Family troubles

Saoirse felt herself nervous. She was sitting in the kitchen while her mother was cooking what they were having for dinner. Buffy was humming softly along to the faint music playing on the radio. "You know you can speak to me if there's something you need to know," Buffy said, turning her head to smile at her daughter. She had grown so fast, but the pace had been nice enough that Buffy felt like she could handle it. However since the merging of her soul with the artifact she had felt herself change, her dreams not being as vivid as they used to, but rather she saw things during the day.
"I know mommy," Saoirse replied with a sigh, placing her hands in her lap. She liked just sitting in the kitchen when ever her mother was cooking. It had always been like that with her, she was drawn to the simple things in life. "Mommy ... Am I supposed to ... Bleed?" Saoirse asked in a timid voice, making Buffy stop her stirring. The fenix took the pot off the stove and turned off the heat. "Bleed? Hopefully not from a wound," Buffy said, walking over to her daughter, placing a hand on her cheek. Saoirse felt nervous once more, looking down. "My biology teacher has said that a woman will bleed each month," Saoirse admitted, frowning as she felt confused. Was this what Connor had warned her about? And what about what she and Amos had been doing?
"Well, yes, a woman who is capable of having children will bleed each month, but it stops while the woman is pregnant," Buffy said, looking worried at her daughter. Why was she all of a sudden asking questions like these? Most of her questions were about feelings and how the world worked, never about her body. "Saoirse, is there something you want to tell me?" Buffy asked in a soft and soothing voice. She could hear the key turning in the door, knowing that Baal was arriving home. Saoirse looked down, shaking her head. "You and daddy would hate me," she whispered in a sad voice.

It was nice to finally feel like a family, the way it was supposed to. Even with the days where he felt a little off in a way that was nothing like when the artifact took over, he had decided to focus on his family. Mostly because the feeling was fleeting, like he was imagining things, but those things were from the past and not the future. He had mentioned it to Buffy but it was clear that he had just been thinking that it was all the stress from what had happened with the artifact piece in Buffy and Saoirse's abilities combined. He arrived at home like usual, taking off his jacket and shoes before the stench of cooking hit him. It wasnt exactly pleasant for a daemon, but he had gotten used to it.
He went to the kitchen where he smiled as he saw the both of them, but then his smile seemed to fade when he could tell something was up. "Has something happened?" he asked as he went to kiss Buffy's cheek before he sat down next to Saoirse, placing a hand gently against the back of her head as his thumb gently separated her blonde strands in a soft motion.

Saoirse fell silent as her father entered, looking down as she felt embarrassed. Buffy smiled as Baal entered, wrapping an arm around him shortly as he kissed her cheek. They had both had a change in their lives, not only from having their daughter, but the artifact had been doing it's work on them. It was strange to say the least. Looking at her daughter now, Buffy felt a worry stir in her. The way she blushed and refused to look them in the eye. "Saoirse, you're our daughter, you can tell us anything," she said in a motherly voice, walking over to open the window, letting some fresh air in. She knew Baal didn't like the smell of food, so perhaps he would prefer it open.
Saoirse looked down, fiddling a bit with her summer dress as she felt nervous. "Please don't hate me daddy," she whispered, turning her head to look at her mother and then her father. Not lingering long she looked down again at her fingers, feeling anxious. "You know I've ... I've been spending a lot of time with Connor," Saoirse said softly. Buffy frowned, looking away and out the window. The fenix still didn't know how she felt about what she had seen them do. She had known Connor all her life, she had seen him as a second brother, but this had strained their relationship. "And ... Amos too," Saoirse said. Her heart was beating so fast that she was sure it would collapse if she kept keeping this in her chest. "And it hasn't only been ... Like friends," she finally said. Buffy closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as she tried gathering her thoughts about this. In her eyes their daughter was still too young for any of that, but the thought made her open her eyes. That was why Saoirse had been asking about menstruation.
Buffy walked over to her daughter, kneeling down and trying to catch her daughter's eyes. Placing a hand on her thigh she took a deep breath. "Were you safe?" she asked with worry in her eyes. Saoirse shook her head, squeezing her eyes tightly together as she didn't wish to look anyone in the eye.

