So much for a quiet life

He felt her go limp in his arms and Saoirse's cries getting worse felt like a thorn in his heart. He felt Alyssa's hand on his shoulder but he kept his eyes on Buffy, keeping her face between his hands. "I know," he whispered in a sorrowful voice, feeling the tears run down his cheeks. It hadnt hit him that she was gone yet, but he probably wouldnt ever believe it either way. He just seemed to have forgotten the world around him as he caressed the fenix's cheeks with his thumbs. "I love you," he whispered softly, it was just by pure luck that he chose to listen to his sister. Her words made him frown as he nodded, "Of course I would," he said in a heartbroken tone, looking up at her with his teary eyes being all serious, just as she had been.
Her suggestion made him look back at Buffy as he sniffled, but he thought about it for a bit and then he sighed, "It's possible. But we'll have to bring her to the temple," he then said, lifting a hand from Buffy's face to rub some of the tears out of his eyes. He looked at the two boys with Saoirse in their arms, "We have to do it," he said before he got to his feet with Buffy in his arms.

Saoirse was crying, wanting to go to her mother. "Ma-ma, ma-ma," she said through her sobs, wanting her mother's embrace more than anything.

Alyssa sighed, nodding at Baal's words, looking at her son. She wanted him to stay here, take care of the crying toddler, even if it was with a seraphim. Nodding at him, she let him know that it was going to be fine, like an unspoken promise that she was going to fix this. There were few things Alyssa was willing to do, but she would do anything for Amos. And her son had taken a liking to his sister, bonded with her to keep her alive, so how could she look at him and not say that she had done everything within her powers to help the mother of his sister. Breathing out she looked at Baal, frowning as she saw how lifeless the fenix truly was. It was strange, because even when the fenix had been weak, she had been able to see the strength within her. Now it was just a shell. A scary reminder of what awaited most species. "But after this you better pull yourself together ... I can't rectify you being alive and hurting what my son loves," she said in a stern voice. Few had laid a hand on her son and survived, but could she truly murder someone of her own blood?

Getting to the temple was fairly easy, a car picked them up per Alyssa's request, and as they drove away she saw a seraphim pulling up to the house, storming out of his car. It was probably Buffy's brother, but she didn't care to turn around and tell him everything. She expected the boys to do that, as well as look after the small child. Pulling in to the temple, it was clear that no-one seemed willing to stop them. It was so that even the clergy in the area stopped and watched as the two daemons took the fenix in to the temple. Alyssa led them further down, down to one of the lower levels to one of the altars. "Place her down," she said calmly, gesturing to the altar itself. Going over to a shelf she took out a large and old book, looking at some inscriptions in it. Groaning a bit she threw the book away, as it was clearly not specific enough. "I'm going to have to pull out the artifact, and your heart, so that I may split off a peace of it," she said, rubbing her hands together as if it would help. "You need to trust me, because the artifact is going to want to budge and not do anything as I ask it, therefor your heart is going to stay halfway in your chest so that you can command it," she explained. It was a risky task in it of itself, but if Baal trusted her, then it was going to be easier.

He wasnt sure what she meant with her words as he still wasnt completely free from the grip of the artifact, but he would eventually figure it out. For now he just nodded and got into the car as Alyssa called for it. At the temple, he knew that it wasnt exactly the norm for daemons to pull anyone else than their sacrifices in to the temple, but this was a different matter. He was almost unwilling to let go of Buffy as Alyssa told him to place her on the altar. He moved some hair from her face, feeling dreadful to know that she had died because of him. He kept himself from crying as he leaned down to kiss her forehead, "I'll make things right," he whispered against her forehead before he looked at Alyssa.
Frowning a little, it did seem like something that could go terribly wrong, but he did trust her even before she had asked him to. "Just do whatever to bring her back," he said in a defeated tone, sitting down on a small chair as he looked at Alyssa before pulling off his shirt. The artifact was glowing in a faint golden light under his skin, pulsating with every beat of his heart.

