Reality check - Bittersweet reminder[cw]

He frowned a little when she said it was fine, because he didnt really feel like it was fine. He just wanted to make her feel safe and secure again. Her returning the kiss made him calm down but he wasnt sure he could return to what they had been doing before just yet. He looked at her as she explained, pinching his lips together as he nodded. It hadnt been his intention to hurt her, so he did feel bad for it. Caressing her arm slowly he sighed deeply, looking up into the wall in front of them with a small frown while he was in his own mind for a bit. He looked at her again a she apologized, making a faint shake of his head as he could barely believe she was apologizing for something like that. "You have every right to if I make you feel scared or hurt," he argued in a mixed tone of sadness and anger towards himself. He hugged her closer and closed his eyes while he leaned his head on top of her head. "I'm sorry I ruined the moment," he mumbled a little hoarse after being quiet for a while.

Buffy knew he was right, she did know that she had every right to get upset, but she couldn't find it in her to be angry at him. She was just trying to get her body to calm down frown feeling scared. He hugged her closer and she pulled herself to him, needing to feel safe and secure before doing anything. She was not really in the mood anymore. He apologized for ruining the moment, making her scoff, shaking her head. "We'll have a lot of moments to come," she replied in a soft tone. Her voice was relatively normal compared to how shaky it had been at first. Baal was just the guy to make her calm down, making her whole body relax a little. "How about we rinse off and maybe I'll make some dinner?" she suggested, running her hand up and down his back. "And we could snuggle up on the couch? Or maybe go for a walk?" she said, just putting out suggestions. She didn't really know what she wanted to do. She just wanted to be with Baal.

"I hope so," he said in a surprised tone at her reply, though he was only trying to lighten the mood a little after it all. He just held her close, feeling like he could drift off into his thoughts again as she pulled him back with her suggestion. "Sounds like a good idea," he said, looking down at her as she made a few more suggestions. He inhaled deeply, running his hand carefully through her hair, watching the strands slip from his fingers. He exhaled the air in a sigh, placing his hand against the side of her face, "We need to figure out what to do with the future," he said in a more serious tone, it wasnt that he enjoyed the thought of having to leave, but he kept reminding himself that pushing it further would only do them bad. He sat as long as she wanted to stay in his arms, caressing her arms while he just seemed to ponder on some thoughts in his mind.

She wanted to stay in his arms just a little while longer, just having him close after feeling that scared. It was strange, because she hadn't felt scared of him. It was just thinking about not seeing his face that had gotten to her. The simple idea that she knew she on some level wasn't allowed to be with him, yet when she looked at him she knew they were meant for each other. She felt a few tears escape as he spoke about the future, but she also knew they had to talk about it. Buffy had just wanted to escape it for a little while, but the bubble had been burst and they were back to reality. However she did have to agree with him, they needed a plan, especially when they knew she was actually carrying his child. There was a lot to consider, and as he drifted off to his thoughts she moved out of the bath, walking to the shower to rinse off. How fast her body had gone from pure pleasure to fear was surprising to her, but she needed to push those thoughts aside for a moment. Rinsing off she turned the heat up quite a bit, sighing as she felt it warm her body and hopefully wash away that scared feeling. "I'll ask my aunt ... If she would be willing on paper to be the mother," she said in a pondering tone, stepping out of the shower and grabbing a towel. Running it through her hair she stopped for a moment to look at herself in the mirror, turning her side to it as she inspected her body. Blinking a few times she felt a little startled, as she thought she might look like she had gained weight. That was far from possible, she thought, placing a hand on her stomach it felt different. She knew a fenix grew fast, but this seemed crazy. She would only be a month in to her pregnancy if she had calculated it correctly. She shook her head, maybe her mind was just making things up and she continued to dry herself off. "If she is stated as the mother, then all we would have to do is hide the fact that I'm pregnant," she argued, frowning as she felt a little overwhelmed at her own words. She sounded calm, but her heart was bursting. She remembered the times when Leona had been pregnant, how she was proudly showing off her stomach and having the women of the family congratulate her. Who would ever congratulate her when they found out who the father was, she thought. Swallowing she looked down, conflicted with her emotions and what to say and do. "Before you go back ... I want to be bound to you," she said in a weak voice. She couldn't bear the thought of them not being intertwined in some way before he would need to return. Was it too much to ask? Was she wasting her time just standing here?

