Don't do it like this | Kurtis

Dedicated to @Kurtis

Things had been rough to say the least. One thing was being pulled away from her surroundings and safe spots, another was coming to terms with what she had done. The city still felt unfamiliar to her, but it wasn't like she was allowed out on her own a lot. They didn't trust her, though all the nephilim blood was no longer in her system. It had taken a while before she even felt ready to get help, insisting that she had been placed in the wrong place. Demanding to go home. But they had all told her the same thing: this was her home now.
Sitting up on a hill that overlooked the harbor she felt a bit relieved as the wind ran through her hair. She had cut it shorter, reaching about her shoulders but still as curly and unruly as ever. She was wearing some loose fitted jeans and an oversized t-shirt, though the wind pressed the fabric to her skin. It felt good to sit up here and away from everyone. She had written Kurtis numerous times, but she wasn't sure he had read her letters. Or if he even cared about her anymore. She had truly felt so lost in her addiction. Jeremy had soothed her worries and made her relax when she had always been so tense and scared after her transformation.
"Miss, you have a visitor," one of the nurses said, and Zaira just shrugged. Who would want to visit her? Her mother had just been there yesterday, so it couldn't be her. She sighed, getting up from her spot, dusting off her behind from any stray dirt or grass, moving back to the large building. She sometimes wondered if she would've liked prison more. At least it didn't smell of hospital. She was guided inside and to the guest room area, a place so nice and well kept, but Zaira knew better. It was just made to look this way to help the visitors feel more at ease.
Moving over she slumped down in a couch, pulling her feet up, playing with a loose string from her shirt that she wrapped around her finger as she waited for her visitor to show.

Visitation was an ass but it had to be done. A loose pat down along with a quick scan of every bag or pocket and then clear. It did sort of feel like a prison visit, which made it a little terrifying. But it wouldnt be the one special lycan who showed up to today's visit. It was no other than his mother, Alexis Trevino, with her beautiful blonde hair and pearl-like smile. Except that she didnt look as polished as she could have. In fact she looked rather worn out and thinking of everything else but her current choice in looks. She spotted Zaira rather quick, which made her seem genuinely happy. Walking over she sat down. "Hey." she said, looking Zaira up and down for a moment. "You look well, compared to what I had imagined. And what the place felt like coming in." she said, but it was a compliment none the less. "How are you feeling?"

Zaira was quite taken aback as she saw the blonde woman enter. She sat up, suddenly very aware of her surroundings, sitting still as if Alexis was some kind of animal who wouldn't see her unless she moved. But to her lack of luck the woman came over, complimenting her, albeit not really, as she sat down. Zaira was a bit in shock. The last time she had interacted with Alexis she had threatened Zaira and the almost non-existent fetus in her stomach. Even if it felt like ages ago, she wasn't going to trust this woman. "I feel fine," she said, though she wasn't.
She felt at a loss. Had Alexis come all this way to tell her off? To tell her to stop being in her son's life and how her being in this place was ruining his reputation? "Listen, I don't know why you're here," she said, shaking her head no as she felt her fingers dig into the couch cushions, "but last time I check you hated my gut and didn't care if I ended up dead in a ditch."

She felt fine? Alexis hummed and nodded. That was at least good. Even if it wasnt true in the slightest. But expecting Zaira to keep the elephant in the room was maybe a little too much to ask. It was true that they werent on the best terms, but Alexis couldnt say that she didnt miss what Zaira's relation to her son did to him. "Well this is pretty close to dead in a ditch, I'd say." she said pretty straightforward before she looked around. "But now I can at least say that I was wrong. And I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I didnt realize all the good you did for my son." she said, drawing in a deep breath. "Kurtis' father was attacked in his office and the prognosis isnt good, but I guess you already know that. But what it really means is that Kurtis will have to take over... the firm." she said, not having much remorse for Lucius but it was clear that she wasnt very happy about Kurtis' new responsibility. "I havent seen him since he found out." she said, biting the inside of her cheek as she felt a bit at a loss. "I know you owe me nothing. And I only ask because I'm concerned for my son. He hasnt been himself since... well you were sent here. Do you know where I can find him?"

