Going through changes

He was right, words were all he could give, but Buffy wasn't sure the words she would be passing on would be well received. He was about to say something but rightfully so he stopped as she could hear his sister approaching. It was a difficult thing to talk about, but she knew they would have their time eventually.
Being guided to the chair was a little awkward, but as she sat down she sighed softly, relaxing as Tessa started just blabbering on. "The chair of gossip," she chuckled as she felt the brush against her hair. It was strange. Buffy had always loved it when other people touched her hair, maybe because it felt like being taken care of. "I'm afraid very little has happened in my life since I got blinded," she confessed. There was no chance in hell that she was going to talk about her real life, but she could talk about something else. "But I feel like I need to know more about this boyfriend of yours."

The valkyrie gently brushed through the light's hair, smiling a little to herself. Though as Buffy seemed to spill no juice deets as Tessa had urged her to, but instead asked about Gerard, Tessa groaned but was clearly still smiling. "There's so much to tell about him," she admitted as she brushed in sections, making sure that she was completely untangling her cousin's hair. She tilted her head and ran a hand through the soft blonde strands. "He's just perfect.." - "... And old-" - "Connor!" - "What? It's true." he argued, smiling as Tessa pouted. Then she shook her head and looked back while Connor chuckled to himself. "Yes. He's also older than me, but he hasnt ever treated me like I'm just some child. He listens to all of my crazy ideas and he keeps me focused on my work and does a lot of sweet things too," she spoke freely, her voice so genuinely happy.

Buffy chuckled a bit, but maybe it was because she felt like it sounded rather normal to her ears that Tessa would find an older guy to be with. She needed someone mature enough to understand her and her crazy ideas. "Well he sounds lovely - I would love to meet him some time," she said, humming a bit as she thought about it for a bit. "You know, Belial is much older than me too," she confessed. It was something she had spoken about before, perhaps because her and Baal just seemed to be so in sync about everything. Like they understood each other without words.
"How much older is he? I bet it won't be older than who I'm in love with," she urged her cousin to spill. Even if Leona would be uptight about this kind of stuff, Buffy understood that the heart wanted what it wanted. Sometimes you just met your soulmate and nothing could keep you apart, not even the rules of society. "And how does he look? Just so that I can imagine how he is."

"What?" Tessa asked as she couldnt quite believe the summoner to be that old. At least he didnt look the part though she hadnt seen him that much. Buffy urged to know the number and Tessa felt herself blush a little. At first it had been quite a hassle but now she barely thought of it. At least until now that it had been brought out again. "He's around ten years older than me. I havent asked for a birthyear, because it doesnt really matter to me," she said before Buffy asked how he looked. Tessa sighed happily and then went on to explain to her best ability. How he had thick but nice curls, from his beautiful dark brown eyes that were neatly framed by dark lashes that werent too long but not short either. She also mentioned how he always had bags under his eyes, but she loved that about him, just as much as how scruffy he would get whenever he had been working hard and forgotten to shave. She mentioned how his nose curved in a way that made him all that unique. She was clearly in love and it even surprised Connor who scoffed. She looked at him with a small confused frown. "I've just never heard you speak of someone like that," - "Well you havent heard me speak of many other people than family, so of course you wouldnt know," Tessa said before she frowned a little as a thought crossed her mind.

Buffy shrugged, but hearing that the boyfriend was only ten years older than her? She had to scoff a little, because that was nothing. At least not compared to the difference between her and Baal. The valkyrie went off to explain the guy, and Buffy couldn't help but smile. She definitely sounded like she was in love, and that wasn't a bad thing. The light heard the siblings interact, chuckling a bit as she shook her head at them. "I think he sounds absolutely like someone meant for you," because it took some nerve to be able to keep up with the valkyrie that Buffy was lucky enough to call her cousin.
"I might as well spill the beans ... Belial is well - just about 800 give or take," she finally confessed, holding her breath slightly to have her cousins take it in.

"He really is," Tessa agreed with a soft chuckle. She would have pulled out her phone and texted him just because now she was missing him so much, but she kept her hands busy with Buffy's hair, even if it really hadnt been that tangled. She would just hate to have missed something. And besides, they were talking so nicely now. The confession however made both the siblings gasp, Tessa blinking a few times before she breathed out. "Holy... moly... That's like your age at least 500 times," she said, Connor chuckling as it wasnt exactly that, but he couldnt dare to correct her now. "Isnt that pretty weird?" he asked out of curiosity. It had to be at least a little bit weird, because that was the thoughts he had had about Saoirse now that he was that much older than her too, at least in mind.

