Jealousy doesnt know how to let go

@Margot <3

He didnt even know how long it had been since she left him. What hurt the most was probably the fact that she had come to pick up what seemed to be necessary while he hadnt been there. Finding the key in the mailbox stung as well. Maybe he deserved it for being such a grade A piece of shit boyfriend, but he had hoped for some sort of chance at redemption.
It just wasnt so. He hung out with his friends at the same bar they had met, even if that meant she would be around. He wanted to give her her space, but a part of him couldnt let go. Just the mere thought of someone else running their hand through her hair or feeling how soft the skin on her cheek could be against a thumb. He was fuming just by thinking about it.
She had been playing with her band here at the bar and he had had to endure many remarks from his friends who were wondering why he stuck around. But it was obvious that he wasnt over her. He could never be. He should have left because he knew what would happen and as the concert came to it’s end and another male decided to approach her, he could feel the jealousy pulsate by the way his jaw moved, making him grind his teeth. He got up out of impulse and approached them, knowing this was a bad idea, he grabbed the guy and pulled him away. “Dont talk to her,” he warned him firmly, looking at her for just a moment but that still hurt his heart so he looked back at the guy.

The stern voice didnt seem to affect him as he just held onto the guy’s shoulder, keeping him away from the human, even if she was pulling at his wrist he wouldnt let her move him. “You’re my problem dickwart,” he told the guy. He ignored Margot’s demand and just kept looking at that guy who had been flirting with his exgirlfriend. “She deserves better than some washed up dirtbag that’s just looking to get his dick wet,” he hissed. He then looked at Margot. “I bet you didnt even realize he was trying to chat you up,” he said angrily, but it was hurting him to just look at her. To see how she wasnt looking at him like she used to any longer. The clothes she wore were even different, which made him wonder whether she had moved on? It made his heart twist and turn to think. “What did you expect was going to happen?” He asked her, still keeping his grip tight on the guy.

The reminder sent a bitter taste through his mouth, gritting his teeth as it felt so sour. Didnt she know that he already knew that? And even then he wouldnt just give up on her? She was the love of his life and nothing could change that. Even if he didnt have a say in what she did or didnt do.
Her reply made him furrow his brows, and tighten the grip he had on the guy, though it wouldnt really hurt him yet. Wasnt it obvious to her? That he wouldnt let her go with just anyone if hr could be there to stop her? But the mention of of a quickie in the bathroom with the way she challenged him, made him grit his teeth before he looked at the guy as he was almost fuming with anger. “If your dick gets anywhere fucking near her, I’ll rip it off of you and shove it down your fucking throat, you hear me asshole? Down your fucking throat! Now get the fuck outta here!” He warned him before shoving him away, then looking at Margot.
“I swear to the gods of this shithole. Yes, I fucked up! But you know what? I’m not fucking perfect. And even if you hate my guts, you still have my fucking heart!” He lashed out. He frowned and kept his eyes on hers, shifting between them. The urge to just grab something and trash it, tear this whole place apart until there wasnt a bar filled with memories of what he had lost. How he wished that he could just get over her with a flick of his fingers, because it seemed to be going so well for her. “It fucking hurts okay? It hurts to see you move on when I’m just stuck,” he then said, shaking his head as he looked away and clutched his hands to fists. Containing his anger had never been harder, at least he felt that way in the moment.

