Forgotten childhood memories

She didnt know he had woken up as well, looking a little surprised as he began moving. The complaint made her chuckle. “Well no one is forcing you up.” She said, to then soften up at his pleading. Of course she would stay. She laid down with her head on his chest after moving their hands, looking up at him with a soft tired smile over her lips. “You make me feel so happy. And I dont understand why.” She said in a lowered tone, looking up at him. “But I’m not complaining.” She admitted. Why would she? It felt good. Far too good to just push away and ignore.

He spoke of the past and she looked at him, rather curious to know what else happened. He had confessed, it had seemed like a big moment and she felt a little sad that she couldnt remember, if it was even true. “We kissed?” She said with a scoff. Her body didnt make her think of it as impossible, it was just weird to hear something she had done and not having a single memory of it at all. Or she sort of did. “I do remember kissing someone. And other things that followed. I miss him. He was so nice to me.” She muttered, closing her eyes as she sighed. “Was I really worth loving all this time?” She asked, opening her eyes to look at him. It was clearly something she had thought about, well not specifically that, but her worth in this world. Someone or something had been telling her differently this whole time. Blaming her for everything. Raven leaving and joinin Victor? Her fault. Her eyes began stinging and she looked away before she heard his answer.

He pulled her chin and she looked at him with a vulnerable look in her eyes. He repeated it and she had noticed how sincere and intense his look had been. Only that she hadnt expected him to go into such detail about how losing her had felt. Her eyes welled up as she looked at him, reaching up to touch the side of his head, listening to him go on. He said it was fine if they were just friends, but it felt like a lie. She wouldnt be okay the other way around, if she loved someone. Which she did, but she just couldnt remember him.
Holding her breath she just leaned in and connected their lips, just because she wanted to know what it felt like. How he would react to it. Would he push her away? She doubted it but there was so much doubr in her life as it was. She needed something real.

He returned the kiss and if she closed her eyes, she felt like he was the mysterious guy she couldnt remember. The one that had touched her with such intent and love. He turned them around and she felt him grip at her clothes. Now that was something the other guy hadnt done and it made her frown as he broke off the kiss. He began apologizing and she moved her hands up to grip his shoulders. “I just wanted to see… if it would wake any memories. But it didnt.” She said in a saddened tone, gripping onto his shoulders without being aware that she was. Her body just didnt want him to go, even if her mind couldnt follow. “I guess I wanted it to be you.” She admitted, feeling her eyes well up as she looked at him.

His question made her frown a bit because she wasnt really sure what she wanted. His assurance was nice but she wasnt too sure on what she wanted right now. She however moved as he gestured her to, frowning as she felt him between her legs. “Eugene..” she mumbled, feeling rather overwhelmed already. He pulled her face down and kissed her, she returned the kiss, grabbing into his shirt around his chest, her hands shaking a bit. He’s just going to use you someone told her and she pushed herself off of him, gasping as her body had reacted but her head couldnt. She just curled up, covering her head. “I’m sorry.. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” she mumbled over and over, gasping for air as she felt panicked. Why was her body so ready to just submit?

She didnt know what to do with herself, shaking and sniffling as she was trying not to cry. He apologized and got down next to her but she had a hard time grasping anything right now. He said he didnt want to hurt her and that was fine, because he hadnt. He hadnt hurt her! She knew it. And yet her body was shaking, wanting nothing more than to be close with him again. She just crawled from the bed, pushing him to move back and sit normally before she sort of just dumped herself down on his lap, curling up a little as she held onto him. “I just dont understand what’s happening…” she said before she closed her eyes. “Everything’s so weird.”

It definitely wasnt bad weird. She didnt want to hit him, so she shook her head no. It was like a mix between good and less good. Because she could feel her body react strongly but she didnt know why. “I dont know how to explain.” She said in a timid tone, listening to his heartbeat. It was soothing and nice. He spoke of hotdogs all of a sudden and she wrinkled her nose a little. “But they taste good.” She argued, closing her eyes, drawing in a trembling breath. “I think my body wants me to love you. But I dont feel like I know you.” She said, closing her eyes.

“Okay.” She mumbled, keeping her eyes closed as she still listened to his heartbeat, slowly coming out of her curl yet still laying in his arms. “But you should probably get to know me too.” She then said as she looked up at him. Sure it was cute and intimate now, but she was still remembering how he had said it so clearly. That the Jane he knew wouldnt have killed someone, though that had been her intention with Victor.

It was easier said than done. Now that he was putting her on the spot, she did try to think, but ended up giggling and shook her head. “I dont even know where to begin.” She admitted, but his question was a good pointer. “I like to scavenge. I have some pretty good spots I roam. And well… I make stuff as you said.” She said, nuzzling the side of her head against his chest. She moved off of him to move over to a box, pulling out a box with something that she brought back, sitting on his lap once again with the box on her own lap. “I remember this cute little thing, I wanted to recreate it but it just dont look the same.” She explained, pulling out a little gadget that clearly was supposed to resemble Bleep but pretty much instead pf holding the shape like a spider, it was a crab instead, with a displayscreen as eyes on the shell.

