Hard to let go. The past cant just stay in the past. [tw]

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"That's not an answer to my question," he reprimanded him calmly, looking at Eliza as he moved some hair from her face. He looked at the wound and drew in a sharp breath that Gerard would hear. "She might bleed out. I cant tell," he admitted, as he touched a small trail of blood down her neck that he sucked off his fingers. "It wasnt even supposed to be her. This wont really hurt you that much," he admitted with a shrug and leaned back into his seat. He looked out the window. "You know what I want. Do I have to keep repeating myself over and over for you?" he asked, a slight hint of annoyance in his voice. "Well I hope I dont stumble over my words as I say this: I will kill everyone you love till you have nobody left. Consider Eliza a beginning, since you got there in time to save your little girlfriend. She'll die unless you save her in time of course," he said, hanging up before there could be any objections. He sent the address and glanced at the human. "I told you it would be a display of the deepest love there was," he told her, chuckling softly to himself as he held a hand on her neck to feel if she was dying or not. Surely an untreated neck wound could be fatal over time, but he needed to be sure she would at least make it to the abandoned warehouse first.

Eliza wasn't dying any time soon as he luckily hadn't pierced her pulse.

Gerard looked at Tessa as he listened to Eden, but he had kinda hoped that he might've changed his mind. "I'll be there," he said, feeling a shiver run down his spine before the vampyre hung up. He sent Xalvador a message, asking him to come watch over Tessa, but he didn't know what to do. He then wrote to Leona, letting her know that he would feel safe if she could stop by and check on Tessa as he went out to buy groceries. Giving the love of his life one last look he sent her a smile. "I'll go buy that chicken ... Be home before you know it," he said, leaning over to kiss the top of her head. Fact was he didn't know when he would be home, or if even at all.
Heading out he grabbed a taxi heading for the address that Eden had provided, stepping out of the car as he arrived at the docks. He stood for a while, looking around before looking at his phone and following the road to the place.

He got to the warehouse and dragged the human out, pulling her with him as he placed her on a dirty rug that he wasnt sure where was from but frankly he didnt care. He pulled a chair to sit down in front of her, placing his elbows on his knees as he waited patiently. He studied her face quietly before he leaned back and made a deep sigh. "You should be able to talk if you concentrate hard enough," he told her, leaning his head back to look up into the ceiling. "I'm sorry it has come to this for you. It wouldnt have come this far if Gerard had just did what I told him to do," he explained, crossing his arms as he looked at her.

Xalvador just straight up called him as soon as he got the message, hoping he would pick up. Or it didnt matter if he didnt, the hybrid wouldnt just give up, dialing over and over till he got an answer. He didnt care if his phone bill would be through the roof, he wasnt going to accept this. "Dont fucking do it!" he would either tell him through the phone or his voicemail in a concerned voice.

"Why?" she asked, her voice sad and it was clear from the tears running down her cheeks that she was scared as ever. She could feel her heart beat fast in her chest, making her even more scared as she feared what the vampyre might do to her. Would he kill her just like that? Did she truly mean nothing?

Feeling his phone ring again he sighed as he hung up before turning off his phone.
Gerard found the warehouse and stepping in to the otherwise dark room, the only light coming in from the windows in the ceiling, but even that was dim. He turned his eyes forward as he moved further in and that was when he saw her. Laying on the ground, blood dripping from her neck and he felt himself grit his teeth, running over to her and kneeling down. "Shh ... Shh ... It's alright, I'm here now," he mumbled, although judging from the wound on her neck it didn't look good. He felt himself tear up, but he decided not to cry, just applying pressure to the wound before his eyes moved to Eden. "I'm here now," he said, frowning as he felt Eliza shaking in fear. "No one else needs to get hurt, right?" he asked.

He let him go to her to hold her neck, frowning a little as the nephilim looked at him. “Was that so hard?” He asked, tilting his head before he got up from his chair. He pulled a rolled up piece of cloth and threw it to Gerard so he could wrap her neck. “Are you willing to stay with me?” He asked as he walked over to them to grab the nephilim by his chin and force him to look up at him. He shifted between his eyes, needing a clear confirmation. “Uphold your promise?” He added, running his thumb along his cheekbone as he looked at him with a rather intense look in his eyes.