His words about her looking fine made her sigh, shaking her head. She didn't think she looked bad, she just looked at herself wanting to remember what she looked like now. Would he still look at her the same as she would inevitably start to get stretch marks? Pushing that thought to the side she listened to him in the shower. Knowing that he wouldn't like having her aunt on the birth certificate, but Buffy also knew that her aunt would be the best option. Leona was a stable woman, and she already had an established family, so it wouldn't seem strange if she had another child. The water was turned off and she felt his arms around her, sighing as she felt the comfort of his embrace warm her soul. His promise to stay until they at least were bound gave her hope, but she also knew she would have to act carefully. First she would have to get in contact with the priestess at the Temple of Faeth, and set it all up. Just thinking about it made her a little lightheaded. Perhaps because the thought of always being with him was both overwhelming yet so comforting to her. His addition made her smile, closing her eyes as he started kissing her temple. "Do you really think they would ever let you go?" she asked, frowning at her own words. Leaning in to his embrace she reached up, placing her own arms on his to press him closer. "If they know that you were with me while you were gone," she said, almost in a whisper as she was afraid he was going to get hurt again. He had just healed. Could she really in good consciousness send him back to those whom had hurt him and tried keeping them apart?

It was quite the dilemma. She wanted to keep everyone safe. But she wondered if Leona would ever accept doing this. Buffy knew she had a special place in her aunt's heart, but would it be big enough after what had happened with her mother? Would her aunt even look at her, knowing what was growing inside of her? When Baal said they shouldn't worry too much she exhaled in a tremble, because how could she do anything but worry a little. But as he cupped her face and kissed her, she felt some of her looming clouds disappear in such a gentle act. He left to get dressed, but she stood for a while, emptying out the tub and brushing her hair through a couple of times. Buffy knew that she shouldn't think too far ahead, and she tried clearing her head as she walked to her bedroom. She wanted to wear something that made her feel good, so she picked one of her favorite dresses for the winter; a tight knit woolen dress with some nice thick pantyhose to go underneath. Her hair she left hanging, letting it air dry rather than using her blow dryer. He heard him calling, making her frown, moving out to the kitchen as she looked in to the fridge herself. Sighing she felt a little nervous. She missed having the fridge full of food because Aiden so often cooked. Now the kitchen felt so abandoned, mostly because Buffy was basically the only one using it. "I guess we have to," she said, however she always felt on edge going outside. She knew that they were still under Nova's protection in some way, but she couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. Reaching over she closed the fridge, looking at Baal, seeing his semi wet curls made her smile. "You look beautiful," she said in a gentle tone.

She nodded at his words. Of course they wouldn't wear a sign around their necks saying who they were, but she hated that they couldn't. Only when he hid away all the parts that she loved so much. She loved how the black swirls on his upper body just always made her smile, how just looking at them could make her feel safe. But it was also one of those things that he had to cover up as to not get spotted. As he thanked her for the compliment she smiled softly, chuckling lightly as he said he would never be able to compare to her, but she didn't see it like that. Perhaps they would never agree on this matter, but maybe that was only a good thing. When Baal went to get dressed Buffy walked to the small hallway, putting on her shoes and jacket, as well as her scarf and a small hat that would keep her hair in place. His question made her shrug. "I was thinking of making some soup," she said. It was fairly easy to make, and if she made enough of it she had to a couple of days. Buffy hadn't experienced much throwing up since that first time, but she did feel nauseous when she got up in the morning, and it often followed her throughout the day. She would gag at some smells that they passed when they were out walking, sometimes having to escape a specific odor if it was too much. She knew that it was perfectly normal to feel like this, but at the same time it felt like it was still too early for her to even experience this. And that made her worry more. "Maybe I should grab some easy veggies as well? Just something I could snack on if I'm not feeling ravenous," she chuckled. Grabbing her purse and keys she looked at him. Beyond the door she felt was the great unknown, and she looked up at him, her eyes soft and her flames bright. Taking a step closer she pulled his face down, kissing his lips softly as she knew it would calm her to feel his presence.

