New year, new me? Or whatever they say. [cw]

Would she dare to say it had been the best summer in all of her life? Yeah, she would. Spending time not only with Kurtis but with Jeremy and Damiano as well had been so freeing. Especially as there was no homework looming over them. Kurtis had even come with her to Barcelona, seeing her mother's new vacation house. Safe to say spending time with him had been of top priority. Even if his Spanish wasn't the best, she hadn't minded translating and teaching him a bit.

Sitting in the cafeteria she smiled to herself at her phone screen. It was a picture of her and Kurtis that her mother had snapped. She normally hated having her picture taken, but this one was special. Kurtis had dressed up nicely to impress her mother and all three of them had gone out to dinner that night.
Now that school had started it was more normal to not hang out every day, but they always did text. That was why when he had gone MIA she just knew something was wrong. At first she had hoped that maybe he had just crashed at Jeremy's, but that hadn't been the case. The others were talking about a costume party, but all she could really focus on was Kurtis. He was quiet. And that was a bad sign.
He left for a smoke and she nodded at Jeremy's words, "I'll go check on him, alright," she said with a half smile, grabbing her bag and heading out to the sheds. Damiano wasn't at lunch, but they would all soon find out why.

Finding Kurtis in the shed was easy, knocking lightly on the metal she sent him an apologising smile. "Hey you," she said, just keeping her distance if he didn't want her near. Kurtis wasn't good with his emotions, but neither was she. "Can I bump a smoke from you?" She asked, stepping closer and taking one if he handed it over. She let him light it as well while she inhaled.

He had just sort of expected to be left alone and getting to smoke his cigarettes and keep staying in this play pretend where he didnt really have to say shit. But he was also not that dumb, to think that it would just eventually go away. He looked up as she knocked on the wall of the shed, sucking lightly on his cigarette before he breathed in. "Hey you." he mimicked, but it wasnt in the usual playful and mocking tone that he could have. He almost sighed the smoke out of his lungs as they stood there, luckily her question seemed to keep him from sinking into the ground he stood on. He pulled out his pack and let her have one, lighting it for her too. It was hard not to notice the silence between them and he felt bad. "Come here." he suddenly mumbled, pulling her in as it wasnt exactly summer weather anymore and he cared whether she was cold or not. It also just gave him an excuse to lightly touch her skin where it was exposed, but that was mostly her hands, but when he was in a shitty mood, it just mattered to him that he didnt need to be stuck with the shitty feeling inside of him.

She knew he was having a hard time, and even though he was in a bad mood, it wouldn't keep her away. When her cigarette was lit she inhaled slowly, mostly because his brand was a bit strong and she didn't want to be uncool and cough all the time. The silence was alright, but she could feel the gears turning in his head, and his mumble made her smile slightly, wrapping one arm around him as she kept smoking with the other. "Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked, mostly because she had learnt the hard way that he could shut down and just ignore everyone. Zaira wasn't wiser or had more experience than Kurtis, but she was his girlfriend and that meant that they had made a promise to be there for one another. "Or we could skip school? Go to my place and hang out?" she suggested. To her it didn't really matter what they did, she just wanted to be there for him. She was worried. He hadn't been in contact with her for a few days, and that meant something shitty had happened.
Her hand caressed his, feeling his warmth as she sighed to herself. It felt good to feel him here, but she also always felt like she was using him to stay warm. Not that he probably minded her using him that way. It just felt right when he was near.

"No." he just replied rather forward, though it muffled against her neck as he had stopped smoking his own cigarette and just sunk his head down to rest between her shoulder and neck. "My dad is home so I cant skip any classes today." he mumbled, knowing it was probably not what she wanted to hear, but it was the truth. At least he had come back home once the school had informed him that Kurtis had missed two days of school. It was partly why he had been back so suddenly and seemingly also keeping low.

