Quite the Change

It had been a couple of days after the accident. She knew better than to be avoiding James, especially because there had been no indicators that she was going away. The lycan was too stubborn and Elora wasnt sure how she would handle the situation if he was the one to seek her out. So she asked him to come to the park, hoping that being out in public would dampen whatever reaction he may have when he saw her. She was still getting used to the fact that she only had one eye. Being able to skim through her coloured lenses had always obscured her vision, but not having an eye at all had proven to be quite difficult. How many times had she misjudged the distance of something and walked straight into a painful experience? She looked as a few colourful birds flew by, chirping their tunes. A small smile spread on her lips as she watched them, through the eye that wasnt covered by a medical eyepatch.

James had been worried sick, he had enough trouble making sure that whatever was going on in Southern wouldn't spread further. Mars had been dropped off at kindergarten, and here he was heading out to see the only thing that right now brought him any hope. Solstice had been such a great time, and while he didn't get to say what he had wanted to say, it had still felt like he had gotten a little braver around the daemon. Mars had been clinging to Andrew the whole night, and his girlfriend had been rather eager to entertain his son, so him and Elora had finally gotten to have conversations. He missed her on the daily, the kind of longing that he felt you only heard about in songs.
He looked around, spring was in the air, along with some doom looming from Southern District, but most people seemed to just continue living their lives. With curfew put in place, most people were out during the day, making sure to get everything done. Walking through the park he stopped as he saw the back of her head, her hair so recognizable to him. Not that he knew why he noticed it, but he just did. He came closer, smiling to himself, scoffing at his chirpy mood as he wrapped his arms around her from behind, placing a brief kiss against her temple. "Hello beautiful," he said, mostly in teasing, but he meant his words. Leaning away, he walked around her, now facing her before his face seemed to change in demeanor.
His brows furrowed, and the corners of his mouth went down as he had to blink a few times. "Elly ... Wha-what has happened - Oh my gods, are you alright?" He was freaking out a bit, but trying to be as calm as he could while they were out.

It was actually quite a pain having to look through the lens when she only had one eye. Some days were better than others, but today was actually not that bad; At least taking in the fact that she hadnt walked into anything... yet. She heard his footsteps and looked slightly down, not that she would be able to tell if it was him before he spoke to her. The way he wrapped his arms around her however was all she needed to know and his words would have made her smile, if it wasnt that she hadnt felt weirder than she did lately. She watched as he moved to face her, frowning a little before moving her gaze down. His reaction was expected, but she knew he was keeping himself in check now that they were out in public. "I am fine," she lied with a small smile. But how was she going to explain it? She looked so conflicted because now she wasnt so sure on where to start and what to disclose. "I just had to see you before you'd go all master detective on me and find me first." she admitted with a sigh.

It was weird to see her with an eyepatch, but the way she looked down made him feel bad about bringing it up - even though it was right there. He sat down in front of her, trying to catch her gaze to the best of his abilities. He knew she usually avoided eye contact, but she had to at least acknowledge that he was there. Reaching out, he took her hands between his own warm, holding them for a second as she came clear with an admittance; Though it wasn't really what he had hoped to hear.
"Elly, I know you are clumsy, but you're not hurting your eyes clumsy," it wasn't meant to hurt her by saying that, but he hoped that she understood what he meant. He wanted to know what had happened, he wanted the full story, and with her hands in his he thought that at least she would be honest with him. He cared for her on a level he didn't even dare think about too much, because that was just a one way trip to getting his heart broken all over again. "Please tell me, or would you rather I use my so called detective skills to find out?" He wanted to hug her, to really hold her close and ensure her that he was there for her, that he was sorry that she had gotten hurt in this way. And he was also angry with himself, because wasn't he supposed to be the friend that could protect her? Not that she couldn't do that herself, but maybe it was just his stupid male brain wanting to smash something or someone in - at least whoever had hurt her.

