Finding a balance [cw]

He got to his car but before he got inside, his phone buzzed and he just ended up standing there by the door to the front seat, smiling like an idiot at his phone. He knew he shouldnt be, but he was all by himself now, so couldnt he just let the emotion he felt slip by for now? They hadnt dulled down, but he had accepted that they were there and he couldnt do much about them being there - At least that was what he thought.

[Baal:] Yeah that’s completely fine. From what you’ve told me your brother is always so busy, so its nice that you have some time together.

He sighed as he now had to figure out what they were supposed to do. He wasnt sure if she already had something in mind, but he’d rather be safe than sorry. He got into the car, leaning back as he looked back at his phone to see that she was typing. He just decided to sit and wait for her message as he didnt text and drive. He raised an eyebrow as her text appeared, not really sure what she should tell him either.

[Baal:] Well. Does he know what I am?

He thought that question was the most crucial for him to know what to tell her. He leaned his head back against the headrest. He looked down at his phone again.

[Baal:] Either way, he shouldnt worry. We agreed to being friends, as surprising as it may be for him to believe.

Maybe that was a little harsh to put out in a monotone text, he did feel a bitter taste in his mouth. It sucked being friends, if he had to admit it, at least after what had happened that day in his apartment. He drove home, thankful that the traffic wasnt crowded but it probably just was him being lucky. Normally the roads in the center always seemed so busy. He got to his part pf the district, parking his car as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He read her message, looking a little confused at the display. He glanced up at his apartment as he noticed light inside, raising his eyebrow a little. He looked down at his phone again as he walked to his door.

[Baal:] You could read a book. Or tell me about your day? Though, I have a feeling that Daniel is at my place, so I might not be available till we meet.

He frowned a little sending his message as he got into his apartment and sure enough there Daniel stood in the kitchen, munching on some chocolate cereal that he left there the last time to ensure there would be snacks. Baal sighed as he closed the door, yet he sent his friend a smile.

He wasnt sure how he felt about her not having told her brother about him. But was he really allowed to feel a little sad that she hadnt? They had chosen this or he had chosen it for the both of them. Probably why his next text was him clarifying it once again. Didnt feel great but necessary somehow. Daniel sent him a big smile as he munched on the cereal, Baal felt his phone buzz but he couldnt check it right away. Daniel raised an eyebrow as he clearly heard the phone, “You not gonna answer that buddy?” He said with a teasing smile, which made Baal groan. “Oh come on, you like her and she likes you. What’s gonna happen?” He asked. Baal shrugged with a frown, which made Daniel click his teeth, “You’re acting like someone out of a time where prevention wasnt invented,” he flashed a teethy smile as he walked past Baal to the livingroom, throwing himself on the couch like he owned the place. He reached out for Juno to scratch her behind the ear, but the cat didnt like him much. He couldnt figure out why. Baal stood lingering in the kitchen as he finally checked his phone.

[Baal:] Didnt even need to. He said hi back before I could tell him.
[Baal:] Have you started cleaning yet?

He went back to Daniel, sitting down next to him as he lifted Juno up in his lap, making Daniel look at her with hurtful eyes though he was just jesting, “She really doesnt like me, huh?” He asked Baal with a small smile. Baal looked from Daniel to Juno before he made a small shrug, “She doesnt like a jackass,” he said with a small smile. Daniel scoffed as he eyed Juno for a bit before looking ahead, grabbing the remote for the tv. Baal checked his phone only to see that Buffy hadnt replied. It seemed off, he could just feel it.

[Baal:] You alright?