Zaira shrugged. Maybe it was as close to dead as she was ever going to be. Right now she felt like she would love a scoop of mortality, but she couldn't. And that was the worst part. She had a beating heart, but the doctors were saying that her growth was already slowing down. Seeing Alexis was one surprise, but what admission came next made Zaira frown because how was she supposed to believe that? Was Alexis truly admitting that Zaira had done something good? That the woman who had threathened her life had been wrong?
She looked down, knowing that Kurtis had responsibilities. He had mentioned it a few times when they had been together. Now? Well she wasn't even sure they were together. He hadn't been here to visit her even once. "He hasn't replied to any of my letters .. And I'm not allowed to have a phone while I'm here," she said, looking down, picking at her fingers.
"Where he could be is a big question," she sighed, shaking her head. If Kurtis wanted to be left alone she couldn't just rat him out, could she? But then again, she felt like she needed to know he was alright. She still loved him, and looking back she knew she had acted wrongly. But she had always been a human. She hadn't needed to be aware of everything. And everything was still moving so fast in regards to her senses. "He would probably seek out some place where he wouldn't be disturbed .. perhaps seek out comfort in someone, because he isn't getting it from me," she knew Kurtis well enough to know he would go back to his old ways. How he had been before. Perhaps to forget her?
She felt upset now. Her emotions too strong as she got up way too fast, feeling disoriented as everything had moved too quickly. "I'm done with this visit .. please don't come back," she said.

Alexis frowned lightly as Zaira mentioneed Kurtis' silence, but she also didnt really seem that surprised. No, it actually seemed that she was withholding some kind of information regarding that, looking down and nodding. But Zaira at least seemed to want to share where he possibly could be. The blonde mother looked rather hopeful for a moment, but Zaira's information felt like a small pointer in the right direction. "Okay." she replied, fiddling a little with her skirt to correct a fold in it. She couldnt explain why but the reality of the situation they sat in, had made her rethink a lot of the behaviour she had displayed. Not that she would ever be perfect. Or not resent Zaira in some regard. She was far too territorial to just give that up and Kurtis would always be her son. "You were good for him." she said even as Zaira got up to leave. "You made him want to make a life for himself. I'm not sure that's where he's heading now. But thank you for being someone that saw what I couldnt for so long." she said, shaking her head at herself.

Zaira grit her teeth as Alexis started to speak. She was fighting every urge not to reach out and attack that vile woman. She had heard what she had said about Kurtis shaking her head, "I'm not his saviour in this," she hissed. But her heart was breaking, because it meant that the lycan she cared for so much had found some sort of replacement for her. So be it. He didn't have to deal with her mess any more. "I love him, alright, but he's not some broken kid that needs fixing .. he needs support, and if he can't get it from those around him he acts out," she said, shaking her head.
Her eyes were starting to water as her body was slowly realising the hurt that this gave her. All those sweet promises he had whispered to her when they had been together; all of those future plans they had made; all of it was down the drain because of what she had done. "I love your son," she said, her shoulders trembling as she fought not to cry. Like hell she would give Alexis that satisfaction. "But he doesn't love himself."

The hiss made Alexis look a little surprised. Though she would argue that Zaira had saved him in some sense. At least showed him that there was a better side to life. She however just listened as Zaira spoke about her son. It wasnt like Zaira didnt make sense, but Alexis couldnt follow what she meant. Kurtis was obviously acting out because that was just how he was, that was what his mother deemed. She noticed the tremble, getting up but not closer. "He doesnt get to make a choice for whether he wants to run the company or not. His grandfather has already set it all in motion. This is his life now. I just need to know how I can make him understand. This isnt just some love squabble, it's a life for a grown up that's being put on a kid, my boy." she said, feeling her own frustration bubble. How could Zaira just stand there and say Kurtis didnt love himself, Alexis didnt believe that one bit.

