Obsession and the obsessed

To say Xander was doing bad was an understatement. He could barely sleep let alone eat, which was why his professors often found him sleeping over his books in the library. This day had been no different, his blonde strands messy on his head as he packed up his things. He intended to go home, maybe lay in his bed and just pretend to sleep while he could listen to his sister move around the apartment. Nothing seemed to be soothing, and his fear of touch had gotten that much worse. Every time someone brushed by him he would flinch, scared that they might touch his skin that felt delicate like tissue paper. That was when he saw her. Her dark her and mixed colored eyes standing out like a sore thumb in his field of vision. Dropping his items he just stood there, staring at her as he felt a rush of fear in his system. He wanted to run away, his hand moving to his neck where two white spots marked where she had bit him.

As she sat there looking around while her study partners had their noses buried in their books, she felt anxious. What if he saw her first? What if he tried to sneak away when he did? It wasnt until the sound of someone's things hitting the ground that she turned her head to look at him, seeing how fearful he looked at her as his hand touched his neck where she had bitten him. She frowned a little but a sweet smile spread on her lips as she swore her dead heart seemed to be pounding in her chest with excitement. She had missed him, she knew that now. She placed a hand on the back of her chair before she helped herself to her feet to walk over him, well knowing she couldnt do anything to him on school grounds. Would he cause a scene and draw attention to them?

Xander might've looked relatively calm on the outside but his insides were going crazy. He was trying to make his feet run, trying to move his legs just move, but nothing seemed to work. Perhaps he should try screaming? Roar even? But all that came from his lips were a hasty breath that got faster as she came closer. "You," he said in a broken voice. He managed to take a step back, almost falling over his feet but he managed to keep standing. "I'll call the police," he said, taking out his phone with a shaky hand, but he couldn't seem to dial right away. She hadn't done anything, and there were a lot of people around them. On the other hand he couldn't trust that she wouldn't lash out. He had seen what she had been capable of, seen it be replayed in his nightmares and he felt the phantom pain in his neck again. He knew it was phantom, became she wasn't actually biting him, but it felt like it. "Get away from me," he said almost in a pleading tone. He was broken and hurt, and after Aiden had left he had found himself dive deeper in to a pit of self-despair.

It was a threat, he could hear that. She clearly hadn't let go of her obsession, but he couldn't handle it. "I think you've done enough," he said in a sour and sad tone, grabbing his things from her hands before she tried anything. Stuffing it away in his bag he could see how his hands were shaking. Her annoyed words made him scoff, but it sounded more like a scared exhale than anything. "Don't talk to me," he said, trying to move his body somewhat normal as he started walking away. He didn't feel safe, in fact he just wanted to hide. But where could he hide from his nightmares? Aiden wasn't there when he woke up anymore, so the reason for getting out of bed at this point was simply just to go study.

Swallowing hard at her correction he looked away. Ignoring her question he just kept walking, but clearly she wanted to follow him. He hated this, hated what she had done to him. "She can't stand me, if that's what you're hoping to hear," he said in a numb voice, feeling his eyes itch as he wanted to cry. Living didn't feel real, he could barely look his sister in the eye and be happy that she got her love back, because he was left behind. "So congratulations," he said dryly, picking up his pace, but he knew this was just an easy stroll for a vampyre. He wanted to cry, wanted to crawl in to a hole and never emerge again. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" he asked as he stopped dead in his tracks. He had tears in his eyes, his body visibly shaking.

Scoffing at her words; Like he was better off without Aiden? He felt like a wreck. The hybrid had been the only light in his day and that had been snuffed out. Her confused look made him frown, but as she said that she loved him he shook his head. "You don't love me," he said in a shaky voice. The nerve that Nahia had saying that she could love him better than Aiden made him grit his teeth. "No ... You just want to own me, like I'm a stupid pet, and when you're done with me I would be nothing," he said, his voice rising with anger, but his body remained calm. "You would rather have me dead than see me with someone else; that is not love, that is obsession!" he spoke louder, feeling the tears escaping his eyes, dropping down his cheek.

"What I have done to you?" he asked, complete in disbelief of her accusation. "You broke me," he said, his voice broken so much that it barely made a sound. His teeth were chattering as he tried to just grind them together and suppress the anger he felt. "I can barely touch anyone, and you think you got it bad?" he asked, shaking his head. She would never understand. She was a psychopath, someone who had taken him and broken him down.

