Hard to let go. The past cant just stay in the past. [tw]

Gerard had never been more relieved than when Leona and Conrad had finally given their blessing. Despite everything he still found it hard to believe, but waking up with Tessa nestled against his chest he just knew how right it was. How lucky they were, having met each other early in life, now they had more time to spend together. Xalvador had been on a few dates with Eliza, but he didn't really know where they stood, and he hadn't really dared to ask.
The nephilim pressed the valkyrie closer to himself, smiling as he was spooning her on the couch. They had put on some random show, mostly because Gerard needed to not focus on work right now. Instead he had seemed to put all of his focus on her, attacking her neck with kisses, as well as light sucking. "You make it extremely hard for me to not want you every hour of the day," he whispered, his hand around her moving up to cup her breast as he buried his face in the nape of her neck, pressing his bulge against her backside. They had only been together one time, but part of him was kinda scared to do it again, fearing it wouldn't be as filled with raw emotions.
Hearing his phone buzz he frowned, because he recognized Xalvador's number, the name removing all sense of lust in him as he read it. And then there was the numerous unread messages from an unknown number. He knew only one who wrote like that, and he suddenly felt like that awkward and scared teenager again.
Sitting up he simply replied with a thumbs up, feeling a chill run down his spine and nauseated from just thinking about the man. He had known Eden back when he had just started escorting. A very rich and dominant vampyre that had supplied him with enough money for him and Xalvador to at least get out of the day motel they were living at. Of course despite what Xalvador knew, Gerard rarely spoke about that time, as if bringing up the memories would send him in to a spiraling mess. "I need to go to the bathroom," he mumbled, not realizing how emotionless he sounded walking out in to the kitchen where he just placed his phone in front of Xalvador with the messages open before going to the bathroom. He turned on the faucet to the coldest setting, splashing water in his face, but it didn't seem to help. That was when he noticed he was crying, or at least that the water coming out of his eye were indeed not the same as the water he had splashed in his face. Shaking softly, he leaned his forehead against the glass, thinking it all through, but he was scared. Scared to let Tessa go and even more scared to see Eden again.
Despite how Eden might seem to others, he had been rather gentle with Gerard, and safe to say the nephilim had formed some sort of bond with the vampyre. He wouldn't go as far as calling it love, but it was at least some sort of strong feeling.

"You're afraid he's going to get jealous?" he asked, pulling her closer once more with a broad smile on his lips. However that smile quickly faded as he read the messages and got up.
Looking at Xalvador's reflection he shook his head no. "Don't ... Last time didn't end well," he said, feeling his breath tremble with fear. Mostly because he had trusted Eden to some degree, and when he left, that was when he had started to feel weird. First it was just because he feared that he couldn't make next months rent, but then it was if the vampyre would have anything on him. Grabbing a hand towel he dried off his face with shaking hands. He then heard Tessa's words, piecing through his heart as he wished she didn't have to see him like this.
"The man who assaulted you," he whispered, closing his eyes as he felt guilty. He had been the reason she had gotten hurt, he had been the only reason why Eden even wanted to send a message. "I know him ... And he wants to see me," he whispered. It felt strange when ones past came crawling back like that.
Gerard knew he had to meet up with him, of course he did, but how could he ever convince Tessa that it was for her safety? He just stood there, unable to speak as he felt so drawn back in his past. Back then he had been naive, giving Eden access to so much of himself, and it had been clear that the vampyre was infatuated with him. However given the choice, he would not be with anyone but the valkyrie who had his heart.

"It's been 10 years. I was young and stupid back then," he argued, clearly just wanting to help if he could. It was just a tough situation, because it seemed that Eden always had one step ahead than the rest of them. Xalvador wouldnt be surprised if the vampyre had planned it all before making his sudden return. But then Tessa spoke and even Xalvador had hoped that all this would have happened when she wasnt here. She was just still a kid in his eyes, she didnt have to get dragged into something that happened so long ago. Gerard spoke and Xalvador wasnt sure if he had done the same, looking at Tessa who clearly couldnt hear it from standing so far away. Xalvador repeated it, but then looked at Gerard as he added, "But you're not going to go see him. No way," with a sour expression.
Tessa stepped closer and wasnt really sure what to say. He heard Gerard's phone buzz from the kitchen, looking at Gerard before he just went to check it for him. He returned to the doorframe, Tessa having walked in to wrap her arms around the nephilim from the back. "You can bring the girl too. That would make things more interesting," he read out loud before he frowned and shook his head. "This is insane. Neither of you should go," he said, crossing his arms with the phone in his hand.