Catching the cloth he was quick to wrap it around her neck, hearing her whimper and cry as she was much too scared to even try say anything. Once it was done he felt the vampyre pull his chin up, staring at him as he felt himself hurting, but he could only imagine what it would feel like to have Tessa lying here and not Eliza. "Yes," he whispered, frowning as he looked down at the feeling of the vampyre's touch. "I have a few conditions though ... If you uphold them I'll be yours forever," he said rather seriously before looking at Eden with a bit more confidence in his eyes.
"I get to break up with Theresa in person, I am allowed to comfort her when she cries and you are never to hurt her, Xalvador or any of my friends," he said, stroking Eliza over her forehead, trying to make her calm down. "I still get to do my work, you of anyone knows the importance for me to make an honest living - In that extent I want to go to patron events, even if Theresa will also be present," he said feeling like he knew his heart would break every time he saw her, but perhaps it was the only chances he had to glimpse at a life that could've been. "And unlike last time, you will let me see Xalvador at least once a week," he finished his demands.

The whisper made him smile broadly as he let him look down, letting go and sighing deeply. This was all he had been thinking about in the whole time he had been gone and nothing was going to stand in his way. He frowned at the mention of conditions but decided to hear him out anyway. He frowned a little at the first condition but nodded. The second one seemed doable as well, though the thought of the valkyrie being there too made him a little annoyed. As long as she would look at Gerard and want nothing to do with him, Eden would accept it. “Fine. I agree to your condition. But you belong fully to me. In every regard. Understood?” He asked as serious as he could, looking at Eliza before back at Gerard. “And Xalvador will mind his own business. I dont want to have to beat him up like last time,” he added, grabbing Gerard to get him on his feet. He wasnt going to waste more time on these petty games, because he was getting what he wanted.

Eliza was slowly starting to get the feeling back in her body, moving slowly away from them and placing a hand over her neck. Her eyes wide as they were filled with fear.

Gerard nodded at Eden's question. "Yes, I'll be yours," he said. He was rather surprised that his conditions were met, but it was what he needed to at least feel like he could continue to live his life. The mention of Xalvador made him grit his teeth, nodding but he was unsure what the hybrid might do. He got on his feet, feeling a little lightheaded. Was Eden just going to jump straight in to catching up to lost time? "I'll call Xalvador, let him know that Eliza is alright ... Will you call a car so that I can get home and ... And break things off?" he asked, feeling like his body was turning numb. It felt like he was back being that insecure boy, and yet he had all of the knowledge of the man he was now. It was really strange. "Then you'll probably want to go out and celebrate?" he asked, unsure of how to act or react in all honesty.

“Sure call him,” he allowed him but then the second question made him frown. He shook his head and looked at Gerard. “That wont do. You’ll have to do that some other day,” he said with a serious expression on his face. He was not going to let him run off like that till he was certain that the nephilim was true to his words. So there was some trust to be build. “You can call her and say you’ll be gone. But not more than that, I cant trust you yet,” he said, crossing his arms before he looked Gerard up and down. He called a car and let Gerard call Xalvador meanwhile. Once he was done, he stepped closer to the nephilim and grabbed a hold of his shirt before he lifted it up to look at his chest. “Did you really love her?” He asked as he looked at his chest, not really seemingly caring if it was too cold. The old him wouldnt have been this careless but it could be changed if the nephilim played his cards right.

Gritting his teeth as Eden denied him, he felt like his heart was breaking. Was he really demanding that he cheated on her? However he made his call to Xalvador, giving him the address, feeling his emotions in his throat. "Protect them," he mumbled, because he knew he couldn't say anything that would make Eden suspicious. He then called Tessa, feeling tears running down his cheeks as he lied and told her that he had got an job offer and that he wouldn't be returning any time soon. He knew she wouldn't believe him, but he also couldn't explain anything to her. As he hung up, he felt tears run down his cheeks as he started sniffling. That was when Eden grabbed his shirt, pulling him over and lifting his shirt to look at him like he was a piece of meat. "Yes," he whispered, because he knew lying would be worse than telling the truth.
"But it doesn't matter now, does it?" he asked, looking at Eden as tears ran down his cheeks. The vampyre knew nothing of empathy, he knew that, but he also knew that whenever Gerard was sad in the past, he would do anything to cheer him up.

