Jealousy doesnt know how to let go

It was just far more complicated than he thought it would have. He really wanted to believe that they would be able to move past it but at the same time, the self hatred that he seemed to still feel even now when they were slowly figuring things out. He worried what would happen if the feeling wouldnt go away. If he could never forgive himself. He looked down at where their hands had been not long before. He drew in a deep sigh, because he really didnt want to break her heart again. It would just feel like the nails in his coffin. The question made him fold his lips as he looked up at her, his eyes full of hurt. "I-" he said before he looked down. "There's nothing I want more than to be with you," he said before he got up to look at her. "But... I dont know Margo. I dont have all the answers, not even to my own feelings" he said but the last part just turned into a mumble as he started rubbing his face a little in the palms of his hands. How pathetic was he just now? Given another chance and already just fucking that up.

Margot felt a sting in her chest, because why was he taking so long to answer? She felt like that was answer enough, feeling her eyes water. Was he only doing this to get back at her for breaking up? Was he really this cruel to give her hope and make her realize how much he meant, just to dump her like she was nothing? He then spoke, and she listened, however she could hear that sentence leading in to a dreaded but.
She shook her head as he spoke. "You don't know? You don't know if you want to be with me, even though you've spent all this time sulking over me?" she asked in disbelief. Was this because he didn't want to see her happy? "You know what hurts the most Ace?" she asked, her body shaking a little as a rogue tear escaped down her cheek. "That when I finally get to say what I've been struggling to say ... You suddenly don't feel the same," she said, her voice broken as she shook her head at herself. She was pathetic. She walked out in to the living room, gathering her jacket and her handbag, tears streaming down her face. Margot knew it was just how it was going to be. She couldn't force him to be with her, no that would be cruel. If he needed to figure himself out, so be it, but she was not going to stand there and listen to him trying to weasel his way out of this situation like she hadn't just professed her love to him.

Wow. He couldn't even comfort her anymore. Had she really become such an evil person? Maybe this served her right. Maybe this was his way at getting revenge for letting him sulk for so long. She shook her head at his apology, giving him one last look with tears down her face, before she left the apartment. Worst part was that she didn't even have the strength to slam the door. She just needed to get away, as far away from her heartache as was possible.

And it seemed that this opportunity came as she a few weeks later were signed to a record deal. Her and Benjamin were out celebrating. While something had definitely changed in her since that night she had left in a hurry, she had clearly not wanted to talk about it. But she felt like Benjamin at least tried to mend her heart. He was sweet, holding her when she needed it and giving her space when it was appropriate. "I still can't believe we get to record an EP," she said, a small giggle leaving her lips, leaning against Benjamin's shoulder as they were sat in a private booth at a bar. Ezra and Iola were there as well, along with some of Margot's band mates. "It's going to be sick, I already have a few new songs that might work," she explained rather excitedly. Instead of dealing with the second heartbreak with Ace, she had jumped right in to her work, and she hadn't even told anyone of the night. It was as if it had never existed.

"Oh come on, you deserve this, celebrate!" Benjamin reminded her with a broad smile and a poke of his elbow. He hadnt really asked about what had happened the night she had left him quite abruptly but it was mostly because he didnt think much of it. Like it was just some friend right? Nothing to worry about there. Iola chuckled softly at how happy the human seemed and she was happy too. It was a great deal, that she had gotten this opportunity. "So does that mean you have to go to some studio of a great label and then record with them?" the daemoness asked because she wasnt sure how it worked. She frowned a little and then her eyes lit up. "If you can bring some friends, I would really like to be there and support you," she then said but she didnt know if that was a possibility. She just wanted to say so in case it was, it was said. She took a small sip of her water and made a small sigh. "I feel so honored to be friends with a rockstar who soon has their own EP going around the world," she chuckled but she was also serious. Not that she knew if an EP would secure that title, but to Iola, just performing on a stage had been enough to unlock the title of rockstar.

