth untended. Even the underside of his tongue had had a rough scrub. As she came over to him and took his hands he looked at her with hurting eyes, but when she spoke about blindfolding herself he shook his head. "I think that would make me more self-conscious right now," he admitted, looking down at how her thumbs were so carefully caressing his hands. Xander had never really believed in love, never really been the first to throw in his emotions in a relationship, but he just felt like he could be safe with Aiden. "You don't have to look ... I just ..." he said, exhaling in a sigh as he shook his head. "I just need you here," he said, frowning at his own words. The independent Xander, he had always been eager to do everything on his own, but with the hybrid here he felt like she could support him in a way he had never thought possible. "Besides, I think it would be stupid to blindfold you so I couldn't see your eyes," he said, looking at her, a faint but sad smile on his lips. He let go of her hands, slowly, and it felt like ripping off a band-aid in a way. Looking at the mirror once more he removed the gauze slowly. The puncture holes were still visible, but there had formed a nice couple of scabs over them. He took in a trembling breath as he looked at them, still being able to recall how his body had been twisted and the pain of the sharp fangs breaking his skin open. His teeth chattered a bit, but he soon looked away, focussing on a spot on the tiled floor as he started removing his clothes. His body had a few bruises here and there, and his skin seemed filled with goosebumps, and not the good kind. As he got all the way out of his clothes, he stepped in to the tub, sitting down in a slow manner to get used to the temperature. When he was all the way down he looked at a few of the soap bubbles floating around, his green eyes seeming distant for a while. "I never want to hurt you again," he said in a vulnerable voice, clearly speaking to Aiden as he looked at her. He wanted to tell her that he wanted her closer, that she should join him and he could just sit with her, however he also feared what having her close could mean. And he didn't like thinking of her soaking in this water that he now felt was unclean as well.

He saw her pout as he pulled away but he had to or he would completely lose his mind. He wasnt even sure he would have been able to explain how much self control he was focusing on, so he wanted to distract his mind by focusing on wants that didnt necessarily require a physical contact to imagine. And marrying her some day was definitely one of those needs. He hadnt ever really thought much about it, even less since a part of him being a summoner required him to be married someday with someone by the order’s choosing, and he had dreaded the thought of marriage since. But meeting Buffy and spending all this time with her, had taken the dread and flipped it around to something he suddenly wanted - But not with anyone, just her. Her and all that she was.
“Let’s see if you will hold onto that. Might be that you’d change your mind when I make you see stars,” he teased her sensually, scoffing a little at himself as he realized he had failed in keeping his mind clean. He followed her eyes to the door before he made a thoughtful frown, to then shake his head, “I’d say we’ll see tomorrow morning. He probably needs a good night’s rest before we start to smother him with care,” he said, tilting his head as he sent her a small smile. He knew she was worried and she had every right to be, “Aiden is with him,” he added just to emphasize that they probably shouldnt intervene just yet. Not that he thought anything was happening, he wouldnt think so after what he had heard. But he had seen the two together before all of this. “So why dont we..... go cuddle,” he then whispered a little longingly before he started going for her bedroom, still holding her up close to him by her thighs.

