Reality check - Bittersweet reminder[cw]

Aiden looked down at their hands as Buffy grabbed hers. She felt her eyes well up at the fenix’s words, nodding a little as she made a small smile. She was happy she could be of use somewhere at least. When Buffy declared the results of the tests, Aiden’s smile grew a little, giving Buffy’s hand a little squeeze as she looked at her. “I’m very happy to hear that,” she said, though she felt bad that she wasnt jumping about and making a ruckus of excitement as she would have, had things been different. She let go of Buffy’s hand to wrap her arms around her in a hug. “What are you hoping for?” She asked regarding the gender. Baal grabbed the knife before he started to cut the vegetables, letting Buffy and Aiden talk if they wanted to, but he had heard Buffy’s stomach rumble and he wasnt going to have any delays on her food if he could help it.

She nodded as Buffy whispered though she had to concentrate to hear every word. She frowned a little at the mention of dreams, tilting her head a little to the side in confusion. She didnt know about the fenix’s ability to dream about the future and frankly she probably wouldnt comprehend it right in this moment. The conversation was shifted and Aiden felt a cold shiver down her spine when the fenix had something to ask. She prayed that it wasnt about Xander because she really wouldnt know what to say to any of it. But instead it was about her origin, more so her real parents. She made a thoughtful expression though it was clear from the downspirited look in her eyes that she didnt know the answer. “I never knew my birthmother. My parents say both were killed for their crimes of mixing seraph and daemon in a child,” she said, knowing it wasnt what Buffy wanted to hear. “But I could imagine that daemon children grow faster than any child. Bael doesnt seem to like children very much as they’re more trouble than worth, in terms of efficiently making his army grow” she said with a shrug. Baal frowned a little as he cut the vegetables, though he made a shrug as Aiden wasnt lying.

“It depends on the genes. We’ve seen pregnancies to be less than 6 months, or so it stands in the texts,” he said, frowning a little worried at his own words. Aiden nodded before she glanced down at Buffy’s stomach, she would have been quite scared as well if it had been her. Baal finished cutting the vegetables, it had been an easy task to just cut it out but he wouldnt test his luck with actually cooking it. Not that he didnt know how to, but he couldnt season it with his lacking in the ability to taste it at all. Aiden sighed a little with a nod. Even when Buffy mentioned Xander as her brother, it still stung a little in her heart.
But now that it had been mentioned Baal couldnt help himself. “Maybe it would be a lot to put on his shoulders, but with the right training, Xander could help with the birth here at home,” Baal suddenly said after a while of silence. Aiden frowned a little before she bit her lip, “I could help, with something, anything,” she said, looking down for a little as if she would change her mind again but she looked up at the two quite certain. “If you dont trust anyone else to know, bringing a doctor here would be dangerous,” she said, scratching her neck. She wasnt sure how she would be able to learn anything but she would at least figure out her options if it could help.

Maybe Xander wasnt a viable option for something such as helping his twinsister deliver her child, but Baal didnt know anyone else with enough medical knowledge to be useful. Aiden had seemed to know a little but from the few things she had said, she had learned most from volunteering in the southern and far more dangerous parts. So Buffy suggesting her aunt made him nod as he made a small “Ahhh,” sound. They could be sure she wouldnt tell any daemon, but what about everyone else? He trusted Buffy enough to not worry too much about it.
Aiden just shook her head when Buffy mentioned pressure, making a small shrug, “If I choose to pursue a career in the medical field, it would only benefit. But I also think of you as a good friend,” she assured Buffy, making a small yet genuine smile - Which she never thought she could have mustered but yet here she was doing it. Baal looked at Buffy with suspicious eyed as she held onto him, worrying that something was wrong. He watched her as she walked to sit down at the table, moving over to a cabinet before he pulled out a small bowl. He poured some of the nuts she had bought into it before he went over to the table and placed the bowl next to her, “Eat something my love,” he urged her.
Aiden carefully sat down in front of Buffy, folding her hands in front of her as she seemed to have easened up just a little bit. She looked down at her hands for a bit before she bit her lip. But instead of speaking her mind, she shook her head and scoffed. “Do you feel ready for parenthood?” She asked to lead the conversation. Baal shook his head as his reply, carefully rubbing Buffy’s back with his hand.