She got off and watched him go, holding the little crab in her hands. She hadnt figured out a way to keep it at a consistent energy level so it ate through every battery she had tried to put in it. Eugene returned and as he showed off his little machine she had been trying to replicate, she quickly scooted closer to his feet, grinning from ear to ear. “That’s him!” She exclaimed happily.
The machine jumped onto her and she giggled happily. “Oh he’s so sweet.” She mumbled, looking at Beep before looking at Eugene again. “So he was yours all along?” She said, as it seemed to make her wonder. She lifted a hand to Beep to have him crawl onto her hand, to eye the machine a little closer. “There are some gaps that I want to fill out and you are not making this easier Beep.” She told it, chuckling before letting it back on her shoulder. She sighed and looked back up at Eugene. “Your dad keeps telling me to keep you safe. I’m starting to wonder what it is he knows that I dont.” She pondered, leaning her head onto his knee with a thoughtful expression.

A week or so had passed. Another shipment from Victor was arriving and Jane just couldnt help herself. It was like anytime anything that had to do with Victor came up, her mind went nuts with anger. So she had contacted another gang, their leader eager to work with her since she was good at creations and her will seemed unbreakable. But not everyone agreed with that. “She is just a mole, here to seem helpful. But what has she really done?” Was the word around the gang. Jane had brought Eugene along seeing that he was stronger now. She was carrying a rugsack on her back with something that she would use to ruin the shipment. But it wasnt like things were left unguarded at this point. Victor kept eyes out everywhere. Wearing her mask and goggles, she looked around. “The shipment will pass through here.” She said, gesturing for Eugene to hide. She took out a new kind of bomb, one that reacted to pressure. She covered it with dirt and went to join Eugene, overlooking the trap.
She was a little excited, she had to admit. And as expected was the shipment being pulled on a cart. The people carrying it wouldnt be hit by the blast but she couldnt be sure about the debris from the shipment. Everything would go according to plan until she seemingly recognized someone. Only that it really wasnt, just a mere trick of her mind. “Raven?” She said, confused and then scared as she realized what was about to happen. Jumping out of the spot, she ran towards the cart. “Raven get away!!” She yelled, but the girl stopped in confusion just as the cart rolled over the pressure plate and the bomb went off. Jane watched in horror, hurrying over to the dying girl. “No… nonono… please. Raven I’m sorry.” She said, applying pressure to the girl’s stomach but the damage was done. You killed me. You killed me like you killed Winston. Like you’ll kill everyone you love! the corpse hissed as her, making her widen her eyes. “I didnt mean to… I…” she tried, but ended up just crying, getting to her feet. “You made me this way! I only ever wanted to save you!” She then yelled, kicking the dead corpse, stumbling back a few steps, falling over. If Eugene tried to approach her she’d pull out a gadget, a grenade of sorts, pulling the tail and only keeping it from exploding with the pressure she held it with. “Dont come closer!” She warned him, scooting back a few steps, kicking her feet, her grip turning unsteady. “Shut up Raven!” She yelled frantically, turning her head to look somewhere where no one even was. “You’re not real you’re dead.” She said to herself, digging her nails into the palm of her free hand, hoping that the pain could ground her.

She was far too distracted to notice him swinging the cane at her hand and he did manage to whack the grenade out of her hand and at least far enough away that they wouldnt be blasted to bits. Her wrist was soaring with pain and his weight on top of her, keeping her pinned to the ground. She was struggling against him and crying, acting hysterical out of frustration and sadness.
But his words were also somehow soothing. The weight letting her know that he was real, at least real enough to constrict her from drawing in deep breaths. She calmed down after a while, laying docile and quiet, just staring up at the sky before looking at him. “I’m sorry.” She said, feeling like she had messed it all up.
It had just felt so real. Seeing Raven instead of the girl, the voices. It was all real to Jane, as real as it could get. But luckily Eugene was even more than that because he was there. He was warm, he touched her and wasnt just some voice whispering things to agitate her.

It was alright? She looked at him rather vulnerable because it meant so much that he wasnt blaming her or being angry. He was understanding and kind. He moved and she lifted the hand he had hit with his cane. The wrist was slightly swollen but it wasnt really hurting. She got up with his help and went with him, looking back at the mess once before they left the area.
They got back and that was when she noticed the blood on his back. “Shit. Eugene!” She just exclaimed a little frustrated, walking up to him, grabbing his shoulders as she inspected his back. “You’re hurt. Why didnt you say anything?” She asked in a saddened tone, knowing she had caused this. She kept a firm grip on his shoulder, using her healthy hand as she could remain behind him to look at it.