She nodded at the temperature, adjusting the water before she made sure it was warm but not too warm. She noticed how he was brushing his teeth quite vigorously, worrying that he may make his gums bleed, but she knew he was just trying to get rid of the vampyre. She just hoped it wasnt for her saie that he was treating himself that way. As she had gotten the bath ready and made her suggestion, it hadnt been because she thought of him as someone she couldnt look at. Maybe it had been silly, but she would have hated to make him uncomfortable. “I just dont want to overstep your boundaries,” she mumbled a little carefully as she looked at him, to follow his eyes down to their hands.
She nodded at his next words, but she was still looking at their hands while her thumb felt the soft skin of hos hands - Even if his skin had been rougher than most with his handiwork of the potions, it couldnt be as rough as a lycan’s hand would be. She smiled a little to herself, as she was slowly realizing that her broken heart was mending in his company, but she couldnt fully smile when she knew he was hurting. She looked up at him confused as he spoke of not seeing her eyes. She shifted between his green, “You’re saying that as if they’re more than just a muddy colour,” she said, but it did warm her heart a little to just think about.
She watched him peel off the gauze and the two scabs just made her feel a little anxious and somehow angry - Angry at this Nahia that had done it to him. She wasnt sure she could ever forgive the vampyre for it, but something told her that the vampyre wouldnt forgive her either for existing in Xander’s life. She just felt a little powerless as he seemed to remember another horrible memory. When he was beginning to undress, she looked shortly at the bruises before she decided to give him his privacy to get out of the rest of his clothing - Just to show him that she didnt find him repulsive nor was she here to steal a peek at him when he was this open and vulnerable. She turned back as he had gotten into the tub, she sat down on the toilet with her arms slightly wrapped around herself. Helping him through a loss had been easy, but this? What was she supposed to do? He spoke and the words made her eyes tear up a little by how he was sounding so exposed, “You couldnt,” she said in a faint tone, feeling her voice get a little gravelly with emotion. She got up from the toilet and went to his side as she carefully sat down on her knees by the tub, carefully placing her hand against his arm, “You could only hurt me if you’d tell me you never wanted to see me again and mean it,” she said, shifting between his eyes, she moved her hand up to touch the unharmed side of his face, gently. “I wont let some madwoman make you think that this could change how I feel for you,” she said in a softspoken tone, making a faint smile at him. “You’re still the Xander that could tell me exactly to perfect detail on how to make an ointment for skin burns, yet completely clueless when I’d ask you how to make that seasoning for the vegetables we put in the oven,” she said, chuckling a little though it was more like a small scoff. “The guy who would politely watch me cut the herbs completely different from what you’ve told me and fight the urge to just snatch the knife out of my hand and continue in the way it should have been,” she said, gently running her hand along his face as she spoke.

Buffy couldn't help but blush a little at his words about making her see stars. She felt her heart beat ever so fast when he spoke like this, feeling her whole body warm up to these emotions flowing between them. Speaking of Xander she knew Baal was right. There was no reason to bombard him with questions and make him remember things he wasn't ready to share yet. She couldn't help but smile as her daemon added that the hybrid was with her brother. She liked Aiden, even if she had barely spoken to her. To Buffy it didn't matter how long people had been in her life, if she cared for someone, she would do so forever. "You're right," she said, looking in to his eyes. She liked being in his arms, feeling his hands on her thighs just did something to her. As he spoke in that soft voice she nodded, leaning against him as he walked. Her room was quite tidy today, mostly because she had cleaned it before heading home to Baal. As the door closed she felt her heart beat faster, leaning down to kiss him now that they were in here alone. She felt her core tighten in a knot, kissing him a little more eagerly than before. He had said they could just cuddle, but she felt like kissing him, fooling around a bit. "I love you," she mumbled against his lips, kissing him again as if it was the only way for her to breathe. She pressed herself closer, rubbing lightly against him. All she wanted to do was feel him close, feel him tuck at her clothes and feel how he struggled to hold back.

Xander sat in the tub, feeling rather lost, but he listened to her. As she moved closer he looked at her, feeling her hand on his arm made him clench his jaw. He still felt hurt by how Nahia had just grabbed and touched him. How she had forced herself on him, but the way that Aiden touched him was so different. It was like every small gesture she made sure to get his consent before continuing, making him feel safe. He remained silent as she spoke, smiling as she touched his face so gently, leaning his cheek a bit against her hand. As she spoke of how he hadn't changed he swallowed, because he dearly hoped he hadn't. He reached his hand up from the water, reaching out to touch her lower lip as she spoke, however he was careful. Barely touching her skin, even though he wanted to know if they were as soft as they looked to be. "I want to be better, to be more than just this broken down guy," he said, frowning as he couldn't seem to take his eyes off of her lips. They were so different from Nahia's. Aiden's were inviting, and not to mention warm. "I want to be with you," he said in a vulnerable voice. "I want us to keep teaching each other things, I never want you to stop trying to make me understand cooking," he said, looking up to her eyes. She had called them muddy, and maybe that was true, but her eyes reminded him of his job. His job to stay grounded, to dig his heels in the ground and understand the world around him. He took in a trembling inhale, looking down for a while, letting his hand fall back in the tub. "But I don't know how to or what it will take," he confessed. He didn't know how he could heal, if things could ever go back to being normal, but he wanted it to. Or at least grow from it, make him understand himself more thoroughly.