It would have been odd if Buffy had felt ready, especially as Aiden believed that it had been a surprise for her more than something that was planned. She nodded in agreement with Buffy’s words - Removing the child after everything would seem like an insane thing to do, but Aiden had never been the kind to see abortion as an option. She couldnt believe anything else because believing something else would imply that her parents could have made it, if they hadnt decided to keep their child and lose their lives to that deicision. Baal frowned a little at the mention of funds, rubbing his fongers gently onto Buffy’s back to search for some hard spots under her skin that he could massage out if she had some. He wasnt angry about the lacl of funds, he was certain they could make it. “Seems like one of the sacrifices that comes with a kid,” Aiden agreed when Buffy spoke of needing a job. Baal shrugged, “I can cover for a few months if you want to finish your year,” he suggested, leaning down to kiss Buffy’s forehead. Aiden felt happy that she had the contraception that she had, though as much as she has thought she wanted kids in the future, thinking about it further, she wasnt sure how she felt now. She chuckled with Buffy making a small shrug, “Guess if it were to run smoothly, it would be because something somewhere is wrong.” She said. She went over to the pot and looked into it. Puckering her lips a little she went to get some spices that she mixed into the soup, knowing it would enhance the taste. She frowned a little st herself, shaking her head. “Sorry,” she said, she had just found it so natural to walk up to the stove and do what she usually did.

—- beepity boopity timeskip off the property

The ritual was nearing day by day and Baal seemed just a little more anxious for days to pass the longer they waited. He felt restless at night, having to crawl under the covers and carefully place his ear to Buffy’s stomach to soothe the tension in his mind. He napped a lot during the days which only seemed to further push the fact that he barely slept at night. He had tried drinking coffee, but caffeine didnt affect daemons all that much. He barely felt the buzz. He was sleeping on the couch one day before his eyes suddenly flew open and he sat up straight like some kind of nightmare had held him in a tight grasp. “By the elders...” he muttered a little tired as he rubbed the side of his face, falling back into the back of the couch with a deep sigh.

“I’ve missed cooking too,” Aiden whispered with a small smile, turning her eyes to Buffy. She thought that maybe she could let go for tonight and forget her worries. Spend time with Buffy though she didnt feel deserving of it. When the soup was ready, Aiden had told her a few stories from her time of staying home with her parent, a few funny as they all sat around the table. Baal just looked at Buffy as he listened to Aiden’s story, wanting to reach out and touch her cheek but it wasnt suitable when she was in the middle of eating.

—-

He would do anything to go back to that night with Aiden where everything had seemed good. Now he couldnt close his eyes without having his fears flash behind his eyelids. It was the same bad dream in bits over and over, this time a baby’s cry so loud it hurt with his hands covered in blood. But he couldnt dream of the future, he wasnt a fenix, so it had to be some deepset worry that he would lose the love of his life. Her grabbing his hand made him see the image of his bloodied hand so clearly, but her kisses made him come back to reality. “I keep having the same nightmare over and over,” he mumbled, looking down at the ground with absent eyes as he seemed to think about it for a while, “I fear what this pregnancy will do to you my love,” he admitted, he went quiet for a bit before he finally turned his head to look at her with worried eyes.

He scoffed at her tease but he couldnt smile though it did lighten him up just a little from all the gloom. He looked at her, giving her hand in his a soft squeeze while he also seemed to be thinking about what he should tell her. He hadnt told her in detail about his nightmares but he didnt want to make her worry about him more than she already did. She spoke and he nodded. He was always relieved to hear about her dreams of their future but the way she looked slightly paler than usual and his predatory sides telling him exactly how she was doing only seemed to intensify the worry and make the nightmares that more livid. “Yes,” he answered her question truthfully, biting his lip as he fixtated once more at the spot on the ground he had just been staring at. “The mere thought makes me dreadful of our future,” he said, wetting his lips before he looked at her. Carefully he lifted a hand to her cheek, running his thumb along her cheekbone in such a gentle manner. “I cant lose you,” he said, wondering how many times he could say it before it would grow old. He got up from the couch and went to the kitchen to grab a vial. He exhaled deeply as he ran his hand through his hair. The nightmare seemed to have a tight grip around him this time, making him even more restless than he had been. “You hungry?” He asked, poking his head out in the hallway.