Buffy felt speechless as she saw her daughter shake her head, placing a hand on her stomach and closing her eyes. She prayed that Faeth would show her the truth. Saoirse was silent, feeling her mother's hand on her stomach made her worried. Her father's question made her open her eyes, looking towards the tall daemon. "I've felt different, but I don't know how to describe it," she admitted, looking at her mother that still seemed to have her eyes closed. Buffy opened her eyes, a tear running down her cheek. "You're not with child," she said, but it was clear that she wanted to say something else. The fact that Buffy had felt nothing at all behind her stomach, nothing fertile, and that no life would ever grow in there. "Don't worry, my dear," she assured her daughter, wiping away the stray tear before she got up. Buffy looked to Baal, seeing how he was fuming with anger, despite trying to hide it. "We will need to have a talk with the boys ... I feel like it's getting out of hand," Buffy said with a frown. Even thinking about what Connor had done made her stomach turn, but could she really blame him? He had agreed to save her daughter's life, and the bond clearly worked in strange ways.
"They didn't force me," Saoirse objected, looking hurt at her parents. She might've been young, but she knew when she wanted something she would get it. In that regard she looked so much like her mother. "I wanted it ... I know you think I'm stupid, but I do understand some things," Soairse said. Buffy shook her head, cupping the cheek of her daughter. "We think you are the smartest girl in the world, that is why we need to remind the boys of their promise to keep you safe," Buffy said softly. She was at least glad to know that it wasn't some idea either of the boys had pressured her in to fulfilling. "Don't worry ... Everything is fine, your daddy and I just need to adjust and find other ways to keep you safe," the fenix said. Saoirse didn't know what to say, so she just looked at her father.

Saoirse held her breath as she waited for her father to speak. She knew she had done wrong by them, but it had felt so right. Could they not understand how freeing it had been to finally feel herself whole? She was shaking a little bit, scared that they wouldn't let her see Connor or Amos again. She loved those two, and thinking of not seeing them made her feel sick. As her father finally spoke, she didn't feel any relief from his words. To be frank, she didn't care if she was going to get punished, she just didn't want them to take away the pure joy it was to spend time with her bonds. Her father came to her, taking her hand and she looked up at his sad eyes. A knot was in her throat as he spoke about her going behind their backs, but what should she have done then? They both seemed to refuse wanting to speak with her about such things, and finally experiencing what her body had been yearning for had been more of a relief than anything. "I didn't do it to hurt you, or to deceive you, I ... I just wanted to be with them and one thing led to another," she said, though she knew it was not a good excuse. She looked down, feeling ashamed. Should she not have told them? No, that wouldn't have been right. She couldn't keep those secrets, even if she had tried. As his father spoke about the possibility of the boys not being able to see her made her eyes water. "Please ... Please no," she whispered, feeling her body shake. The thought of not seeing them, not being able to be in their arms and feel herself whole was too much for her to handle.
"Saoirse, we want what is best for you, but they are far more experienced regarding the world ... It's only fair that we have a talk about their promise," Buffy said, looking at her daughter. She had never seen her daughter this upset before, that happy little girl seemed so far gone. Saoirse stood up, shaking her head. "I ... I need them ... I can't ... I don't know ..." Saoirse said in a blur, feeling her heart pounding fast and her head hurting. Small black dots started to appear on the ground under her. "I need them," she kept repeating over and over, as if it was the only thing that mattered. And to her it was, she needed her bonds, it was like a pull so strong that she couldn't help but bend like soft metal to that magnetic feeling. "Love, relax, take a deep breath," Buffy tried to calm her daughter, but she kept shaking, the darkness beneath the young girl starting to spread.  

It was scary feeling like this, feeling like she had been pushed to the end of her ropes, and yet not far enough. She loved those boys, she loved them more than she should, and she knew that. But the heart wanted what the heart wanted, and with Connor and Amos she just felt right. Her father reminded her to stay calm, and it felt like her body relaxed more, her mother looking at her with a worried gaze in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she pleaded, walking to her mother, embracing her and hugging herself close. Buffy grabbed Baal, pulling him close so he could hug his daughter as well. "Everything is going to be alright, I promise you," Buffy cooed their daughter sweetly, kissing her blonde hair gently. "We love you, Saoirse, we love you so much, and we are just worried for you," Buffy explained, making the trybrid look up at her mother and then her father. Tears running down her cheeks. "Daddy, please, I can't be without them," she pleaded, looking at Baal with too much hurt for a girl as young as Saoirse actually was.