He looked up at his face at his answer and sighed as he saw the tears. He let go of his shirt and lifted his hand to dry off his tears like he had done back in the day. “It matters to you,” he remarked, shifting between his eyes. Sure, Eden knew nothing of the feeling of remorse or empathy, but he wasnt stupid. The car arrived and he opened the door for him to enter, to then follow himself. He made a deep sigh and adjusted himself. It had been so long. “If it means so much to you, I’ll let you break up with her before I make you do anything. But I expect that you fully submit to me once she’s out of the picture,” he said, reaching out to touch his cheek. His skin was still soft like it had been back then. But then again, he wasnt exactly expecting him to age as if he had been human.

How could Eden be this despicable and yet pretend to be so caring? It didn't make sense to the nephilim. The car arrived and Gerard got in feeling like his head was spinning out of control, but he was trying to remain in the moment. However what the vampyre said inside the car surprised him. Could he really promise that? However he nodded, muttering a small thank you as he looked down, just accepting that the vampyre was touching him and it didn't matter if he fought back. The car set off and he turned his gaze to look out the window, feeling like he was already worrying too much to even hold it together, but he had so many questions he needed answers to.
"Why did you leave?" he asked. He knew that if Eden had stayed, Gerard might have found himself getting in deeper with the vampyre, potentially ending in the situation he was in. But wouldn't he had been happier then? If he hadn't known of Tessa, wouldn't he had accepted his fate? "I still don't understand ... You left me," he said in a flustered tone, turning to look at Eden with genuine hurt eyes. "Do you have any idea what I went through? Do you have any clue as to what ... what ... what happened to me?"

He had expected him to ask about his disappearence back then. He retracted his hand and made a small shrug as he folded his hands. “Business just wasnt good here. And even if I told you, you wouldnt have understood. You would probably have tried to go with me,” he said before he looked at Gerard with serious eyes. He could understand the frustration, but he didnt seem to really mind if the nephilim needed to blow out some steam. It had after all been ten years more or less. “I dont know what happened to you. But it was necessary for you to grow. For you to become a man and not just be the little lost boy I scooped up from that bar that night,” he explained, looking at Gerard. “I hadnt expected to care for you, but I did. So all I needed was for you to grow up and become your own,” he further explained, shifting between Gerard’s eyes. “I always wanted you to be my partner. But it just couldnt be that way ten years ago,” he said with a sigh, looking out the window for a minute. “You’d understand at some point if I had let you stay with that girl. How young seems to be not just age but also mentality,” he spoke rather casually, stopping as he wondered if Gerard had something to say, maybe a protest or voicing another frustration about the past.

//TW//

Gerard listened shaking his head as Eden denied that he knew anything about what happened. How couldn't he? He had lived with that inside him all these years and now the vampyre was denying it? "Don't lie to me ... He told me you sent him," he whispered, shaking slightly as he wrapped his arms around himself as if it was the only comfort he had. "I was just a kid and I didn't know any better, but you hadn't needed to send that guy," he said, being vague because even saying what had happened seemed so distant.
"Oh, you aged me alright ... What next, you send someone else to rape me in an alley?" he blurted out, feeling tears run down his cheeks as he shook his head. He was shaking now, clutching as his arms as he tried to forget how the other man had grabbed him, held him down and violated him all the while telling him that Eden was sending his regards. He was silent, feeling nauseated. "Can we roll the window down?" he pleaded, needing fresh air and leaned his head against the small back window until the big one was rolled down. His face was pale and it was clear he hadn't told a soul about it, not even Xalvador. He felt ashamed. He felt like he was incapable of love and being loved. Perhaps that was why saying goodbye to Tessa would break him. She had loved him from the minute they met and he had felt that same pull. He really loved her, and she loved him, and now he was never going to feel loved again.

