Forgotten childhood memories

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Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Tue Nov 30, 2021 11:20 am

“No, I guess the feeling is all too familiar with you.” He sighed, sitting back in his chair. He crossed his arms and just looked at her rather than saying anything. Her question seemed so trivial at this point. Had they not discussed this before, so many times? “We grew up Raven. You realized you couldnt change yourself to fit the frame that it takes to be in The Blocks. I chopped and rearranged to do what is right for our people.” He sighed. He closed his eyes for a bit. “You did have the chance to kill me. Many times. But I’m talking about the first time. When you realized how strong you really were, crushing my voice.” He said, gesturing to his neck. Of course she had been the one to do it. “You just couldnt press the last bit and do what was necessary for your flock. And that is what happened to us. You cant do what you need to do and that is why you lose people.” He said, maybe a little bitter.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Tue Nov 30, 2021 11:32 am

She had lost herself back then, anger filling every part of her and it had only helped her find her real true strength. Before it all she had just been pretty innocent, but after nearly killing Victor she had known that she couldn't do it. It was like her hands couldn't act on her mind's orders. She had to scoff, was he bitter about this? She had been the one who left. "I'm not a killer," she just said, looking down as she felt so much regret, "but even so, people are dying like flies around me." They had hit a rough patch getting out of the Blocks. Sure, they could traverse South pretty easily seeing as it was still being rebuilt after the portal being closed, but it didn't change the facts. She couldn't feed them all. No matter how much bread she stole, there would always be hungry mouths.
"Maybe the reason I didn't kill you was because I could still see that scared scrawny boy in your eyes," she said, blinking a few times, feeling the heat of the blanket alright, but the water was still freezing, making her hair stick to her head and face. "And I still see him when you look in to my eyes," she said, looking at him with sad eyes. Raven was a hot head, but it was only because she was so passionate. Sure she was a leader and a leader had to make sacrifices, but sometimes she did wonder if she had done what was best.
"I did what I did to honor Winston's memory ... He wouldn't have wanted us fighting like this," she then said, feeling more determined. There was no reason to get sentimental. No, Victor wouldn't change. He wasn't the kid she had fallen in love with, but he looked the part. "Can't we find another way to settle this?" she asked.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Tue Nov 30, 2021 11:44 am

He didnt have to confirm that people died left and right. They were after all from the same place, faced the harsh reality of their circumstances. He still sat there with his arms crossed, looking at her, looking annoyed as ever. He hadnt had a different expression in years. She mentioned the scrawny boy he had been and he got up. “Dont be stuck in the past.” He said, frowning as she looked at him with sad eyes.
“Winston was a fool! He kept his eyes shut to so many other kids dying, keeping his selected little litter safe as best as he could. Why did he choose you? Why not some other sewer rat, what made you worthy of a parent that gave a shit?” He asked, that had been his biggest trigger to doing what he did. It hadnt been Jane owing him anything. He had just looked for an excuse. She asked for another way and he grabbed her chin, looking at her angrily. “There is no other way in The Blocks! We dont get multiple choices!” He hissed, shoving her face away before he grit his teeth and went to undo her chains. “You will die if you run off.” He just told her up straight. Then he nodded for her to follow. She had to see with her own eyes, the filth and decay Victor had to stare at everyday. Every, single, day, and feeling completely powerless to stop it. But he could with Jane. Stopping at a kid, he bowed down and exposed the arm. The chemicals had left rashes, so vile that the kid had scratched their arm, exposing a bit of bone here and there. “The leak. The gangs. The greed. The kids. The upperclass scientists picking us like lab rats.” He said, looking at the arm before he rose back to his full height, looking at Raven.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Tue Nov 30, 2021 11:54 am