Sitting on top of him she could feel her hips jerk ever so carefully, biting the inside of her lip to not moan at the feeling. He flipped them around, as she looked at him with soft eyes, feeling like she had never been this safe before. Her body was longing for him, in a way she had never believed it to be able to react. Touching his face lightly before he moved to her neck she sighed. Stretching her neck, she whimpered happily as his small pecks evolved to more longing kisses. Every time his teeth touched her skin, she felt her core tighten, his groans she replied to with soft moans. She felt like she had never seen him like this before, there was something different about this, closing her eyes as she enjoyed this intimacy. His sweet purr made me her heart beat faster, letting her fingers entangle with his thick curls. “Yes please,” she replied in a soft whisper, feeling his hands tug at her clothes made her want to get rid of the fabric that separated them right now. She could feel the intention of him being this close, and while she did feel a little lustful herself, she could recognise the simple need for simply connecting with him. Her stomach was in tight knots, and all she wanted was for him to untie them and make her melt together with his whole being. It no longer felt enough to just keep to his words of simple cuddles. She wanted him, and he wanted her; it was as simple as that. One of her hands snuck down over his chest, feeling his tense muscles. She reached the end of his shirt, her fingers fiddling a bit with the edge of the fabric before running her hand up under his shirt. Feeling his bare skin against her fingers made her gasp softly, making her realise that what she felt was not just the daemon she loved. It was the man, the being she hoped to be with until her last breath. “You’re teasing me,” she pleaded, feeling like the build up was tightening the knot in her stomach.

The bubbles were lazily floating on the water, and his eyes followed it as she spoke about him not being broken. That he was in healing. Maybe she was right, she usually seemed to be. Her saying that he was loved made him look at her, looking at her lovely brown eyes that just seemed to ground him. He knew she was right. He was lucky in that regard, his family cared deeply for him. As she moved he looked ahead, before he felt her hands starting to wash him. At first his body did not seem too pleased with it, but placing a hand over her free one reminded him of who was touching him. He couldn’t close his eyes and relax, but his body seemed to soon understand that what she was doing was alright. It wasn’t easy to learn to trust, not when someone had violated him such a short time ago. He groaned a little, feeling his body aching from the rough handling. But it was like with every touch, she healed him a bit. “I hurt you, and you’re here even though I did,” he said in a silent voice. He turned in the tub, looking at her with his eyes a little fluid. “Thank you for being here,” he said, feeling rather choked up.

It was like her mind had given up the control of her body, especially as he teased her with a promise of release. She shook her head a little, biting her lower lip as he pressed his body against her, making her moan in sweet tones. She wanted him, but release sounded like she was the only one who would enjoy what he had in mind. No, she wanted the two of them to spend time on each other, not just focussing on her. As he confessed she looked at him, a little surprised. Not that she was shocked that he had things going through his head, but the fact that he wanted to voice it. "You can do whatever you want," she replied breathlessly. She was not being submissive, rather she was trusting him with her whole body. She wanted to feel him, be near him, and with that she wanted to understand his train of thought. She moaned once more, as he started rubbing against her, biting hard on her lower lip as she could feel him press against her. The fact that he wasn't trying to hide what he did to her made the warm feeling in her chest expand. "Show me what you are thinking about," she said in a sweet voice, She wanted him, and she wished to give her all to him, however that would require that he gave something back with just as much value. She could feel her skin fill with goosebumps, a pleasant reminder of the large amount of emotions she felt being here with him. She could feel his warm skin against her fingertips, digging her fingers in to his skin as he pressed against her again. Moaning softly, she felt her cheeks burning a little bit, mostly because she hoped that her brother and Aiden couldn't hear her. It was hard keeping it down, mostly because she wanted to yell out how much she loved Baal, tell him to take her and fulfill both their needs.