Saoirse knew her parents meant well, but she was so blinded by her emotions and fear of losing the two that each held a part of her heart. She nodded at her father's words, feeling their embrace calm her down. Sometimes she wished she had grown slowly, been able to be carried more, cared for like the child she still at times felt like. "I'll try," she replied in a vulnerable voice. She didn't want to let her parents down again, but now that it was out in the open, it also felt a bit more freeing. Her eyes widened, blinking a few times as she remembered. "Am I still allowed to go over to Amos tomorrow? We've been planning this for the whole week," she said, but she knew the chance now was slim to none. Alyssa wasn't going to be home, and she feared that it would only make it more impossible.
Buffy could feel that something was off with Baal, but for now they needed to focus on their daughter - at least until they had some time alone. "You can still see each other tomorrow, but it will be here at home, and both your father and me here as well; And no closed doors," Buffy said in a caring voice, but also sounding strict. Truth be told, the fenix didn't like this part of parenting, but clearly the trust had been broken. "Now, I think you should take a plate to your room, do your homework and then straight to bed ... Your father and I have a lot to discuss," she said, hugging her daughter closer for a short while, kissing her temple and just holding her for a while.
Saoirse nodded, closing her eyes and enjoying her parents' embrace for a little while longer before abiding by her mother's ruling, unless her father added to it. Grabbing a plate of food, a serving quite large for her size, but she ate a lot, she hurried off to her room.
Buffy breathed out, still having an arm wrapped around Baal's waist, leaning her head against his chest. "Tell me what's going on with you," she said, looking up at him with saddened eyes. It was clear that their daughter's reaction had scared her, she was afraid of her being the cause of her child's pain. She loosened her grip around him, walking over to grab a plate of food for herself, sitting down by the counter, eating as he would hopefully explain what was happening.

There was definitely no way that Baal would have allowed her to go hang out with Amos all on their own before they had had a chance to discuss the future with the boys. It was good that Buffy took control of the situation before he could say anything. As much as he strived to be the good parent for his child, it was just something else when it was his first daughter and on the topic of boys on top of that as well. He was ill-prepared for this, but the odd whisper in the back of his skull was keeping his blood pressure steady. As Saoirse made her leave, it was just Buffy and him left in the kitchen. He lifted a hand to the back of her head and just held her close.
He looked down as Buffy had noticed how off he seemed. He wasnt really surprised, she knew him better than most at this point. He licked the inside of his mouth before he opened it, a thoughtful expression on his face as he tried to find the right words to explain. "It's as if.. Something or someone was let out when the artifact was split. I suddenly know so many things about daemons that I couldnt have learned from books... I... feel like my own thoughts are changing on their own, like it's not just me anymore," he explained but then he drew in a deep breath and sighed deeply. "I must sound insane," he mumbled as he sat down at the table and covered his face shortly. He ran his fingers down his face and looked quite defeated. "I dont want to frighten you. But I can barely comprehend what's happening to me," he said, leaning back into the chair.

Buffy grabbed a good scoop of food, having made more than plenty, but sometimes Connor or Tessa would drop by to eat if they were in the neighborhood, so she always made a bit extra. Sitting down she blew on the food, cooling it off before popping it in her mouth, chewing as he explained everything, or at least all that he knew. When he said he sounded insane, she felt the corners of her mouth turn downwards, mostly because she didn't like him thinking that about himself. Reaching over the table, she placed her hand on top of his, looking at his grey green eyes, searching them for a while. "You are still my Belial ... But I worry for you; Does it feel more like a guiding voice or more sinister?" she asked, wanting to know what approach to take. Buffy heard voices in her dreams, words of prophecies and future events, but she had never heard voices when she was awake. "I think you've been very stressed out lately; All the work you've done for the Order and on top of that raising a child and trying to establish some sort of relationship with Amos has been hard on you," she said. She wasn't trying to shrug off his worry, but she also wanted to remind him of the stress he had been under for the last month. "I've been busy too ... We've barely seen each other when it wasn't for dinner, and I miss our small moments of peace and just reading together," she said, getting up from her seat and walking around to his side. She sat down in his lap, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and looking at him with a soft gaze. "Not to mention the private aspect of our relationship has been dormant ... I know I haven't been the best at tending to your needs, but I am trying to find the time; I guess it's just hard with a teenage girl roaming around," she said, sighing softly. It had been a bit easier when Saoirse had been just a toddler. Sure, they had to keep it down, but she slept through most of the night. Now it wasn't uncommon to see their daughter awake in the night, getting up for a glass of water.