He felt like he needed to do something, stop Eden in his tracks, but he knew the vampyre was almost manic like this. Like he knew everything before it happened. However Gerard also knew better than to fight this. If Eden wanted to see him, there really wasn't a way out. "You're still young and stupid," Gerard mumbled, wanting to crack a smile, but it turned out more like a grimace.
Hearing his phone buzz made him close his eyes, because he really didn't want to read whatever it was he wrote. Xalvador went to grab his phone, and Tessa wrapped her arms around him. Placing his hands over hers he just pressed her closer, needing that comfort right now, but he also felt so guilty. Turning around as his friend returned, he wrapped his arms rather protective around Tessa, pulling her close to him. It was insane, especially hearing the message read out loud, perhaps because he could still hear his voice if he focused. The vampyre had made a dent in the nephilim, one that wasn't just easily repaired, and despite the years that had passed, things were just the way they were. He had gotten a lot better, but just like much else from that time, he hated recalling it.
"If anyone should go, it's me," he said, his breath shaky, but his voice determined. "I'm the one he wants, and he's just acting out because he knows I'm taken when he still wants me as his property," he said, his eyes a bit glazed over as he felt the tears press on once more. He looked down at Tessa. Would she agree to this? Did she even really have a say when it was his past? She had accepted him for who he was now, but would she accept how he had been 10 years ago?

He shook his head the nephilim's mumble, had he been in a better mood he would have thrown his words right back at him, but he was far too distraught to be thinking of jokes now. It was clear that Tessa felt a little misplaced in all this, but at the same time she just wanted to be there for Gerard and comfort him. She just buried her face in his chest as he turned around and kept her arms close around him. She didnt understand what they were talking about, but she felt scared for whatever it could be, solely from their reactions.
"You're insane!" Xalvador hissed under his breath, clutching his hands to fists while he still held the phone. "You dont think he wants you to go so he can claim you like he did back then?" he asked, looking at the both of them for a moment before he threw his hands up in defeat. It wasnt like there was much of a choice. Tessa looked up at him with tears in her eyes, placing a hand on his cheek. "I trust you. I always have, even if I dont really know what's happening right now," she whispered, running her thumb over his cheekbone.

He was right, this was insane, but truly did he really have any other choice? He wanted to keep Tessa safe, and even if Eden wanted to claim him, Gerard had grown up so much from back then. He didn't need money, he didn't need to feel loved, because he already had both. He had a relatively stable job, a girlfriend he was head over heels for, what else could the vampyre offer him? "He can't claim me ... Not like he did last time," he said in a more serious voice.
He looked down at Tessa as she cupped his face, seeing the tears in her eyes just made this hurt so much more. "I'll explain it all, I just need to gather my thoughts," he promised, leaning down to kiss her forehead. He knew Xalvador had a hard time accepting what he and Tessa were doing together, but he knew his friend felt more at ease now that they had Tessa's parents' blessing. Closing his eyes he took a few deep breaths, feeling his body shiver slightly, but having Tessa there felt like healing his soul.
"You know I told you how I used to make money?" he asked, but he doubted it wasn't information that anyone just forgot. "Well, I had a very determined customer back then and he paid good money for simple things like me submitting to him," he explained. It had been much more different with the closeted elderly men who often had sought him out for a thrill. Eden had taken care of him in some strange way, made him eat food on a regular basis and put blood in Xalvador's stomach. "He disappeared many years ago, and after that my escort career ... Well you know how cruel people can be to those they find inferior," he said, swallowing as he felt nervous to speak about it.
"His name is Eden ... He only ever gave me his first name, and I'm not even sure if it's really his name," he explained, touching Tessa's cheek. How would her parents react if they found out that Gerard had been the reason for Tessa's assault? "He is a jealous man, he bought out all of my customers, demanded that I stay with him even though I never spent the night at a client," he explained, frowning as he felt like his heart was breaking just from thinking how low he had been back then. "He hurt you that night ... To send me a message ... A message that said: How dare you be with someone who isn't me," he explained.

