Going through changes

The promise made her feel a little less anxious about letting her cousin go, hugging her a little closer while keeping it short. She followed the request and let her hold her arm as she lead her downstairs. Connor got to call a cab and Leona stood with Buffy while they waited, just speaking of casual things before she had see her off. She let Connor take his cousin to the cab, watching them from the window as she couldnt help but look concerned. As Connor returned, he seemed to notice, asking her what was on her mind. "I just cant let go of my concerns," she simply replied in a tired tone before she walked off to the living room. "Yeah, me too," Connor mumbled as he looked towards the window.

It was a cultist that had spotted her entering south and wasted no time in reporting back. It was almost a given to know that the summoner wouldnt accept if they had taken it upon themselves to escort her back. But maybe it had been a better idea to also make sure that someone was watching the light. "Are you lost?" a voice asked from a distance, the sound of a cane hitting the ground, slowly approaching. "Buffy." the voice said, it was obvious that he was smiling.

It had felt good to simply be Buffy. Not just some ancient light of the Abyssus as the zealots seemed to worship her as. It felt grounding. Not to mention that she felt almost light on her feet as she got out of the taxi, walking her way back as she seemed to remember it quite well. Part of her had hoped that Baal would be there, but that was ridiculous, as she hadn't said when she would be returning. Maybe it was just because she already missed him, and all this talk about weddings and sentimental things made her feel the need to just be with him.
South was pretty empty, at least at this point, but she couldn't care less whether it was day or night, because to her it was always dark. Or at least until she would regain her vision. Daemons who looked for easy prey stalked the streets, and as a voice approached her she simply sighed, ignoring the question. But then someone said her name. She stopped, signaling she was listening. Even the zealots seemed to refrain from using her name, always using mistress or lady - or anything formal that was. But this was different. She felt it churn in her stomach. "Who speaks my name without introducing themselves first?"

"I doubt you'd feel different if I did introduce myself. You have spent quite a long time resenting me for what I tried to do to you and that abomination you call a child, whom I've gotten to see while I'm healing. She seems to be getting along with her brother quite well," he said calmly, not sounding as weak as he had when he had been speaking to Amos. Frankly, the body was still adjusting and so was he to being in it, but at least he was mobile enough to move around on his own. As dangerous as he was for existing, there was only much he could do while he was recovering. "I see that the artifact has been split in two. And that you're no longer just a weak fenix, hmm?" he said, holding back from chuckling as it was just amusing to him.

Hearing him speak, there was very few who spoke like that. The voice wasn't the same as she remembered, but the way he put emphasis on certain words could've convinced her any day. She stood still, not needing to turn around to speak to him, but she did turn her side towards him, being able to hear him better. He sounded ... Weak? Or was that just because he was holding in his laughter? Biting her tongue she just let him speak. The mention of the artifact made her scoff softly. "Are you done?" she asked coldly. She was not the same Buffy that he had met either. She was stronger, much stronger than she could've ever been as a fenix. "I don't know why you have decided to claw yourself back to this life," she said rather calm in her voice, but she wasn't done with speaking. "And if you say it was unfinished business, then I have to laugh."

Right now she hated being blind. If she could only see him, they would be able to spot him so much easier in the future, but alas, things were just strange that way. Karma perhaps? If her eyes weren't hidden behind that blindfold, she would've been rolling her eyes, but those emotes would have to wait for another time. "Belial is doing fine," she lied, but why did she owe the summoner the truth? Showing weakness was never a good thing, and she refused to give up now.
"You know ... After you died, there was maybe a few seconds where I thought life would be normal," she said, frowning a bit before she shook her head. "But I guess that isn't in the cards for me after what I did."

Her jaw tensed slightly at the notion it wouldn't be for long. But she refused to act out and give in to his poking. Holding her breath, she heard as he got closer with a condescending question on his vile tongue. "They do tell of the dangers, but like every good thing you have to fight for it to have it," she spoke, standing rather still as she was not trying to aggravate him. Despite him being seemingly weak he was always doing things one could never foresee. Holding her breath as he was ever so close, she felt him pass her by, leaving her alone. But not for long. She heard the footsteps, the walk so easily recognizable to her ears.
"My love," she whispered, feeling like her heart was in her throat. Few things in this life had ever scared her, but Simeon had always instilled fear in to her very being. She took the last few steps before she reached for him, grabbing on to whatever she could as she felt lightheaded.

Buffy felt his arms around her, and she knew that everything would be alright eventually. He held her close, and she could feel his head move, probably looking out for anything or anyone. She took some time to take deep breaths, but it seemed that she still sounded hasty as she spoke a name she wouldn't have thought she would ever utter again. "Simeon." The name said it all, but she needed a few more deep breaths before she explained he had just been there talking to her. Maybe she was losing her mind? But then again, it was really hard to know what was real or fake when she couldn't see anything.
"My aunt will find some seraphim willing to help us; Connor seems adamant in helping, but I don't want him to get involved in something this dangerous," she said as she felt more at ease. Good news had come of this evening as well, she just had to remind herself to breathe and remember that the fear of Simeon for now was only in her head.

The reassurance was one thing, but Connor had seemed pretty ready to drop everything to make it up to Saoirse. But those words she kept for herself for now as he guided her back. She felt like the walk took forever, but once they were finally inside she felt like she could finally breathe. "Saoirse, how is she?" she asked, maybe because they had just spoken of Connor. It didn't take long for her to connect the dots and her daughter was always in the back of her mind. If she heard she was alright she would breathe out, leaning a bit against a wall as she tried gathering herself. "Call for a healer ... I need my eyes back," she said quite sure of her decision.