As he wrapped his arms around her, she felt rather content, feeling him relax a bit more as she was just sitting on his lap. She could tell he was exhausted, even though he was doing his best to hide it. His admittance made her smile softly. She wasn't worried that he wasn't into her anymore, no that was obviously not the truth, but she did see him struggle to say something like that. Buffy had grown a lot since they had gotten together, perhaps because she was a mother now and was trying to build some sort of career as well. She closed her eyes softly as he placed a hand against her cheek, sighing as she felt his thumb caress her ever so slightly.
"There's nothing wrong with you," she promised him, opening her eyes to look in to his grey-green. Her fire was burning bright behind her iris, making her seem so alive and awake, even though she was a little tired from the day that had come and gone. She leaned in, kissing his forehead gently and just resting her lips against his skin as he started to talk about control. A faint frown appeared on her brow, but she still stayed. "Tell me what you mean about control ... Is it control over your surroundings or over yourself? Maybe someone?" she asked, leaning away to look him in the eyes once more. It was clear that she wanted to partake in this conversation. She had promised him forever, and she was not going to back out once things got rough. "I know you don't want to worry me, but I am your other half - It worries me more that you aren't telling me things," she confessed, letting her fingers entangle in to his thick curls, massaging his scalp gently.

Frankly Buffy was rather surprised to hear him talk about the Order, even more so his blood. She knew what ties were in a family, it was what bound their small family together with Saoirse being the literal creation of their bond. He looked so pained, was he hiding something from her? She placed a hand over his, looking in to his eyes and taking all of this very serious. "It's alright, my love, I'm here and we can figure this out together," she promised him. She at least wanted him to know that he didn't have to worry. The love she had for him was deeper than anything, and breaking it was not something so easily done. "Are you telling me you wish to lead the Order?" she asked, needing the clarification before continuing that talk. Buffy would support him in whatever he wanted to do, but frankly him acting like this was worrisome.
Breathing out, she looked at him, her green eyes searching his face for even the smallest of detail. At this point it felt like she knew everything about him, but there was still things he kept to himself. She accepted that, not wanting to dig into his past as she didn't wish to find out about her former lives. "Do you feel any different about me? About where we are living and what we are doing?" she asked, needing some guidance in how she could help him. She needed to know a few things, just to be sure. "Do you feel happy? Are you content?" she elaborated.

He was split, that was clear to see, so perhaps that question would have to be answered once he had made up his mind. The strange part was that Buffy didn't mind him acting strange or out of character, she just needed him to be honest with her, and he seemed to be that way right now. He touched her chest carefully, making her sigh as she nodded in agreeance with his words. They had done so many things, broken so many rules and yet they were still here. Part of her wished to rewind the time, experience everything anew, and yet here she was also loving the moment they were having right now. He leaned closer to her, and she closed her eyes as she felt his lips against her own, making her feel her heart beat reinvigorated by that simple gesture. His whisper was sweet, but she also didn't see it as bad as he did.
"My Belial," she whispered softly, cupping his face with her palms, looking at him despite him having his eyes closed. "I know what we have cannot be broken, I don't worry, but it's alright for your focus to shift; That doesn't mean we don't love each other, it just means that we have a new obstacle to face," she said sweetly. Buffy had always been the understanding one. Overbearing and always feeling everything with her whole body. "Maybe there's something in you that feels like you've gotten what you always dreamed of, and now you want more," she said. It would make sense that his horizon could expand. He had her, and they had their small family together - was there really anything wrong with wanting more?
"However ... If you intend on this, I want you to remember who's safety we need to keep in mind," Buffy didn't care if she herself would get hurt, but their daughter was another deal. She was young and innocent, and hurting her or putting her in any more danger would be out of the question. "I'll be by your side no matter what, but she might need protection in what is to come," she said.