The ritual being tomorrow should have calmed him but instead of soothing his worry, it sparked many what-ifs of what could happen in the meantime. There was still a wait and even though the gap was slowly closing in, it didnt help him. Maybe he was condemned to worry, fearing everything that could harm the one he loved, even if it was absurdly unlikely. Nothing seemed too unlikely to not have even a slight chance of coming to life.
Standing in the kitchen he really felt how tired he was when he was standing by himself at the fridge. Aiden and Xander seemed to be working things out and once more there was always food to be found. He frowned a little at himself as he grabbed a vial, thinking Buffy’s words through. He couldnt keep delaying it, not if she was to devote her life to him by this time tomorrow. He came back with the vial and returned to his seat next to her, pulling her a little closer to wrap his arms around her. “I’ll talk,” he whispered before kissing her temple, sighing deeply.
He looked into the nothingness of the room, his lips twitching like he was rehearsing his words before speaking them. “I... keep having this nightmare. It seems like a warning about our future. I dont know if it’s because me being a daemon, I wasnt meant to make a bond with anyone at all, or what it may be. But the dream is the same...” he explained, frowning a little.
“I feel like I’m in this void in my dreams. A baby keeps screaming in the distance and no matter how far I go, the cry doesnt grow louder or distant,” he said, biting his lip. “I look down at my hands and I see your blood. I doesnt see you but my mind knows that it’s you,” his eyes darted from side to side like he was replaying it in his mind. “I look up and I see rows and rows of my kind, all on their knees. A wind blows and they all disappear like dust in the wind. The dust turn to snow and everything grows so cold. The crying baby cries more from the cold but I cant find her and help her get warm,” he stops himself as he just closes his mouth and instead stares a little at a spot on the wall. His eyes feel the sting but he doesnt cry.

He turned his eyes to her when he felt her hand on his cheek, looking into her green eyes with the bright flame behind. He leaned into her hand, closing his eyes while he listened to her words, moving the vial in his hand as he made a small nod, “I know,” he whispered. He couldnt really make sense of his own nightmare, but he just knew it was scaring him more than good was worth. Biting his lip as she seemed to know what he worried most about, he nodded, “I know what the child is doing to you,” he mumbled, lifting her hand to his lips as he placed a small kiss against the back of her hand. He looked at her again. He nodded about her words about dreaming. He understood that dreams were made to process, but he just wished that it would bring some clarity to the clutter, not mix it even closer together to a mass that couldnt be pulled apart.
He could appreciate that she wanted to lighten the burden he seemed to carry in his mind, but it wouldnt be a simple matter. He wrapped his arms around her better as he let her speak and just listened. He just sighed at the end of her words, closing his eyes for a bit as he nodded. “I dont know if I fear I’d ever kill you myself. But if our child ends up consuming you from the inside out, I couldnt ever forgive myself,” he said, looking at her as he shifted between her eyes. “If our bond can grant you the strength to survive this pregnancy, then I’ll stop worrying,” he said, not knowing if it was a lot to ask for, but frankly he would do anything for her if it was possible.

He nodded at her confession, and even though he worried now, he still remembered how happy he had felt about it the moment she told him. He would change his mind from this worried state once the child was out here in the world with them, it was just the wait. He was ought to realize that waiting just wouldnt ever be something he could do patiently. “I’ll try my best to be here,” he assured her. He was surprised that her aunt had accepted it, though it had taken her a thinking period, it seemed that the valkyrie in the end had chosen to support Buffy rather than shun her for doing something as reckless as carry a daemon child.
“I thought you knew me to be someone that worries for the both of us,” he said with a faint scoff as a chuckle, nuzzling his nose gently against her cheek. When she mentioned cold feet he frowned as he looked at her, shaking his head, “I’m not having cold feet. I want to be with you,” he assured her. He pressed hos forehead to hers, closing his eyes for a bit, “How many times do I have to assure you that I’m already bound to you in my heart? That I couldnt love someone else like I love you?” he asked in a low tone, before he made a deep sigh. He leaned away to look into her eyes. “I worry because I love you so much,” he added, keeping his arms wrapped around her and their fingers entangled.

“Dont be silly,” he said rather serious as he looked at her. If she believed he would get bored of her, she was wrong, he was quite certain. He didnt think he could ever be bored of her and what they had. But it was a silly thought to play with, even more to even think through because he had already made his decision, and Baal wasnt the kind of man to change his mind easily once he had decided.
Her tease made him smile a little as he touched her cheek gently. She always had such an easy time getting even just a small smile out of him when he just wanted to sulk and frown. “And I’ll belong to you,” he whispered back, his smile getting a little brighter. He had been so worried about losing her to her short lifespan but now he knew that after the ceremony tomorrow, he wouldnt ever have to worry again about losing her. “Something special?” He asked when he noticed her devious smile. “Now you’re making me curious,” he said in a low tone, kissing her forehead in slow gentle kisses.