Finding a balance [cw]

Buffy felt herself take aback by how vocal he became, and it only fuelled her to continue what she was doing to him. Could he feel how every stroke said that she loved him? Could he tell that she was enjoying this far too much? She moaned against him length, taking him in deeper, feeling him reach the back of her throat, whimpering because she couldn’t fit all of him in. She was shaking a bit, the adrenaline had kicked in and she felt herself high off of it. His strained voice and how he tried to quiet himself, it all just made her want to do this for longer. How long could she make him squirm in delight and make those guttural noises before he gave in? She wanted to look at him, but she decided to close her eyes, taking him in with her other senses instead. She would’ve lied if she said this wasn’t turning her on, but for now this was what she could give him. She could feel his member throbbing in her mouth, and she knew he was at the brink of breaking. His moaning warning made her ready herself, her body relaxed as he gave in and soon she felt the salty taste on her tongue. Swallowing, she made sure to clean him up from any drops that might’ve escaped her lips, as well as the wetness from her mouth. As she was done she looked at him, how he had collapsed in to the bed, a satisfied smile on her lips as she helped him cover up once more, before laying down beside him. She wanted to kiss him, but she didn’t, mostly because she didn’t know if he would find it unappealing. Instead she wrapped an arm around him, nuzzling her face into the nape of his neck, breathing in his scent as she herself relaxed. Those words were burning in her mind again. She wanted to yell how she cared for him. She would go as far as call it love, but she felt too many things right now that she just laid here with him.
She laid there for a while, holding him and breathing agains his neck as he calmed down from his high. She had never seen or felt anyone react like that before, so she knew it had to be real. “You said you wanted to be mine,” she whispered after some silence, kissing his neck gently. “And I Saïd I wanted to belong to you,” she continued, moving her hand down to his, entangling their fingers, but still holding him close. “Then what shall I call you?” She asked. She didn’t need a label if he didn’t want that, but she also felt like she couldn’t see others after this. If she were to finally be allowed close to Baal, she would not mess it up by misunderstanding where they stood. Her thumb caressed the inside of his palm, feeling her heart beat like a steady drum. He made her feel like she was someone special, like she could actually belong to him and let that be how their lives would be lived. She knew she might not have a long life, but they also said that the brightest flame burned the quickest, and that must’ve been true for all fenix.

Mindblown. That would be the word he’d describe the feeling he had in his mind right now. He had his eyes closed, gasping softly for air while his mind was trying to sort out the clutter that the high had caused him to feel. Feeling her tongue clean him up made a soft whimper leave his lips as he opened his eyes a little to look at the ceiling. He just needed a moment to gather his composure again before he even thought about speaking, lazily placing an arm around her as she cuddled into him. He got a hold of his breathing and slowly he felt him come down from the high that made him feel so lightheaded. “That was godly,” he said in a little bit of a hoarse tone, chuckling a little nervously at how something new as letting someone else, especially her, have the control over him in such a way had felt so good. Her words dragged him out of his mind as he turned his head to hers as he kissed her forehead.  He raised an eyebrow a little at what she was saying, but he could tell where the conversation was leading before she asked. He moved his head a little away from her to look into her eyes, lifting a hand to place on her cheek, “Are you afraid I’d make someone else sing like I make you? Or allow anyone to hear me the way you just did?” He just asked in a mixture of seriousness and teasing, smiling a little at her. He hadnt really had a need for a label as he knew in his heart that he couldnt go look for someone else to fill the spot she had dug into his heart. No one could simply compare, he could already tell. But if she needed clarification, he would be more than happy to give it to her. “Maybe that was the wrong question to ask. I want to be yours. Not someone else’s. So what I’m asking is, would you like to be my girlfriend, Buffy? Be mine and mine alone?” He made a bright smile at her before leaning in to kiss her lips gently, not being bothered as to where they had been moments ago.