Alyssa nodded as she started speaking the language of the ancient daemons. The language of Bael himself. Her hand moved to his chest, and as she spoke another word, her hand would phase through his ribs. It would be rather hurtful, but it needed to be done. Taking a hold of his heart, she pulled it towards her, feeling the artifact not wanting to collaborate. However she forced it with another few words, making it poke outside his chest. Her other hand grabbed a hold of the artifact tip, gritting her teeth as she needed Baal to focus on the control he could have over the artifact. It was not only painful for him, it was also for her, feeling her eyes getting bloodshot at the sheer pressure her body was under.
Finally she managed to snap off the piece of artifact, placing Baal's heart back inside his ribcage before taking her hand out. Holding the artifact was corrupting her skin, making blisters and black spots form, but she needed to focus. "Hold her," she said through gritted teeth, as she moved the artifact towards Buffy on the altar. Alyssa's breath was unstable, clearly in a lot of pain as the black spots were spreading. Carefully she placed the artifact piece over Buffy's heart, pushing it in and merging it with the still fenix heart. Inside, she made a prayer to Bael, praying that he would grant strength to the fenix, so that she might serve him. As it was done, Alyssa stumbled back, leaning against a wall, slowly sliding down to the floor as she tried to remain calm. The pain was bad, but as the artifact was no longer in her hand, she would heal soon enough.

Sitting up against the altar, he probably wouldnt have moved till he would either feel their bond move somewhere else or hear her come back to life. Even though Alyssa had pulled his heart out and held it in her hands, he hadnt really felt the pain from it. His body had reacted as it would, but his mind had just completely numbed him to register that it had been hurting. He feared that this would be his life from now on - Just to never feel anything else again than shame and sadness. The weak beat of her heart didnt break through the million thoughts in his mind, so it was only when she gasped that he heard her come back. All the thoughts went quiet in an instant as he just sat and listened, unsure whether it had been his imagination or not. He pushed himself to his feet to go to where Buffy was, so when he saw her again he was pretty surprised.
He went over to her fast, just to wrap his arms around her and hold her close to him. “Shhhh.. I’m here,” he whispered to her, caressing her back before he sat down and carefully made sure she was comfortable in his arms. He didnt feel like he deserved this, to be lucky enough to get her back after what he had done. Just the mere thought of uttering an apology made his heart twist and turn. Sorry for killing you, were words he couldnt ever say, not because she didnt deserve it, but because he never thought words could undo what he had done. It was also the notion of all this being his fault in the end that couldnt make him smile or laugh or even remotely feel any sort of relief. “Give it some time to come back to you,” he said in a soft tone, touching her face with his fingers. He couldnt stop thinking how he didnt deserve this.

Buffy felt a rush of relief, feeling his safe arms around her, holding her close. Everything was still a haze, she could remember almost nothing. Leaning against him, she felt like her body was strangely strong, yet so tired at the same time. "My throat ... It's so dry," she whispered. It felt like she had been snoring or something of the likes. She leaned her head against his chest, breathing calmly as she inhaled his scent. She hadn't even realized they weren't home, it had all felt like a bad nightmare. Alyssa handed her a cup of water, Buffy frowned, but took it, drinking some as she felt it run down her throat to fill her stomach. "Where are we, my love? - Is ... Is Saoirse alright?" she said, her voice getting a bit panicky from the thought of them being here because their daughter was ill.

Alyssa shook her head. It was clear that the fenix could remember nothing at this point. "Belial killed you, but he is also the reason you are back," she said in a voice empty of emotions. it was clear to her that her brother would not say anything to trigger the young woman's memory, so it was clear that she had to do it. Baal would probably hate her for it, but she saw no point in beating around the bush, so to speak. "There is now a part of the artifact inside of you, keeping you alive, but be warned of the dangers that may follow," she said, walking over to a small bowl of water, washing off the blood from her hands.