It was safe to say that the hand on his cheek were doing wonders with the anger inside. But like a boiling pot, it was no better than placing a lid over the water to trap the heat. Because he knew it was just clinging onto what they had to give in to the sense of security a simple touch could give. And the bitterness that would come as soon as she moved her hand would secure the lid, waiting for the pot to boil over or simply explode. He knew it wasnt about him, but what could he do to make up for it? He watched her leave and looked down, wanting so bad to follow her yet not muster the courage to do so.
Why he hadnt sought her out and tried to make some sort of amend was actually rather simple, which he knew she wouldnt forgive him for. Because in his eyes, there hadnt been any other opportunity that came to mind. She was really just nothing in Dom’s eyes or even if she was, Ace wouldnt have risked it. The thought of her dying was so unbearable, that he’d rather have her hating him, but at least she’d be alive.
Why he stuck around outside was even a mystery to him, maybe it was just a matter of habit? How he would wait outside to go pick her up in his arms and swing her around after a night of cheering her on from the sideline or pulling her in for a long kiss to scare off the creep that had been watching her all night with hungry eyes.
Most of what he did was to keep her safe, even if she didnt need it. He took the cigarette she offered and let her light it, drawing in a deep drag before he frowned a little to himself. He hadnt smoked in such a long time but he picked it up after she left to just feel the nicotine take control and numb him for just a small period. “I havent apologized because I’m not sorry. And I know you wont accept that,” he concluded as he had chosen to follow her, walking beside her in her pace as his was more accustomed to his long legs.
“I havent reached out because I know that even if you dont want to, you’d eventually give in and forgive me anyway,” he then confessed, placing the bud in the corner of his mouth, placing his hands in his pockets to stop himself from acting on the urge of trying to hold her hand. “I wont be able to control my jealousy all the time. Hell, I would have knocked that guy out if I saw him kiss you, or even hold your hand,” He said but shook his head; it wasnt constructive words. He inhaled the smoke and exhaled it in long intervals, clearly needing to just fill his system rather than enjoy the tobacco.
“What I’m actually saying is.... That if you really want me out of your life, leave you alone... just say it,” he said. Even if it was far from what he wanted, he kept telling himself that she would be better off. She could find someone who wouldnt put her life in danger, not like he did.

“Yeah so fucking lucky huh,” he muttered angrily, placing the bud in the corner of his mouth. To him he had lost everything to the fact that he wanted to protect that person whp was his everything. He was left with nothing now but bitter feelings and a jealousy that wouldnt quit. He scoffed at her words, feeling like it maybe was too late for understanding. He had failed to show any effort in getting her back, so had she just drifted further and further away from him?
He had been quite serious with his words about her just having to say she didnt want him around anymore. He noticed how she stopped and put out her cigarette, stopping as he looked back at her. “I pretty much just said that you can,” he argued, pushing out the smoke he had kept in for so long. The nicotine wasnt really doing a great job, which sucked. She spoke again and he frowned at her words but then she started stammering and his eyes softened up. He felt her heartbeat against the palm of his hand under her guidance, sighing deeply as he looked at her. His thumb made a single soft caress before he removed his hand again, unsure why they were doing this to each other. “Me too,” he said but his expression changed and clearly not to something good.
“We’re bullshitting each other right now. It’s so fucking stupid,” he then said as he shook his head. He drew in a deep drag of his smoke and flicked it off to somewhere unknown. “You can still love someone but be completely fucking miserable around them. And I know I’d make you feel that way, at least for now” he concluded, pushing the air out of his lungs. “I dont know if I can change that. I’m too fucking dense to actually know what to do, and you just deserve better than that. Way fucking better” he admitted in frustration, shaking his head. “Ezra’s house is just down this street, so I think you’ll be safe to walk on your own. Goodnight Margot.” He just then said, making his leave before she could say anything.

Iola had been trying her best to brighten Margot’s mood if she could. She really liked the human, there was just something about her that made the daemoness smile all the time. Maybe it was the fact that she had such a good heart. Iola really admired that, though it never occured to her that she was one of the few daemons that seemed to act more like a seraph. The new guy had seemed to just cone out of nowhere and Iola was nothing but supportive. She hadnt really liked the daemon she had been with, he seemed so rough and somewhat unstable in a way that made Iola believe he couldnt possibly be good for Margot. So whenever she could, she would encourage Margo, not manipulate or influence, she would encourage her to just do whatever her heart told her. A part of her envied that, because she wished she could do that herself, but it just wouldnt work out. Not when the one her heart was yearning for was her own sibling.
The evening out was nice, she sat and had ordered something that she knew she used to love. Even if the taste was dulled down, it was still there just by a little bit. She was still so eager to eat it regardless, feeling her stomach almost rumble in a phantom feeling of her former life. She giggled at Margot’s story and covered her mouth as she smiled. “Then what?” She asked with her eyebrows raised, clearly waiting for the next part of the story. “Let’s just say, that we went there for some new strings for a guitar and left empty handed. But he really was trying to rip you off with those insane prices,” Benjamin remarked with a soft laugh, shaking his head as he looked at Margot with happy eyes. “He just didnt know he was dealing with a pro,” he chuckled, Iola sighing happily as she just found them adorable. “So Benjamin, tell us about yourself,” Iola encouraged him, making him pull a thoughtful expression. “Well I’ve already told Margot a fair bit. But I’m just a simple law student who has a knick for running into pretty girls and fall into quite the talk when I should in fact have been running off to school,” he explained as he shook his head. “I just saw her and had to get to know her,” he said before he looked at Margot with a soft smile on his lips, lifting his hand from the arm around her to gently move some of her hair behind her ear. He was looking at her for quite some time before he realized they werent alone. He cleared his throat and looked at Ezra. “Ezra, you must have some stories with your job as a... was it florist? Or something with botany, that much I remember” He asked with a chuckle, clearly something initiative to get to know her friends.