His promise meant a lot to her, making her smile genuinely before he hid his face away. Her hands moved, stroking his back as she felt him relax a little. Or at least she hoped he did. His words made her nod, kissing his head in slow intervals. "Alright ... Let's get you to bed," she mumbled, reassuring him that she had heard what he had said. Once he was ready to let go, she would get up looking at the dishes with a small sigh. "I'll come in in a bit," she promised as she started packing away the leftover food into tupperware containers. Rinsing off the dishes, she placed them in the dishwasher before walking out to the bathroom to ready herself for the night. Sometimes she felt like life was passing by so quickly, but right now she felt a little unnerved by what Baal had been telling her. However unlike her other half, she was reasonably good at placing things on a mental shelf and moving on, only returning to the said thing at a later time. She popped her head in to Saoirse, checking up on her and saying goodnight before retreating to the bedroom.
"Asleep already?" she asked carefully.

He only sat there for a bit before he slowly leaned back and loosened his grip on her. He nodded at her promise as he walked off towards their bedroom, finding the bed rather fast before he just laid down with a loud thump. He didnt even really bother to get out of his clothes, that was how exhausted he felt. He closed his eyes but he didnt exactly fall asleep, just laid there and relaxed his mind. When she came, he opened his eyes and lifted the rather long curls away to look at her, "Not quite," he said in a tired voice, patting on her side of the bed as to urge her to join him. If she did, he would pull her into his arms and hold her close. It wasnt long after that that he fell asleep and seemed to sleep like a rock.

"Alright, but let's get you out of those clothes first," she said with a tired smile on her lips. She walked over, already in one of her nightgowns herself, as she unbuttoned his shirt, taking it off of him. Placing a gentle kiss against his chest she managed to get him out of his pants as well before joining him under the covers. He pulled her close, and she felt herself fulfilled in the moment. He fell asleep rather fast, but Buffy was laying there for a while, stroking his back and thinking about everything. She loved him, with all her heart, but what he had said worried her somewhat. In the end she managed to fall asleep.
As her alarm rang, she groaned softly, turning around to turn it off with a small huff. Collapsing back on the bed she yawned, stretching her body, but being mindful not to stick her feet out from under the duvet. It wasn't quite winter yet, but she needed to be prepared for when the months came. Turning back around she reached for Baal if he was still in bed, if not she would get up to look for him.

The next morning he was out of bed before her alarm rang. He knew what time she was getting up and he didnt want to rob her of the hours that she needed to sleep. He went to get himself some food. He hadnt slept very well, but it wasnt really surprising him at this point. The voice could keep him occupied for hours, telling him stories of a time before he was even born, showing him memories of how things used to be. None of it made sense and yet it did at the same time. He sat in the sofa, leaning further down into it as he rubbed his temples. He heard her footsteps and made a deep sigh. "I should call Alyssa," he mumbled, hoping his sister might have some sort of insight.

Buffy came in to the living room, seeing Baal seated at the sofa she sighed to herself. "That would be nice ... Why don't you invite her over for lunch? Amos can come too," she said, only adding Amos because she knew it would make Saoirse happy. And perhaps he could keep her occupied while the grown ups spoke. She didn't like keeping things from their daughter, but before they knew for sure what this was all about, she would rather keep her unknowing and happy.
Buffy moved around the house, opening the blinds and eventually going in to wake up Saoirse. Even though it was weekend, the girl shouldn't be sleeping in for too long. "Good morning my sunshine," Buffy spoke, kissing her daughter's forehead. Saoirse was in this regard very much a teenager, but she had managed to fall asleep cradling her text book, making her look almost like a child. Buffy kinda missed having their daughter as a toddler, how easy she had been to pick up and play with. How happy she always was. Now it seemed like the world was taking away that happiness and innocence. "We're having guests later ... You should get up and dressed," she said before walking out to start preparing breakfast.