Yeah that age gap was really something to chew on, huh? But she couldn't help but chuckle lightly at Tessa's comment along with Connor. She was exaggerating, by quite a lot, but she guessed from the outside it was rather daunting. The question made her shrug. "Not really," she had had plenty of time to think about things like this. "I mean sometimes it is, but when there's mutual respect then there's really not a lot of worry to be had," she pondered, wishing she could explain it better. Breathing out she smiled.
"I don't want to say that age is just a number, but when there's a connection it's very hard to deny yourself that happiness," she said, sounding much older than she actually was. But she had always been like this. A bit older on the inside than what she displayed on the outside, but the artefact did help her sound rather sentimental. "I don't know; When I'm with him I don't think of age or anything ... I just feel."

It was true, Leona had been very much against everything. But as soon as Saoirse was born it was as if the valkyrie had finally understood that what Buffy and her daemon had wasn't just something light. "Your mom was just trying to look out for me," she said, hearing how her hair was slowly getting chopped at. But then another question came, and Buffy felt like she was a teenager again, feeling her cheeks warm up. "Connor, could you leave? This is sorta a girl thing," she pleaded with her cousin. She normally wouldn't exclude him, but seeing how close he was with Saoirse it felt a little weird.
If Connor left she breathed out. "What I see in Belial isn't just attraction ... Well it's also a big part of it, but-" she said breathing out as she felt her heart beat a little faster just thinking about him. "It's the way he moves my heart, my soul ... How he can occupy my mind and I swear when he touches me, it feels like we are the only two people in the world," talking about something like this wasn't what she usually did. But Tessa seemed like she needed someone to confide in and Buffy wasn't afraid to share what she knew. "What I see in Belial is my soulmate; The one person in this whole world I would never be able to be without," maybe it sounded a bit extreme but it was true. "He's the father of my child and hopefully the father of my future children."

Buffy was right, Leona was always protective but sometimes it was also something that sometimes could get too much. Tessa had felt that first hand when it came to Gerard, at least if you asked the valkyrie. As Connor was asked to leave he looked a little confused till he realized, widening his eyes before he cleared his throat and made his leave.
Tessa was ready to hear all about it, putting down her scissors as she waited for Buffy to speak. She listened with a smile on her lips, sighing happily as it seemed that Buffy only had good stuff to say. "I'd want to think that that is what Gerard is to me as well. At least I dont mind the thought of us growing old together," she remarked but on the other hand, she was a little afraid of the whole idea of building a family together. It was maybe not the time for her to think about that kind of stuff yet.
"I'm actually jealous of that.." she admitted once Buffy had finished speaking, frowning a little before she sighed. "Because I feel like that's what I'm personally lacking and therefore cant really.. you know. Be someone's one and final, not like really really" she said frowning a little as she wasnt sure how to put it. "You know. Getting pregnant and stuff," she said with a shrug.

Hearing the talk about jealousy made her frown, but she was not going to discredit anything before she heard her out. But then it came out what all of this was about and Buffy reached out taking Tessa's hand. "Not being able to get pregnant isn't something you should ever be ashamed of; Tessa you're as much woman as me, maybe even more if we were to measure," she said quite adamantly. She had always been supportive of her, even if she didn't always say it. "Having children is not going to make you feel whole or like a woman; Because you already are one," giving her hand a squeeze.
"Has he ever said anything to make you feel less than?" she asked, because maybe that was where all of that doubt was coming from.

She felt her cousin's hand on hers, looking at her with a bit of a sad look in her eyes. It meant a lot that Buffy reassured her, because she felt herself get caught up in her own insecurities at times, even if she always seemed so happy and showey. It wasnt like she was putting up a facade, it was just like her surface was a little cracked and sometimes when turned just right in the light, the cracks showed so obviously. When she asked whether Gerard had said or implied something to make her think that, she widened her eyes and shook her head. "N-no!" she quickly stammered before she made a small thoughtful hum. ".. It's just something that's always in the back of my mind, no one has to tell me or make me feel it, because it's always there," she explained. She looked down and folded her lips before she sighed. "I dunno, it probably wont ever go away, that feeling"

Buffy nodded, well at least the guy was decent then, but the light wouldn't have expected less for her beloved cousin. "Everybody has insecurities, and while I'm not trying to downplay your worries, I also don't want you to get caught up in something," she said truthfully. Tessa was always so lovely and bubbly, but Buffy knew better than anyone how much a façade could hide. "But Tessie, worrying about kids right now might not be too productive," she reminded her, even if it was something that would eventually have to be brought up.
"Alright, I'm not your mother ... So I'm going to need the details; Are you two ... Y'know, having fun?" she asked, smiling a bit because she had a feeling she knew the answer.