"That family is fucked and you know it," she had to grit her teeth, scared she might actually snap and break something in her frustration. She was hurting. Because she knew Kurtis was hurting. But getting out of here would also mean facing him and that would for some reason hurt more. "You let yourself get corrupted by that sorry excuse of a man that Lucius is .. you didn't even for one second consider what sort of child you were raising?" She asked shaking her head as she placed a hand on her stomach, feeling sick. "He needs love, he craves it, but if he can't get that he would gladly settle for attention," she said. Had Alexis truly been that blind? Not seen the hurt she had given her son?

The family was fucked but Kurtis was a part of it. "It's his family. The DNA test only proved it." she said, crossing her arms with a frown now. She was going right into defense. Not that she was honoring the Trevino name. But no way would she ever believe that she was the cause of her own son's hurt. "I know my son." she said in a harsh tone, narrowing her eyes at the former human. How dared she even suggest that this could be remotely her fault. Kurtis didnt want her love. It was quite clear at this point. Otherwise, why would he be staying away? He was acting up for the sake of acting up. "I should have known better than to come here and try to reason with you. It's maybe better that I just go find my son." she said, trying not to hiss but it was almost hard at this point. She was a woman full of pride. And here Zaira was telling her that she wasnt showing her son love, like he wasnt denying her at any chance he got.

She should've seen this coming, shouldn't she? The blonde woman was so filled with pride and denial that it could've made her puke right this second. "Family isn't always about DNA," Zaira retaliated, no, Jeremy was family and so was Abel and Damiano. And Kurtis too, even if he was too stupid to realize it. Alexis went on a rant about knowing better, shaking her head. Zaira knew for a fact that woman wouldn't be able to find Kurtis even if he was hiding right under her nose.
"You think you know him, but you don't," she said, shaking her head wrapping her arms around herself, "He's so much more than just a product of you and that sadist you call a husband." Kurtis was better than them, he was wonderful and tender and an asshole - but the right kind of asshole. Her dumbass. No! She couldn't think like that. He wasn't hers. Not anymore. And it stung. She wanted the pain to go away so badly. Just get over him like she had with the boys before, but she couldn't. They had been through so much shit together and that had to count for something, right? "But if you, by some miracle, manage to find him-" she felt like she had so much to say to that vile woman, but she chose her words carefully, "make sure he gets the real love .. not just the kind you try to enforce onto him."

"It is in this one." Alexis just said flat out. It didnt matter what Zaira thought. Alexis didnt care. She had her beliefs and as long as Kurtis was out doing whatever he did, she was at a loss. But then Zaira caught her off guard, telling her that she didnt know her own son. Her face got red with anger though she was unable to furrow her brows. She sure made up for it in a frown. "I think you're forgetting his heritage. He's a Trevino whether he'd like it or not. It will always be in his blood, no matter how much you both may deny it." she spoke in a snarky tone. She wanted to just leave at this point and find Kurtis, which she then opted to do. But Zaira's words made her stop. "Since you're already stuck here, then I guess it's time for you to grow up. Real love doesnt exist in this world." she said sourly, leaving at the notion. She had no intentions of bettering herself, because why should she? There was no way it was her fault and she would take that belief to her grave. She wasnt the one that had broken Kurtis' heart, in her own mind. "Good wind on the recovery. I wont see you again." she hissed and left.

Alexis left and Zaira was fine with that. She couldn't stand that woman! Perhaps she had dodged a bullet, and yet her heart was still aching. She headed back towards her room, but something in her made her stop. Instead of going there she headed to the caller room. She knew calling Kurtis probably wouldn't work, but she tried his number anyways, sitting a little away from the others, her leg starting to jump as she felt impatient as the phone rang. Pick up, you idiot, it's me. If he didn't pick up she would not leave a message. It wasn't her trouble she thought. And yet she would try calling her friends back in Churchill. However she soon found that Damiano was with Jeremy, something that didn't really surprise her and yet it did. She then tried Abel, hoping that just someone would pick up!