He was met by the colored contact, but he desperately wanted to look in to her real eye. The color of them were calming to him, warm and inviting, while these were white and obscuring what could've been. The way she spoke, it made his heart ache slightly, because her cold tone wasn't one he was used to. Was it really so bad to want to make her happy? As she mentioned the pillar he swallowed, turning his head to look at the darkness sprouting up in to the air. So far it was mainly in Southern District, but he had heard around town that some people were seeing shadows entering Central.
"Alright, we won't talk about it then," he said, breathing out in a sigh, greeting her gaze with his own sea blue ones. Lifting one hand from holding hers, he touched her cheek under the eye patch. Part of him wanted this to be some cruel joke, that he could remove the patch and she was unscathed underneath. However he also knew that it wasn't very likely. Elora was not one to fake serious injuries. "How about we go out for some drinks?" he suggested, smiling softly because it was not really the right time for drinking, but he felt like him and his best friend needed some cheering up. "I can get a nanny for Mars, we can go have fun like old times?"

She nodded as he agreed to not talk about it. It was just for the best, rather not have him mixed into the whole thing. Especially because Simeon was back and he was far too unpredictable to even be let near James or his son. His suggestion however made her scrunch her nose, but it didnt do much to soften her serious demeanor. "Go out for drinks?" she asked like she couldnt really believe he was suggesting that. She sighed and looked down. She knew he was just trying to cheer her up, but it wasnt what she needed this time around. "The world is crumbling around us and you want to go to a bar?" she asked, scoffing before she looked up at him again. "I'm sorry... I just..." she mumbled, shaking her head as she took a step back. She felt her eye well up and moved her gaze away.

James felt like biting his tongue. He wasn't sure what to do with all of this, he just wanted to cheer her up, make her smile and not look so serious. He hated this serious talk, about the world ending and everything crumbling - couldn't she try and see the positive in all of this? They still had hope, right? She got up and all of a sudden was moving away from him. Had he done something wrong? And now she was apologizing - wow, how much of an idiot had he been?
He stepped closer, placing his hands on her upper arms, trying to catch her avoiding gaze. "Elly, whatever you're going through, I'm going to be there for you," he promised in a soft spoken voice. He was terrified of the thought of losing her. He cared for her, he honestly loved her and yet he felt his tongue tie every time he wanted to express that. "I-I," but he cut himself off once again, breathing out in a heavy sigh. If the world was ending, then this was his only chance at confessing, so why wasn't he taking it? "I want to spend time with you, alright? Is that really so bad?" he asked, letting go of her arms. He couldn't force her, that wasn't in his nature.

"Yeah, right you are," she said like she didnt quite believe it, doing her best to just avoid looking at him. Maybe she was the one being problematic in the moment, but she had her reasons for it. She just kept looking away as best as she could, her jaw trembling a little. His question just made her turn her head to look right down, still avoiding his eyes. "It's actually the worst," she admitted in frustration, feeling a few tears roll down her cheeks. "You want to spend time with me when you're so oblivious to the obvious," she said in a harsh tone, feeling her mouth dry up just at the thoughts in her mind. She sobbed and shook her head. She was self destructive, but not suicidal. She covered her mouth as she started crying. She really was the worst, wasnt she? She had always believed she had had some sort of high ground over her siblings, but in the end she was just like them.

James felt his heart stop for a second. The worst? Was he really that unbearable to be around? He scoffed softly as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing, his frown sticking on his brow as he tried figuring out what she was trying to say. Then she started to sob, and in pure instinct he walked closer to her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to his chest. He could feel her pain, but not it all as there wasn't a lot of skin to skin touch. "C'mon Elly, whatever I did, I'm sorry, alright, I'm here," he mumbled in a hushed voice, kissing the top of her head. He hated seeing her cry, and it felt like he had seen that more often lately. He could feel his emotions in his chest bubble up, kissing her head again, then kissing her forehead softly.
He tried meeting her gaze, but his breath seemed to halter. "Whatever it is, we'll figure it out together," he mumbled gently pushing some of her hair away from her face. If by any chance she finally gave in and looked at him, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from leaning down to connect their lips.

