The many what if’s we never get to see? (AU)

The mention of a promise sounded a little scary, but she nodded as she felt her father's hands on her shoulders. Looking up at him, she saw how serious he looked, but as he stated what she needed to promise she just felt her eyes well up, nodding as she started to sniffle a bit. Hugging him closer for just a second, she let go as they had to get going. There was no real telling how it was going to turn out. Or what state her body would be in.
Moving through the void, they eventually happened upon an invisible wall, very much like the material the mirrors were made out of. Taking her father's hand she looked up at him. "We're in this together, right father?" she asked, knowing the answer before he said it. Even after everything, she had found peace with how her father had showed himself in this dimension. She knew now more than ever that the artefact had twisted him to great lengths and that what they had had before was still something to be cherished. And so they went through the mirror wall, even if it was a little painful, she kept reminding herself of her mother and Amos. How tight she would hold both of them when she finally got to see them.

Going to the void was no easy task and maybe it was a great help for her that she had part celestial in her to not just stray from the path right away. He looked at her before they would enter, leaning down to connect their foreheads, probably for what he believed would be the last time. "Eventually you will be on your own. But when that happens, you will be alive again, my little light," he said, smiling faintly before he sighed. "Remember what I told you and take care of your mother," he finished before he touched the mirror and drew a special kind of symbol. It wasnt even supposed to work when he was in this state, but somehow it did. Just for their luck. "Just hold onto me and keep going. If I disappear, keep your path, even if you feel like going astray," he explained before they went. He did as he had promised and lead her most of the way, but it was like the closer they got, he seemed to fade and she would be more alive. Eventually their hands couldnt touch anymore and he stopped. "This is where you take on your path. I have one last thing to do," he said in a sorrowful tone, reaching out to touch her cheek but she wouldnt be able to feel it. "I love you, my little light, now and always," he told her before he strayed off the path like he had warned her not to do. Not long after he was gone.

But he couldnt help himself. If he really was meant to be lost, he wanted to be sure of one thing. And that was how he found the room that Buffy was in, where his corpse had been consumed by the light she had been emitting a few days before. "My love," he said softly as he crouched down to her, carefully reaching out to feel her but he knew he wouldnt be able to.

Heeding her father's words she found herself walking along, but every step she took felt like she was being pushed back by some unknown force. But she kept walking, even straining herself a bit until they reached the point of where they had to part. Looking at her father, it was clear that she couldn't feel his hand, but it meant more than he could ever know. "I love you too," she said, feeling tears in her eyes as she saw her father do as he had advised her not to. She however knew she had to continue on this path, and soon enough she felt as though she was being sucked through a vacuum of space.
The next thing she remembered was waking up in her body, the room cold around her as she sat up and started to shake. Where was she? She could feel every bone and muscle stiff but somehow she managed to move out of her resting place and on to her feet. However as she soon found, gravity was indeed still a thing and she landed as long as she was against the floor with a loud thump that anyone near undoubtedly could hear. Coughing a bit, she managed to sit up, but her muscles felt so sore, and it was so damned cold in this room. "A-a-am-" she tried speaking out but it seemed no use when her whole body was shivering.

Everything felt like a hazy dream. Where was she? Who was she? Hearing a faint whisper her eyes opened, sitting up as she looked around. She had tears in her eyes. Why was she crying? Someone had called for her, she was sure of it, but she was alone in this almost demolished building. Running a hand trough her blonde hair she shook her head. Nothing made sense right now. Was it all a bad dream? Moving up on her feet she looked around. The place was mostly unrecognizable, only a few furniture having survived whatever had happened here. "H-hello?" she called out, clearly taken aback by everything around her.