Margot gave Benjamin a slight push as he poked her, chuckling as she shook her head. She was trying her best to be optimistic about it all, but she was so afraid of fucking things up. Taking a sip of her drink she looked at Iola, nodding a few times at her question before pulling a thinking expression before shrugging. "Well, it's more like they give me sort of a discount for every song I make, but they take a percentage of the finished product," she explained. She wasn't sure how else to explain it. "It's not really something that you need to worry about though, I'm like the queen of one-shots," she chuckled. As Iola asked if she could bring friends along, Margot smiled widely. "If I can, then hell yeah, you're there - but it's really nothing special; However I can ask if you really want to see a day in the studio?" she suggested the daemoness. Margot had really come to love Iola, her spirits that were not broken despite her state in the wheelchair. On the other hand, she also looked more contempt whenever Ezra was around too. Sometimes it was a little weird, but most of the time it was really nice.
"EP or not, she's a rockstar regardless," Ezra budded in, making Margot chuckle and shake her head a little at the mythical. "I'm just a girl that was lucky enough to be able to write songs; I'm like a glorified jukebox," she argued, pointing at Ezra with a warning finger. They knew she wasn't good at taking compliments like that. "C'mon lighten up, besides a jukebox can't write songs, so wrong comparison," they giggled with a shake of their head. They were holding Iola's hand under the table, not something extremely romantic, but they had really been affectionate lately, and honestly they weren't sure why. Margot shrugged, looking at Benjamin for a few seconds, smiling a bit. She was getting a little drunk, but it only showed in the fact that it made her giggly. She leaned closer to Benjamin, letting her lips rest against his ear. "Can we go back to your place later - catch up from last time?" she asked, almost innocently.

"I'd love to see it!" she exclaimed happily, giving Ezra's hand a soft squeeze just because she was that excited. Her smile did broaden at the suggestion that she could come but then it faded a little as she looked down in a manner manner. "But only if it's not a bother to you," she clarified because the last thing she wanted was to be in the way. She nodded at Ezra's words because she fully agreed with them. "Yeah to my knowledge, if you were to be a jukebox, you would just sing something that was already made," Benjamin agreed with the mythical, sending Margot a sure smile. Benjamin looked at her with soft eyes, because he had clearly grown fonder and fonder of her everyday. He leaned closer to her as she did to him, his expression changing to concentration as he listened to her question through the music above them. He turned his head to look at her with a bright smile. "You're just in luck, because I do have another bottle of wine lying around," he chuckled, wrapping his arm around her before he made a small sigh. "Actually on a completely different note, I've been thinking a lot about the upcoming holidays and I wondered if you and the two lovely persons in front of us would like to come with me to my parents cabin up in Sivi. With the current season, it's absolutely lovely up there with all the browns and yellows," he said with a bright smile, Iola's eyes widening for a second before she looked at Margot, clearly not wanting to say anything before the human had decided what she wanted to do. Though she did start asking about the place and how it was like, because she hadnt really been out of Churchill before.