"Are you sure?" Xalvador asked, as cruel as the question could be, he felt like it had to be asked. Not because he was doubting Gerard, because he knew how the nephilim had changed since then, but had the vampyre changed? Or was this just another way to slither his way back under his skin like he had back then. He just shook his head and went back to the kitchen to give them their space. He sat down at the kitchen table once again and placed Gerard's phone on the table. He really hated this feeling inside of him, feeling so useless to do anything. It had been why he had chosen the job he did, to feel like he could help and do something that mattered.

Tessa nodded at his promise, closing her eyes as she felt his lips on her forehead. She just stood there with her arms around him, giving him a moment to think it through. Carefully her hand started brushing up and down his back, she could feel how he was shivering and she wished she could do more than just soft caresses. She nodded at his question, looking at him as she was ready to listen to what he had to say. As he started explaining, she frowned a little and her eyes moved down to look at his neck as she seemed to think about it. It was like the more he said, the more she seemed to recognize the kind of man he spoke of. After all, she did come from a rich family, so she had met a lot of different kind of people, the majority being quite nasty people. Her and Maddie used to make fun of them at gatherings that her parents had dragged them off to, trying to guess what horrible things they did.
As he finished speaking, she drew in a deep breath before she shook her head a little and looked up at him. "The man in the bathroom didnt seem vengeful, he was drunk and stupid," she whispered, unsure if she was denying herself to think that whoever the mysterious Eden was, it wasnt the man who attacked her. She guessed that it wasnt a definitive that could be ruled out, because that only meant that Eden could have paid someone to do what he wanted to do. She drew in a trembling breath and ran a hand through her hair. "I have a model coming over in the morning. Should I reschedule and stay here with you?" she asked, grabbing his face gently to pull it down and connect their foreheads.

Of course Gerard wasn't blind to how Xalvador seemed to be feeling. It was only normal for him to worry, but he feared that not abiding by those explicit orders would only come to harm those he cared for. The implications that Tessa would get hurt, or Xalvador or even Eliza was just not right. Besides if he had changed, maybe Eden had as well - though he doubted it very much from the texts he had gotten.
Telling Tessa all of this felt like dragging her in to his mess, but she needed to understand that he hadn't always been this charming and lovable man he was when he was with her. He shook his head. "It didn't need to be him physically ... He could just as well have sent him," he sighed, though it felt even worse to think of it like that. The way she touched him, calming him down with her gentle strokes up and down his back, making his shivers better. She suggested dropping a job to stay with him, but he shook his head lightly. "Ma chérie, it wouldn't give you a good reputation to reschedule your model," he said softly, moving some of her blonde hair behind her ear. He loved her, and wanted her near at all times, but not at all cost. She had a good career building and stopping her now wasn't him being supportive. "I would feel better if you stayed the night," he then added, looking at her with pleading eyes.

He was right, it didnt have to be him who had done it. The thought just made her a little more worried, because that meant she could be going on with her every day life and not know if there would be something waiting for her. She wasnt going to live her life being scared, but she wasnt going to be reckless either. She could ask Maddie for help, but she didnt know what Gerard thought of it.
"I dont care about my reputation if you're not feeling well," she argued, but maybe that was just her youth speaking for her. She sighed and nodded at his addition. "Okay. I'll go early in the morning," she said, kissing his lips carefully before cupping his face. "Whatever happens, I love you and I trust you, 'kay?" she clarified in a soft whisper against his lips.