Buffy was right, it was probably not something to be stuck in right in the moment, but on the other hand, Tessa knew that it was also just something that not every girl really had to worry about. "It's not that I want kids, I just... I dunno, it doesnt even ruin the stuff I have with Gerard, because he's very nice.. It's just knowing that I cant?" she tried to explain herself before she sighed in frustration and shook her head. It wouldnt lead anywhere to continue. "Thank you," she said with a small smile because it was at least nice to have someone to listen. The question made her chuckle as she grabbed the scissors again and started cutting carefully, evening out the length. "You mean having sex?" she asked pretty straightforward before she hummed. "Yeah. We were pretty much inseparable at first. Now it's definitely not as much but still something mindblowing and amazing," she explained before she bit her lip in a smile. "He's very attentive and focused on my need, not like some of the guys I've been with that has only been like suck my dick and then they never text back," she said with a shrug.

"Any time," she reminded her cousin. Even if she couldn't solve all of her problems, then she could at least listen to her speak of her worries. That was what they always had done in their family, relied on one another. Even if Buffy had felt left out, she had always had Tessa to confide in.
The conversation took a turn, but it was one that Buffy had started, so she just chuckled, nodding at the straightforwardness the valkyrie always possessed. Sometimes she wondered if that was a family trait? But hearing about it, at least from the outside, it seemed like a rather healthy relationship. "Yeah, sex in the beginning of a relationship is always rather ... Plentiful," she chuckled, clearly remembering how her and Baal were always trying to find time for each other. It was also rather different back then, how they had hid everything from the outside world. But she hadn't regretted one thing. "But the attentive guys are the ones that are worth keeping; If they make an effort to please you then you know that it's real what they feel for you," or at least that was how Buffy saw it. Baal was always rather attentive too, but she guessed they were pretty good at sharing who was in charge at what times.
"I heard from your mother that you have a new best friend? What happened to Maddie?" she asked, because she had met the vampyress a couple of times and the two of them were hard to tear apart.

Conversation between them was always ever evolving, but perhaps that was a good thing. They never lingered on a topic that didn't needed to be discussed further, but hearing about this new friend did make Buffy happy. Tessa was a special girl, not just because of her circumstance, but because she had such a brilliant mind and a creative soul. "Wow, that sounds good," she encouraged her, mostly because she had a feeling that this new friend was one that was going to last. And for Tessa to have more people in her life that supported her was only a plus.
"Tessie, I actually have a favor to ask," she said being a little more serious now, but she knew of all her family that she could at least rely on her aunt and cousins in this. "When things start to settle down more ... I think me and Baal want to make things official, get married and stuff," she said, even if it was a vague hope that they would ever reach that point. But she had to remain hopeful, and the best way to do so would to plan a bit ahead. "I would be really happy if perhaps you could take our pictures? It doesn't have to be anything special, but I know I would like to have a few good photos from that day."

The encouragement made her hum, a little focused as she was making up a few finishing touches. She felt like she had outdone herself with how even it was. As Buffy spoke of a favour, Tessa stopped snipping as she let her know she was listening. The mention of marriage made a bright smile appear on her lips. In times like these, it seemed that no one was getting married. So hearing that Buffy had plans like that, made her a little more hopeful. "I'm honoured. I would love to take pictures of you two," she assured her before she chuckled as a thought crossed her mind. "Speaking of marriage, it's actually very funny.. Dont tell my mom. She would completely freak out if she even suspected it. But..." she said before she drew in a deep breath. "Gerard propsed," she breathed out like she was dumping a big burden off her shoulders. Not that it really was, but she had been dying to tell someone, even if it was meant to be a secret.