"I don't understand," she whispered, frowning as she looked at Baal's face. However one look in to his eyes and she knew it was the truth. Shame and pain was painted on his face, and she felt tears gathering in her eyes as the memories started rushing over her. They overwhelmed her, making her close her eyes as she groaned in pain, especially the memory of her body going limb. When everything was finally returned to her mind she opened her eyes and looked at her daemon. Through all of this, she still couldn't hate him, she couldn't hate what she loved so dearly. "Belial ... You've defied Faeth, defied the laws that is clear to every fenix," she breathed out, reaching her hand up to cup his face. She looked at his eyes, seeing how they had changed, but it didn't change how she felt about him. "Such a reckless thing to do, so selfish," she whispered, caressing his cheekbones as she looked at him. She felt like this was unreal. Buffy leaned her face closer to his, their lips almost touching, but she wouldn't kiss him just yet. "I would have done the same," she admitted, kissing him softly, her lips moving tenderly against his. She could feel their bond, strong as ever, and it was pulling at her heartstrings. She understood what he had done, and she knew that it would not be easy from now on. But something in her told her that she was finally able to bear some of the burdens that he had been carrying himself. "Come home again - I want to work everything out, I want us to be better," she pleaded, tears in her eyes. She had died and come back by his hands, and now more than ever she never wanted to leave his side.

"You two really are unbearable," Alyssa mumbled. She knew the fenix was naive, but this had to step over some boundary. "I think it would be wise if the two of you left through the tunnel," she noted, knowing that having a fenix walk out of the temple was not really a good look outwards.

His promise made a faint smile appear on her lips, although it felt strange to move her muscles. It felt like such a long time since she had smiled, especially around Baal. He asked if she could walk, but she honestly wasn't sure, frowning as she tried moving her legs. It was possible, but it seemed to feel like pins and needles all over her body. She could only hope to regain some of the feeling in her body. Standing up she wasn't so surefooted, but she managed to stay upright and not just fall on her face. Nodding at Alyssa's words, she took Baal's hand, entangling their fingers. "Together then," she said in a soft voice, letting Alyssa guide them out to the hallway and telling Buffy where they were headed. The empusa had to tend to the temple, however, explain to the priests why she had done what she had. She only hoped that her punishment would be mild.

Moving down the tunnel it was dark, only a few lit torches leading them in the right direction. "It's strange," she said, frowning as she gave Baal's hand a squeeze. Looking around everything was pretty much just black, then torch of light, then black. She guessed that most daemon's wouldn't need real light down here. "When I was dying, I couldn't even get angry with you," she confessed.

He would have carried her if she really couldnt walk on her on, but it was certain that he would eventually stumble and fall at some point in the tunnel. He let her check her footing, ready to support hr if she needed it. Their fingers were entangled and he nodded at her words, "Together," he repeated, caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. They were lead to the tunnel and he knew the way from there even if Alyssa felt the need to tell Buffy. He looked at his sister before they went and exhaled deeply, "Thank you," he said sincerely before walking off instead of lingering and risk being confronted by the priests. Someday he would repay her help or so he told himself as he walked down the dark tunnels with Buffy.
He was quiet for the most part, but his hand didnt loosen it's firm and secured grip around hers as they walked, because he frankly wasnt ready to even let go just a little bit. Her words made him turn his eyes to her. "Hmmm?" he hummed to let her know he was listening. But her confession just made him frown a little as he looked ahead, "You should be angry with me. I got you killed," he said in a calm tone but there was also a deep seriousness about his words. The last part he mumbled and it spread a bitter taste in his mouth. Maybe that was what made it all that much heartbreaking. That despite what he had done, she wasnt angry with him, that she was still as loving and caring as ever.