This was definitely worse than whatever was happening, worse than Simeon coming back. She had no idea how to even handle her emotions because it had always just been so easy to pack it all away. She leaned into his arms without knowing why, she had never liked comfort like this but it seemed to be the only thing that made sense. He was just so good at making it seem like he could push the troubles away, make sure that whatever was hurting would eventually stop. She looked up through her tears, just to feel his lips as he leaned down. She felt her heart burst but then the guilt quickly washed over and surely he felt that as she pushed herself away from him and out of his arms, her eye flaring up in both guilt and anger. "Why the hell did you do that?!" she yelled, feeling the panic spread as she wanted to emphasize on her anger rather than have him wonder about the guilt she had felt in the moment. Damned lycans! Damn him!

He was a simple guy, he lived what he would describe as a simple life, and that was how he liked it. But something about Elora had never truly made sense. She hung around even though she had a much more exciting life - at least from how it seemed - and that was perhaps why he was so adamant on keeping her in his life. She was spectacular, a person you rarely got to meet, and he was so lucky to call her his friend. He knew he had loved her for a long time, knew that these feelings would eventually combust, but he had hoped that it hadn't been under these circumstances.
At first he felt her lips, and then her aching heart, as if it was calling out to him. A sudden rush of relief, that maybe she felt the same, maybe he wasn't kidding himself, but then the mood changed. The guilt and the anger rushed forward and he felt her push him away. He was standing a step away from her, not holding her anymore and he felt so empty. Why did she feel guilty?
Her angry outburst had him stunned, because for a second he thought that maybe there was a glimmer of hope? Maybe he could actually start feeling something with his heart after Cecilia had died. He had thought it wouldn't ever happen, that a love once a lifetime was all you got. But Elora had taken his pain and he had started to hope again. However now that was gone too.
"I-" he opened his mouth but he had no real reason beside that was what his body had been telling him for so long. He wanted to be more than just her friend, but right now he was afraid that he had ruined a perfectly healthy friendship. "Elly, I-" but what reason could he give her?

Shit, shit, shit! Her mind was racing with thoughts, her heart pounding so hard in her chest and she frankly didnt know what to do with herself. She however didnt break down this time, instead her expression just seemed to harden even more as she took a step forward and gave him a solid push before she shook her head and clenched her hands. She had to be strong, that was at least the lie she fed herself in the moment. She dried her cheek before her eye flared with anger. "What made you think you had the right?!" she sneered, feeling her heart ache with every word in the worst way possible. "What drove you to the insane conclusion that I would ever be feeling the same? I thought you knew when I made you join that dating app! That I could possibly never love you," her words were poison, but she felt like it had to be. As long as he was focused on his own aching heart, she wouldnt lose him, just yet, not fully. "Dont you... ever think that there could be an us. There could never! You hear me?!" she felt her voice break but she forced herself to keep talking.

The insane conclusion. He felt a cold sweat run down his back as he heard that, just feeling the weight of her pushing him back, and his body just swayed slightly. He could feel his jaw tighten, feeling how those emotions try and hide again, but they were out and he was watching as his world came crumbling down. His vision blurred, and he realized he was crying, but he couldn't stop looking at her. Why did she have to make this so brutal? Was he really that unlikeable? Blinking a few times he looked down, his posture changing as he felt the shame rise in him. He had always been warned that he was too much of a lycan, acting too irrational and too in touch with his emotions - and now he was starting to wonder if this was why people kept leaving him. And if Mars would eventually get tired of him as well?
"I hear you," he replied in a defeated voice, his mouth felt dry and a lump was in his throat. He had felt like this before, but he thought he was just over reacting. "I - uh," he wiped away his tear with the back of his hand, "I should really get going." Feeling like a coward wasn't nice, but it stung even more to know that he had hurt Elora. She was one of the few normal things in his life that brought him genuine joy, and now he had been selfish enough to ruin it. He took a step backwards, feeling like his knees were weak as jello, not even daring to look up to see her anger again. How could he ever forgive himself for this? "I'm so sorry," he mumbled before hurrying off.

