Dealing with the book of love (cw/tw)

Her smile made his heart feel like melting butter, he would look at it all night and nothing else if that was all he was allowed to do. When she said she’d teach him, he looked a little surprised but in a good way. He had taught her how to swim, so it made sense in his head that she could teach him how to dance. He followed her lead to the dancefloor and tried his best to seem confident, like he knew what he was doing when he had no idea at all. His hands being moved to hold onto her made him swallow hard as he looked at her with soft eyes. He was ready to learn. With her guidance, he moved, following her steps carefully as he tried not to make her look silly for dancing with someone who was born with two left feet. He didnt realize they were dancing like the rest till she pointed it out. A bright smile appeared on his lips, “Only because I’m following your lead ma’am,” he said for only them to hear. Because he couldnt imagine the amount of heads that would turn if people heard him.

He wasnt sure if he liked her complimenting him just to avoid having people look at them. He wanted her to stay in his arms and everyone could look all that they wanted. He nodded when she presumed that this wasnt normal for him, “Never in my life seen so many colours,” he admitted as he looked around for a moment but his eyes quickly found their way back to her. The but surprised him a little and seeing her eyes turn vulnerable made his heart pound. The urge to lean forward came again, but he didnt act on it this time. He must have been staying a little to long in his thoughts of wondering the texture of her lips, her soft whisper made him chuckle, “This is more than I could have asked for,” he said truthfully, pressing her a little closer into his embrace as they danced around. Eventually he had lead them a little further away from the crowd. “Is my chest really supposed to feel so tight?” He asked with a giddy smile, though there was some seriousness in his tone. He just wanted to know how she could make him feel the way he did with her in his arms.

He looked down at her hand that had moved to his chest, shaking his head at her question. “It’s not something I can describe with words. Yes, it does hurt, but not in a bad way?” He tried to explain just to sigh at his own words. He looked back up at her, her addition only made his eyes soften as he shook his head. “It might be this way for the rest of my life,” he said before he made a small shrug. “There’s this urge inside of me that wants to chase after you forever. Even if I stand no chance,” he said, biting his tongue before he could spoil the offer he had at hand.

“It could be a good life without you,” he said with a shrug before he turned to a more serious expression. “But I dont want good. I want the best, if it’s in my range to grab.” He then said, shifting between her eyes. He didnt mind to see her eyes so vulnerable on the brink of letting tears loose, but he wasnt sure a peasant like him was worth her tears anyway.
But then her whisper made his expression a little sour as he began to realize that his plan wouldnt catch up to her in time. It felt bitter to have held on to the glimmer of a hope. “Not all of your firsts,” he protested before he made a deep sigh. “He wouldnt be your first love,” he then said, touching her cheek gently. A bold move when all it took was just the right kind of snitch to see them, but he still didnt care if they were caught and he would be punished. “You will forever haunt my mind,” he admitted with a sad expression, his thumb gently caressing her cheekbone. “But I wouldnt want it differently as I in the end got to tell you how I felt,” he said as a small happy smile spread on his lips. Even though it all in all was a bitter and sad moment, he wanted to be grateful. Grateful to come to this masquerade, for her having fallen into the lake, all of it.

He shook his head at her question as he looked at her with a soft look in his eyes. It wasnt stupid but he definitely found it silly that she would pick him when there were so many options for her to pick from. He found himself stuck in thoughts of what godky luck he would have to get to even get remotely close to be a suitor for her to pick. He frowned a little at her words about wanting him, sighing deeply.
When she dragged him, he followed, out into the small hallway where he looked at her with searching eyes. He wasnt sure what she was going to do, but he didnt fear anythinh bad. His eyes widened a little when she seemingly proposed to him right here in the small hallway. That was definitely an experience of a lifetime. “I have nothing to offer you. Your father would never allow it,” he said right away, wanting to pop the bubble before they both went on to believe that anyone would let a marriage between them happen.
“You’d be giving up your title and your wealth, and for who? A simple farmhand?” He said in a dreadful tone, shaking his head. He wasnt going to tell her what she couldnt or couldnt do. “Are you sure you’d want that sort of life?” He asked, knowing his heart would break if he would drag her from her old life, only to have her dread her new one with him.