Stumbling through the darkness was rather scary, at least to someone like Buffy whom mostly liked warm and light places. She felt like every step they took, she could hear something rustling in the darkness, but perhaps it was just her imagination. Having been through this traumatic event would be sure to put some scars on her mentally, but she hadn't believed that she would go crazy from it. His words made her swallow, looking down at their hands in the dark. "I know I probably should be, I know I should probably yell at you and cuss you out, but it wouldn't solve anything," she said in a sad voice, leaning her head against his arm for a little support. Not her whole body, but her mind felt so foggy. "Because I could see you hurting through it all, I could feel you fighting and trying to do what you believed was right," she said softly, looking up at him in the dark. Her flames glowing at him, bright as they had been before Baal had left.
"Love is a strange size, but being with you ... Belial, it's all I've ever wanted since meeting you," she said, however she couldn't really describe it. It was as if the universe had just placed them together, and she was a planet circulating her star Baal. Thinking of it that way was weird, but she could find no better way to describe it than gravity. It didn't feel like it was the forces of Gambion that held her in place, it was him. The way he could look at her, without saying anything, yet she could understand every unspoken word. "I just wish I could have stopped you ... All those people that it made you take the lives of," she whispered. That was perhaps her biggest regret. That she had been unable to do anything. She knew she wasn't strong or could fight like Alyssa, but she did have things to offer. She was gentle by nature, probably because of her seraphim upbringing, but she truly believed that everyone could be redeemed. Breathing out she just looked at him, but there was still no anger in her eyes. "I almost lost you ... Saoirse almost lost both of us, and that would have been my worst nightmare coming true," she admitted. Their little girl was special in another way. How she could captivate everyone with just a blabber or a small giggle, and taking away her parents would be a cruel twist of faith.

The fact that she knew that she should have been angry with him enhanced the bitterness, but her next words made him frown a little. A part of him wanted to say that he clearly hadnt struggled enough with the outcome in the end, but they couldnt get caught up now. They had a responsibility to their daughter and the family that they had formed. He looked down at their hands and as she had leaned onto his arm, he choose to let go of her hand to wrap his arm around her instead. He felt a little unsure on his feet, but the ground was solid enough for him to not go all wobbly legs.
The torches that passed them let him see her face faintly, but he was just happy to see that flame burning bright once more. "The artifact used you to blind me," he admitted in a sad tone. He should have known that it was going to be his weakness and what would have made him give in. The thought that it planted in his mind that he was saving her, when he had really been killing her. "I dont remember a thing of it. Killing all those people," he mumbled, running a hand through his hair. He still hadnt fully realized the extent of what he had done and eventually it would hit him like a brick wall.
"Buffy..." he whispered in a plea as she spoke of her worst nightmare. "I lost you and it was only with luck that the artifact could be split and placed in you. I.... I dont deserve to have a second chance with you, and there's still things that are clouded and hidden away in my mind," he admitted in a numb tone, looking at her as he stopped to place a hand on her cheek. "I became the man I feared to be and bringing you back after all this wont undo the hurt I did to you and our child with or without my absence," he then said, swallowing hard as he placed his forehead against hers. "I want to do our family right and be yours again," he whispered, closing his eyes for a moment before he leaned away. He didnt want an answer or comfort so he just kissed her nose gently before he continued their walk.

Listening to him, she could hear how regretful he was. She could hear how he wanted to repent what he had done, and do things right, but Buffy didn't have a recipe for what could be done. He pleaded with her, begging her to give him another chance, but she thought she had already offered him another one. His whisper made her heart beat a little faster, but mostly because that was all she wanted. For them to belong to each other once more. And maybe it was possible, maybe they could figure it all out and things could get better. His sweet little kiss of her nose made her want to pull him back. Make him kiss her the way only he could, where the whole world disappeared and all that was left was the two of them. Moving with him she was silent for a while, lost in her foggy mind.
"When we get back, you'll probably have to fight the boys to be able to read Saoirse a bedtime story," she said, smiling faintly as she could only imagine the two guys trying to contain their inner want to be around the little girl. Deep down she felt guilty for even asking Connor and Amos to do this for her child, but both had said yes without hesitation. Breathing out she felt a little more calm, but also nervous. What would her family say? She had already broken so many rules, and now she had died and been brought back by daemon hand. Placing a hand over her chest, she frowned, feeling like something was pulling at her heart. She took a few deep breaths, and the feeling seemed to dissipate for now, making her think it was simply the long tunnel making her feel nauseous.
As they finally got out, the sun was setting. The last few rays of light fighting with the trees to dominate the ground. Looking at Baal she felt herself strangely drawn to him, more so than she had felt before. "Your eyes," she whispered, surprised to see the grey color, only a faint few dashes of green to remind her of the color they used to have.