Buffy smiled, because it would mean a lot to her. Even if the marriage would be further off than she wanted it to, she knew it would come eventually. Because that was how dedicated she was to figuring everything out. It seemed as if the two were leading rather similar lives, or at least on a surface level. It was a bit hard to know from the tone alone what Tessa felt about Gerard's proposal, but she wasn't going to judge. Her and Baal had moved fast too and if it was meant to be, then you didn't want to waste your time waiting around.
"And what did you say?" she asked, chuckling because that was sort of the important part. When Tessa would disclose that she had reacted positive, Buffy smiled happily. "I'm happy for you Tessie ... Of course I'll keep that secret for you," she promised her, feeling ready to be done with her haircut soon.

Of course she had said yes. Even if she had felt that sense of reality hit her at some point after the sheer happiness of being proposed to had died down, she still felt quite good about it. Even know she wasnt really regretting anything. "You better. I've already been grounded once for something my mother didnt agree with," she chuckled before she started brushing hair off her cousin's shoulders. She lifted the hair and brushed some finer small hairs off before she frowned and made a small noise of surprise as Buffy felt so warm, which was quite unlike her. Tessa wasnt really good at hiding anything that was surprising her like that. "Your haircut is done!" she bursted out before it got weird, gathering the scissors before putting them away.

"Your mother has always had a certain way of raising you and Connor," she chuckled, although at this point it was mostly Tessa she guessed. The valkyrie had always been rather rebellious, so she had no trouble thinking of something that she could've done to get grounded.
As the hair was dusted off, she felt the seraph's fingers against her skin, and she heard the small surprised noise. Swallowing she just remained quiet, pretending like she hadn't heard nor felt. As Tessa proclaimed the haircut over, she lifted her hands to touch her now much shorter hair. The former fenix couldn't help but sigh in happiness, how her hair wasn't dragging along her shoulders or making her feel too warm in her neck area. Surely she would look forward to actually seeing it herself, but for now her fingers had to do it. "It feels so good," she said rather relieved. Not that she didn't trust Tessa, it was more because she felt like she had gone so long without getting a trim.
Moving up to her feet she stretched her back a little, a few pops sounding from her spine. "What time is it?"

She let her cousin judge the hair, just looking at her with calculating eyes as she wasnt sure what she was thinking now. Something was definitely different, she had felt it when she saw her but the happiness from being reunited had made her push it to the back of her mind. However it seemed that Buffy didnt want to either talk about it or acknowledge that Tessa had felt something so the valkyrie swallowed, like she was swallowing the words she wanted to speak. "It's getting late," she said, looking at her phone before disclosing the time. She then looked at her cousin and sighed. "Why? Are you leaving?" she asked, trying her best not to sound upset.

Of course there was going to be a struggle with letting go. There always would be, but she had to go back sooner rather than later. "I need to head back ... There's so much I need to fix before I can really return," she said, shaking her head a little as she walked closer. Was the valkyrie afraid of her now? She reached down, searching and eventually taking Tessa's hand in her own, letting her feel just how warm she was. "I'm changed, Tessie, I have so much more responsibility now and I cannot allow myself to be drawn from it for much longer," she said, taking a deep breath.
"You and Connor need to stay strong ... The coming weeks will be hard on everyone, but you need to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel," she said rather seriously. She didn't want them to know too much, as that could ruin everything that her and Baal had worked so hard for. "But because I trust you, you get to ask me one question that I'll answer truthfully."

It felt a little bitter knowing that it would only be this short visit that they had. But with the state of the world, she wasnt really as surprised as she was just a little.. disappointed. She noticed how Buffy moved closer but she wasnt really afraid of her. Because it had clearly been her cousin that she had talked to this whole time. And as Buffy explained, she sighed and looked down. The mention of a question that she could ask, she bit her lip and then shook her head. "No it's okay. You get a raincheck for now. If you're busy, the last thing I want to do is keep you away," But that wasnt all she wanted to say. "Just promise for now that you will stay safe, I dont want anything to ruin those marriage pictures after all."

"I promise," Buffy said, pulling her cousin in to a small hug. She wanted to hug her more, but she couldn't justify staying back here when she was needed elsewhere. "Could you help me downstairs and make Connor call me a taxi?" she asked, taking her elbow to let the valkyrie guide her downstairs once again. She felt a little transformed, with her hair now short, she felt a little more like herself, even if she couldn't see it. It was all about feeling it.