At this point she felt put of her mind, but being reassured that her child was sleeping soundly did calm her nerves. Baal left, and she ran a hand through her hair a couple of times, mostly because she forgot how short it was so she kept letting it drop down. The healer came and soon Simeon was the least of her worries.

A few hours later she was sitting on her and Baal's shared bed, still having the blindfold on as she wasn't sure how she was going to deal with having her whole sight back all at once. The healer had turned off the lights, making the room dark, but it only helped as to not irritate her still vulnerable eyes. "Please send for Belial," had been her last plea before the healer left, leaving her to her own devices for a while.

She just had so many thoughts in her head, worries and old trauma that had been brought back after being near Simeon. She knew this was what he had wanted, to scare her, but it had worked. Hearing Baal call her name, she hummed, "over on the bed,' she said a little distant in her voice as she was clearly deep in her thoughts. He came closer, but she didn't need her vision to know where in the dark he was. He touched her cheek, and she breathed out almost in relief, turning her head upwards, as if she was looking at him.
"Tessa insisted," she said, and the thought of her cousin made her smile. "My eyes are a little light sensitive for a couple of days, but they should return to normal if I take precautions," she said lifting her hand to guide his to the back of her head. "Will you take off my blindfold?" She asked. It was clear she was a little scared to do it on her own. "I have a feeling it's going to feel like a band aid," while it wasn't stuck to her skin, she had grown a little attached to it.

"It is quite ironic that the light might fear the darkness," she muttered, feeling how he loosened the knot. She knew he wasn't reacting much, she could tell, and right now what she really needed was her daemon. The one who would scoop her up in to his arms and hold her for a while. He didn't even have to say anything, she just needed to be held. But alas, as things were right now, she couldn't. Her daemon was here, but he was devoid of much feeling. As if the darkness had swallowed his happy smile. At least being blind had meant she could imagine his old self, see the softness in his eyes as he looked at her.
The blindfold fell to the ground, and she felt her breath hiccup a bit as she slowly opened her eyes. Even in the dark the storming light within her iris were visible. It didn't take long for her eyes to adjust, but as she looked at him it was clear she was sad. Only how would he be able to comfort her? "I need rest," she said, trying to keep her sentences short and to the point in fear of breaking down crying. Being with her family har reminded her of what things used to feel like. How they had laughed and smiled together. Even being in her aunts home, well ... she hadn't chuckled or giggled like that in months.

He still seemed to notice. Why was things just so hard for her to grasp? She knew what they were trying to do, but she was still sad. Because she was selfish, right? The world needed them, but she felt like without him she was needing him more than the world at this point. He touched her shoulder, and she tried to lean in to his touch, but it felt almost hollow. "I just miss you," she confessed, feeling her eyes water.
She felt like she had been delusional back at her aunt's place. Talking to Tessa as if the two of them were about to get married. But how could she ignore what little he seemed to emote towards her? "I know I shouldn't be thinking like that when we have so much to do," shaking her head a little at herself as she got to her feet, walking over to a small dresser. She just needed sleep and then she could wake up tomorrow and maybe not be so bothered. "I don't want us to get distracted, so please ... It's better if we don't talk about this right now," she tried toughening up, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand to get the tears away.

"I don't want to speak, Belial," she said, feeling like her whole body was shaking a bit. "I want to feel that it's really you, I want to look in to your eyes and recognize you fully, but you seem like a shell of yourself," looking at him holding her hand it felt so weird. She loved him, she knew she did, and nothing would ever change that love, but the pain of him seemingly not feeling it back was eating at her. "That one night we shared ... I felt you; I don't know how you did it or what happened, but I felt your soul touch mine like it hadn't for a long time, and now I'm left being alone again," was that really hard to grasp? He seemed almost robotic at this point and she wondered for how long she had just pretended that he hadn't. Was the artefact making her feel less things too? Would she eventually be a husk of her former self?
"No matter how much I say or do, it's like I can't reach you," breathing out, she gave his hand a soft squeeze before leaning her head against his shoulder. Just looking in to the room as her eyes still felt rather sore, and crying wasn't really helping.

She spoke and he didnt really know what to say. Because what he did now was really all that he could do and even then he was really pushing it. It just wasnt a time for them to be focusing on themselves, as selfish as she may be feeling for like she wanted to recognize him. "I wish I could tell you that you wont have to feel this way for long. But the truth is that I dont know," he said with a small sigh. He looked at their hands while she seemed to be looking into the room. "Am I burdening you by being this way?" he asked, knowing that the answer probably wasnt going to be pleasant. But it didnt really matter what she answered because he had already gotten the idea that she wasnt happy with him as it was now. "What can I do to make living here with me as I am easier for you?" he asked but obviously he couldnt do miracles.

"You are not a burden, it is the situation that surrounds us that is getting to me," she said, knowing she just had to get it together. To suck it up and just accept things as they were, even if that was not in her nature. He asked if there was something he could do and she shrugged. He was already very mindful of touching her to grant her some comfort, so what more could he do? She looked down at their hands, feeling his own in hers and when she was sitting like this in the darkness she swore she could almost imagine his smile. Feeling herself well up again by the thought she looked at his face, being met by the harsh reality of a stoic expression.
"I don't know ... Tell me I look pretty with my hair cut?" she mumbled, feeling stupid for even saying it. He just used to be so vocal, not hold back on compliments or touch. Now it felt like she had only gotten a pat on the head and that was about it. "Kiss me as a greeting?" she suggested, but what good would it do if he didn't feel it too? Was he even attracted to her in that state or had every normal function seized to exist?