Buffy knew that Amos might be furious when they returned, but the fenix was not one to be controlled by anger. The young daemon might look at her differently from now on, perhaps even mistrust her, all for allowing Baal back after what he had done. But she couldn't believe that Baal had done what he had with the intent of hurting her or others. It was clear that the artifact had been a key role in all of this, and now they would have to deal with the aftermath. Simply thinking what would have happened if she had died and left him with the artifact made her shiver a bit. Deep down she had hoped that he would go on, at least for their daughter's sake, but she wasn't sure. He had told her so many times that he would not live without her, so the premise was not strange.
As he explained she frowned, looking down as she felt a little ashamed to be putting him on the spot like this. However as he suggested contact lenses she shook her head, looking back at him. Her own eyes were still the vivid green ones she had always had, and as they met the grey with the few specs of green her features softened. "I would never ask you to hide anything or pretend with me," she said sweetly, running her hand up to touch his cheek. She felt the pull towards him still, but this time her heart was beating more irregular than before the artifact had implemented itself in it. "It's a reminder, love, a reminder of why we decide to go on," she said. Frowning, her other hand moved up his arm opposite of the cheek she was touching. She had always liked displaying their love in small caresses, and she felt like she needed to just feel him. Feel that he was still the daemon that she loved, even though she could see that he was. Although, some things had changed, her love for him haven't. Perhaps she was too easy to forgive, but she wouldn't forget. Not that she would hold a grudge over him, but it would take some time for her to fully trust him again. They had to reestablish what they had tried to build before the artifact.
"I know you think that you don't deserve this, that you failed me and our little family, but could you perhaps take something in to consideration in your thoughts?" she whispered. They were alone at the edge of the Woods of Ash, and she had never felt more deja vu than now. To think that not long ago they had bound themselves to each other not far from here. Her hand moved from her arm, wrapping around his neck as she pulled his face down to hers. Her lips she pressed against his, a tender touch, but there was something beneath it. A need to belong. The need that had brought her this far in her relationship with Baal. Buffy's kiss was soft, almost careful, as she didn't want to take it too far. She just wanted him to know that she loved him, and while love could not heal all wounds, she believed that time would. Breaking the kiss she felt breathless, panting softly against his lips, her eyelids half shot as she looked at him from under her eyelashes. "I still love you, Belial," she whispered. She didn't know if it would be any solace to the daemon, but perhaps reminding him would soothe his thoughts somewhat.

She rejected his offer but he wasnt really that surprised that she did. A small sad smile spread on his lips as she spoke of what it meant, leaning a little against her hand as she made her soft little gestures. He knew all he would really need for now was go home and be with his family, something he had neglected for so long. Her whisper made him frown a little as he looked at her. She pulled him down and he wrapped his arms around her lower back to press her closer. He didnt mind that she kissed him tenderly and soft, because it was just what he needed to. To feel that nothing that couldnt be fixed with time and effort had come between them. The kiss was broken and he leaned his forehead softly against hers as he exhaled deeply. Her whisper made him lean back as he looked at her, still holding her close to him, "I love you too," he whispered but there was a sadness to his words.
He hugged her closer as he placed his face in her soft hair, just inhaling that calming scent for a moment. "Let's go home," he said, but he hadnt hoped that they were heading home to a disaster that would drain him further. The thought of Amos' angry expression made him sigh quietly to himself. He closed his eyes and didnt let go of her yet, though he was the one pushing for them to leave.

It felt nice to linger for a while, just letting them feel each other's closeness once more. Perhaps this was what she had missed the most, having him just hold her and making her feel so at home in his embrace. He still held her close, even though he had suggested that they should head home. It made her smile slightly, mostly because she could feel his need for comfort so much. She wanted to give it to him, but he had been right in the fact that they needed to go home. "Don't worry ... We'll have more time to be close," she promised in an almost tender voice. She didn't want to lean out of the embrace, because deep down she needed it as much as he did, but now wasn't the time or place. Carefully she moved out of his arms, but she took his hand once more, entangling them as ever to show that she was there for him. "We have a little girl who needs her parents," she said.
A car was waiting for them a bit away from the temple, ready to drive them home, and as Buffy got in she looked at Baal. Last time they had been in a car was after their bonding, so heading on the same road home felt so deja vu. The ride was calming, but she couldn't help but feel a bit uneasy. They were going home, but the last thing she remembered before passing was Saoirse's cries. Swallowing, she gave Baal's hand a squeeze as she looked down to her lap. The poor girl would probably be beside herself, and Buffy wouldn't know how to explain it so the toddler could understand. "Promise me that you and Amos won't start bickering ... At least not in front of Saoirse," she pleaded. The poor child had been through enough, and she wished only to soothe her little girl and hold her in her arms.
They pulled up to the house, and Buffy felt hesitant to open. Looking at Baal she hoped he would do the honor of opening the door.