"You could never bother me, Io - I would insist that you come, but I'm just afraid that you'll be bored," she chuckled, shaking her head at the daemoness. How could she ever think that she was a burden? As Ezra and Benjamin started arguing with her she just giggled, pointing at them with a warning finger. "You need to listen to what I mean, not what I say," she giggled.
The notion of going home with Benjamin was more because she felt guilty for leaving last time. Also she was embarrassed to admit to herself that she had been so ready to leave the guy behind just for her heart to end up even more broken. Hadn't she had that sweet guy, she would've probably spiraled into another depressive episode. She couldn't help but smile at the fact he did have a bottle of wine laying around, making her nod in agreement. Then it was like the conversation changed, and she felt her heart beat a little faster as he told them about that cabin. It sounded like the perfect get away. "Yeah, it would be nice to get away for a while before I'll be stuck inside," she said, but she didn't know how she would handle it once they got there. She liked Benjamin, even going so far as to give him a kiss now and again, and it was clear she was warming up to him more. "Okay, we can go - But I'm going to warm you guys, I'm not really easy to deal with in the morning," she giggled. Mostly she just needed to have her cup of coffee before anyone could even think about talking to her.
Ezra chuckled at the notion. "It would be nice, but we have to clear it with my parents first; We would also need to see if Iola is even allowed - It's a long travel, and I just want us to be absolutely buckled in for it," they said, being the more rational one of them. He loved Iola, even despite what made her different, but sometimes they needed to remember that she couldn't just walk. And there were more than one person that needed to give the green light for such a vacation - including her doctors. They were still worried about the episode where she had disappeared in town, and frankly Ezra was as well. Taking a deep breath he looked at the daemoness with a hopeful smile. They hoped that she could see that they did this only because they cared for her.
Margot shrugged slightly at Ezra's words. "There would be space for Iola, right? Because if she can't go, then I'm not going either," she said quite determined. She loved that girl, and if she wouldn't be allowed to go, they could find another trip to go on within her limits. Feeling her phone buzz she frowned, not because it was weird for her to get messages, but she had told most people that she would be busy tonight so who was texting her? Turning on her screen, she saw the name, and it was as if her stomach tied knots on itself. Unlocking it with her code she typed back rather fast before popping it back in her pocket.

[Incoming message]
[To: Ace]
[From: Margot]
[Message sent 21:44:] You spelled my name wrong

Iola's happiness didnt seem to deter by Ezra's rational thinking, rather she just looked at them with soft eyes, "I'm sure the doctors wont mind. I havent had an episode like that in a very long time," she pointed out. It was still something that she found odd because she couldnt remember anything of what had happened, beside what Ezra had told her about it. She mostly believed that it was just a one time thing that would never happen again, but only time could tell. The doctors couldnt tell what it had been or if it had even occurred, beside the heavy bruising on her legs from walking when she wasnt even supposed to be able to. "It's a pretty big cabin. I'm sure there wouldnt be anywhere that Iola couldnt go," Benjamin said in a sure voice which made Iola smile and make a happy sigh. "Guess we'll have to wait and see what our parents and the doctors think," she said in a more mature voice, looking at Ezra with a soft smile, giving their hand another gentle squeeze. She then looked at Margot. "But if I cant go, I'd still want you to. You would just have to take a lot of pictures so I could see when you come back," she said, to not discourage the human if they got a red light.

It felt good to be reassured that there would be space enough for Iola to get around. It would just make the trip easier, even if they didn't leave the cabin much, she didn't want the daemoness to feel stuck. Iola of course wanted to make sure that Margot and Benjamin went regardless, but she just didn't know if it would be the same. Besides, if it was just the two of them, wouldn't that make it more of a romantic getaway? She didn't really know how to feel about that thought, so she decided to push it to the side, and not think about it further.
However to her luck, another thing soon occupied her mind. Ace writing to her like this felt cruel. Even if he was congratulating her for her achievements, it still felt like he was rubbing salt in the wound. Did he find this amusing? That she was now feeling torn between crying her eyes out again or simply drink until she forgot? She felt her phone buzz twice in a row, groaning softly, but she decided not to look at her screen. It would only make her more upset. Instead she focused on a small drinking game her and Ezra always played. Of course the mythical always ended up the winner, but that didn't stop her from at least trying to win over him. "Yoooou'sss cheetinggg," she slurred out after having gotten more than a little drunk. She hadn't really planned on getting more than tipsy, but it was as if the message from Ace had been enough for her to want to forget reality for a bit. "I'm not cheating, you're just really that bad at the game," Ezra chuckled, leaning their head against Iola's shoulder, making it clear that they were indeed also getting a little bit more drunk than expected. Margot giggled, shaking her head but ultimately the bar had to close.
The lights turned on, and the group got to their feet. Ezra was still somewhat able to help Iola, but they called a taxi just in case. Margot wrapped her arms around Benjamin as they got out, the cold not even facing her as the alcohol ran through her blood. "Can I sleep at your place?" she giggled.