This was definitely over the line but she felt like she had to cross it. Just dig her foot in deep and hope the damage wouldnt tear him apart completely, because it sure felt like it was doing it's best to pull her apart. But she didnt even have to see him clearly to know that her words had hit hard. A bitter taste spread in her mouth, like the poison she had just spoken to him and for a second she felt that urge to just take it all back. Run to him and wrap her arms around him, apologize profusely and hope that she could undo her vileness. But she stood her ground, her jaw trembling in what seemed like anger but it was really just sorrow. But she was an Aelius, this was what she had been bred to do; Despicable things no one thought possible. As he hurried off, she pulled the contact out of her eye to watch his figure quickly disappear or maybe it was because she started crying. She covered her mouth to whisper, "Please dont go," but it was so faint that not even the wind would carry it anywhere.

It felt like he had been crushed by a boulder, but he couldn't just wallow in hurt. He had responsibilities, he had a kid to take care of and even if he felt like his heart had just been ripped out, he had to continue the day. It felt very surreal, and in fact he felt very distant from everything around him. Mars was sensing it as well, but the kid was so young that he couldn't find words to help his father. It was grief all over again, but this time it was almost worse - because Elora was still alive, he could still get to see her, but the pain of doing that would unravel everything once more.
Weeks went by, and things weren't really getting better - besides the fact that James had gotten better at hiding the pain. He felt blessed in a way to have Mars, because he knew he wouldn't be alone and the fact that he couldn't just hide away until the pain disappeared did help his mental state. His parents were in town, something they rarely did, but it gave him a chance to get in a few extra hours at the car repair shop.
He was laying under a car, his fingers pretty dirty and rust had fallen on his hair and face as he was trying to loosen up an old bolt. He had kept himself busy, even though when he was lying awake at night, he pulled up the old texts between him and Elora. Was he torturing himself? Paining himself with the fact that every time he had written something, he knew that what she wrote back was just platonic. He felt like he had been delusional, like he had forced a narrative on to her that shouldn't have been there. Guilt was still a very strong emotion in him.
Breathing out in a huff, he moved out from under the car, wiping some sweat from his cheek and ended up smearing dirt on his face as well. He sat for a while, frowning as his head kept spinning with thoughts. This. This was why he hated being alone. He overthought things, and felt his emotions ravish his insides for hours on end, but for some reason he reached for his phone. He hadn't dared contacting her, he had even contemplating just deleting her number, but for some reason he was convinced he could remember her number by heart.

[Texts between Elora and James]
[James (23:46):] Are you awake?

Sending that text was hard, mostly because he was afraid she had already blocked his number. He pressed send, putting his phone down as he got to his feet. He needed to get done with work so that he could go home and hopefully just crash and sleep.

The next couple of weeks she didnt spend at home. Somehow seeing Andrew and Valerie was just not what she needed right now. And she didnt want to know what Valerie had to say about the eyepatch either. So instead she spent her days at the old Aelius mansion. She had had the piano moved up into the livingroom and she spent most days trying to remember the old tunes she had played as a kid after she had finally tuned it to the right tones. However, her missing eye and the fact that her muscle memory was gone completely at this point, she had spent more time hammering down on the keys rather than getting anything done. But as the days passed, she started getting better.
It was late at night and she had turned off the lights and lit up a couple of candlelight, just enough to light up the keyboard. She had her eyes closed as she just played the first thing that came to mind, which was a song she had composed as a kid. Somehow the nostalgic feeling was welcomed. She wanted to go back to the times before she knew there was a world outside this house. She wasnt much a fan of having to dictate her own life and deal with the consequences of it. Her phone beeped and the tune stopped as she lifted her hand to grab her phone. She looked at the message and blinked a few times, considering whether to answer or not. It was probably best if she didnt. But she couldnt help herself.

