Words arent just words all the time

Gerard looked up as Xalvador entered; At the orphanage they always cut his hair short to keep it more manageable, even if he liked his curls. Frowning he got up from his seat, walking over to lift up Xalvador's hand, gritting his teeth as he told him what they had said. He shook his head, walking to his small desk where he kept a few goods that were useful for them; one of them was a small tub of antibacterial ointment that he had stolen from one at the nurses at school. He didn't like stealing, but if Xalvador kept getting hurt, then he saw it as a help to the greater good to have that tub. "They can talk all they want, they just don't understand the friendship we have," he said, sitting down beside him, gesturing to place his hands on his thighs so he could rub the ointment in. He shook his head slightly. "Maybe it's my fault ... It's okay if you start avoiding me at school if it makes it easier," he said with a sigh. One of the teachers had caught him making out with a guy from a class above him and words like that spread fast on their closeminded school. "You're still my brother, Xally, I just don't want them to have that control over you," he said, finishing up the ointment before putting the lid back on the tub, hiding it away under some of Xalvador's old comics.

If there was something he hated more than his classmates and their big mouths, then it was the disinfectant. It just made the stinging worse, even if it was just for a small moment. He made a sour expression at Gerard's gesture but ended up handing over the torn knuckles, clenching his jaw as he prepared himself for the irritation. "I'm not going to avoid you. It's them who's the assholes here, not you," he argued, gritting his teeth as it stung quite bad this time. It must have been quite deep this time and it wasnt like the ruler that was used had been cleaned for the occasion. "Well, if you think my hands are bad, you should see the guy's face," he chuckled, finding it a little funny. He just thought it was justified that if some guy thought he could say whatever he wanted, then it could only be fair if he got beat up for saying something he knew would have pissed off someone and still chose to say it anyway. "I dont want to go to school anymore anyway. It just feels like a grande waste of time," he said with a small frown. "Tony has been asking me to come around more often anyway. I cant mess it up," he remarked, though he had never really disclosed what he was doing when he was out with this Tony guy. Except that he always seemed to have a bit of cash on him afterwards.

Gerard sighed at his words, mostly because that stubbornness could be his own undoing. The comment made him scoff, shaking his head as he didn't condone violence. "You should stay in school, at least finish up high school," he said, getting up to stand, looking out their dirty window. He longed to get out of here too, but the education was needed in his mind. Frowning at the mention of this Tony, he didn't know how to react.
"You aren't doing something illegal?" he asked, looking at him with seriousness in his eyes. Just to be sure he moved over, kneeling before him and holding out his pinky to make Xalvador promise him that. "You know I would blame myself if you got hurt," he reminded him almost sternly, but it was all out of worry. He loved the hybrid, he was a brother to him, a bond deeper even though they shared no blood relation.

"A little," he smiled as a reply as he had taken his pinky. Letting go he moved over to sit on his desk. For now they were rather lucky as the orphanage wasn't overcrowded so they had gotten this room for themselves. Scoffing at the hybrid's words he shook his head. "Because you're my brother, alright, and we look out for each other, right?" he argued, shrugging as he didn't really know how else to explain it. Xalvador was the closest thing to family that Gerard had ever had, and the thought of being separated was making him scared. They were both hurt kids, in a world that wasn't forgiving for boys like them.
"And if you're not finishing school, I want you to get some other sort of general education - And I don't really trust this Tony," he added, looking at the hybrid with a worried brow.

The mention of the carnival made him shrug. Frankly Gerard had looked forward to it, just the two of them sneaking out for some good fun. Of course it would never be anything more than a friendship, a brotherhood between them, even if the nephilim's feelings were contradicting that. He cared for Xalvador, more than he should, but he would never act on it, not voluntarily anyways.
"Yeah, if you aren't too busy with Tony," he said. Was there a hint of jealousy? Perhaps, but he was trying to play it off as teasing. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. What was a boy to do in this day and age? The whole school had heard the rumors, gaining Gerard the nicknames fairy and fag. He liked girls too, been with a few, but it was of course not something teenagers their age could understand. "I also don't want to get you in trouble again," he said. He knew what associating with him meant, and Gerard had lost a lot of friends since getting outed.

Gerard shrugged, wrapping his arms around his lanky figure. He was much too skinny for his height and age, but he also wasn't eating as much as he was served. He didn't like the food, frankly he didn't really seem to like food at all, being rather picky when it came to it. But Xalvador was strong, and he was sure that the hybrid would defend him any time, even if he came eye to eye with a lycan under the full moon. "I know, I just feel bad for being the reason you drag yourself in to fights," he murmured, looking down and away as Xalvador started changing. They changed in front of each other a lot, but he felt guilty just for looking. He knew the hybrid wasn't interested in men, hell he barely showed interest in women.
"Yeah, we can grab something tomorrow," he suggested, feeling like he was invading Xalvador's privacy just by standing here. Gerard wasn't experienced, but he had always known he was attracted to men and women, frankly it didn't really matter with genitals, he just liked it when people treated him well. "I like the smell of roses," he confessed, looking back at him as he had gotten dressed. Grabbing his lousy coat, he wrapped it around himself before they headed out. "I got a few spare change - we could play some of the games there if you want?" he suggested, stuffing his hands deep in his holy pockets.