"You think I haven't thought of that? He never told me anything!" she yelled back. Did he truly think that she had any clue as to why she had been chosen? In her mind it was the right place at the right time, but that didn't mean she didn't think of the Block. Her people. The filth of the world that she cared so much for. His hands grabbed her chin, looking at him until he shoved her face away. "We always have a choice," she argued. Maybe everything was really black or white in Victor's mind, it at least seemed so.
His threat didn't faze her, feeling the chains letting go of her sore flesh. It would heal at some point, it was just a matter of patience. Getting up she followed him and what met her made her heart hurt. All these kids, all this pain. Raven knew that she was one of the lucky ones, not being disfigured. Well, except for her eyes. They had a rosy almost pink shine to them as a result of the chemicals and gasses. He looked to her, and she looked to him. "These kids need medicine ... Not weapons," she said, touching a girl's hair as she inspected the eye socket that was missing an eye. "There's room up in South; We can squat in the abandoned houses, we can move closer to Central and maybe steal some shit from the hospitals," she said. Anything but weapons. Jane was brilliant, but weapons seemed like such a far stretch from her gas bombs.
Looking at Victor it was so clear that Raven wanted to be there for these kids. She was basically still a kid herself, but she acted so much older. "You can't give these kids guns, for one it wrong and the other ... They can't even fight in this state," sure he had a lot of brutes, but that wouldn't last long.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Tue Nov 30, 2021 1:00 pm

Choices were for the more fortunate. He wouldnt budge on that view. Optimism only led to disappointment. And he was sick of it. Showing her the child was his attempt to get her to see what he meant. But even then, it seemed that she had her own idea of what he was trying to do. “Does that arm look like one that can wield a weapon?” He asked with a frown. No, it wasnt. That was why he had brutes, older kids and grown ups to take care of these kids. She suggested moving them up South and he just had to disagree. “And then what Raven. You can take care of three people, what about a hundred? Will the state of Churchill help? Do you think they give a shit? They will just shovel our kids back like vermin out of a house. Dont be so naive.” He hissed.
“I am not going to just pave a way for them! Is this what Winston has taught you? In our world, the real world, if you want shit to change, you’ll have to do it yourself. Not flee to South, not stay passively by and let sick kids get worse or have them kidnapped, used or beaten. Give them a gun, an opportunity to defend for their own right to stay in this world among the rest.” He said, looking at her with an angry frown. “Take a walk. Dont come back if you’ll just suggest running off once again. We are doing things here my way.”

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Tue Nov 30, 2021 10:38 pm

Victor wanted to be stuck in how the world had treated them, using these kids to further his cause and she didn't like that. If they were smart about it, then they could solve this without violence, she was sure of it. Victor didn't seem impressed, she grit her teeth. Gods only knew how much she wanted to punch him right now. But she refrained from it. These kids were exposed to enough violence as it was. He told her to take a walk, scoffing as she went further in between the kids. She wasn't good with healing people, she knew how to break skulls, not how to put them back together. She felt eyes on her, brutes and elder kids looking at her from the shadows, knowing that all she had to do was step out of line and she was fair game.
Sitting down amongst some kids, one of them brought her a puzzle piece. There was no puzzle to solve, but anything could be a toy down here. The underbelly of Churchill wasn't a nice place, frankly she had hoped that if Winston was still alive, perhaps they could've started up some sort of school. Not that Raven was good at reading, but she could read a bit and Winston had thought her well. Spending the rest of the day amongst the hurting children she was soon enough summoned to Victor. He sat at the end of a table, almost as if he was royalty and she was a filthy peasant off the streets. Her arms and legs were tired, she was hungry too, but she didn't expect to eat anything while she was here. Victor had said it himself, food was sparse and she wouldn't take food out of one of the kids here. Sitting down by the table, she was silent.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Tue Nov 30, 2021 10:51 pm

Maybe being back here, inhaling the toxic air once more, seeing the damage and the hurting children would make her see what he meant. It seemed that she spent her time well and when night came, he had her sent to him. He just sat, drawings in front of him with a map over the city. The man couldnt read texts or documents but he could draw and read a map. "So what do you think? Should they just be taken to South?" he asked, getting up before he went to grab a plate. It was just a bread, that being all they could really have. He just placed it in front of her before he went back to sit. Sure, he was cold but he wasnt that cold.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Tue Nov 30, 2021 11:03 pm