[Texts between Elora and James]
[Elora (23:47):] Yes

Tune ish (I'm a simp, what u gonna do): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbXLFwv3NRU

Sometimes in life you were lucky enough to meet people you connect with on a certain level. And the honest truth was that James had found something in Elora he hadn't even found in Cecilia. He still loved Mars' mother, but she was more of a memory, and far from a person he could just wrap his arms around. He had spent so many nights, wishing to turn back time; Ask her if she needed help, ask if there was anything he could've done. The weight of the guilt was still on him, even though he knew it hadn't been his choice to make. She had made that choice. And perhaps in his fear of losing Elora, he had successfully managed to push her away. Had what he had felt before she pushed him away been a delusion?
He felt at a loss, washing his hands in the sink, staring blankly at the water as it changed from grey to clear. He dried off his hands, splashing some water in his dirty face before patting it dry as well. He was a coward, wasn't he? Seeing as he barely dared to look at the man in the mirror that met him in the dimly lit bathroom.
Returning he checked his phone, but he hadn't really expected her to answer. It almost felt surreal. The blankness of the reply, just one word and it was enough to make him feel like he could crumble right this second.

[Texts between Elora and James]
[James (23:50):] I know you probably don't ever want to see me again
[James (23:51):] I don't deserve to be forgiven, I understand that
[James (23:52):] ...

It felt horrible to type it out. Should he call her? Would that make it better, or perhaps even worse than it already was? He swallowed, staring at the sent texts, feeling like he was stupid for even writing her at this hour. But he just needed to see if he could make some sort of amends. Maybe do something for her or apologize one last time? Explain the fear he has had for as long as he had known her.

[Texts between Elora and James]
[James (23:55):] And I know this isn't fair
[James (23:56):] But Mars can't understand why you aren't coming around lately
[James (23:57):] You don't owe me anything, I know what I did was wrong, and I'll apologize to the ends of the world if that's what you want
[James (23:58):] He's just a boy ... And his favorite person is you, and I was hoping that maybe you and him could see each other
[James (23:59):] At least before we move to Aurvandil

He had spoken with his parents, and with everything going on in Churchill it wasn't safe to stay, and not with a kid. He didn't like the thought of moving, but perhaps that would make things easier on Elora to some extent. He just didn't know how Mars' would take it.

She looked at the phone, at the message she had sent off. For a minute or two before she locked her phone and stared at the blank screen. She could barely see her outline in the dim lights. She sighed and placed her phone next to her, so she could feel it vibrate and then she continued playing to herself, starting off with one tune. She felt the vibration but continued for a bit, looking down to see the first few words in the message. The guilt struck her again, because she only had to see the four first words to know that he was still blaming himself. And he really shouldnt be. She didnt realize she had stopped playing as she was lost in thoughts.
Looking down she picked up her phone, reading through the messages, reminding herself that she was the one putting him through this. She deserved to feel bad, hell, that feeling that was eating her up was all her own fault. But then he started mentioning Mars and she read the messages as they came in. The last one made her eye sting, frowning as she looked at the screen. It was definitely for the best that they were moving away but it didnt hurt any less. And maybe a bit of madness had struck her at her own heartache because she opened the bubble and started typing.

[Texts between Elora and James]
[Elora (00:02)] You should come by for tea now if your shift is over.
[Elora has shared her location]

She left the phone by the piano, getting up before she walked to the kitchen. It was all a little dusty, but she found a pot and some old collection of tea that she guessed the nanny used to have. She placed the pot over the stove and turned around to clear the table. She pretty much just moved automatically as she prepared for him. Given that he was coming over. But why wouldnt he?

James wasn't really sure how she would respond, and part of him felt guilt for even mentioning Mars, but did a son have to be judged for his father's actions? He wasn't sure if that was just. Truth be told, he had been considering moving for a long time, even though he hated to admit it. But it was just taking a toll on him not having his parents around, and his brother had been bugging him about having more uncle-nephew time. So it was just the best option, or so he hoped.
The reply ticked in, and he was afraid to look at the screen as he finished up for the night, closing up the shop and putting on somewhat regular clothes. His hair was a mess, put back in a messy knot that was slowly coming undone. But he couldn't really be bothered to fix it. His plans were just to go home, sleep and then focus on his plans on packing. However as he stood outside, lighting up a cigarette that had been slightly crushed in his back pocket, he finally gathered the courage to look at his screen. Unlocking it, he froze, reading her last message over and over. Was this some sort of joke? However the heartbroken feeling inside of him wagered higher than the fear of rejection - because let's be honest, she had rejected him alright.
Moving through the streets at this hour wasn't pleasant for many. A curfew was in place, and the city looked more like a ghost town right about now. It was a little chilly outside, heavy clouds looming above to drop it's rain any second, but it was dry as he reached the destination. His eyes turned to an old house, but far from a cheap one. Walking up the steps he felt his heart in his throat, the final step felt like he had cement in his shoes. Lifting his hand it felt heavy too, knocking on the door, but rather reluctantly. He knew he had been the one to ruin this, he knew that whatever she was going to tell him or yell at him, he was going to stand and take in. Fiddling a bit with his hands, he decided to place them in the pockets of his jackets, trying to remain calm, but he was actively freaking out.