"I'll fight anyone for you," he confirmed the nephilim's thoughts without knowing, shrugging as he just didnt see it as that big of a deal. He smiled gratefully at the suggestion, because the last thing he wanted was to also get picked on for having odd smelling clothes. And somehow he liked the fact that they sometimes spent their day with that bar of soap making sure all of their clothes were washed thoroughly or at least smelling like it. "Roses are alright. As long as it's clean smell, I dont care," he said with a shrug. He grabbed his own jacket which was basically just a vest, but he felt cold now that he had grown. As a kid he was cold all the time and it was tedious because he had made Gerard sleep in the same bed as him just to keep somewhat warm. He wondered if that had ever annoyed the nephilim, but he didnt really dare to ask, because as much as it had just been for warmth, it had also been some sort of comfort. "The arcade games? Or the other ones with the prizes and shit?" he asked with a bright smile. Xalvador was quite simple in many ways. He liked his comics and he loved any games that required a coin to play and came with a plug in wire.

"Any games you want, but I think winning some prizes like stuffed animals would be good - At least for the younger kids here," he said with a small shrug. Gerard always wanted the kids at the orphanage to feel better, have better toys and be taken care of more. Frankly he wanted to take all of them with him to the carnival, but he could only sneak out him and Xalvador. "Penny has been crying a lot at night; Her favorite teddy bear got taken away because they found moths had eaten away at it," he said frowning.
"Merde, it really is getting colder, non?" he mumbled, shivering in the cold, but it wasn't too bad, and as soon as they got to the carnival they would be surrounded by people anyways. It always seemed to generate heat.

He wasnt really much for winning prizes, mostly because he felt like it was eating more money than any of the other things. But the mention of Penny and her needing a new bear seemed to set his mind straight. "Well, shit. Guess I gotta bring my A game tonight then," he chuckled. He cared a lot for the other kids, especially the smaller ones. The ones around their own age seemed a little untrustworthy but he could understand why. They all needed to do what they did to survive.
Gerard's mumble made him frown as he looked at him. "Is it?" he asked, then looking up at the sky as if it would hold some answers. He looked down and sighed deeply. "I dont really feel the cold anymore. Or warmth," he said, unsure how to phrase it properly. Clearly he was worried that he was changing into more of a bloodsucker than he already was, though his skin wasnt really indicating it, no he would still be warm to the touch. "Man, I hate growing up," he sighed loudly, looking at Gerard with a broad smile. It was funny because it had been a topic they had talked about a lot as kids. How they both seemingly dreamt that once they were adults, they could do whatever the hell they wanted. Xalvador still wanted that, but he didnt want the whole middle part of puberty. He wasnt good with feelings or girls, which stemmed in the fact that he didnt really have many to look up to in that regard. And growing up in the conditions they were, Xalvador had just focused on anything that didnt seem too complicated.

"You're lucky, I'll have to rip another part of my bedlinen to see if I can fix this jacket," he sighed. The leaders of the orphanage wouldn't like it once they found out, but they sure as hell weren't going to spend money on clothes for him, that was for sure. He chuckled at the outburst, but mostly because he knew what he meant. It felt like every day there was something new to look out for, a new zit or a new stretch mark from their rapid growth.
"But at least it means we're getting closer to our goal, right?" he chuckled, meaning them getting out of the orphanage. Once they turned 18 they were free to go, and no-one could hold them back. "Besides, we will get to have a chance at trying out what life is really like," he said in a thoughtful voice.

"Well at least that's another possibility to the list of things I'll get you once solstice hits," he chuckled, but he was also serious. Even if other kids would cry at the thought of getting something practical or bland as their gifts, it was different with Xalvador and Gerard. Xalvador was just happy if he could get a pair of new socks so the ones he wore with holes in them could be thrown out. Not because the hole was small but because it pretty much wasnt a sock anymore but more a piece of fabric that could keep his shins warm. He hated feeling the inside of his shoes on his toes, he just couldnt describe how annoying the feeling was. "Yeah. But no way will I stay there once they let you out, that's just not happening" he said in a sure tone. Not that he wanted to be a burden, he felt quite sure that Tony would be able to keep him above water out there. Little did he know that Tony wouldnt be sticking around forever, but he strongly believed it for now.

"Absolutely not, you'll stay put at least until I find us a place to live," Gerard protested, looking rather seriously at Xalvador. He was not going to let the one he cared about the most sleep on the street and beg for coins. No, Gerard would find a job and a place where they could live. He stopped dead in his tracks, taking his hand out of his pocket before taking his. "I mean it, Xally; Just until we have a place to live together," he said in a serious voice. He frowned, looking down at their hands and feeling Xalvador's warmth before letting go and stuffing them back in his pockets. "Please," he whispered before he started walking once more. He should stop his mind, be had a crush on his best friend, and he knew it would never work out. Maybe what he needed was a distraction? He had a few people he knew he could get in to contact with, but it was still risky.