Benjamin and Iola spoke about the cabin while the two others were doing their drinking game, mostly because Iola was pretty interested in knowing as much as she could so she could make up more reasons in her mind that would enforce her decision as to why she had to go. Even if it was out of her and Ezra's hands to just decide, it did feel nice to at least keep a positive attitude about it. Once it was time to go and they got outside, Iola shortly shivered from the cold and rubbed her arms. "It is really getting colder huh?" she chuckled before she looked to Benjamin and Margot, Benjamin holding onto the human so she wouldnt fall. Her giggle made him smile as he made a small nod. "Of course. Will you pass out as soon as we get home though?" he asked in a slight tease before he looked at Ezra and Iola. "I should take her home before she decide that a detour is just the right thing," he chuckled, lifting a hand to bid them farewell. "Take good care of Ezzy, Io," he chuckled before he looked down at Margot. "Lets get you home little drunkie," he teased her with a chuckle, changing his grip to support her better before he started walking towards his apartment with her. "Did you have a good night?" he asked as they walked, rubbing her arm gently with his thumb.

"I told you to bring a jacket," Ezra sighed, but they ultimately took off their own to wrap it around Iola. If she got cold she could take ages of heating back up because she couldn't just move around a lot to get her muscles going. At least they were drunk enough not to care too much about the cold regardless. Bidding Margot and Benjamin goodbye, they just waited for the taxi to arrive, helping Iola in first before putting her chair in the trunk and joining her on the backseat.

Margot just giggled at his words. A detour did sound fun in her drunken haze, but she was also still a bit self-aware, just a little clumsy on her feet. "Yeah, it was pretty nice to see them again," she sighed, looking up at Benjamin, moving a hand up to mess with his hair a bit. She showed a lot of affection that way, always playing with his hair when she felt a bit overwhelmed with emotions. "It was really nice of you to suggest that trip, but are you sure your parents would be alright with it?" she then asked, frowning a bit as she leaned her head against his shoulder. Gods she was drunk, but it felt like she was floating on a cloud. Only tomorrow would hit her like a ton of bricks.
It luckily didn't take long for them to arrive at his apartment, deciding to skip out on going to the rooftop, they got in to Benjamin's apartment. She had been over a few times, just watching movies or hanging out, but she hadn't really found the balls to sleep over at his place. "Imma go to the bathroom; Do you think you have a shirt I could sleep in?" she asked, smiling as she left for the bathroom. Sitting down to pee, her normal reaction was to take out her phone. However seeing the messages made her drunken self scoff.

[Incoming message]
[To: Ace]
[From: Margot]
[Message sent 03:44:] You know what, I am happy that I got this deal
[Message sent 03:44:] I am talented and I have a fucking great attitude on stage
[Message sent 03:46:] I just don't get why you're writing to me
[Message sent 03:46:] Especially when you know how much this means to me

"You really went hard on the alcohol tonight," he chuckled, but he clearly just thought she had been having a really good night. The question made him sigh as he then nodded quite confidently in his decision to suggest it. "Yeah. I usually take my friends up there, but I thought I'd rather spend my holidays with you this time around," he explained, keeping her quite easily on her feet, even if it didnt really seem like she was aware of where they were heading. To his luck, his place wasnt far off.
Once they were inside, he helped her get out of her shoes and jacket, well all he really did was being allowed to untie her shoes and stand ready to grab her if she decided to fall over. Her question made him nod with a sure, leaving his lips before he watched her walk off to the bathroom. He obviously didnt want her to just fall over and hurt herself.

Margot was taking her time on the toilet, but as she was washing her hands she heard her phone buzz again. She hated this. She hated that he had come right out of nowhere just to say something that would make her hurt all over. Frankly she just wanted to sleep now, just forget about him and let Benjamin replace everything that the daemon had meant to her. But somehow a piece of her knew that she could never do that fully.
She looked at the phone, drying off her hands as she moved the screen a little closer to her face, frowning and sticking her tongue out at her phone, as if Ace were able to see it. She typed for a while, but she kept deleting it again, sitting down on the toilet once more, just with the lid closed so she wouldn't fall in.