Raven was silent, looking at the bread before her. She didn't feel like she deserved to eat it. No, one of those kids out there would have much more use for it. "Some of them can't even walk," she whispered, closing her eyes as she felt it all come over her. She had been strong out there, played with them, tried cheering them up, telling them wild stories. But she couldn't do anything. She couldn't come up with a single plan, and she felt so angry at herself. Her shoulders trembled, her head hanging as she gathered herself. "But I still don't think a war is the answer," she confessed.
Getting up she walked over, knowing pretty well how he organized, and she grabbed a map over the Blocks. It was old and yellow tinted, but the streets hadn't changed much over the years. Looking at it she pointed to where the leak had started, analyzing it as if she was reading something for her inner eyes. "Jay has been making gas masks ... Or one at least and several inhalers," she said, knowing it would aggravate Victor to hear her talk like this, put she lifted her hand. He had had his time to talk, now it was her time. "I want us to isolate areas of the Blocks, close down where the gas is the worst, and produce masks and inhalers for everyone," even though gathering the material could be hard, she knew everyone was hiding something or other for a rainy day.
"You're right," she said, frowning as she looked to him. "We can't sit by and do nothing, but arming ourselves with weapons is going to attract too much attention." Raven was right. Even though people usually stayed away from the Blocks, there were always the patrols and the social services trying to snatch up kids. "I assume you know who's behind the leak, or at least the company name?" she asked, looking at Victor as he could speak now if he wanted. She wanted to share ideas.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Tue Nov 30, 2021 11:25 pm

"And some of them are blind from the fumes, others scratch themselves till their skulls show from the irritations." he just added, but it seemed that she knew how serious it truly was. Kids were dying and it seemed to be for nothing. Or whatever the gain was, was no information that Victor could ever obtain. He didnt answer to her confession. For him it was the only solution.
He watched as she went on to look at a map. He remained seated, leaning his head back. He was tired. It had been hard to go look for her. He wasnt just going to sit and put on a facade the whole time. She knew him well enough as it was. "If we begin passing gas masks, we might as well put targets on their backs instead. Scrappers and other horrible people wouldnt mind beating up a weak kid to get something to sell." he argued. He closed his eyes and sighed, feeling like the back of his head was hurting pretty bad from how she had tackled him to the ground. "We are not going to go to war with weapons. But plant a bomb in the right place at the right time..." he said, trailing off as the rest made sense to him.
"I dont know who's behind it. Probably some corporation who either want to make the whole of The Blocks their guinea pigs, or maybe the leak just came on it's own and no one cares enough to come fix it." he said with a shrug. "My people havent heard shit. Because no one talks down here. And I dont have anyone looking proper enough to pass among the upperclass." he said, sounding a little irritated at the notion. But most of them were missing teeth, looking disfigured and malformed.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Tue Nov 30, 2021 11:36 pm

She could sense how tired he was. Her arm had been wrapped up, but she also knew she needed to have the cut looked at at some point. Now just wasn't the time. Victor brought up a few points, but she felt like they could keep the kids safe if they made some sort of zone in the Blocks dedicated to them. A bomb? "You'd have Jay make a bomb ... Plant it somewhere ... And risk hurting innocent people?" she was trying to follow what he was thinking of. Shaking her head no, it wasn't what she was willing to do. But then he said something about someone proper. She frowned, looking down as she thought about it. "I'm not missing any teeth," she said, and she was right. Sure, she had bruises and cuts on her right now, but her biggest flaw would be her forearms with all the scars.
Sighing she went to him, holding out her hand. "Don't pretend with me, let me have a look," she said, not removing her hand until he placed his in hers. She turned it a bit, checking up on it's movements. Nothing seemed to be wrong, no broken bones, but she could feel it was warm. "You've just sprained it a bit," she said with a small sigh, "try not to move it too much, just let it heal." Afterwards she took a few steps back, removing her long sleeved shirt, a tank top underneath, but she wanted to have a look at the cut. It was pretty neatly cut, but it was a bit bloody. "I might be able to pass as something on the upper side; But my guess is you won't trust me so-" she said shrugging lightly.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Tue Nov 30, 2021 11:47 pm