He took a trembling inhale, looking at her lip quivering. The hand on his back had turned from a sour taste in his mouth to something quite nice. She said she cared about him, but in a way he still had a hard time wrapping his head around it. He gave her hand a soft squeeze as she looked at their hands. He just kept his green eyes on her, listening to her speak. The fact that she might've helped him even if his words had been true didn't sit well with him, but he couldn't do anything about what she decided or didn't decide in this matter. Xander felt how her hands moved his, soon feeling her fingers entangle with his own, making him look at them a little in disbelief. Then her admittance came and he felt speechless. Never had he believed he would hear her say something like that to him. He took their hands, lifting hers to his lips, kissing the back of it while it was still entangled with his. His lips were careful, still afraid something bad would happen from just this small gesture, but he guessed it would be a fear that he wouldn't be able to just shrug off. "I can't promise you anything easy," he whispered against her hand, having his eyes closed as he just wanted to focus on speaking the right words to her. "I can't promise you that being with me will not be without it's struggles, at least for the first period of time," he said. Was he actually saying this? Was he actually asking her this? "Aiden, I need time to heal, but I feel like I can only do that if ... If you are willing to be by my side," he said, frowning a little at himself before opening his eyes, looking at her brown ones. "I guess my question is: Will you do that as my friend, or as something more than a friend?" he asked. He knew it was a lot to ask, even if you had fallen in love with someone, it was a lot of pressure to put on a new partner like this. However he felt like the friendship they had developed would easily transition to a real relationship.

Buffy felt like his words echoed in her head, the soft spoken words of his need for her. She felt much the same, trembling a bit at the way his hand was slowly moving up under her shirt, his hands leaving her body wanting more. As he pressed his lips to hers she made a small moan as he grabbed her breast, arching her back as she felt surprised yet pleasantly so. However as he deepened the kiss so fast, pressing against her in a firmer motion, she felt a little scared. Maybe she was just imagining things, but she separated their lips. "Baal," she pleaded, letting him know she felt it moved too fast. She wanted him, that was for sure, but she didn't want them to just do it. She wanted to enjoy each moment, even though the wait was like a small torture in it of itself. He seemed to catch on to what she said, pulling away she looked at him, cupping his face. She wasn't angry with him, she was just a little startled. "It's alright, it's alright," she said in a soft whisper, kissing him gently. He gestured for them to move around, and she couldn't help but smile a little as she moved with him, sitting on top of him, she felt the bulge in his pants rub against her a little harder. She felt her core spin a little, looking at him with wonder in her eyes. He said he didn't want to hurt her, she leaned her cheek against one of his palms, smiling at him. "You didn't," she assured him. Just because he lost a little control, didn't mean she would blame him for it. He had pulled away when she had asked for it, and it showed more to her about how much he actually cared. She kept her green eyes on his sea of grass as he let go of her face, her body reacting rather strongly to the almost longing caress down her sides. As he removed her shirt, she lifted her arms up, blushing a little she looked away. He had seen her undress before, but this felt so different, but only in a good way. She moved her hands slowly to her back, opening her bra, feeling her cheeks burning as she let the supportive undergarment drop to the floor. She leaned down to him, kissing him in a softer motion. There was still eagerness to discover in her kisses, but she felt way more vulnerable right now. Her hands moved down, grabbing his hands and moving them up beside's Baal's head. Entangling them with her own, she pressed them a little down in to the mattress, her hips moving in a slow and teasing motion. "I belong with you," she whispered ever so tenderly against his lips. She moaned softly, panting a little for air as he let go of his hands, sitting up a bit, pulling at his shirt to get it off of him. As it was off of him, her eyes fell on the massive amount of black swirls, intertwining on his skin as if it was paint on a canvas. She felt breathless, her lower lip quivering a bit as her breath got a little heaving, running a finger along one of the main swirls. Her eyes moved up to greet his, her flames brighter than they had ever been. "You're so beautiful," she whispered in an astonished voice.