Amos looked out on the city again, couldnt even remember if he had even looked away. It seemed that everything was going to shit. He knew that the world would break at some point and he couldnt even bring himself to care. He had no one at this point. Turning away from the view, he went back on the sofa and sat down. Just sat there motionless till he heard a loud thump. It wouldnt even surprise him if it was the world coming to an end. He just leaned his head back and closed his eyes. It hadnt even occurred to him that it had come from the room he was keeping Saoirse in, but then again, why would he ever think that it would be anything else than a way to cling to her memory?

This was definitely a bitter feeling in a sense. How he wanted to also be alive again, wrap his arms around the love of his life and hold her close forever. He had not gotten to do that in a long while since everything happened and now he was certain his chances were gone. She looked around and he chuckled in a saddened way, looking at her features as he felt a few tears run down his cheeks. "I brought our daughter back. Even if that means I wont be able to come back to you. Forgive me for my recklessness. I just wanted to do the right thing," he spoke softly, knowing that she couldnt hear him. He looked down at her wrist, carefully reaching to down touch the mark they had shared with their bond, even if it had faded away or was going to. "I want you to be happy again, some day,"

No. No this couldn't be right. She couldn't come back just to die again, could she? What a cruel twist of fate it would be. Her arms were shaking as she crawled across the room until she reached the door. Her skin was blue, her teeth chattering as she pulled herself up by the door handle. Pushing down on it at first it wouldn't budge, making an awful rustling sound before she managed to push it open with a loud squeaking sound. "A-a-a" she felt her vocal chords still very cold and not willing to budge. She managed to sit down in the hallway, coughing as she was shivering. At least she was out of the cold now. And perhaps he was not at home? Perhaps he had left already, but she needed to gather her strength before she could move any further.

Looking around she felt like there were supposed to be someone here, but she couldn't see or hear anything. That was until she felt something brush against her wrist. She wasn't sure what it was, perhaps just the wind, but she looked down at the mark, and tears started to stream down her face. "Don't go," she mumbled, but she wasn't sure what or who she was talking to. It was so surreal. "I don't know what is going on."

The young daemon was fully determined on just sitting there on the sofa, ready to just wither away at some point. He heard a door in the distance, keeping his eyes closed. If it was a burglar at this state of the world, he would gladly let them take whatever they wanted. Nothing had value to him any longer. He opened his eyes halfway, like he was too tired to even check it out. He got up in a lazy manner before he went to check it out. It seemed to be coming from the part of the apartment that he had been keeping off limits ever since returning. Like it was some sacred place to him now. He frowned as he noticed a door that shouldnt be open, walking closer as his frown grew deeper. Then confusion because was his mind playing tricks on him?. Then anger and sadness all at once if it was his mind. And then realization that it was reality. "Saoirse?" he whispered, frozen in place.

"Maybe some day we'll meet again.. But I doubt it, even if it will be all I'm wishing for," he said as he carefully kept his hand over her wrist, wanting so bad to just feel her skin when he wouldnt. But if this was the last time he saw her, he didnt want to leave anything unsaid, just like he had with Saoirse, even if Buffy wouldnt ever be hearing it. "You showed me all the depths of love that there was. Your stubbornness and determination to talk to me that one rainy day," he said, feeling his lip tremble with emotion. He could feel himself succumb slowly to the void but he would be damned if he didnt try to break the barrier before it was too late. He kept touching the mark of their bond, before he seemed to feel something at his fingertips. He felt his lip quiver as he quickly wouldnt let the moment pass, grabbing onto her wrist that felt awfully real. He gasped at the feeling before he looked at her. Could she see him?

Hearing his voice, how he said her name. It felt like forever since she had truly felt her heart beat quite like this. She looked up at him, her lips pale and blue, but she was slowly gaining color back. Her hand reached out, a faint smile on her lips as her eyes started to well up. "Hi" was pretty much all she could say. She had so much she wanted to tell him, so much sorrow to bring with her, but she needed to get warm first. And then they would have another important business to tend to. Looking at him, she just smiled, albeit not as comfortable down here on the floor, it at least felt real. It felt like she was actually alive. "H-hel-p," she said, trying to gesture for him to do something. She really could use a hand getting back on her feet.