He wouldn't have her throw away a perfectly fine client when he had Xalvador to count on. If not him, then he was sure that Eliza would be there. She leaned in to kiss him, and he held her close as he reciprocated that kiss. He felt a bit more calm now, perhaps because her just being there with him brought him so much happiness. "Nothing is going to happen," he argued, but he really couldn't know. However he did appreciate her clarifying and stating her love for him once more. "And if you feel like you don't feel safe, I could ask Xalvador if he has someone ... Who could keep an eye out for you and make your client feel safe as well?" he suggested. Perhaps Maddie could help also, but asking a friend so close to Tessa might just give Eden more targets.
Kissing her once more he then looked at her, sighing as his hands moved up and down her sides. "I wouldn't know what to do without you," he confessed, his gaze loving as it had been on the couch where he had just been kissing her. "I think I'm going to grab a shower," he pondered.

After his shower him and Tessa crawled in to bed, watching something on his small tv in his room before falling asleep. He barely heard her leaving early, the most reaction she got from him was him hugging her closer and a tired kiss goodbye before she left. He just had to realize that he was not a morning person. Frankly it didn't seem like Tessa minded.
Getting up from his slumber after she left didn't take long. It was as if he wanted to run after her, but he had no real need to it. That was until he was sitting at his desk, noticing her memory card laying where it had yesterday. He had showed her a way he changed the contrast without making the photo grainy. He grabbed it, pulling on his jacket and popping on his shoes before yelling at Xalvador that he went out fast. He hurried down the streets towards her apartment.

He hurried down the streets, thankful that it wasn't a terribly long walk, but autumn was beginning to show itself, grey clouds looming above and heavy with rain. He just thanked his lucky star that he reached her apartment complex before the rain started. He had the spare key, so he just entered, knowing that she would be busy with her model. The thought alone made him smile. Every time he thought she was slacking, she came out of nowhere with a new job opportunity.
"Sorry for interrupting, but you forgot your memory card," he said, peeking his head in to the studio, smiling at Tessa, holding it out for her. If she tried to take it he would click his tongue, shaking his head and pointing at his lips. "I did walk all the way from central," he pointed out with a teasing smile and wouldn't budge until she finally kissed him. He turned to apologize for the inconvenience to the model, but what met his eyes surprised him.
Tall and slender, features defined as if carved out of marble. "Eden," he said, stepping in to the studio, half standing in front of Tessa, not that it would matter if the vampyre decided to go berserk.

She turned her head as she heard Gerard's voice all of a sudden, smiling broadly as she went to him to grab the memory card. She pulled a surprised expression as he wouldnt let her, to then smile as he pointed at his lips. "Fair point," she chuckled, leaning in to give him a soft kiss, before she grabbed the card. She was about to introduce the model as Gerard was ahead of her, though when he said Eden, she looked rather confused at the tall slender guy. Eden shrugged and pulled a soft smile. "Sorry Theresa, I'm afraid Julien's model career came to a premature end," he told her before he looked at Gerard with almost gentle eyes. "How you've grown since I saw you last. How old were you back then? Not much older than her, am I wrong?" he remarked, pointing towards Tessa with a gesture. He found it quite humorous which showed in his smile, "It's like a part of me stuck around in you when I left," he said so casually but it was clear mockery.

Gerard didn't really know how to react. He just stood there a bit in disbelief as the vampyre spoke, reaching down to take Tessa's hand. He felt like he needed her strength, feel her calm him down as he felt so small. He didn't reply to his question, feeling like his eyes couldn't stop looking at him. It was strange how some things didn't change, and the vampyre surely hadn't. He looked the same as back then, but Gerard had grown up, matured and now he was capable of growing a full beard, not just patches. Grinding his teeth together at the mocking words, he felt a great deal of shame. Was Eden on to something? Would Tessa one day wake up and see how terrible he was?
"Does it matter?" he asked, feeling weak, but his voice was calm. "You left ... You have no claim over me anymore, and you know that," he said, feeling himself more secure in his words as he had Tessa by his side. He looked away from Eden briefly and at Tessa, wanting to see how she was reacting to all of this, but quickly moved his eyes back on Eden.

He hated this, this was exactly why he didn't want to involve Tessa, but he shared everything with her. She needed to know his past to understand his present. "I would've found my own way regardless, don't flatter yourself," he said, but then he saw how he was looking at the valkyrie who's hand Gerard was still holding. "You have no right," he said firmly, standing more in front of Tessa now that he was practically threatening them. He felt his body shake a little because what options did he have right now? "She has done nothing wrong in this, Eden, and if you can smell her blood, then you also know how powerful her family is," he said in a firm voice. No, Eden wouldn't be stupid enough to go against a lineage of powerful and pure seraphim.
"Why now? Why do you return at this time and think you can claim me?" he asked, shaking his head as he was a bit in disbelief. The vampyre had left him, abandoned him, and because of it Gerard had went through things that could've been avoided.