Xander knew he might've not been clear enough, but it was hard enough to say the words on a normal day. Today he had been beaten and bruised, and saying that he wanted to be with Aiden he meant as something more than friends. He just couldn't bear the thought of not having her in his life. She was silent for a while, but soon spoke. Or rather she started out with a small mumble with a drawn out syllable. Her admittance made him look down and frown a little. He was grateful that she elaborated, making him swallow hard. He wasn't really sure how to define it. She confirmed once more that she was in love with him, but as she said she wanted to be his he felt a cold shiver run down his spine. He shook his head, looking down as he started shaking. He didn't want to own her, he couldn't. He wanted to be with her, for them to be together, but he couldn't wrap his head around being someone else's. Not after how Nahia had defined it. He felt a tear escape his eye, gritting his teeth in fear as he tried breathing normally, but it sounded more like a panic attack coming over him. He felt his vision blur a little, his body shaking. "Please," he whispered through a hoarse voice as he started to sob. "I .. I'm not a pet," he mumbled, hiding his face in her hand, sobbing quietly. He didn't know why so simple words had put him on the edge of breaking down completely. "I don't .. I don't want to own you, and ... And I don't want you to own me," he pleaded. He was scared. Scared that such language could evolve, make him crazy like Nahia. He didn't want that. He wanted them to be equals, to be by Aiden's side, and not own one another. He was still shaking, his body covered in shivers and muscles tensing. "Equals ..." he mumbled in a broken voice, clutching her hand to his chest now, his heart going crazy as he sobbed.

Buffy couldn't help but chuckle a little, mostly because she knew there was no point in arguing over who was the most anything. She would always look at him and find that he was the best of the two, while he would look at her and see his reality. His words about them being meant for each other made her sigh. "Sorry I kept you waiting then," she said in a soft tone. She had lived only a fraction of what he had, and she could only imagine what it would've been like if the roles had been reversed. "I hope I was worth the wait," she said in a soft chuckle as she moved with him as he sat up. The arm around her back made her feel safe, like nothing could hurt her as long as he kept her close like this. As his other hand found it's way to her breast she moaned softly, biting her lower lip to dampen the sound of her voice. She looked at him as he placed his lips around her nipple and she could've sworn her eyes could've rolled back in her head if she hadn't been focussing on his eyes. A soft string of moans escaped her mouth, even though she tried silencing them. Her body filled with goosebumps in the most pleasant ways, her hips moving softly against his groin as she longed to feel him even closer. However she couldn't lie and say she didn't enjoy this way of doing things. So slow and carefully unraveling each other. Just the close intimacy and the discovery of the other's body, it was so heartwarming to her. All her life she had heard stories of the daemon's that ravished young women like herself, but the way Baal touched her and held her close was nothing like those stories. She had known all along that he was different from his kind, but this just solidified as proof. Proof that he did love her as he had said he did. "Baal," she whispered, her mind foggy by the way his lips suckled on her. Buffy knew that she would never be able to find someone like the daemon under her, even if she looked for a thousand years. Some called it soulmates, other called it twin flames, but she couldn't put words to it. It was like they just fit together, like two pieces in a puzzle. Her hands moved to his hair, taking a few fistfuls of it, but only to feel him closer. She could feel how soaking she was, thinking that she might've a wet spot on her jeans by now. "I need to feel you before I go insane," she pleaded, feeling her core spin so wonderfully. Her walls cramping a little as she just wanted them to connect.

Xander was shaking, feeling his whole existence being called in to question as he just hugged her hand to his chest. He could hear her words, but it was like his mind had already raced ahead, scared of what was going on. Fight or flight they called it, however why was he just sitting there in the tub? As he felt her hand against his head he seemed to calm down somewhat, but it wasn't before she said equals that he felt his body stop with the shaking. He looked at her, his eyes bloodshot from the fear, his cheeks covered in tears. He reached up, touching her cheek as she said they would love each other as equals, making him nod. He wanted to be with her, let the two of them keep each other safe and happy, just like she said so. He felt shivers run down his body, the trembles that tried making his body relax, though his heart was still pounding away. "Love, safe, happy, equals," he repeated in a broken voice, looking into her brown eyes. He needed to ground himself, feel that sensation of his feet planted solidly on the earth, and her eyes always seemed to do the trick.
He still felt dirty as he moved out of the tub, having rinsed off the leftover soap on his body. He grabbed a towel, drying his hair rather quickly before wrapping it around his waist. Xander looked at Aiden, placing a hand on her cheek. "I love you," he said, blinking away a few tears. He cared for her, he wanted to be with her, but telling her that he loved her was something different. He had told her he had fallen in love, but right now he knew that he was in love. "And I can understand ... If you don't think you can handle me right now," he said, looking down in shame. This was a lot to put on another person. Even one he hadn't even started any sort of relationship with besides friendship.