He returned her kiss a little eagerly as his hands only wanted to press her body closer to his. The thought of getting to marry her made him feel intoxicated, not because of her status or wealth, but because he already loved her so dearly. He nodded at her whisper, gasping softly for air in the small hallway. “I want to make you happy,” he said in a vulnerable tone, caressing her body with his thumbs, even if she was thickly packed into her dress. “But I still worry what your father will do when he finds out,” he whispered, feeling his breath getting a little heavy from her kisses. He sighed and couldnt bring himself to let her go, not yet. “Just know that... even if something goes wrong, I will never stop chasing after you. Even if we’re old and grey,” he promised softly, leaning in to kiss her lips once again.

He knew he didnt belong there but he wasnt sure how he could defend himself being there either. If she hadnt come to his rescue from the demanding father, he surely would have faced some sort of wrath even if he had claimed that she had invited him here. He looked down, letting her speak as he just looked down for a bit. Were they decieving her poor old father? Making him believe that they hadnt been doing what he thought they might? The question directed towards him made the man look up, a small frown over his brows before he shook his head. “I expect nothing for doing what anyone else would have done in ly stead,” he said before he looked back at the woman. “Being invited here has been more than I could ask for,” he then said, trying not to look so softly at her before looking back at her father. “If me being here is trouble for you, I’ll see myself out?” He asked, though he hoped that he could stay.

He definitely hadnt expected the father to want to talk on a one on one, but he couldnt back out of it now, especially if he was going to steal her away the next day. He had dealt with angry fathers in his youth whenever he had been caught in the barn with their daughters, but this was something completely different. He watched her go and swallowed hard before he nodded and followed the father. He felt like the father could see right through him when he had noted how the man had looked at his daughter. The man smiled faintly, looking at the ground. “A simple farmhand like me has no business with a judge’s daughter,” he just said, which was the truth but that didnt mean they werent defying it. “But that doesnt mean that I’m blind to her beauty, in person and soul,” he said before he frowned a little to himself. Was he signing his own death certificate or was her father kind?

He felt a little speechless when the father accused him of thinking otherwise. Of course he was, why would he have been here in the first place if it wasnt because he had some sort of belief that he could offer her something that would make her happy. But then came the shame as is was quite clear that the judge had heard everything they had said. The man swallowed, “I... I cant deny that my heart feels the way it does about your daughter. Even if I can offer her nothing but my heart, I would never not spend every day of my life on not working as hard as I can to make sure she can eat with a roof under her head,” he said, maybe a little more desperate than he wanted to sound. But he really loved her, more now than ever.

He went silent as the judge waved at him, looking down when he had expected to hear something else than what was said. The way the judge seemed to put it, made the man feel like he was fooled the woman into believing that love could be enough to get them through the world. It was a bitter taste and all the desperation and love he seemed to held only turned to shame and hurt as he listened to the judge. “I’m sorry Sir. I never meant to...” he paused and closed his eyes before he sighed, feeling his heart turn with pain. “I’m in love with your daughter. But I want the same as you do. A stable home for her with someone she can love. And I can only provide one with certainty,” he said before he looked up at the judge. “She will never be happy with any of your suitors,” he said quite seriously, because that was what he believed. Those men would restrain her and turn her into a lesser person as she would be nothing but their wife, and that angered the man to even think about.

The man stayed on his feet as the judge sat down. It was quite clear that the man was unknowing of how he should have adressed the judge formally, but as a farmhand, it had never been required of him to speak with others than people of his own kind and his employer. The question made the man frown and shake his head. “I cant read nor write. But I can talk and I know quite a lot about farms. I’ve been offered to manage one of your guests farms since he dont know how to get his workers to work,” he then said, knowing it could sound stable, but farms always relied on their crops. There would be good times and then bad times. The man sighed. “I only want the best for her,” he mumbled.