"Yes I would," he said, but truth be told he didn't know if he believed it himself. But he wanted to believe that, he wanted to believe that he would've found this independence without Eden there. Gritting his teeth he stared at the vampyre, clearly showing that he meant what he said about Tessa; She was not to be hurt, he just couldn't allow that.
Shaking his head at the vampyres words he couldn't believe this. He felt embarrassed, and why did Tessa need to hear this? He knew why, because Eden was trying to humiliate him. Show his girlfriend that he couldn't be trusted, even in the heat of the moment. "No ... No you made me say it," he argued, feeling that shiver in his spine once more. It was far from pleasant. Shaking his head no he looked down at his hand holding on to the valkyrie, swallowing some of his nerves before speaking again. "I love Theresa and I have made her a promise stronger than any I ever made to you," he said, looking at Tessa with pleading eyes. Was she listening to what Eden was saying? "She loves me, she really loves me and I know that, because I know what love doesn't feel like," he said, hinting at the fact that what he had had with Eden was not love. The vampyre had bought him, he had a leverage and it was clear he wasn't afraid to flaunt it.
"You don't care about me Eden, you never care for anyone."

Gerard was not one who turned to violence or anger, but he was not going to accept what Eden was saying. He felt like he was lost and yet he knew that the vampyre was right. He was a fraud, wasn't he? He had spent his life running away and now he was in a stable relationship? Maybe he was fooling himself. He could never be good enough for Tessa, even if being with her was the best thing that had ever happened to him. However that doubt seemed to subside when the valkyrie by his side finally spoke up. Then he knew that she was the one for him. She knew how to speak when he couldn't find the words, she held him when the world was too harsh, and now she was making his past leave the premises.
Looking in to Eden's eyes, he felt the rush of fear, but holding on to Tessa he knew he could get through it. "You won't touch her," he simply stated, although he knew Eden might find a way however which way he twisted it. The vampyre left, and Gerard had to lean against the wall to keep standing, his head feeling light and his legs a little wobbly. His eyes were getting wet, but he was not going to cry and make Tessa sit through his miserable self. "I'm sorry," was all he could say, looking at the way their fingers were still entangled.

He knew he didn't have to apologize for what Eden did, it was more the implication that even being assosiated with him, she was being brought in danger. He saw her fiddle with her phone, but he honestly had been too consumed by his own racing thoughts to even think of the real model. "I wouldn't put it past him," he confessed, but he didn't know. Truth be told he felt at a loss, felt like he didn't know what to say or do, but when she let go of his hand to instead wrap her arms around him he sighed and returned the gesture, holding her close to his chest.
She had every right to know, and yet he felt himself choke up. "Closer than you should be when someone is paying your bills," he confessed, placing small kisses on her head. He sighed, breathing in her scent as he thought about it. "I was about your age, and I didn't really know how to adjust to the life outside of the orphanage," he said, pulling away to look at her face. He just needed to feel like she was actually there and Eden hadn't laid his hands on her. "He had a way of making you feel like you were the only person in the entire world, he convinced me that he loved me, and I think part of me loved him, even though I shouldn't have," he sighed, closing his eyes as he felt the emotions rush through his body, making him shiver a bit.
"He was never cruel, he never raised his voice and he always took his time with me - unlike many other clients," he explained. He of course knew that Eden might've been the worst person to everyone else, but it was different when they were together. The vampyre never bit him, never hit him - He treated the young nephilim like a real person. "I thought I loved him, and that he loved me ... That was why I made those promises, but when he left it was like going sober," he said feeling his breath tremble a little bit. He had realized how wrong everything had been, how Eden had been possessive, and without his protection Gerard had been left to his own devices. "I just don't want you to get hurt because of me," he whimpered, feeling his eyes water as he cupped her face, looking at her beautiful features.