Kurtis was as responsive as he had been about the letters. Jeremy wasnt exactly available either, but some people had put two and two together about the nephilim and Zaira's disappearance. Abel picked up, surprised and yet happy to have Zaira call him. "Hey." he greeted her in a calm tone, typical Abel behaviour. "I h-h-h-hadnt expected a c-call... How are you?" he asked, curious to know how she was doing seeing that there werent really many ways to get in contact. He had been told that he could send letters and he had, but it seemed that the mail service wasnt the best around as many letters of his had been lost. He had suspected his writing to be just that bad but even with a sticker of the receiver of the letter hadnt helped much.

Hearing Abel's voice she felt almost relieved. Someone had picked up! His question made her sigh, sheugging until she realized he wouldn't be able to hear it. "I feel like the worst person in the whole world," she admitted, shaking her head a little, that wasn't why she had called. "Listen, Alexis visited me here," she said, explaining what Kurtis' mother had been doing here, going over what they had talked about. "I guess I was stupid to hang onto hope that he hadn't just waited for me," she muttered, scratching her scalp, but trying to be careful as to not scratch through the skin. She had done that more than once when she hadn't been paying attention.
"Listen, Abel, I hate having to ask you for favors cause I feel like I owe you a lifetime of them in return," she admitted, feeling quite guilty, "but you know I really fucking love you, and I need your help seeing as I can't really leave this place right now." Taking a deep breath she grasped around the phone, feeling nervous to ask this out loud. "Can you see if you can find Kurtis?" It was a loaded question, but it was a tough one, "I know .. I know I shouldn't be asking this, but I feel like something is very wrong and .. and he needs someone who carss about him, you know?"

The confession made him frown. He wasnt too sure that was a comforting answer but it was the truth regardless. She quickly moved onto the purpose of her call and Abel was just quietly listening. It wasnt like he could contribute much with his stuttering, if not delay what she was trying to tell him. "I mean, h-he-he-h-he's a dumbass." Abel agreed, even without fully knowing what had gone down, it had been clear that Kurtis was pissed. Or just absent in general.
"You c-could ne-never owe m-m-me." he sighed, even if she asked him a lot for help. He cared about her a lot, that meant that doing favours was almost expected. Her request made him pull a thoughtful expression as he considered it. It was almost easier said than done. "D-do you w-want to know? I-if I find him?" he asked, biting the inside of his lip as he didnt quite know where to even start. "Z-Zaira. If you and K-Kurt broke up. I-I-I dont know w-who I'll f-find."

Abel was good to her. And perhaps in another life they could've been more than what they had been. But she loved Kurtis, but it didn't remove the fact that she cared very deeply for Abel too. It was a different kind of care. One she hadn't realized before her and Kurtis got together for real. His question made her hum, "I want to know," she just said, shaking her head a little as she felt like some crazy obsessive ex-girlfriend. "Even if he isn't who I remember him to be, he'll still be Kurtis .. somewhere," or at least she hoped so.
She sighed, closing her eyes, "I finally got one of your letters too," she admitted, "though they confiscated the snacks you sent, so that was a real bummer." She hated that the postal service was shit, but this place was shittier. Who would hide blood in cookies!? Crazy people, she thought. "When I come back .. Can we meet up?" She asked, sniffling as she felt quite pent up from all the emotions with Alexis, "I could really use one of your famous hugs."

She wanted to know? Somehow that made him dread finding out more than if she hadnt wanted to know. He didnt know if he would be disappointed but time would surely tell. "He is. B-b-but you k-k-know h-how he c-can be w-when he's h-hurt." he sighed. It wouldnt be a pretty sight but Abel had just sort of accepted that about the lycan. He was a mess but he was their mess, right?
"Y-you did?" he lighted up on the spot with a smile. It had been such a hassle that he had considered giving up. The addition made a soft groan leave his lips in annoyance. He had thought it would be fine. He had not even opened the package. "T-they were good c-cookies." he muttered. And they had been meant for Zaira. Her question made his eyes soften up a little. "Yeah. I-I'd like to s-see you again." he agreed. The notion of needing a hug made him chuckle softly. "I h-have a f-full stock." he assured her. Drawing in a deep breath he sighed. "When a-are you out?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm going to need the full stock," she admitted, though she was smiling a bit. He genuinely made her happy, but also miss home. Her mother was still terribly confused at what was going on, even though it seemed some Parish folk had tried to explain it. The question of when was not one she was really fond of admitting. "They keep saying soon to me .. but they've said that for the last month so I'm not keeping my hopes up," she admitted, feeling quite beat down about it for sure. She wasn't good at this. Being aways from her safe spaces, from the people she cared about. She still needed to apologize to Jeremy. Needed to make amends with her mother. But mostly she missed the city and if there was an apartment to come back to too.