"I'm not talking about spreading terror. But one car with one of those upperclass assholes..." he just said, but it was also clear that he didnt care about the innocent. His care had gone with every kid he had had to watch live and die as if their lives were worth nothing. She pointed out that she wasnt missing any teeth. But what good would that do?
She went to him and he opened his eyes to look at her, frowning as she wanted his hand. He however moved it after a bit, letting her hold it. He wasnt exactly a fighter. He could fight, if his life depended on it, but he wouldnt just throw his fists left and right. He just hummed as she told him not to move it too much, looking at it, gritting his teeth as it was pulsating with pain. He closed his eyes but then she suggested something that had to make him scoff. "It doesnt matter if I trust you. You know what's at stake. Whatever you choose to do will not just affect me and you know that. So you would do what is right for your people." he argued as he then opened his eyes to look at her. "So I guess we'll have to steal something decent for you to wear."

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Wed Dec 01, 2021 6:39 am

Raven did know what was at stake, she had always known, but she wished she could've had Winston's guidance right now. Or at least him to talk to. She grabbed some water, cleaning off the cut as she grit her teeth looking away. As hard-core as she was she hated that stinging feeling of cleaning a cut or a wound. "Yeah, try and get something with long sleeves," she said in a mutter. She didn't mind how her forearms looked, but it would be a dead giveaway. "I might know a way to get up, even further up than South, but I would need to trust that the moment I'm gone you're not recruiting Jay to just make all sorts of things," she said rather seriously.
Wrapping a nice piece of fabric around her cut she tied it, hoping it would hold it closed for a while. Her pink eyes looked to Victor. She needed not only his word, but the word of everyone he worked with. "I need you to promise me, Vic," she said, walking back over, sitting down on the table in front of him. Reaching out she touched his bruised jaw where she had hit him. Was she being affectionate with him? No, she told herself, she just wanted to check if it was too swollen.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Wed Dec 01, 2021 12:45 pm

He noticed how she looked away while cleaning her cut, but it wasnt really news to him. Raven wanting to be strong? It had been like that forever. He didnt blame her for it. It wasnt like he hadnt seen her softer more vulnerable sides either way. He frowned as she mentioned him leaving Jane alone. He wasnt going to lie, he had considered seizing the opportunity, a back up plan, so to speak. He remained quiet like he was weighing his options. She sat down and he felt her hand on his jaw, grabbing it as it wasnt like he needed her affection. No that would be selfish knowing that his people were suffering. "I will promise for now. But I will need to see some sort of change. Otherwise we've both have wasted our time." he pointed out. He had to know that his people werent just dying for nothing.
"But if she comes here while you're gone and I believe she will, then I'll send her away." he just said, knowing that was really what Raven had wanted to hear. He grabbed his knife and ran his thumb down the blade making it bleed. Then he lifted his hand to Raven. "A blood promise." he said, holding the knife out for her.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Wed Dec 01, 2021 1:22 pm

She hadn't expected more. If it was only while she was away, then in her mind, she convinced herself she could protect Jane. She hoped Brock kept Dove safe, though at this point it was probably the other way around. "We might work something out, but we can't build anything really functional before we have access to some better materials," which was a fair point. He hadn't let go of her hand yet, but she wasn't going to point it out. It was as if that was their secret thing, the only thing they could have that was from their past. He finally let go, and she hummed at his suggestion. "That means if I die you'll lose any right to use Jay," she said. He was being serious it seemed. "Alright, you can't harm her or any from the Nest, and I'll do this and find a way for us to work together," she said, placing her thumb against the blade, sliding it down while he held the knife. Once the blood was flowing, she pressed their thumbs together, they blood mixing as their promises were now sealed.
Afterwards she stuck her thumb in her mouth, hoping her saliva would stop it from bleeding. Once it did she got off the table. "Do you still have my old chains?" She asked. If she was heading out in to the Blocks, she wouldn't go empty handed, that was for sure.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Wed Dec 01, 2021 3:32 pm