The pot warmed faster than anticipated, the whistle giving it away as she had put away the most of the mess. Before she had come and thrown out all the daemons that lingered around to protect the house, they hadnt gotten the chance to clean up. Not that daemons ate, but there sure where a lot of vials lying around. She turned down the heat, keeping the pot warm as she waited. Once she heard the knock on the door, she turned her head, grabbing a candlelight and placing it in it's rightful holder before making her way to the front door. She had tied her hair up as well in a loose ponytail, mostly because handling light with loose hair was like you were looking for something bad to happen. Seeing him, her expression remained the same like she was somewhat numb at this point. She moved aside, nodding for him to come inside. She led him to the kitchen and placed the light down at the table before she got the pot and some mugs that she blew into, making sure no dust had settled inside them. She stood for a while, with her back to him as she was supposed to fetch the tea bags. She could feel her heart race but she knew there was no way back. "Now that you're moving, I should at least tell you the truth," she said, almost coldly but she was really just hurting. Hurting far too much to back down, driven by the guilt that had been eating at her for years. She grabbed a couple of different bags, turning around before placing them down. She looked at him for a second before she poured the warm water into one of the mugs, handing it to him. She sat down and kept quiet for a bit. "You know how I always had to keep my eyes from other people's but not you? You probably thought I was just really shy or really couldnt handle looking at people," she started, just spewing out words as it at least kept her going. "Well, I cant say why nothing happens when you look into my eyes... But other people? They see their worst nightmares. All their insecurities, all the things that break them, it's what they see when I lock eyes with them," she said, running her index along the handle of the mug. "Some can handle it but others... They go insane. They keep seeing it once they've seen it and...." she cut herself off. Getting up before she left the kitchen, into another room in darkness before returning with something in her hand. "Cecilia never left a note, because she sent it to me," she said before placing the letter down, sliding it towards him. She knew why she had kept it, though she many times had stood over at the fireplace, itching to throw it in.

Seeing her did little to soothe his hurting heart, and he felt even more guilty for even trying to seek out any comfort. He had wronged her, and she was graceful enough to let him in to the place she was staying. Following her in to the kitchen he was just silent, looking around of course, but ultimately his mind was racing with what she might say. He sat down at the table, watching her back as she spoke and he felt like he should get up and embrace her. However her voice was so stoic and cold that he feared that she might yell at him once more. So he sat in the chair, watching her back as she started speaking.
A frown fell on his face as she turned around, explaining more about this condition - or whatever he could call it. Then she mentioned Cecilia, and he felt even more at a loss. What did all of this really mean? She got up, left the room before returning before he even had a chance to hold a single thought. The note was slid across the table, and looking at it, he felt his heart pounding. He hadn't even said anything, he couldn't find his words, because the idea that what was in front of him were Cecilia's last goodbye was too hard to stomach. If what Elora said was true - the thing about her gaze - then what harm had it caused Cecilia?
His hand was shaking a little, reaching out to take the note as he pulled it closer. His breath was hasty, feeling his heart in his chest, because his feelings all felt too much to handle. "Why?" he finally managed to muster, his lower lip quivering as he just stared at the note, but not daring to open it. "Why would she write you a note and not me? Why not her ... Her son?" Feeling his voice break as a couple of tears escaped his eyes, running down his cheeks. It didn't make sense, because the Cecilia he had known would've stopped at nothing to at least get some words to her loved ones. But he had been left with nothing, no goodbye, no last words and that had been the hardest thing to come to terms with. His eyes strayed from the paper, looking at her with hurt eyes. She had had this the whole time and not said anything? A feeling of betrayal in his expression, but he couldn't bear to say it out loud.
Slowly he moved the note closer, unfolding it with careful hands as he didn't wish to break something that might tell him the truth. Reading it, he felt his body go through all states of emotions before he hit defeat. Folding it back up, he placed it back on the table, his eyes shaking a little as he was clearly torn. Everything made so much sense now, and yet there were still so many unsolved things he needed to know the answer to. "Why did you withhold this information?" he asked, but he sounded strange and beside himself.