"I-I'll put in the order in a-advance." he chuckled. He missed her, missed the times where she hadnt had to navigate being a hybrid. She was human and happy. Even if he didnt see her that differently, it was clear that she was less happy being... what she was now. "Soon has to be s-s-s-soon." he said, trying to be optimistic about it. "H-have you made p-plans for your r-release? Th-th-therapy?" he asked, because maybe that could help push the date. If she showed that she was willing to keep working on it outside the facility. Which he had looked up to be one of the good ones. She was in good hands, but what mattered was what would happen once they let her out. It was easy to teach her all sorts of things in the facility but what about the real world?

At least Abel was keeping the optimism up when she was struggling with it. She closed her eyes as he asked her for plans and she hummed, "I'm already signed up for a therapist back in Churchill that this place has endorsed," she said, unsure what else she had to do. She was still not good at drinking enough blood, so she suspected that was why they wouldn't let her out. "And I'll be going back here for checkups every three months ish," she sighed, at least it was the Parish estate paying for all of this, but she wondered how much it was costing them. Not that she cared. They had fucked her life forever.
"Abel am I .. unloveable now?" She asked, perhaps a bit out of the blue, but she had wondered it since she had left Churchill. Jeremy had only cared to hang around her because of her bite, which she had learnt was causing addiction to others, and Kurtis had seemingly broken things off as soon as she left. "I mean .. I've ruined everyone's life," she whispered, pulling her legs up, wrapping her arms around herself. She began sniffling. "I mean the only one who has come to visit me is the derangd mother of my ex," she said, grasping softly at her own legs. "And you're the only one who has even tried to send me stuff."

Her eyes felt puffy from welling up like this, having to hold back her tears as she didn't want to be one of those people who cried when they called home. He assured her of pictures and she hummed before he went into detail about the cheer team's efforts. It felt good to know, but she also couldn't shake the feeling of being someone who ruined everything. She picked at the loose thread once more, swirling it around her finger, "I miss you," she admitted. It had been so simple back then. He had cared for her and she had cared for him before they had broken apart just before they had become something. She still cared for him, and she longed for that simplicity. "When I get back .. I want to make amends for all the shit I've done." It was hard to admit her wrongdoings, but she needed to confront it. "I'm talking about Jeremy and Damiano .. and you .. hell even Kurtis if he even wants to see me," she shook her head, looking around as she knew that she would have to hang up. "I'll call you in a few days, is that alright?"

Zaira felt relieved, mostly because she knew Abel was the real deal. He wasn't a liar, and he was good at reminding her of the good things. But again, she still felt guilt and that couldn't just go away after one small conversation. She did however make it a habit to ring him around the same time each day, just to hear his voice or chat about everything and anything. It made her feel more normal. Like she wasn't kept here in a strange country and was just at home in her bedroom at her mom's place.

The knock made her frown, but she got up regardless. She hadn't heard much from the Parish estate, let alone the main guy himself. She was guided down to the visiting area, however she noticed how it had been set up differently. It was closed off and only meant for the two of them it seemed. Zaira entered, seeing the tall vampyre. Ould still make her feel scared. Perhaps because he looked so much like the one that had attacked her and changed her forever. "Hi," she said, frowning as she moved over to sit down. What was he doing here anyways? She thought the idea of being sent here was to not cause him trouble.