[Incoming message]
[To: Ace]
[From: Margot]
[Message sent 03:55] You're not my dad

She just wrote it and sent it, turning off her phone because she couldn't be bothered with reading anything else he could type. She walked out to Benjamin, yawning as she felt tired, her bubbly phase passed and she now felt sleepy. "Bed," she mumbled, holding her hands out to Benjamin, letting him catch her slightly as she just tipped forward. Once she was inside the bedroom she was helped down on to the bed, removing her clothes in a strange fashion, pulling faces because it felt like her body was hurting from the amount of alcohol she had drunken. And then it was like Ace's message just rang in her head. "Can I have a glass of water?" she asked, pouting a little because she felt bad for Benjamin doing all of this work, while she was just way too drunk to handle.

Benjamin stood in the hallway ready to take care of her once she came out, having found a shirt that he had placed on the bed for her. He grabbed her as she tipped forward and chuckled a little. "Yeah alright, it's right off to the dream world with you," he said in a rather warm tone, getting her into bed before he stood by the edge of it, grabbing the shirt to hold out for her so she could take it. Her question made him scoff as if it was something he had been meant to offer but completely forgotten. "Yes of course," he said before he told her to stay put and went to the kitchen. He made sure the water was cold but not too cold, coming back to place it on the nightstand. "Can you sit up?" he asked, helping her up if she could or helped her up just enough to not pour the water all over herself.

He came back with the glass and she smiled, getting helped to sit up as she held the glass between her two palms like she was a kid. Margot was always rather playful once she got drunk, but right now she was just very tired. She managed to gulp down the whole glass, wiping her lips off with the back of her hand before she got in to the shirt that he had found for her. Afterwards she just crawled under the covers, waiting for Benjamin to join her so that she could cuddle up next to him.
She fell asleep pretty much instantly, but her dreams were far from what she had hoped. It was one of those dreams with Ace in them once more. He was always out of reach, but this time he wasn't even reaching for her anymore. She was on her knees, crying out for him, and he turned his back on her like she was nothing. Waking up, she sat bolt upright, but it made her head spin, falling right back on the pillow once again with a groan. Her make up was smeared, but that was a given at that point. However she hadn't noticed that she had actually cried in her sleep. That was always the main reason for not sleeping over at someone, she seemed to cry a lot when she slept. She wasn't sure how much Benjamin had heard, but it would kill her to know that she had called for Ace in her sleep.
Palming her hand in front of her lips, she blew out her breath, smelling it and frowning deeply. She smelled disgusting. Benjamin was still fast asleep so she managed to crawl out of bed and go to the bathroom where her phone was still at the sink. She didn't really remember turning it off, so she turned it on before finding her toothbrush in one of the cabinets. Looking at her face she sighed, because she did look like she had had a good night before that.

Margot looked at the messages from last night, feeling a pit in her stomach. Someone who what? She looked at the timestamp, wondering if he had spent almost forty minutes deciding what to type to her. It didn't feel like Ace. Looking at his profile picture she sighed before clicking the small call button. Even if it didn't go through she could at least try, or leave a voice message.
"Hey uhm, it's Margot ... Don't say anything I just ... Yeah, I uh just wanted to check in and apologize for last night ... I got pretty drunk and, fuck, I really couldn't handle that message well, so I'm sorry ... There I said it ... Now, I gotta go ... Bye," she said, wanting to hang up if he had actually been there to pick up the phone. Or else she would just leave the message there and grab a shower.
She just felt so tired of being sad all the time when she thought about him. She was angry that he kept popping in to her life when he clearly didn't want her or feel like he deserved her. After the shower she wrapped a towel around her body, grabbing her phone before walking out in to the kitchen and making a pot of coffee. Margot loved coffee in the morning, it had been something her and Ace would do no matter what; just sit down and drink their caffeine before they had to go about their day. Of course Ace always tried to encourage her to eat a meal as well, but she wouldn't always listen.