Eden looked rather puzzled at the mention of some man. He clearly had no idea what Gerard was speaking about. Even when he was hinting heavily towards something, Eden seemed to have no memory of doing anything in the likes. “So you thought I sent someone to rape you? When I could’ve easily just touched you myself?” He asked, narrowing his eyes. Hadnt Gerard understood to which degree Eden felt like he owned him? That the vampyre wouldnt ever let anyone and that really meant anyone, ever lay a hand on him like that? Eden scoffed and shook his head. “You’ve been villainizing me for all these years for something I didnt do?” He asked with a frown on his brows. “What, you thought those nights on my bed were I made you feel like you were loved and safe was for nothing? That I would throw all that away? For what? Huh? Knowing that someone else had laid their dirty hands on my property?” He asked, looking disgusted at the mere thought. He opened the windows like Gerard asked but he kept his eyes on him. “Why would I do that to you Gerard?” He asked like he was genuinely curious to hear what the nephilim thought.

He felt like he was going to throw up, feeling like he couldn't handle it right now. Eden spoke but it was like it didn't matter. It didn't matter if he had an excuse, it didn't matter what ever he said it didn't change anything. "Because as you said, I needed to grow ... I needed to get torn down so I could rebuild myself," he said, shaking his head as Eden had questioned all of this. Was this just some ploy? "You wanted to show me that I came from nothing and you made me nothing once more by sending him and leaving me," he said, looking at Eden with a pale face.
It felt so otherworldly, but not in a pleasant way, more like he had been dragged into the Abyssus and now had to live in limbo for the rest of his days. "I wanted to die, Eden, I wanted to end it all because I believed you cared for me ... But everyone leaves me, don't you think I know Theresa would when she realized how worthless I am?" he asked, feeling his heart beating fast in his chest. He felt so hurt and tired from all of this. "I still have that wish inside ... That thought that if I just died then all my pain would go away, that all people in my life wouldn't have to suffer because of me," he whispered. He shook his head. It didn't matter. It didn't fucking matter, because all the vampyre wanted was him and he wouldn't give up.
"So I guess you'll just have to count the days you have me, because one day I will give in to those thoughts, and I just know it," he whispered, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

He had kept his calm for so long, but as it seemed that Gerard fully believed that it was all his doing, he grit his teeth in anger. “If I wanted to tear you down, that wouldnt have been the way,” he almost hissed , clutching his hands a little. It was very unlike Eden to not be able to control himself but Gerard was a soft spot, love or not. All this talk of intrusive thoughts and the warning Gerard gave him just clicked something inside Eden. He grabbed his shirt by the collar and looked at him with a deep frown on his brow. “If you kill yourself, the deal is off. So you keep that in mind if your thoughts get ahead of you,” he warned him, but then he let go and looked to the driver. He told him to change course and gave him the address for Gerard’s studio. Maybe it was for the better if be cut the ties he had to the young valkyrie. “I suggest you tell her the truth,” Eden said as they arrived, looking at Gerard. “I’ll be back in an hour. Just remember what’s at stake,” he reminded him, folding his hands as he sighed deeply.

Tessa was quite out of it, Leona was sitting in the sofa in the studio, flipping through her book while keeping an eye on te young one. She was both confused and maybe a little disappointed. The young valkyrie was just pacing back and forth, unable to get herself to calm down, wondering what had happened to Gerard. She kept hoping that he would come through the door with Xalvador and everything would be fine.