“So I wasnt far off!” He chuckled, looking at Ezra with a smile. He didnt exactly get the whole gender thing that was doing on with the mythical but he was reapecting them regardless. He just couldnt imagine what it was like not feeling like the gender you were born as, as he liked what he was. But instead of pushing it away, he had shown to be curious and open. Iola blushed as the conversation shifted to her, chuckling in a gentle manner as Margot suggested she’d come do something cool instead. “I like helping them,” she said as she looked at Ezra with soft loving eyes. She then looked back at Margot with a sweet smile on her lips. “But I would definitely love to be your roadie just once in a while,” she remarked, thinking it wasnt impossible. If her back could allow it, she could actually go and be quite useful. Not with moving things of course, but setting up anything that didnt require heavy lifting.
Benjamin frowned at the reminder of the proefessor, chuckling as he shook his head and found the story a little absurd. “We had this student in my class who kept sitting in the front row, and she kept adjusting herself during the lesson and sigh deeply or so we thought. It turned out that she and the professor had some odd kink going on where he has the controls to some sort of vibrating egg inside of her,” he explained before he pulled a grimace and shook his head. “It was summer, so people just assumed that she was sweaty due to the heat. But one day it fell right out and rolled all the way to the professor. He looked so guilty that we knew straight away,” he explained before he noticed Iola’s bafflement. “Yeah, you should watch out for that whenever you’ve got classes, it could happen” he chuckled, having met the young daemoness at the institute a couple of times, though it seemed that everytime he would wave at her she would just blush and look down as the shy girl she was.
He then looked at Margot and smiled softly again, shifting between her eyes. “I want to take you somewhere after dinner,” he said in a lowered tone, lifting his hand again to touch her cheek carefully. It was still rather new between them, but Benjamin seemed like a goner, at least in how he felt for her.

“I’ve been nothing but honest up until this point!” Benjamin protested in a chuckle, not minding to play along her tease. Iola was fast at it, eating her food like she hadnt eaten in years. She eventually realized how fast she was going at it as Margot spoke to her. She leaned back and decided to give it a break to instead listen to what the human had to say. She didnt know much about music or even how to compose a song, but she had read quite a few of poems in school, so she didnt think she would be completely useless. “Sure. I’d like to hear it,” she said with a nod and a sweet smile on her lips. She carefully grabbed her fork and decided to eat slower this time, taking a small sip of her water. “Is it a love song?” Benjamin asked in a curious tone but there was also a slight hint of a tease in there. Clearly he felt quite confident about where they were right now, but of course he didnt realy know her full story yet. “I’ve never really looked into songs and lyrics, so I dont know if I’ll be perfect. Ezzy has pretty much formed my music taste with the songs they play for me,” she said with a happy smile, glancing shortly at Ezra but clearly looking down into her food. “Your music always seem to speak so many emotions at once. It’s hard to dissect one emotion out of one song. I really like that,” she explained but as complimentary as it seemed, it was how she felt.