"We wont be getting materials without a war." he shrugged. But for now they would have to see what she could do. That would be the main focus. He agreed to her terms, though her death ensuring Jane's safety was a bit of a stretch to demand. But he respected it regardless. Just because it was Raven. Their promise was sealed and he wiped his finger off in his pants.
"I do," he answered her question, getting up. "Eat first." he said, gesturing to the bread she had barely touched. He went to a drawer and opened it, pulling out a key. No, he didnt keep her chains in a drawer, that would be weird. He kept them in a chest, that he unlocked and opened. Pulling them up, he looked at them. "You havent used these in forever." he said, scratching a bit of rust. "But I guess it's difficult to use something when you're avoiding the person keeping them."

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Wed Dec 01, 2021 4:26 pm

She couldn't help but scoff slightly as he told her to eat. He had always been like that, and it seemed he would remain like that even though they weren't on good terms now. Grabbing the bread she took a bite, her stomach rumbling, but she only ate half, packing the rest in her pocket for later. She was not one to waste food when it was so precious.
She got up as he took out the chains, smiling a little at the memories, before he spoke about avoiding him. It was true, she had been, but it was necessary. They weren't kids anymore. She needed to do what she though was right to honor Winston's legacy.
"They would've kept nicer if I had some oil or grease for them," she said, walking over to look at them. They seemed so small compared to those she had back at her hideout. Sighing she touched the rusty metal. "I bet they still work as they should," she said, turning her head to look at Victor. Her eyes then returned to the chains. Now that she was only wearing her tank top, the chains would grip much easier on her skin. It would hurt, but it would also make her more powerful. "Masks?" She asked, if not she would make one out of her long sleeved top. It was torn to pieces either way, the fabric worn thin, but it was better than nothing. It would be cold outside too, but she could handle it.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Wed Dec 01, 2021 4:51 pm

"There should be some lying around somewhere." he said with a sigh. Was it ironic that oil and grease was easier to obtain that something crucial like food? He scoffed at her words. The rust would probably just tear at skin, making it hurt that much more. As she asked for masks, he shook his head. "Cloth masks will have to do." he said, handing her one that had already been made, so she wouldnt have to tear her shirt up. "Then let's go." he said, gesturing for the outside. They could take a stroll into the city, she could get to see more of what the city was like now, maybe find some food that wasnt just old dry bread.

A few weeks had passed or so. The plan seemed pretty straightforward. Raven would pose as someone fitting to the upperclass and find out where the leak was from. Then they would figure out from there what to do. They were heading towards the leak itself, thick masks covering their faces. "Are you sure you want to see it?" he asked, turning his head to look at her. "It hasnt changed throughout the years. Just slowly spread to the whole area of our home."

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Wed Dec 01, 2021 5:01 pm

Raven had been kept here for a few weeks now. She wasn't really a prisoner, but she wasn't really allowed to leave either. But eventually she had convinced Victor to bring her out to see the mass leak area. The origin of it all. He turned to her, and she nodded, "I need to see it," she said, trying to breathe as shallow as possible. The masks were big, but they were old and worn too.
Getting there was hard. Masks always made everything difficult. She stopped, looking out at the lake of gas, her eyes watering at how strong it was. She felt like she could cry. This was what their home was? She hadn't been here in such a long time, and back then the leak was bad, but not this level of bad. "It's terrible," she whispered. She was starting to understand the desperation that Victor felt. The urgency. "This has to stop or it will reach South too," she said, imagining it as a deadly fog like from a horror movie.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Wed Dec 01, 2021 5:07 pm

He looked over the lake of gas as well as they stood at the edge, looking at it with a sad look in his eyes. "Remember when we were just kids and ran around the caves and what else was down there? I wonder if the shortcut even still exists, or if it's all just gone in the gas." he sighed. But she was right, it had to be stopped. "This is why I want war. I know neither you or Winston wanted it, but we need the attention. We need people to look this way, even if it's contempt and anger." he said, gesturing towards the leak lake.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Wed Dec 01, 2021 5:16 pm