Daniel just sat there laughing at the tv with joy at whatever was going on, some comedy show or something, but Baal couldnt consentrate on actually figuring out what was going on as he just kept glancing at his phone, impatiently tapping his foot on the floor. Daniel noticed and it just made him sigh deep and loudly as he turned his head from the tv to Baal, “Is this what you’re gonna be like now? Tense and boring?” He said with an annoyed tone. Baal frowned at him as he placed Juno between them before getting up, “It clearly wont get easier,” he said as he returned the frown that Baal was making. The daemon shrugged as he went out to the kitchen to grab a vial of soul, feeling like he couldnt just being still in his apartment. Daniel always had an annoying way to present his advice like it was just as simple as he put it, but it didnt feel simple at all. Baal placed the empty vial on the kitchen counter to then place his palms against the cold metal to lean a little forward. He placed his forehead against the cupboard, closing his eyes but it was just her in his mind. He leaned a little back before he banged his head against the wood, it wasnt hard enough to be bad, but it did make Daniel jump right up from the couch to hurry out in the kitchen. Baal felt stupid as he turned to feel the wood against the back of his head, looking at Daniel with an empty expression, “You’re bleeding asshat,” Daniel hissed as he grabbed a towel for hands that he wet under the sink before he threw it to Baal. The daemon sighed as he grasped the cold cloth, lifting it to wipe off the blood from his forehead. He could feel that it was just a spot on his scalp, so it would be hidden behind the curls. He looked at his phone as she hadnt replied yet. He sighed hopelessly just as the screen lit up in his hand. “Dont make me come out there to kick your ass,” Daniel yelled from the living room. Baal pressed the cloth to his head as he started typing his message rather slow, feeling too worried to care for Daniel’s warning.

[Baal:] Why? What happened?

He held his breath a little as he made a grimace at the small wound. He returned to the livingroom, stopping in the door as her message buzzed.

[Baal:] Knows? About us?

He frowned a little confused. Wasnt they just friends? Daniel looked up at him with those judgemental eyes that only that damn blonde could make when he knew he was right.

[Baal:] Buffy... I

He wasnt sure what he had been about to write but it didnt matter, because Daniel had other plans, snatching the phone before Baal could finish, sending a clear draft as he instead called her. He placed the phone at his ear as he started keeping Baal at a distance with his arm. The guys ended up rolling around on the floor but Daniel was the fighter, so Baal was easily locked in the blonde’s free arm. “Come on.... pick up..” Daniel said to the phone. “Hi Buffy. It’s Daniel, you’ve probably heard of me but not been lucky enough to meet me in person. Anyway anyway, not the point. Baal or Belial, whichever way you know him, hasnt been the same since making acquaintace with you, and frankly it’s getting on my nerves. So I’d like for you two to figure out what this whole mess is going to be or the elders help me with what I’ll do,” he said which would either be to her or the answering machine. Baal broke free and snatched the phone hanging up before he stared at Daniel with angry eyes.

He couldnt believe that Daniel had just done that, he could barely figure out what to tell him. “That was over the line,” he just said in an angry tone, staring at his phone as Daniel scoffed and shook his head, “It’s nowhere near enough... you guys nee..” he was stopped as the phone started ringing, Baal moved his eyes down to the screen as he looked at Daniel with a warning look as he decided to pick up. He opened his mouth to speak but it wasnt her voice that spoke to him, but the cold one of a male’s. Baal closed his mouth as he kept quiet to let the cold voice of Xander scold him, swallowing hard as he wasnt sure what to say. He didnt want her to hurt, since when had it ever been the notion that he wanted it? “Tell me where and I’ll be there,” he just said in a numb tone, rubbing his temple with his free hand. He just stared out into the room for a bit as Xander hanged up on him, before he just got up from the floor and stormed out. He didnt even get to put on his jacket as he just ran with his phone in his hand, which may have looked weird to people around him.
He felt the cold stronger now, it wasnt hurting him but his limbs felt a little stiffer, but he just kept running. He got to the address, looking at the names before clicking the button that would alert them that he was there. Only that he was lucky when an old lady left the door, letting him in. He got to the apartment, knocking on the door and even though he felt like he had ran far over his limit in the short amount of time that he had had, he couldnt allow himself to catch his breath now. His heart was in his throat as he felt so conflicted and yet so determined - Xander had presented him with now or never, so now it was. He wasnt sure who would open, but he was hoping it would be her.

When she opened the door, he looked at her, watching the tear roll down her cheek before she reached out. He followed her as he wrapped his arms around her tight and felt her warmth. He hadnt been bothered by the cold before but he just wanted her close and feel her warmth. He let her sob as he buried his face in her blonde hair, inhaling her scent that he had missed so dearly since he always kept his distance before. He lifted his head at her words, lifting a hand to place his hand on her cheek, looking into her eyes. “I cant be your friend either,” he said in a sad tone as he felt himself well up a little. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath trembling with emotion before he leaned down to greet her lips with his own, kiss so tender and filled with a vulnerability that he had hid all this time. His stomach filled with butterflies and his heart hadnt stopped racing from running here. He pressed her closer as he kissed her again. But no kisses could solve this, that much he knew, he just needed to feel her lips as they had denied themselves for so long. “I want to be yours,” he said in a low tone, pressing his forehead to hers. He closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath as he waited her response.