There it was. Behind that facade of loving was the cunning and spiteful vampyre he had seen in that god forsaken apartment. The shove didn't feel good, it made his body tremble along with the words she spoke. She wouldn't give up, that was clear, but why? "Then I'll look forward to dying before that," he yelled at her as she walked away. He was shaken up, very badly, as he stumbled to his next class. He could barely focus on the blackboard as his body was shaking so much. The professor came over, touching his shoulder which made him flinch away, falling down from his chair and shaking his head. The other students looked on in confusion, mostly because they had clearly seen him change, but they didn't know the reason.

Xander had managed to excuse himself from class, his professor not doubting a word he said. Outside he sat down against one of the walls, looking at his phone. He hadn't changed the background, and it was still a picture of Aiden smiling. He just couldn't let himself change that as it seemed to be the only thing letting him hold on to reality. Finding her in his contacts he looked at the last messages he had sent her, but no reply. He knew she had left him, knew that it was because he was weak and couldn't even hold her without fear. He felt tears creep up on him again, a few dripping on his screen as he typed.

[Messaged between Aiden and Xander]
[Xander:] You don't have to reply
[Xander:] But I'm broken Aiden, more broken than ever
[Xander:] She found me, and I fear it's only a matter of time before I disappear
[Xander:] Could you just take care of Buffy? I don't want her risking her life for me
[Xander:] ...
[Xander:] Aiden I love you and I'm so sorry
[Xander:] I'm sorry I couldn't be strong enough to hold you when you needed it
[Xander:] I'm sorry that I can't fix myself
[Xander:] ...
[Xander:] But life without you just doesn't feel real

Xander felt weak once more. Aiden had left him because of that and now he just wanted the pain and fear to go away. He could find no comfort in anybody, he was constantly scared, and after this encounter with Nahia he just wanted it to stop. She had said herself that she would never give up. She would break him until there was nothing left of him, so why was he writing to Aiden? It didn't seem fair. He was just a coward, a man that couldn't even be his real authentic self, because that hurt. He had expected her to have blocked his number by now, but he had just wanted to explain it. Or at least hope that she would know that he still loved her. Then the message ticked in and he felt his heart sink.

[Messages between Aiden and Xander]
[Xander:] At the Institute
[Xander:] Could you maybe meet me there?
[Xander:] You don't have to if you don't want to

Xander didn't really know how to think. How to feel. It was like he had forgotten it along the way, and as he sat there in the hallway he just stared at her latest message. Disbelief was on his face, fearing that she was just saying it to be nice. He felt his hands get clammy, nervous to see Aiden. He was just sad that it had come to this, that he had to write her in his distress for her to even notice him anymore. He had really lost her, he thought to himself as he pushed himself to his feet. His safest bet was going to the entrance of the Institute. Standing up against a tree he felt the cold sweat on his forehead that he tried to remove. Fear was still strong in him, the icy cold feeling running up and down his spine from when Nahia had given him a push. It didn't take many minutes before he saw her. She was running and he felt a tear run down his cheek as she called his name. "I'm here," he called out in a broken voice, walking to her but keeping his distance. He couldn't just pull her close even if he wanted to. That wouldn't be fair. "You didn't have to ..." he mumbled looking down at his feet. It was hurting to look in to her eyes, still feeling the butterflies when he knew it wasn't to be.

She was crying again. Was this all he was reduced to? A regretful memory in her eyes that just made her sad? The question of where they should go made him shrug, mostly because he didn't know of a place where Nahia wouldn't be on to them. Right about now he felt stupid because of the messages he had sent her. It wasn't fair to drag her in to this mess, and she had clearly walked out of it when she decided to leave. "Somewhere you might know to be safe? I mean she has basically admitted to knowing everything about me, and going home to my sister wouldn't be fair," he said with a sigh leaving his lips. He wanted to reach out and touch her cheek, but he was still the coward that Nahia had reduced him to. He had so many questions for her, but he didn't know where to start so he just stood in silence as he looked at her. He could feel his heart beat faster, like he was actually alive once more, but he knew that feeling would disappear once she left again.

He did as she said, moving with her to her car and going inside he sat down in the passenger's seat next to her. It felt strange to be here, be so close to her. As she leaned her forehead against the steering wheel he looked at her with a worried frown. He didn't really say anything before she said that they weren't going to talk about it. He already knew what it referred to, and he just nodded, looking down at his hands in his lap. They set off, and he could feel the tension between them. He still felt like she had lied to him before going away; She had told him that she loved him only to leave him behind. The thought made him swallow, keeping his eyes on the road as he felt the emotions inside of him. "I don't blame you for telling me that lie; I just wish you hadn't," he said, breaking the silence between them. He felt like his heart was so raw and torn after what had happened, his jaw tensing as he felt like he wanted to cry again. "You're right ... Maybe we shouldn't talk about it," he mumbled, trying to hide how broken his voice would sound any louder than that.