“You’re worth it and more,” he assured her with a loving tone, in that way it could only be known to be the truth because it came directly from the heart. A couple of years back, he wouldnt have believed that he would be in this vulnerable situation with anyone, nor would there ever be a person that could captivate his heart this way. But here she was, the odd girl from the coffee shop, who had his heart all to herself.
Hearing her moans when his lips latched onto her breast made his breath tremble with delight as a soft groan that resembled more of a growl danced around his throat, muffling against her skin. Oh, he had gotten a firm hold of them both in the moment, he felt that so clearly. How she rubbed herself against his manhood and how his inner daemon was trying to rip it’s way out to the world. Her plea made him look up at her as he made a soft smile. “Your eagerness is irresistable, my love. But I’m taking my time with you,” he mumbled against the skin of her breast, moving his hand down to slowly open her jeans. He sighed warmly against her skin before he finally pulled away to look at her body once more. He placed a hand under her breast feeling how well the curve fit his hand. “I must be dreaming,” he said with an amazed scoff leaving his lips before he moved his hand around her and turned them once more to be above her again. He grabbed a hold of her pants to help her wiggle out of them with her underwear, before he placed a hand on her lower stomach while he carefully took in her full body. He felt tingles in his body, tensing his muscles a little as he gasped at the view of her. He felt the tingles roll around like goosebumps would form in the affected areas, but nothing showed on his skin. He leaned down to her face, cupping it gently before he kissed her again. “I love you,” he whispered against her lips before he made a small frown as he seemed to realize something, sighing a little in defeat as he leaned away a little to look at her beautiful green eyes. “I ummm... havent brought any protection,” he admitted as he ran his thumb along her cheekbone.

Seeing the shakes subside made her feel a glimmer of relief, but she had to focus on making sure they werent just to return in a moment if she would retract and tend to her own feeling of panic. She looked into those lovely green eyes and she couldnt help but make a small smile as he touched her cheek, leaning against his hand, nodding as he repeated her words. She carefully touched his skin where he wasnt harmed, just looking into his eyes with nothing but love in hers. She found it easy to calm her own nerves when she was feeling his hand against her cheek, the small connection of skin having so much power to it’s tender touch. She moved with him as he seemed to want out of the tub, finding a towel for him, blushing slightly to herself as he was still naked. She had managed to look past it when he was in the tub, but now that he was standing here. She moved her head away to let him do what he had to do to dry off, turning her face back when she felt his hand on her cheek. Hearing him suddenly say that he loved her, made her feel like her throat dried up in an instant and entangled in tight knots around itself. She frowned a little but she wasnt dismissive, placing a hand over his as she pressed her cheek closer to his palm, closing her eyes for a bit as she nodded. She couldnt muster saying it back, but she knew in her heart that she loved him as well, with all her heart. She didnt do anything half-heartedly, she was always the kind to pour her whole heart in and then worry whether she had made a mistake or not. But with Xander, she wanted to be sure, because a heartache from being hurt by him wasnt something she thought she could handle again. But did she even have to say it when her body was showing it so strongly? The way her eyes softened up when they met his, the love behind the mud coloured windows to her soul, that seemed to long for him and his heart? She shook her head at his words, clearing her throat though nothing seemed to help with the knots, “I want to be here for you,” she whispered in a broken tone, looking at him with her eyes glaced in the tears she was holding back. “You make me happy, but right now, I’m sad because you are,” she admitted, rubbing her indexfinger gently against the back of his hand. “But I will be fine. I just want to be sure you will be too,” she whispered, swallowing hard as she exhaled deeply.