She felt his arm wrap around her and she couldn't help but smile at the closeness she felt, even if he was still a bit dizzy from what she had done. It was strange how all this time she had wanted to be close to him, feel his being warm her up from the inside, and now she finally had a shot at it. Never had she felt so relieved yet so anxious about the future. She cared for him, in a way she couldn't explain, and perhaps love was the thing that described this feeling the best. As he spoke she felt herself blush, but she didn't want him to be with anyone but her. Maybe it was a silly selfish thought to have, to think that she had any sort of claim over him, but in her heart she just knew she couldn't bear the thought of him with someone else. Looking in to his eyes, she remained silent. A bit afraid to speak and ruin what he was trying to say. And as he spoke once more she felt herself well up with emotions once more, however this time it was happy tears and not tears of frustration. Returning the kiss he planted on her lips she sighed, feeling her body tremble at the thought. Her as his girlfriend. Being his. Only his. It was more than she could've asked for. Her lips separated, a faint smile on her full lips as she spoke. "Only if you will be mine, and only mine," she replied, running a hand up to his cheek. Her fingers caressing his skin gently as they moved along his jaw and down his throat. Buffy let out a small giggle, hiding her face in the nape of his neck once more, giggling as she thought of them together. Then she stopped, leaning back to look at him with a worried frown. "Baal," she said, her voice full of worry as she felt herself a bit lost. "What about ... Out and about - How ... How is that going to work out?" she whispered, feeling a bit scared. She didn't want to upset his kin, nor disrespect her own family like this. She sighed, leaning her forehead against his cheek. "And what will I tell my parents? My aunt? ... My brother?" she mumbled, feeling despair rummage through her small frame.

He smiled at her as she welled up with tears, but it wasnt that he liked seeing her cry that much, it was just that he knew she was happy. He felt her return the kiss and it felt like everything was falling into place. Well at least in the moment. He moved his arm up, brushing his hand against her back as he just felt the sweetness of the kiss. He leaned away to watch her smile faintly, but even if none of them were smiling fully, it was clear that both of them were more than joyous. Her words made him chuckle as he leaned his head towards her hand, looking into her eyes with a tender look, “I wouldnt want to be someone else’s,” he assured her, sighing softly at her hand that moved gently, sending small shocks through the connection of her skin against his. He couldnt hold back a bright smile as she leaned in to hide in the nape of his neck, feeling as giddy and giggly as she was expressing, pressing her closer to him as he just took a moment to enjoy this.
But it wasnt like he didnt know about the worries that soon would rise and as she looked at him with that frown, he made a soft smile as he touched her cheek, ready to listen. Her whisper made him sigh deeply as he gently traced the frame of her lower face with his indexfinger, drawing small circles around her cheekbone. He stopped his movement as he looked away for a bit with a thoughtful expression. He shrugged at her mumble as he looked back at her, placing the hand that traced her face, behind her neck. “None of them needs to know. I mean in reality, you couldnt be mine and I couldnt be yours. And yet here we are, declaring our love with such ease,” he said as he shifted between her eyes. “The Order would never allow me to be with anyone else than what they choose, and your family wouldnt ever accept a daemon as your boyfriend,” he said, knowing it was the harsh truth. He rolled over, using his hand on her neck to gently pull her back so he could hover over her. He placed his elbow next to her shoulder like he was shielding her, placing a hand on her cheek while he leaned down to kiss her other cheek in a sweet trail of kisses, “There’s nothing I wouldnt do... to be able to show you off... as mine... and mine alone.... But I dont need.. to show you off... to know who I belong to,” he said between the soft kisses, ending his sentence by looking into her eyes.

He spoke only the truth, she knew that, but why did the truth have to hurt so much? She felt his fingers caress her skin, and she looked into his eyes as he spoke his words, laying it all out. "I can't keep it a secret from my brother," she said firmly, almost in a protest. The two of them were always honest with each other, always telling things as they were. "He won't approve, but he doesn't want to see me hurt either," she said with a sigh leaving her lips. Buffy was not the type to hide away and live in the shadows. She loved showing off what she cared for. Following him she laid down, looking up at him with tenderness in her eyes. Feeling his small kisses and hearing what she said she knew he was right. She didn't really have to show him off, but just holding his hand in public, or perhaps sneaking a kiss now and then, she guessed that would be off limits. "I know," she replied, but she wasn't really satisfied. She wanted the world to change, wanted whatever bias and rules that may be placed upon them to disappear. She ran her hand up in to his curls, massaging his scalp lightly as he looked in to her eyes. Maybe she was naive, naive to think that some ancient rules could change just because the rest of the world seemed to. Taking a deep breath she felt like she wanted to handle something different, yet up the same lane. "What if ... They choose one for you? What will happen?" she asked, a bit scared to hear, but she needed to. She needed to know what it would imply. Would he be expected to produce offspring with that woman? Would he have to leave Buffy behind?