He followed her pull, but he just wanted to stay close to her, even if he could feel the cold in his joints making his body feel stiff. He couldnt get sick so it wasnt dangerous for a daemon to get cold. He felt her warm hands cup his face and he looked into her green eyes as she leaned back. “I’ll be fine,” he assured her in a softspoken tone, placing a hand over his as he just looked at her. He didnt want her to worry that much about him because he felt more worried about her and her hurting. Was she still hurting though their lips had clashed so beautifully? He searched her eyes till she placed a gently kiss on his lips. He returned the gentleness as he squeezed his hand over hers, feeling so dumb for having held back all that time. “I do want to talk... now. Or more... I want to tell you about me, because I havent really in detail, the way I should have” he said seriously as he looked into her eyes. He took his hand off hers to entangle their fingers instead, looking at her as he wanted her to lead the way.

He followed her to her room, looking around as they entered. It was weird that they had been friends but he had never been here. He followed her while his eyes looked around, small snippets he could recognize from the pictures she had sent him once in a while in their texting sprees. For some reason it wasnt that surprising that her room looked like this as it was sort of what he had had in mind with the small hints in the pictures. He nodded at her words as his mind started flowing with it’s many questions, forcing him to filter through them all. He sat down in the windowsill where he had expected a cold breeze or something but it was quite nice and isolated from the outside. He wrapped an arm around her and pressed her close as he thought about what he should ask. He could ask her anything, she had told him that. When she asked for his age, he sighed deeply as he looked at her touching her cheek, “You’d think differently of me if I told you. You’d think I’m some old man,” he said as he felt her soft skin against his fingers. But he was going to tell her since she wanted to know, “I was born sometime 800 years ago. It wasnt noted down when as my mother kept it quite hidden,” he said, seemingly strained at the mention of his mother. He leaned back against the frame to sit a little more comfortably with her cuddled up to him. “There must be a reason why your family isnt especially fond of daemons. Are you from one of the pure lines?” He then asked as he looked at her. It was something he had thought about for long, but he didnt feel like he could just ask her out of the blue.

“Oh shush. We live our years like everyone else. I dont get to be 16 over and over like someone else,” he said with a faint smile as he chuckled a little, caressing her cheek gently. He didnt mind her teasing, he knew he was older than most people he met. He wasnt sure how old Daniel was, but it was probably somewhere older, he thought.
He nodded as she replied to his question, confirming his suspicion of her herritage. “It makes sense now as to why they’d dislike me,” he said as he then listened as she went to explain her parents. He chuckled a little, “I’m guessing the family wasnt happy about her choice either. Maybe it’s really just in your genes,” he pondered but he wasnt trying to tease her that much. He didnt know much about fenixes as the temple of Bael didnt teach much else than daemonology and how seraphim are the worst being to ever exist - It was quite simple teachings. But daemons didnt seem to be that bright when it came to other races.
He frowned a little at her as he looked down at the mark in his palm, to then look at her fingers trace the marks. “No. I was made into what I am,” he said in a quiet tone as he pulled her closer, feeling like her comfort made the uncomfortable feeling of revisiting the past a little easier. “Before this, I was a simple pureblood, but no one knew why. My mother was a cambion, insisting that Bael himself had blessed her with a child,” he explained as he moved his eyes away to look out into the room, his expression turning a little sorrowful, “But she never cared about her child. I didnt have a name till I was changed into this, and even then, the god thought only one name could be fitting for a child with no name. He named me Belial, burned it in my hand with this mark,” he said as he lifted his palm, the demonic letters spelling out his name, though only daemons could read the demonic language properly.