She heard no reply, but it was as if all of a sudden she felt something for real. A hand grabbing on to her wrist that startled her a bit, but as she looked up there were a pair of familiar eyes. Green. That color she would never be able to forget. It was the same eyes that had met her rather curiously back when they had met. "Belial?" she managed to ask, her voice shaky as things started to come back to her. The life they had led. The love they had shared and their daughter. Tears were running down her cheeks now, but she just looked at him, not wanting to waste one moment. "I belong with you," she whispered, not knowing if it was too late to speak. She just knew that they had very little time.

She smiled. He just felt his eyes well up as he kept staring at her, unsure if this was just some trick of his mind, that he had reached insanity at this point. But then he seemed to snap out of it, walking over to pick her up into his arms. He pulled her in tight and felt how cold she was. Without saying a word, he brought her to the livingroom where he placed her on the couch, grabbing a blanket before sitting down and pulling her into his arms, wrapping the blanket around them. "But you died in my arms, right there when I thought I was going to die too.... Our bond? I-" he asked, because he couldnt feel it any more.

Seeing her recognize him should have felt heartwarming but he knew he was fading away. He just held onto her wrist and their bond, looking down at their hands for a moment before looking back up at her. "You are my light, and I am your shadow. One shouldnt be without the other, but the sun is burning so bright that there is no space for darkness," he said, as the best way to put it without having to say the actual words. He tried to reach out with his other hand but it was like his body was slowly disappearing into the void, while his hand on her got to stay for a little longer with their connection. "I should have married you when you told me to," he admitted in a choked up tone of voice, folding his lips as he nodded to himself. That was his regret.

All she had ever wanted was for him to pull her in and closer, so as he placed them on the couch, wrapping a blanket around them both as well, her body started to relax. Leaning her head against his shoulder she was slowly sucking some heat to her, nuzzling her nose lightly against his neck just breathing in his scent. He smelled the same as she remembered. As he spoke she pulled away to look up at him. Did he honestly think she had an answer to that riddle? It was true, their bond was gone, they weren't connected as they once had been, but she knew she wouldn't die without it. "I guess we found a loophole," she said, her voice still shaky but she could clearly be heard. Her hands started rubbing against his arms, warming up her fingers as she just sat with him.
"While you are not bound to me anymore ... That does not change how I feel about you, Amos," she said, because she was slowly realizing it meant that he was practically free if he wanted to be. Surely without the bond he could find someone else? Even if she didn't wish for that, it was out of her hands. "I love you no matter what choice you make," she whispered, smiling softly at him. After the time she had spent only being able to look at him, she knew that all she truly wanted was for him to be happy. All that was really important was that he would start smiling again.

Buffy just looked at him, nodding as she understood what he meant. While all of the details were a little blurry, she knew that he wasn't capable of staying. The mention of a marriage made her chuckle, shaking her head as she just looked at him with sad eyes. "We've accomplished much more than some married couples ever get to experience," she said. She had failed to realize that a marriage wouldn't have solved anything, and that what they had were already greater than any formal union they could make. "But our daughter ..." she whispered, a few tears falling down her cheek as she seemed to have flashes of what had happened. That was a greater regret than any. That she had acted so out of turn and not saved their little love.

He held her close, feeling her so cold reminded him of how cold she quickly had gotten in his arms. Just thinking about it made the feeling of dread grow bigger, but at the same time it faded again as she was growing warmer now. "We?" he asked, like he wasnt sure who we would be. Was she with someone? And where had she even been? He had so many questions.
The mention of their bond seemed like a sore topic but on the other hand, it had made him feel a revelation once she had died and he felt it wither. He just wasnt sure what to say to express that. He placed his head onto hers, closing his eyes. "I'm just relieved you're not gone.." was all he could say, pressing her a little closer. Wasnt it obvious that he still loved her, even more now that he knew what it had felt like to lose her?

