The everyday monsters in our lives

His mother was sitting in her garden, humming to herself as she was fixing some weed out of the crops. It didn't seem to bother her that it was the dead of night and only the moon shined from above. She was humming an old lullaby that Benjamin without a doubt would recognize. Little baby in the dark house, you have seen the sun rise," she sang softly to herself as she pulled some weeds out, her hands dirty and her bruises aching her body, Why are you crying? Why are you screaming? You have disturbed the house god." Slowly she turned her head to see her son, smiling as she tilted her head.
"Hello Benny, have you come to help mommy in the garden?" she spoke almost sweetly, but something was wrong. Her hands were bleeding, the dark soil getting into her cuts and limbs. "You were always so good to mommy, always so sweet," she hummed, nodding to herself as she turned her gaze back to the weeds, pulling them slowly, the thorns scratching up her palms and arms as she continued to sing. "Who has disturbed me? says the house god. It is the baby who has disturbed you," her voice frail and raspy from age, "Who scared me? says the house god. The baby has disturbed you, the baby has scared you. Making noises like a drunkard who cannot sit still on his stool. He has disturbed your sleep." Humming as she kept working, pretending like she hadn't heard the commotion in the house.

She smiled, "I love you too Benny, now help mommy and be a good boy," she said, before the shot pieced the air. Her body fell limb, weeds still in her hands that fell to the ground with her. Her eyes open, a smile on her face as she had finally gotten the peace she had needed.

Cesare had heard the gun and felt a pit in his stomach, but he also thought he knew what had happened. It was only confirmed as the human got in the car, just beckoning him to drive. He hesitated slightly but eventually drove off and away from this horrid town. He was gripping around the wheel harshly, keeping his eyes on the road. Everything came with a price, and that was true for his ability as well. But that wasn't what occupied his mind. He however remained silent, just giving the human rhe comfort of not being alone. The heat was still blaring and he reached over to turn it down, wanting to help the puffy faced human.
If he noticed then they weren't heading back to Churchill. No, Cesare needed to stay away for a little while longer, and he had a feeling that none of them wanted to encounter Sadie right now. He had a lot opinions about the family, mostly of the cruelty that had been put on the shoulders of the children. He reached down, resting his hand between them. He could take it if he wished, or he could dismiss him, either way he wanted to show his compassion in the moment.
He drove for most of the night, only pulling into a motel once the sun started to come through the clouds. He didn't speak. In fact he just let the human do what he pleased, getting them a shared room. It wasn't like Cesare needed the bed anyways, but this way they could have a double bed without question. And the human needed his rest.  

Cesare didn't truly know what to do. But he opted to treat it as a time where he didn't really have to do much else than just be there. Hearing the himan finally snore he went down to the recption, buying a couple of vials that he downed quickly before buying some toothbrushes and toothpaste. He came back to the room, brushing his teeth before sitting down in the small chair in the corner. He didn't need sleep, but he wanted to at least keep an eye on the guy.
As the human woke from his nightmare he drew closer, keeping his distance before knowing if it was safe to proceed. If he let him, he would help him clean the dirt and blood off of him, "it's alright," he just said, knowing that it might sound harsh. But truly, this had been a better outcome than what Cesare had imagined. Fate could be cruel. "Take your clothes off," he instructed him, helping him if that was going to take.
If he got undressed he would take the clothes, putting them out in the bathroom where he doused it in water and the free soap from the motel. It wasn't the best, but it was better than blood splatters. Returning he went to him once more, cupping his face between his hands, "you are safe, you are in a motel room a couple of hours from Churchill, you are here with me," he spoke kindly.

At least he wasn't shying away anymore, but Cesare also had a feeling that it was only temporary. As he pulled away, stating his lie he sighed, shaking his head no. He got onto the bed with him, pulling him in, cradling him even if he didn't want it. He needed it. That much Cesare knew about the human. "The world isn't black and white," he whispered to him, just holding him, because it was about time that he heard this. That he knew how the real world was. "Sometimes it's grey, or it's blue .. sometimes it's pink or purple .. but no matter what color it is, you can't force anyone into a category," he spoke calmly, just stroking his back, holding him as best as he could.
"I've torn people to pieces alive; I've fucked and whored and drained people from their blood, left them to die in a gutter," he admitted through gritted teeth. It had once been the only way for a vampyre in the world. "But I've also provided safety and a place for people to live in peace; I've comforted people in their last moments," he felt more proud of those, but pride had nothing to do with it. He sighed, "one part of me is the monster you wish I was, the other part is the ideal part of me that I wished I listened to more often."
He moved his head away to look at the human with soft eyes, "I've loved, I've lost, I've given and I've taken," he smiled. "When does a person stop being a person and start to become a monster? Is it when he kills someone? When he lies for the first time?"