She didnt answer him but rather just looked at the note. It said all that had to be said. She knew because she had read it a fair few times, just to keep reminding herself of what she had done. Whenever she had thought that it would be okay to feel what she felt, wanting to give into feeling drawn, she had pulled it out and been reminded that she was not a worth an inch of his love in any regard. As he read the letter she was just looking at the mug, folding her lips as he got to the end. His question and the tone just made her eyes darken in the candlelight. "Because I'm selfish, James. I couldnt handle the thought of losing you back then," she said, lifting her eyes to look at him. Had that changed? She wasnt sure. Maybe not when the madness subsided, but for now it didnt seem to cross her mind. "I guess I wanted to be the innocent girl you had always seen in me. Some nice person that would never hurt anyone. But I did. And I'm not sure if I did it on purpose or not. If I was jealous or in love," she said, her words turning to a mumble as she looked down. She shook her head. "It doesnt matter," she reminded herself, looking up at him. She had to keep the facade up for a little longer, be sure that bridges were burned. "I'm the reason you lost Cecilia. It has been me all along," she said with a sigh but her face so stoic.

"Losing me!?" he yelled out, standing up and pushing back the chair so it fell over, making a loud hollow sound that rung through the empty house. He shook his head, stepping away from the table. He tried to never let anger get the best of him, but this was not a situation he could've prepared for. He paced for a bit, like a wild animal in captivity as she tried to explain herself. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, blinking as his eyes once again were as torn as ever. "Did you do it with the intend to harm her? Did you plan all of this, because it would be fun to toy around with a stupid lycan?" he asked, like he couldn't believe that this was what was going on right now. Running his hands up in his hair he pulled at it for a while, trying to contain all of his emotions, but he felt like exploding, or perhaps imploding - he wasn't sure what yet.
"This is fucked up, Elora," he said in a frustrated voice. He shook his head, moving away and out to the door. He had to get away. He couldn't handle all of these thoughts and wild emotions that were on a rampage inside of him. He grabbed the handle of the door, flinging it open and breaking the hinges, standing for a while just staring at it before he went out in to the night. It was cold, but he didn't care, he needed fresh air, as if it would clear up his mind. But he couldn't even get off the property, pacing back and forth once more as he shifted between folding his hands in to fists and then only to sob moments later.

Even if he yelled, she remained calm, looking up at him for a moment before she nodded to confirm. His anger sure was out of the ordinary, but she firmly believed that she deserved whatever outburst that could be coming. And it's not like she hadnt dealt with anger and destruction before, she did after all live with Andrew who was always so physical in his reactions. So the chair didnt scare her at all. She watched him pace around in the dim light, her hands on the table where she felt some of the warm liquid from her tea had crawled over the edge of her mug as he had gotten up. She scoffed at his question and looked down. "Would I have been yelling at you at the park if it was because it was something I had wanted all along?" she just asked instead of answering.
He was right, it was fucked up and she felt her eyes water as she was about to say something, he left for the door. She sat for a bit, drawing in a few deep breaths and rubbing her eye before she went to the door. She couldnt care less that it was broken. The house really had no meaning to her. She looked at him, sighing to herself. She went down, not knowing if she was walking closer to a ticking bomb but she wasnt scared. If he hadnt grabbed the note, she'd hand it to him. "Hopefully that means that nothing is keeping you from leaving this place," she just said, trying not to sound sad. But she was feeling all kinds of hurt, guilt, sad. Remorse was also there but so was the longing and the fear of being abandoned. Only that she had to pack it all away from showing on her face.