Eden grabbed him but he was not really surprised, his words of warning making him raise an eyebrow at the vampyre. "And what if you kill me?" he asked, clearly not phased by the idea. He heard him ask the driver to turn around, and he feared that things were about to take a dark turn. However as they stopped and Eden spoke, he was quite surprised. He was giving him an entire hour? But he didn't argue, getting out of the car and wiping his tears away. Moving up the stairs to the apartment, he felt his heart heavy.
Once inside he felt like his body got that numb feeling once more. He moved in to the studio, stopping in the door as he just looked at Tessa. He was lost, anyone could see that, shaking and the dried tears on his cheek didn't make it any better. "Theresa," he spoke softly, trying not to break down and cry. He saw that Leona was there, but it didn't matter anymore. Nothing would matter after this. What life could be lived without her? "We need to talk," he said, reaching his hand out, hoping she would take it. If she did he looked apologetic at Leona, because it seemed like she knew that something was up.
He took her in to the living room, sitting down in a chair only to stand up again. He couldn't rest, not even pretend to. "I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry that I will never be the man you deserve," he whispered, fearing that speaking too loud would make him weep. "I'm sorry that my past has latched up to me, but I can't do this anymore - I can't keep putting you in danger when there's another way," he said, wanting to reach forward, touch her cheek and pull her in for one last kiss, but it seemed too selfish. "Eden has agreed to some simple terms, the first being that I was allowed to break up with you face to face," he said, feeling a tear escape his eye, but he kept looking at her. This would be the last time he would get with her, shouldn't he make it count? "I guess I just wasn't born to be loved ... But know that I do love you, that I always will even if it will tear me to pieces."

Eden didnt answer that, but simply just looked away.

As soon as Gerard stepped into the studio, both of them looked at him, Leona’s expression confused while Tessa was just full of worry. She went to him but stopped a bit from him as she seemed to realize what was going on. Her eyes stung as she felt them fill with tears, looking at his hand reaching out for her. “Okay...” she whispered a little confused, taking his hand to follow him. She didnt know to sit or stand but as he got up again, she chose to stand. His whisper made her expression turn sad as her eyes were pleading with him, saying; dont do this. Dont say these words now. But she wasnt dumb. She was speechless or more looking for what words she wanted to say. She felt both confused and angry and sad. Wanting to lash out and scream and break down crying at the same time. How she hated Eden and everything about him.
“Dont break up with me please,” she whispered a little strained after a long silence between them. She grabbed his hand and held it tight. She kissed it and felt her own tears make their escape as she shook her head. “I dont care if I’m in danger, I want to be with you,” she said, lifting her other hand to cup his face. She shifted between his eyes feeling her heart break for every beat it made. “I chose you as my first and last. I dont want anyone else. I only want you,” she said, crying as she shook her head. She took his hand and placed it over her chest. “The night when you asked me to be your girlfriend sealed it for me. I couldnt belong to anyone else. I dont want to belong to anyone but you,” she pleaded but she realized that nothing she said could change his mind. That was maybe the final straw that made her heart feel like it was shattering. Her expression turned numb for just a second before she started sobbing uncontrollably, moving away from him as she started crying, covering her face with her hands.

Her strained voice made him whimper, because he didn't want to. He wanted to pull her close, kiss her all over and ask her to flee somewhere, but he just couldn't do that. Eden was right, Tessa was young, and just because Gerard felt like he had found his soulmate, it didn't mean that she couldn't find another, someone who could make her more happy than the nephilim could ever pretend to do. She held his hand and he gave her a soft squeeze, closing his eyes as she cupped her face, letting her tears run down his cheeks. "I care if you are in danger, I care if you get hurt, because it will be my fault and I would blame myself," he whispered as he opened his eyes to look at her. He couldn't bear seeing her like this. This was why he wanted to make her happy, make her smile and chuckle, make her laugh, but he had failed that. He was taking their love and ripping it apart even if it never got to be fully realized. Oh the plans he had had, dreams of taking her on vacation or hopes of one day seeing her in a place of their own.
"If there was another way, don't you think I would've chosen it?" he whispered, looking at her as she broke in to sobbing, looking down in shame. "He went after Eliza after he left the apartment ... When I got there, she was bleeding out, and all I could think was if that had been you," he said, touching her shoulder, turning her around before he pulled her in to a hug. "I'm sorry ... I'm sorry for loving you, you should never have met me," he whispered against her blonde locks, crying now as he knew this was the last time he was going to hold her. "I love you with all my heart, that will never change, but you need to move on ... You're young, you have a loving family who can support you, and so many guys would be lucky to call you their girlfriend," he whispered before he had to let go. He shook his head as he felt like this wasn't happening. This was just a bad nightmare. But it was reality, and he walked back to the studio, tears down his cheeks as he looked at Leona. "I can't protect her ... Please keep her safe, keep her happy and don't let her make the same mistakes I did," he pleaded with the valkyrie. "I've done something that will never be forgiven, but don't make her lose sight of what is important - I need to know that she will be happy some day," he said before he left. He couldn't stay a moment longer in that apartment. So many memories, so many happy days and now they were shattered to pieces.
Outside the car was waiting and he got in, wiping his tears off of his face. "Just fucking drive," he barked at the chauffeur before throwing his head back against the seat.