Outside she couldn't help but place her hands deep within her pockets, exhaling she could see her breath visible. It was cold. Colder than it had been for a while, and she knew it was because winter was really setting in. His words made her realize how the month had changed and she had barely noticed. "It is soon, isn't it?" she sighed. She had barely thought about it, let alone bought presents for anyone. She had been too scared to leave the apartment. "And I haven't even bought any presents," she sighed, looking down as she felt sad. Everything had just happened at once, and she felt like the days had slipped away from her. Her mother's death, being with Baal and then being separated. Dealing with Xander and Aiden and ... She felt herself so swamped. "I haven't even received an invitation from my aunt to spend the holidays with her family," she whispered, biting the inside of her cheek as to not get too emotional, but it was clearly affecting her. She had always looked at Solstice as a time she spent with her family, but Xander was rarely home; he had even started to skip out on their sibling nights. "Maybe I just need to call her," Buffy said, her breath trembling.

She shook her head, she didn't want to be out and exposed like this for too long. "No ... I'll think of something," she said, putting off buying gifts was her best option. She didn't want to waste her time walking around the town when they just needed groceries. Then a thought popped in to her head, making her frown a little, but her eyes also softened as she looked up at him. "Let's get bound on the evening of Solstice," she suggested, her jaw trembling a bit from the cold, but perhaps it would be the best time. The temples would be surrounded by people, so they could easily blend in and sneak off in to the woods. Speaking about calling her aunt she nodded. She would do that as soon as they returned to the apartment. The way Baal spoke of her, she knew he was right, but perhaps she was too blind to see it. "I'll make the call once we get back," she said, more as a promise to herself. They reached the small shop on the corner, and as she stepped inside she felt relieved to not have the wind against her face. She grabbed one of the small baskets, standing for a while in the fruits and vegetable section, eyeing the selection at hand. "Is there any food you actually like?" she asked as she picked out some simple vegetables for her soup.

The fact that they had set a date made her more calm. She would of course have to set it up with the priestess, but she felt a little giddy as they stepped in to the small supermarket. It wasn't that she had forgotten her worries, she just felt more relaxed now that she could actually count the days on her hand. As he spoke she listened, chuckling a bit at the mention of apples. "Well I happen to like apples," she said, taking the apple out of his hand before he could put it back and placing it in the basket. She walked picked up some other assortments of fruit, but the selection this time of year was rather limited. Feeling the basket getting a little heavy she shifted the weight to her other hand. Walking down the aisle she looked at the different selections of nuts and dried foods, knowing it was probably one of her best methods of getting some nutrition in her. "And if you like licorice, maybe we should get some?" she suggested with a soft smile. She knew it could be a little hard finding good licorice in this part of town, but she knew that they at least stocked some off brand one in the candy aisle.

"Always so gallant," she chuckled as he took the basket for her. It was a nice gesture, but she didn't want it to seem like she couldn't rely on herself. The kiss on her forehead had made her smile however, wanting it so dearly to have been something that he would continue doing forever. As they moved around and got to the candy aisle she placed a hand on her stomach. The sweet scent of sugar made her feel nauseous, nodding as she replied to them having everything. She hurried off to the cashier, placing items on the disk to let the clerk scan the different groceries. Paying in cash had been her preferred method as of late, not that she feared anyone watching her transactions, but it gave her some peace of mind. Bagging them in some bags she grabbed one of them, hoping Baal would take the other. She had distributed the weight quite equally to make it easier for them. "Let's get back ... I'm starving," she chuckled.