Buffy felt a little relieved when Baal said he wasn't up for arguing or fighting. It would mean that whatever anger they might have, it would have to wait until everything had settled down. Getting to the house was nerve-wrecking, but as Connor peaked his head out she felt somewhat relieved not to hear her child crying and screaming. She walked to Amos, looking at the sleeping toddler in his arms, seeing how tears were dry on her small cheeks. "I'm so sorry," she whispered to her child, feeling herself getting choked up. Turning her eyes she looked at Amos and then Connor. She felt like she had failed them, failed the little girl that Amos was carrying. She felt so angry at herself, that she hadn't been able to shield her little family from the pain they had experienced.
It was as if Saoirse could feel her parent's presence, opening her eyes shortly and as soon as she saw her mother she reached for her, crying once more and Buffy took the small girl in her arms, hugging her close. However Buffy's body was still weak, so even carrying a child seemed exhausting to her, slowly sitting down on the floor as she just held her child close as they both sobbed. "I'm sorry ... But mommy promised you, mommy promised you that she would be here, didn't she?" she whispered through her sobs, holding the child closer than ever. Saoirse cried silently, her green eyes turning to look at her father as she started reaching for him as well, mumbling something incoherent.

Buffy leaned her head against Baal as he embraced both of them, the toddler pulling at her father just to feel that it was real. The fenix felt so tired after everything, what she really needed was a good rest and some food when she woke up, but right now it was more important to her that Saoirse felt safe. That the toddler could feel at least calm enough to fall back to sleep. Amos and Connor were great, and after everything they had already done, Buffy felt like she owed something to them. She didn't really have the money to pay them anything, but she also thought that money might be insulting to them. Connor spoke over and over again about how this was the best thing ever; To be able to hang out with his family without really needing an excuse.
She didn't know how much time had passed, but it couldn't have been long. Saoirse had tired herself out, sleeping in her nursery. Buffy was trying to convince the boys just to go home, but as always they seemed to linger longer. She wondered if they were even going to let them be alone with Saoirse again as long as Baal was in the house. "You could sleep on the couch for the night," Buffy said, smiling tiredly to her cousin that came back from the kitchen.

Buffy sat in the couch, nodding at Connor's words. She knew her aunt would do almost anything within her power to make the fenix's life easier, but Buffy wasn't one to just accept everything that was gifted to her. Perhaps it ran in the family, but everyone was rather generous, but few were great at actually receiving gifts. She sat with a cup of tea of her own, blowing on it as she listened for any rustling from the nursery, but the child was out like a light.
Then the big question hit, Buffy placing her cup on the table, folding her hands in her lap. She felt like she had to confess. Like she had been lying to them. "I honestly don't know ... But part of the artifact has left Baal, and is the reason I am sitting here alive," she said, feeling timid, like she had to crawl to the confession stand. Amos was not always thinking things through before he said them, and Buffy had learned to take everything with a grain of salt and a pinch of patience with the daemon. "I don't know what it means yet ... I mean for your father it took some weeks before we saw anything major happening, so for now I think we should just stick to the schedule you guys have," she said. The seraph and daemon had worked out quite a system over who came by when and which nights they were on call if something happened. Buffy was happy that they were working things out, but it was still hard for her to find her way around that schedule.
"All I know, is that I'm alive; That my daughter is sleeping safely and has both parents is a miracle of itself," she breathed out, feeling the emotions overwhelm her again. She couldn't even find words to describe how truly thankful she was for the two young men's help in all of this.