Victor was getting in her head. He had a way of doing that. But she wasn't completely won over yet. "I'll talk to Jane when I return ... I don't want her making weapons, but if she can come up with something that one of your guys might be able to create then ..." she didn't finish her thought, shaking her head. "For now we focus on the plan," she said, looking at Victor with sad eyes.
Of course she could remember playing down there. It was some of the times she had loved the most. Sure they had been hungry and filthy, but they had had one another. Them against the world. And it seemed things had a way of circling back to the past. "Jay gets to decide for herself regardless of what I subscribe to; If she wants to, then she has to understand the implications," she said.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Wed Dec 01, 2021 5:25 pm

It was nice to see that Raven was opening her eyes to what he was seeing, because it at least made him sure that he could talk sense into her - His own sense either way. "The plan is highest priority." he said, crossing his arms as he kept looking out on the covered are that they had played in. "I even think the shit we carved in the wall will be there." he said. Raven spoke of Jane and Victor shrugged. Sure, they could do that, but he wasnt even sure if there was a point in it. "How could she ever understand the implications of anything when she has had her big sister to take care of her?" he asked, looking at her a little more seriously now. He frowned for a bit but then he sighed and shook his head. "You look so much like him at times nowadays."

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Wed Dec 01, 2021 5:49 pm

The thought of their carvings down there still being intact would've made her smile. But it was as if the gas had taken that too. Swallowed up not only the city, but also their memories and hurting the present. The mention of how she had shielded Jane made her grit her teeth, but the words about Winston made her turn her head to look at him. "Is that your way of saying you want to kill me?" She asked point blank. "Yes, I've protected her ... She's still a kid, she doesn't need to worry about all of this," at least not in a perfect world. Jane had had enough to struggle with. She sighed, "I just don't want them to worry so much," she confessed.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Wed Dec 01, 2021 5:58 pm

"No." he said with a sigh. She went on to explain herself and as much as he would have agreed with her under certain circumstances, this wasnt it. It was just pandering to leave the girl unknowing on how to deal with the real world once it was presented to her. Trailing back to her first question, he moved a little closer, looking at her with serious eyes. "I believe that unlike him, you can at least be talked to. Reasoned with. Winston was so stuck up in his own beliefs that he just wouldnt listen. You do that. You listen." he said, lifting a hand to carefully touch her cheek. His touch didnt linger long, but the small hasty steps approaching them wouldnt know the wiser. "Get away from her!" Jane screamed, just throwing herself at the tall lanky guy, but in the fog of the gas she couldnt know who she had actually been aiming for to tumble with.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Wed Dec 01, 2021 8:25 pm

It was strange being back here with him. They shared a lot of history, and neither of them could really deny it. They had been happy together, laughed together, loved together. But the years and their allegiances had torn them apart. Was this the universe' way of giving them another chance? Could she even forgiven him for killing Winston? She didn't know the answer to any of those, but as he touched her cheek, albeit brief, she felt like she was around the same boy she had fallen in love with. About to answer him, she heard the scream. Frowning she turned as someone barged in to her, making her fall back, hitting the ground. All she could feel was hard hits and hear Jane grunting. Why was she here? Why was she attacking her?
Raven fought back, pushing Jane off of her, gasping softly, but it seemed like the girl wanted back for more. It seemed so clear in hindsight that Jane had mistaken her for Victor, but it seemed that nothing could stop the fight from happening.

Subject: Re: Forgotten childhood memories Wed Dec 01, 2021 8:53 pm

Victor was just as confused as Raven had been, mostly because he stood left when it clearly hadnt meant to be like that. Jane wasnt strong but she didnt really have to be. He decided not to stand idle by, grabbing Jane by her shoulders as he pulled her off Raven. Jane just kicked and fought his grip, screaming and yelling as she fought like her life depended on it. "Jay, calm down!" Victor yelled angrily, getting a solid fist served to his face as he let go, Jane stumbling back, feeling the edge on her heel. She frowned as she saw Victor help up Raven, seeing the lack of hostility didnt make sense to her. "Are you...?" she asked, the edge crumbling under her heel but she was stuck in the moment. "Are you working with him?!" she yelled angrily, looking at Raven with frustration in her eyes.