This felt unfair, not that she was thinking about herself, but thinking about Gerard. He didnt deserve this, to not be allowed to control his own life? She was sad and angry and heartbroken but still she found herself worrying more for him. Not wanting him to leave, because then what would happen to him? "It's pointless. I wont love someone like I loved you, I dont want to be someone else's girlfriend" she mumbled as he let go of her. She wanted to reach out and stop him from leaving, but could her heart really handle if he shook free? Could his? She started sobbing again, sitting down on a chair as she covered her face.
Leona had been trying not to listen in on their conversation but it wasnt like she felt like she could just sit down and keep reading her book. She looked at Gerard with concerned eyes, not even the same sternness she usually seemed to carry. She was clearly confused but she also could tell that it wasnt her place to start asking questions. She drew in a deep breath and nodded to his words, promising that she would do her best. She stood for a bit after he had left before she went in to the crying Tessa to comfort her child.

Eden was at home, laying down on his couch as a cigarette rested in one side of his mouth. He was looking up at the white ceiling as he waited for the hour to be over. A part of him was getting impatient, another was getting jealous. Why did he allow him a whole hour with that valkyrie? He frowned at the thought and drew in a deep drag of his cigarette as his phone buzzed. He grabbed it to see that a car had arrived and he checked the time. A surprised smile spread on his lips as he had expected the nephilim to drag it out for as long as he could. He exhaled the smoke up into the air, not really seemingly caring what it would do to his home; everything could be replaced. He went to greet him in the door, looking at him with almost satisfaction smeared all over his expression. "You did the right thing," he assured him, reaching out to touch his face to remove the tears from his cheek, but only if he allowed him. "You'll realize that at some point," he added with a deep sigh. This was definitely a victory in the vampyre's book.

Gerard got out of the car, walking up the steps to the entrance as he saw Eden open the door. The vampyre seemed to want to comfort him, but he moved his head away from his hand. "Leave them," he mumbled, passing by him and in to the lavish house. So this was his prison; Surrounded by beautiful things and the vampyre. "I'll need some time to get used to this, alright," he said, feeling his heart breaking, slumping down on the floor as he just started sobbing. He couldn't hold all the hurt in anymore, crying openly because he couldn't help but feel that everything around him was back to how he had been so many years ago. He was never going to be happy, but maybe he could live with that if he knew that Tessa would find happiness.
He just sat on the cold floor, crying his heart out as he felt inconsolable. "Don't touch me!" he would yell if Eden reached out to comfort him, moving to his feet and going out through the house until he found the garden. He sat down on a bench, looking at the grass through his tears as his body was shaking. He had hurt her, and he had to live with that. He loved her and he had broken her heart.

He frowned a little as Gerard didnt want him to remove his tears. He hadnt been that way back then, which was mostly why Eden had reached out to begin with. He could understand that there had to be a readjustment period but he also felt like just reaching out and touch what was rightfully his in the way he wanted to. Only that he couldnt because a part of him didnt want to put Gerard in unnecessary distress, it wouldnt favour either of them. As Gerard slumped down, he did naturally try and reach out to comfort him, only to retract as the nephilim yelled for him not to touch him. He let him go out into the garden, deciding to go into the kitchen instead to figure out some sort of meal plan with her. He wanted Gerard to be healthy and have balanced meals, which the cook seemed to just know how to do, as she was human herself. He then went back to his living room, sitting back down on the couch before he leaned forward to drop his cigarette in a small bowl, letting it burn out on its own. He checked his phone for business-related things, while also checking up on whether his people had seen the hybrid pick up the human in the warehouse.

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