“She cared for no one else than herself and our god. As every daemon is programmed to. We dont care as much for our own if there isnt a gain in it. Somehow I believe that I for some reason am different in this, forced to overlook it all,” he said with a heavy weight to his tone as he shook his head. It was mere thoughts that had only been in his mind and now he was telling her like he had any proof of his claims - He felt dumb. He started doubting that he was much different, had it not been his selfish intention that they were now this close? The selfless, he thought had been staying away so she could be safe, but now it was all ruined and he thought that maybe he wasnt that different from the rest of his kind.
He watched her kiss each letter, tensing his jaw a little as he really hated his name with such a passion. But as she spoke it, he didnt feel angry as he would have with someone else. “You of seraphim, you’re all raised with love, respect and care for others. We’re raised with hatred, control and nothing but greed,” he said in a low tone, looking down at her as she smiled so gently up at him. He leaned down at her words and placed a kiss on her forehead, “I believe you,” he said against her skin, closing his eyes as he just seemed to relax and somehow rest in himself despite the topic. When she asked for his full name, he opened his eyes and lifted his head, frowning a little. “If you say it out loud, you could hold full control over me. I however trust you,” he said, swallowing hard as he took in a deep breath, “Belial Erebus Kharne,” he said, closing his eyes for a bit as he clenched the marked palm to a fist, feeling the dark energy within. “The marks give us away while our names are our greatest weakness. We werent meant to be among your kind, but hidden in the shadows and away from society,” he said, frowning a little as he hated the thought. “Tell me something seraphim-y. I wouldnt know what to ask,” he said as he looked at her, not really lying. Well he could ask her something the daemons always wondered but it would probably be quite offensive.

“My power becomes yours to command,” he said to keep it quite short. It was dumb that the god had allowed such a thing to be able to happen, but maybe it was for the daemons to take control of a disobidient summoner if that were to happen.

When he asked for a story, he smiled a little with a scoff leaving his mouth as she asked if he meant for her to tell him something sweet. He nodded, looking down at her as he just watched her beautiful features. He leaned back to the frame of the windowsill as she started telling her story. He frowned a little at the mention of the war. He hadnt been alive when it happened but from what he had gathered over time in his life was that the daemons hadnt forgotten their losses and peace wouldnt last long. But those were things he definitely couldnt just tell her about, as it was more than confidential. He wasnt exactly a high rank in the order but his position did have him mixed up in everything that were going on.
He listened on to her story, deciding to focus more on the aspects of her in the story, smiling a little endearing at her as she hid in his shirt, “I see,” he nodded as he moved some of her hair behind her ear. He could understand what it felt like to feel like the odd one out. He had felt like it most of his life, mainly because the other daemons had had names from birth and somewhat families, some even had normal families, he had watched them as they’d come to the temple. He looked at her as she looked at him, shifting between her eyes. “I know what you mean.. well in a sense,” he said leaning down to kiss her gently. He moved back up, sighing quietly. “Do you have a sense of belonging when you’re with me then?” He asked, raising his eyebrow at her.

He hadnt expected her to sit up and frown at his question, looking a little confused at her as he lifted a hand to lay on the side of her head, feeling the soft strands of hair move along his skin. He leaned into her hand on his cheek, closing his eyes for a moment as he listened to her words. He knew quite clearly what he was feeling, but he could understand if she was feeling a mixture of a lot of things. Her next words took him a little by surprise, especially as she sounded so vulnerable as she spoke, opening his green eyes to look into hers. He knew more and more how wrong he had been for trapping them both in a friendship when they clearly hadnt been feeling as friends at all. She leaned closer and he felt the soft lips on his skin, making him sigh quietly in delight at the small gesture. Her whisper made him chuckle faintly, feeling her lips move against his skin made tingles run down his spine. For some reason he kept thinking of how it may feel to have her lips on his neck. Her continuation felt like a lure, drawing him closer as he leaned away from her to look into her eyes, looking a little tense as the thought of her lips had brought his mind where it shouldnt be. He shifted between her eyes as his hand on her head moved down behind her neck. Her last question made his expression soften up as he tilted his head back a little to turn his eyes shortly out the window, “No. It wont,” he said as he looked back at her. He grabbed her to pull her up on his lap, wrapping his arms around her hips as he kissed her temple, “But it’ll have a happy start and a good middle,” he then said against her temple. He wouldnt sit here and lie to her. It could only end one way.
“I either outlive you or I dont,” he said a little sourly as he felt his jaw tense at the thought. He shool his head, not wanting to be stuck in dark thoughts now. “But that’s life,” he said as he looked down at her. He æeaned down to nuzzle his nose against hers. “We’ll see what the future brings,” he made a small smile.