She was right, but even if what they had was greater than that, he couldnt help but still feel the slight regret of not doing it anyway. When he had denied her it had been out of fear of losing her to death, but he had never considered it the other way around. As she mentioned their daughter, he just smiled at her, because he knew she would find out soon enough. "Dont blame yourself," he just said, chuckling softly as a couple of tears were also running down his face, only that they would disappear once they left his face. "It's how I got to come here and say my goodbye," he explained, vaguely as getting into detail was just too complicated. He pulled at her hand, seeing it was the only way he could maintain his connection. He lifted her hand to his lips and carefully kissed her wrist right over his thumb on their bond. "Take care of our children.. And cherish what we had" he said but just as he spoke, the fading really took to it, leaving only his hand around her wrist before that disappeared too.

Saoirse nodded, feeling her eyes still wet with tears that came and went. "Father he-" she said, looking down as she wasn't sure how to word it, "he helped me back to you ... But at the cost of his own soul getting lost," she explained. It wasn't a good feeling to know that he had sacrificed himself like this, but she knew she had to make the most of it to honor his memory.
Amos was as always few in words, but it didn't matter. She knew what he meant, even if the bond wasn't there anymore, she could still read him. He pulled her closer for a while, and she placed her cold hand against his cheek. She was slowly warming up, and she pulled lightly at him, leaning in to connect their lips. Sighing against his mouth she kissed him again, just for good measure, before just placing her forehead to his. "I've wanted to do that for far too long," she confessed.

The way she felt his lips against her fingers, it truly felt like he was there, even if he was disappearing. His last words made her nod, "I love you," she managed to whisper before he was gone. It took her mind a good few minutes to understand what had happened before her heart started breaking. Falling to her knees she sobbed, grabbing around her wrist, but the bond was gone and she had nothing left of him. Not unless he was right about their daughter, in which case she would be the first she would try to find and make amends to. "It will always be only you, Belial," she whispered to herself, knowing he would never hear those words, but they were true. Soulmates weren't just someone you found scattered around, and she had been lucky to have a few years with the daemon she had called her own.

He heard her explanation but he couldnt quite believe it. Had their father really helped her? He looked at her and knew that she wasnt lying, sighing deeply as he looked down and nodded. "So in the end, he chose to do the right thing selflessly," he just remarked in a slight mumble. It wouldnt mend the bond he had to him, but it was at least commendable on it's own.
He was just sitting there with her close as he felt her cold hand. He did hope she would eventually go back to the warmth she had had before, but he had held her for such a long time before that he wasnt sure what that warmth really felt like. He felt her pull and returned the kiss by instinct, before he opened his eyes just as she kissed him again. He barely moved, looking at her with half open eyes, drawing in a deep breath. "Thank you," he mumbled, lifting his hand to place on her cheek, leaning in once more to connect their lips. "For loving me all this time,"

He thanked her, and at first she didn't really understand. It was merely a few kisses, but seeing him right now she knew he was in bliss. She felt much the same, despite the lingering cold. But she did feel her body heat slowly rising. He kissed her once again and a faint smile spread on her face. "Don't thank me for such a selfish act," she whispered, but she couldn't help but chuckle slightly. It all felt so silly. What the bonds had made her feel were different than what she felt now. But it was like it was better this way. "I've really missed you ... for so long all I could do was watch and talk to your image," she said. Noticing how that might confuse him she told him of the void she and their father had been stuck in.
"So that is why as soon as I've gotten the feeling back in my legs I need to go find my mother," she said, breathing out at it was a heavy burden to bear. The world was in a delicate state, and anything could tip it over. But she knew her mother was the key in all of this, and if her father's wishes were to be fulfilled, she needed to speak with her sooner rather than later. "Will you help me?" She asked, because truthfully it was not his burden to bear. But if anyone had to be with her, it was her dearest and only brother.