"She birthed you into a family with a cruel father and even crueler rules by the community," he argued calmly, just stroking his back, but he was speaking from what he had seen. Then he spoke about someone suffering for what he had done and he sighed, "you are the one who's suffering right now .. and no matter how much you try to convince yourself it won't change that someone always has to pay for the crimes of others," he said.
Cesare placed a hand against his cheek, guiding his face back to look at him as he admitted to having wanted to get caught. "I think she knew," he admitted, looking back she was good at reading others. Perhaps that was why she had pleaded for Benjamin's safety and return. "I would've come to get you if you hadn't come by yourself," he admitted, though it felt bitter to say that. He had promised to stay away, and now he was holding the human trying to help him through the pain he had to deal with from now on.
"You've given your mother peace," he finally said. Even if Benjamin would be in denial it was true, wasn't it? "She wouldn't have survived without your father .. the abuser and abused too closely linked to make one survive without the other," it was a twisted thought indeed

Him talking seemed to help. He just wanted to be here for him. Perhaps because he wished someone had been there for him when he was younger. The way he was much calmer now was better, but he knew it would take long before the bad memories would stop. Perhaps never? But that was the price you paid for killing someone. However the question made him frown, looking down as it was now his turn to be conflicted. "I thought death would be too kind," he admitted, just holding Benjamin a little closer. He wasn't sure how to explain it without being shoved away. But he had done something to his father that couldn't ever be reversed.
"I trapped him in his own mind," he said, taking a few deep breaths as that seemed to work for mortals when they felt this way. "He won't be a threat to anyone anymore, none but himself," he wanted to preface it. He hadn't wanted to turn the monster into a nightmare. "I can .. make things happen by speaking it into existence," he said. It was perhaps a bit too wild to sound believable, but he supposed the human had encountered someone with some sort of ability. "It wasn't an ability I was born with," he admitted, "and I do not use it often." That was simply what he had to say.

Cesare wasn't sure how he was going to react, frankly he was scared he would put blame on him. However he seemed to barely react before falling asleep once more. Seeing as he was still clinging on to him, he moved them around. His still heart was hurting, but he still pulled the human into his arms. He felt so weak, especially as his face pressed into his hair. He smelled of dirt, gasoline and he had had to admit he actually liked it. He smelled so human. He would simply hold him as he slept, keeping him safe wrapped in his arms. He could feel how his skin was being warmed up by Benjamin's body heat. But even thinking of that made him feel guilty.
It was starting to get dark outside once again. But he couldn't get himself to wake the poor young man in his arms. But he knew he needed to. "Little mouse," he spoke affectionately. He knew that the human would deny him as soon as he woke up, but he couldn't keep hurting himself like this. "It's time to come back to the real world."

He just confirmed that he had been sleeping with a slight nod yes. Looking down he saw his crumbled up shirt, but he wasn't really bothered. In fact he was more worried if he had slept alright. "Don't apologise to me," he just muttered, unsure if he was meant to move away. He wanted to stay. But he also didn't know if he was simply being selfish. "Do you .. want me to move away?" He asked instead of pondering his brain into nothingness. He didn't want to hurt him. The last thing he actually wanted was to upset him for some reason or another. "I don't mind .. this," well what ever this truly was. He just didn't want Benjamin to think that he was forced to move away if he wasn't ready yet.

He didn't want to get up. But Cesare didn't know if he found that comforting or not. "Could I at least order you some food?" He asked, still having his arms around him. He knew that it wasn't his place to decide, but he wanted the human to at least get something to eat. He just held him, hiding his face away in his hair. Was he really this weak? So weak that he was holding a man that only was holding him for comfort. And he liked just doing that. Not the circumstances that lead them here, but he wasn't thinking of that. "I can order whatever you like; even if it's something obscure or hard to get."

Cesare hummed, not knowing what he liked but he would make sure to order something simple and quick to eat. He could feel how the tiredness once again from the human, but he wasn't sure more sleep was the answer here. The whisper made him hum, moving his face away before he tried to look at Benjamin's face. If he caught his eyes he would move a hand up to cup his face. He touched him so gently, "I know you don't want to hear this, but sometimes pain is better than the alternative of not feeling anything," he said. His thumb gently caressed his cheek, holding him close still. "I wish I could do something for you .. but I'm utterly useless."

"You wouldn't wish that if you knew the implications," he argued in a soft sigh. No losing ones emotions would take away all that life was, wouldn't it? Would Cesare even be truly alive without the emotions he felt? He at least didn't think so. No, pain was a part of the life they were leading, and even if things felt bad now, he knew that on the other side of that hurt would come some sort of peace.
He was doing enough? He found that hard to believe, but frankly he felt very soothed by how the human was leaning into his touch. It felt good, and even if it was just how he was reacting to the trauma, he wanted to help even there.

How was a big question for sure. He just kept caressing his face, letting him know that he was there for him even if he closed his eyes. "Only you know that," he admitted, it wasn't a clear cut answer for everyone. Cesare wasn't good at handling his own mistakes. Perhaps that had been why he had sent Benjamin away when he did. Because admitting that the human had been right to call him a monster was valid.
But then the human started speaking of what he deserved and he shook his head no. "Don't say that," he pleaded, but it seemed that the human wouldn't hear him. And he did the only thing he could truly think of. It had helped the human snap out of it in the forest. And maybe, just maybe, he would react to something like this. He pulled his face closer, his lips greeting the human's. He felt his eyes well up, mostly because he felt this was so good, but deep down he knew he was horrible for this.

Cesare wasn't really sure what to believe. Benjamin had stated that he deserved the worst, and wasn't that what the vampyre was? However he felt selfish, feeling how the human was reciprocating the kiss, he couldn't help himself from deepening the kiss, and pulling him closer. In his head he was frustrated and yet his body was moving all by itself.
He had to break the kiss, letting the human breathe but he felt like panting too. "I'm sorry," he muttered, but he leaned in once more, kissing him and letting him feel just how much he cared for him right this moment. He felt so happy and guilty at the same time.