"As I said, he would not want to watch me hurt," she said with a small chuckle, keeping it as light as she could. As he said he would deny such an arranged thing, she couldn't help but smile. Run away together, it sounded like a child's solution to a grown up's problem, but for now it was all they had. Looking in to his eyes it was like she could see their future together. She wished it to be so simple, but running away would not only put him at risk, but her family as well. If they found out whom he had left for, the daemons would stop at nothing to get Buffy out from hiding. "Then forget about the cold and the forced, let us just think of the warmth we have right now," she whispered gently, kissing his cheek. His next few words were so simple yet could hold so much meaning. She pulled his face closer to her own, letting their lips touch in a simple yet tender kiss that made her sigh. "You have me," she promised, but she didn't know how to react besides saying that. She wanted him as well, her brows frowning a bit as she pulled close to another tender kiss, pressing her body against his. "I promise you have me," she whispered. It might've sounded like pillow talk, but she meant every word. Buffy wanted him to know that whatever cold he felt from the prospect of having his fate chosen by someone else was just a mere nightmare. She would heat him up, make him believe that together they could get through this.

Buffy had never demanded much. She had barely thought of what her future could hold, but when she saw that tear run down his cheek, she knew she wanted to spend every waking hour making him happy. She wanted him never to think that he couldn’t or didn’t have her heart already. As he laid down, she rested her head on his chest, her ear pressed against his shirt as she listened to the steady beat of his heart. His words made her sigh. “My father’s side, the Fayre, have a lot of traditions, most involving arranged marriages,” she confessed letting her hand lazily stroke his torso, her fingers playing lightly with his shirt. “However my mother always protested, saying that she married for love, and she wish her children do the same,” she said, smiling to herself. She could see a lot of herself in how headstrong her mother was. “The Elior side of my mother’s have long traditions of setting themselves up with seraphim of likeminded families; however as to put it harshly, what seraph would choose a fenix just for their name,” she said, moving her head a bit to look at him. A hint of a smile lingering on her lips. “My brother might be expected to make an alliance with another ancient family, but in reality I hold very little value except the name I was born with,” she said truthfully. Some seraphim were rather snobby, only wanting pure blood or at least valkyries to mingle with them.
She kissed his cheek gently, nuzzling her nose against his temple. “So there are quite the similarities between what might be expected of us, however a fenix hold no value to either human nor seraph; I guess that’s why I hate the rules of society so much,”[/color] she said, looking at him with her pondering face, her lips a bit pouty as she thought about it. “The rules set in place are just to keep us from realising what wonderful creatures walk among us, it tells us that a Lycan and a Vampyre cannot love without destroying the balance,” she said, kissing his cheek again, looking at his face. Her eyes followed the curve of his nose, how it moved down to his full lips that she felt herself drawn to. “But I’ve never read a single text where it says that love is forbidden, love is always encouraged, always said to be divine; the good place on Gambion, so why is my heart not allowed to love and be with whom I choose worthy, and not whom others choose for me?” she asked, knowing there was no easy answer. Buffy knew she would never be happy if she didn’t follow what her heart told her, never find the bliss that she felt when Baal touched her in someone else’s touch.
Taking a deep breath she shook her head. She needed to speak about something else, wrapping an arm around him as she placed her head on his arm, looking at his face. “Do you want to watch a movie? Or perhaps listen to some music?” She asked. She still wanted to hear his stories, but she could understand if he needed to take his mind off of his past and just enjoy the present with her. She moved to lean on her elbow, looking at him as she thought about wether to say something more. Moving closer she kissed his lips gently. "Or we can just lay here, see if the world changes while we rest," she whispered against his upper lip, nuzzling their noses together.

//Out <33//