“I hope I can help it make it to the stage stage,” the daemoness said in a happy tone, actually feeling a little excited to hear it. When dinner was over and the night towards it’s end, Iola waved at the human with a bright smile on her lips. She felt happy to see how much of a positive impact Benjamin had on Margot, it was refreshing compared to how long the human had spent on mending her broken heart. Iola couldnt tell if she had moved on from the brute just yet but she kept her hopes high for her. After all, she deserved only the best if you asked Iola.
Benjamin chuckled softly at her question, pulling her a little closer before he started walking. He lifted his arm to check the time. “It’s still a surprise,” he assured her, smiling at her with a bright smile. The walk wasnt too far off, he led her to an apartment building before he grabbed a key that he handed her. “Go to the roof. I’ll be here in a minute,” he told her, sending her a soft smile. If she went, he would go into one of the apartments, presumably his own. On the roof, she would be met by a small decorated area, clearly something that was usually for people to who lived here to meet at, but Benjamin had moved all the outdoor stuff and cleared to lay down a soft blanket under the night sky. It was pure luck that the stars were out tonight. He came up after a while with a mix of chocolates and a bottle of wine with some glasses. “Too cheesy?” He asked with a soft chuckle but there was also a hint of something nervous in his tone.

“We’ve got blankets to keep you warm!” He pointed out with a bright smile, wanting to hug her back but his hands were a little full of everything. He shrugged at her question though it seemed to be something that was a big deal to him. “I mean, you’ve introduced me to your inner circle, and we’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks... What’s there not to celebrate?” He pondered, sitting down next to her before he took the cap off the wine. He poured her a glass and then one for himself. He glanced up at the stars before looking at her. “Actually. I was kinda thinking of asking you something important,” he explained, narrowing his eyes as he shortly looked at his glass of wine. He drew in a deep breath with a slight tremble, obviously a little nervous. Then he heard a phone ring but it wasnt his.

What was he thinking? Calling her after he had promised himself to give her space, yet his drunken mind didnt really seem to agree on that. He sat in his bedroom, leaning against the wall as he rolled the latest bottle with his feet. He had forgotten how difficult it was to finally get drunk, but here he was anyway. It didnt matter if she picked uo or not, whatever he had to say could go both for her directly and for her voicemail. “Margo... I know I shouldnt be fucking calling you... I know that, ‘cause you deserve much better than my sorry, hic! ass. I just didnt know who else to call. I feel like shit. Everything’s fucking spinning and I.... Fuck, I dunno,” he slurred around in his words, not in all the time they had been together had he been as gone as he was that moment he called her. He dropped the phone by accident, rustling things around as he tried to find it, cursing as he kicked a few bottles together before he finally found it again. “Sorry sorry got clumsy fucking hands,” he mumbled, leaning his body against the drawer, his mind figuring out if this was the right spot to pass out.

Benjamin didnt really know what to say as he had clearly wanted to get something off his chest and now he couldnt do that. Not that he was angry or hurt, but it definitely was a weird feeling. He held her glass and looked up as she returned, nodding a few times as he made a small smile. “Sure. We can do this again, sure,” he said with a shrug, trying to play it off as not that big of a deal, though it clearly was. “Dinner sounds good,” he said but she was already off by then. He looked down at their glases with a sigh.

He really felt down and it was clear to see. He was also far too drunk to pay attention to his senses and therefore didnt even realize that someone had entered. It had just been another regular night but clearly it had ended up in some sort of serious fight as his knuckles were pretty bruised, which they wouldnt have been from just a few punches, no this had been far more vicious. He hadnt known who else to call, she was always the one who had been there for him, so what else could he do? He had his friends but he had never appeared weak or vulnerable in front of them. Like they all seemed to have this mutual understanding that it was all about strength, the weakest would be left behind. He looked up as he heard his name, but then he looked away rather shameful. He felt pathetic because he had tried so hard to leave her be. Let her be happy as he thought she deserved and yet he was this pathetic and needy like some damned manchild. Couldnt even manage his alcohol and now needed her to come around when he had been the one to hurt her. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, lifting his hands to rub his face a little. “I didnt want to bother you, but I’m just a fucking idiot,” he slurred, moving his bruised hands off his face as he leaned his head back against the wall. Never in his life had he been as drunk as now.