When he had seen her message, he hadnt been sure what to say at first. It was like he realized how much he had been in the wrong, because he was supposed to let her move on and do her thing and yet he was failing horribly at that. He just couldnt let go, even when he kept telling himself that she deserved better. It was only like, suddenly forty minutes later that he thought he was going to tell her straight, tell her that it was because he cared. Only as soon as he had typed out the message, his courage faltered and in a fat-fingered attempt to delete the message had he instead sent a small bit of it. He had quickly gone into a full panic before he typed out the second message, thinking that was it. She wasnt going to reply further. But as his phone started ringing as he sat on his couch after a sleepless night, he looked at it with a frown. Was she still drunk? He felt like it would tear at his heartstrings, but still picked up, opening his mouth just as she told him to be quiet. He sighed and listened to her, frowning to himself as he looked down at the coffee table in front of him. Why was she apologizing? It was like she hung up as soon as she had said what she wanted and he could just sit there and stare at the table for a while with the phone still up at his ear. He really just was a piece of shit wasnt he? He sighed and leaned his head back to stare up at the ceiling, letting his hand holding the phone fall down onto the cushion next to him.

Margot sighed as she waited for the water to run through the grounded up beans, slicking her hair back just to make it easier to handle. She felt like it was getting long again, and she honestly didn't quite know how to feel about it. Maybe it was good with a change, on the other hand it was easier to manage when she cut it shorter. Her phone buzzed as she opened one of the cupboards to find a coffee cup for herself and Benjamin. She had been here a few times, but it wasn't like she knew the layout of it all. Finally finding them she picked up her phone, looking at the message. She tapped her fingers against the kitchen counter, contemplating whether or not to reply. Why did they always end up apologizing to each other like this?
The sad part of this was that inside she could still feel her heart beat for Ace. She could still feel him pull at her heartstrings making her unable to control her emotions. Even if she had been angry that day, she was just hurt. Hurt that she had finally gotten to say those words that she struggled so much with, only to hear him not want her anyways. It was something that tore at her insides, making her frown as she thought about it.

[Incoming message]
[To: Ace]
[From: Margot]
[Message sent 11:24] *broken heart emoji*

That was all she was going to give him, because she didn't know what else to reply with. She had never been strong with words, not in that way, but putting words to her emotions through song was a different matter. She poured the coffee into the cups, adding some milk and sugar for Benjamin, because she knew he liked it like that. Letting it cool off for a bit, she found her clothes, getting in to them and wrapping the towel around her hair.
Going in to the bedroom, she sat down on the bed with the two cups, placing them on his nightstand before she leaned over his face, kissing it softly to wake him up.

"To be fair, I've had some practice," she chuckled softly as he pulled her closer. She wasn't lying. She had had many nights out drinking, even being able to keep up with Ace's daemon friends, which definitely had helped her gain some respect. She just nuzzled herself closer to him, letting his warmth encapsulate her in a moment of comfort. His suggestion made her shrug, she wasn't really a breakfast type, but it did sound nice. Part of her just thought it might be a bit expensive, and she wanted to save as much money as she could to prepare for her EP. "It does sound nice, but you know how picky I am," she sighed, helping herself to sit up, grabbing her cup of coffee to blow on it for a while. She handed his cup to him if he sat up with her. Sometimes this felt almost perfect, sometimes it was almost as if she forgot what had come before Benjamin, but she couldn't escape her dreams. "But I've been thinking ... And I think I really want to go to that cabin in Sivi - It just sounds like the perfect place," she said, letting him know that despite her drinking game with Ezra, she had been listening to him. "I just really hope that Io can come too; She's had a rough year, and I think this would be a good way for her to feel better," she said. Maybe she was better at focusing on others around her than at her own needs. At least for now when she couldn't really handle thinking of any feelings that came before Benjamin.