"Are you serious?" he asked with a frown on his brows, thinking it sounded insane to just stay behind and do nothing. Had the nephilim forgotten that it had been their plan all along? "Wait so you just want me to let you sleep on the streets and possibly die?" he asked, swallowing hard as he couldnt bear the thought. But the way Gerard was pleading with him made him look down with a sour expression on his face. "I'll sneak out and make sure you're okay every day. I wont let you starve," he said, shaking his head as he wasnt going to negotiate that one bit. That was just how it had to be if he couldnt follow him right away. The carnival wasnt too far off now, but Xalvador felt a little odd about the sudden change of mood. "What's up with you?" he asked as he stopped, looking at Gerard with worried eyes.

"I am completely serious," he simply stated, however the notion of Xalvador sneaking out did make him smile. He would like that, someone to see everyday, someone who would look out for him. Of course even if the hybrid was daft, he could sense when something was off with the nephilim. The question made him swallow as he stopped. "It's just cold, I want to get there so we can get some heat," he lied. He never lied, but he couldn't just blurt out that he had a crush on him, it didn't feel right. It felt like he would force his friend in to something he hadn't asked for.
He turned around, smiling at his friend. His friend. Gods he wished he could be more, but it wouldn't do. "And I guess I'm a little hungry, it makes me agitated, you know that," he chuckled. The fact that people at school were calling them an item didn't help, because why couldn't they be? They knew each other in and out, and they would always be there for one another. However disclosing this crush would surely break them, and Gerard was frightened of that.

"Yeah, I hope so, I've been looking forward since last year," Gerard chuckled, trying to seem as normal as he could. This crush had started out small, just being happy that he had Xalvador by his side. But it was like the more he thought about it, the more he wanted from the hybrid. Maybe it was more of a want to be like him, not caring what others thought, standing up for himself and his friends. There were so many things to admire about him, at least if you asked the nephilim. Arriving at the carnival, he took a moment just to look at Xalvador, probably looking too loved up for his own good, but this was what he lived for; Seeing the hybrid happy and excited. Gods, how he wished that he could look at him the same way he looked at the carnival. "The claw machine? You gotta beat your last score of catching that big bee," he suggested.

Gerard chuckled, feeling like despite how he was bumming himself out about his feelings for Xalvador, at least the hybrid was still happy and goofy. It was what he liked the best. At times the nephilim could be a bit melancholic, and that was when the hybrid rounded him out, made him see the world in a different light. Frankly he had thought that they would head straight to the claw machine, but the mention of food made him nod. He wasn't really too hungry - well out of the usual at least - but it felt good to be looked after like that. Following the hybrid he looked at the booth, picking out a pretzel and a bottle of water. It wasn't too expensive, but it sure was a treat.
The pretzel was still warm, making the nephilim smile as he started walking beside Xalvador, just looking around at the attractions and people. "I've been thinking ... Maybe you should get a girlfriend or something," he said, but the words felt so bitter to him. He tried shaking the feeling, smiling at Xalvador. "It would help with those stupid rumors, and I've seen a few of the girls at school swoon over you," he chuckled. Gerard didn't like the notion really, but he had to get over the hybrid somehow, and if he had someone, it would be easier.

He stood by and waited patiently while the nephilim was getting his food, once he returned, Xalvador quickly took a look at what he had gotten before he scoffed. He really couldnt understand the appeal but then again, it was probably how Gerard felt whenever he saw the blood that Xalvador was drinking. He kept his eyes ahead and his hands folded around his back. The mention of him needing to find a girlfriend made him wrinkle his nose. "A girlfriend?" he asked like it was some sort of foreign thought to him. It just wasnt something that he thought about very much. He had other concerns that needed more attention. "They can swoon all they want," he scoffed and looked at Gerard with serious eyes. "Do you think I care what they think about us? No, I dont. They can think what they want as long as they keep their tongues in their mouths," he said, muttering the last part about tongues because he knew that he fought people a lot for the things they said. "Why do you care so much about it?" he asked a little confused, looking at Gerard with serious eyes.

Gerard shrugged, taking a bite of his pretzel. He honestly had no other reason than for the fact he needed a reminder, and asking for Xalvador to wear a sign around his neck that said: I'm fucking straight you idiot wasn't going to cut it. "I just think it would help; Hell, maybe I should date a girl as well, get those idiots off my back," he mumbled. He had always been honest with Xalvador, frankly he told him just about everything, but the thing about his sexuality was still something he was struggling with. Of course he had always known that he wasn't attracted to one or the other, but in the society they were in right now it was hard for people to understand.
"Besides I feel bad for being the reason you get tossed in with my private stuff ... It just doesn't feel fair or right," he admitted, breathing out in a deep sigh.