Feeling his hand in hers made her smile happily, but the coldness outside didn't make her feel good. Huddling closer to him she leaned her head against his arm as they walked. They walked for a while before Baal said the name of the hybrid she was missing. Looking across the street she widened her eyes, nodding at his request she looked both ways before crossing. "Aiden?" she called, a bit surprised yet feeling relieved to see her. Looking at the hybrid she felt worried, mostly because she had seen what the aftermath had done for her brother; but now she feared what might've become of Aiden. Buffy had never hid the fact that she liked the hybrid, mostly because she made her brother so happy. "Hey, how've you been?" she asked, clearly concerned of the well being of the hybrid in front of her. She was still holding Baal's hand, feeling his heat radiating in to her palm and keeping her warm even in this weather.

Buffy looked at how the hybrid seemed rather beaten up, but she had seen the same look in her brother's eyes. It was clear that she wasn't too talkative, not that she had ever been the biggest speaker, but Buffy had enjoyed their small conversations when Aiden was cooking and she was keeping her company. Nodding at the few words that she did manage to get out of her she took a deep breath, giving Baal's hand a squeeze. "Much the same," she replied, looking around before leaning closer to Aiden. "Thank you for your help with ... You know," she whispered nodding downwards to her stomach. Leaning away again she looked up at her daemon, a smile spreading on her lips. She couldn't hide how happy she was, but she also didn't want to say the words out loud, in fear of what might happen. "Would you like to come by for dinner? I'm making soup, so it's not really anything special," she suggested.

"Dont mention it," Aiden assured her with a faint smile that didnt really reach her eyes. She was happy for Buffy and Baal that was clear, but she couldnt exactly express it that clearly. Baal looked at Buffy as he felt her eyes on him, returning the smile as he gave her hand a soft squeeze. Aiden just looked down at their exchange as it was quite a sensitive area for her still. She wondered if it would ever change. But then Buffy made her suggestion and Aiden felt her throat dry up in an instant as her palms got a little clammy at the thought of going back to the apartment. "D-dinner....?" she mumbled, frowning a little as she looked at the fenix. "It sounds lovely... But... i-is.... uhm.... he gonna be there?" she asked in a low tone, avoiding Buffy's eyes as the thought made her eyes well up a little.

Buffy couldn't tell if she had overstepped as she saw how Aiden suddenly struggled with her words, but as her question sounded, she looked down exhaling. "He ... Uhm ... Haven't really been home much since ... Since that thing," she mumbled, frowning as she felt guilty. Maybe she should have forced her brother to stay home, but she honestly felt clueless as to what she could do. "And when he has, he's gone straight to his room," she explained. Everything just felt so somber but she was also so happy to have Baal by her side. "You don't have to if you think it's too soon, but I really miss my friend," she said in a soft spoken voice. Buffy didn't have a lot of friends, but Aiden had snuck in to her heart for some reason. The hybrid had just found a place in her, and she felt the home so empty without her. It wasn't the same. She missed those evenings with Aiden where they didn't have to speak just sit in each other's company.

Aiden wasnt sure if Buffy's words about Xanders current mannerisms was a relief or a concern to hear. She didnt want him to be doing worse, she only wanted the best for him. But the mere thought of a confrontation or meeting him again made her heart ache. She was scared of having to confront what she was avoiding, but at the same time she couldnt lie and say she hadnt missed neither Buffy or Xander. Though she dreaded the thought of talking to the nephilim, she still loved him like she had told him the night before she left. "I would love to eat dinner," she said in a hoarse tone, rubbing her eyes a little. Baal had just let the girls have their talk in piece, looking at Buffy as his thumb had caressed hers. He felt bad for Aiden, but he also couldnt help but feel that it was an issue that could easily be solved - Maybe that was an easy thought for someone who couldnt keep conflicts up for long before needing to talk about it.