Despite hating seeing him like this, it was nice to know that she brought him some comfort in all of this. If she could remove some of his worries for a little while, she gladly would. "Alright," she whispered, stroking his messy hair, kissing the side of his head gently. He needed to gather his strength, and she stood there as his pillar, not wavering for anything until he felt better. "We only have a few classes left, and if you haven't noticed yet we got three classes together this year," she said, talking about something nice just to distract his mind. "Of course we got P.E., with Jeremy as well ... Then we have biology and English as well," she hoped that this would cheer him up somewhat. She knew that school was a drag for him sometimes, but he was really smart and if he wanted he could be at the top of every class.
"Last class today is English ... I've already started the assignment for next week and I convinced the teacher that we're working on it together," she smiled. There was no need for him to stress about it. Kissing the side of his head again she closed her eyes, breathing in his scent as she just snuffed out the rest of the cigarette. "If you want to, we can stay here after school in the library? Your father wouldn't get mad at you for spending time on studies, and I've missed you so I don't mind staying here a little while longer," it was a good idea. If he agreed to it.

He hadnt even really realized how dependent he had truly become on getting her comfort, but he probably really didnt mind it either as it felt nice. It was like it alleviated just a small bit of all that bad stuff that weighed him down. She spoke of classes and he hummed. He had noticed but hadnt really thought about it. It was just nice listening to her explain. It simplified the world somehow and grounded him.
The suggestion of staying in in the library after school made him hum. "Sure." he mumbled, breathing in her scent before he made a deep sigh. "Are we just going to study?" he asked, mostly out of curiousity.

"We can do whatever you wanna do," she promised him with a smile on her lips. Although it would be nice to get some decent work in on the assignments she had, she could always spare an afternoon on him. "I would like to at least look at the homework for tomorrow, but after that who knows how bad I get?" she chuckled, kissing his hair once more. They needed to head to class soon. The bell hadn't rung yet, but it would soon enough.
Not letting go before he let go first was the key, however, so she stood there for him until he eventually let go. "Can I walk you to class?" she asked, biting her lower lip as she looked at him with a softness in her eyes. Gods she really had fallen hard for him, and she hated admitting to it. "C'mon, give me a smile and I'll give you a kiss," she encouraged him.

The promise was reassuring and he didnt feel any kind of incline to say no. "Homework is so boring though." he protested, but he wouldnt just make her not study at all. He had forgotten pretty much all about his cigarette and luckily it had burned out by now. He knew that he eventually had to let go though it wasnt something he liked to.
"I'd like that." he admitted as he scratched the back of his neck. She looked so cute and on any other day had it put him in such a good mood. Now it was just nice to see her still be so cheery when he couldnt. Her encouragement made him shake his head as he looked at her. "Or I'll just kiss you and get my kiss that way." he said, leaning in though she could decide whether to move away or not.

No smile. Alright. He leaned in, and she couldn't help herself from smiling. "Even when you're feeling down you still manage to act like an ass," she whispered against his lips. Leaning in the rest of the way she kissed him rather tenderly. She wouldn't ever hold back when she knew that this simple act could make him feel better. "One more kiss, then we really have to get going," she mumbled, her eyes closed as she felt quite blissful standing here so close to him. She took his hand, guiding it up to her neck, letting him feel how her pulse was going crazy just for him. Leaning in once more she kissed him, this time trying hard not to get too into it as she had said so herself that they needed to get going.
They eventually made their way back to the halls, she was just letting him do whatever, holding her hand if it was the physical contact he still longed for. She had gotten to know him pretty well over summer, and she knew that her just being there was sometimes enough. Just the knowledge that he could reach out and touch her was good for him. Reaching the door to his class she leaned up, placing a kiss against his cheek as she whispered in his ear, "I'll see you in English," a gentle promise, but one she intended to keep.
With that she had to head off to her class with Jeremy, running through the halls to make it in time.

His third year had started out quite nicely, though he was missing summer already. He had been lucky enough to see Jeremy every once in a while, but it seemed like he was always keeping himself busy. Damiano didn't mind that, he knew that he couldn't be anything more than the nephilim's secret, and he had come to terms with it. Or at least that was what he tried to tell himself. It was just easier to ignore when school hadn't been there, but now it was back and running.
There were a lot of new students, some less open minded than others, but he got through each day pretty much unscathed. That was until he had heard a conversation in the locker room. "I just don't get why they let freaks in ... This school is about learning, not trying to fit in every minority," one guy had said, clearly bigoted down to the core, "Yeah, like that homo-brid, I swear all he does is just fucking up the reputation of this good school," another chimed in. Damiano hadn't been spotted yet, they didn't even know he was listening, but he wasn't a violent guy. He wouldn't throw himself in to a fist fight, because he wanted to defy the nature he had been born with. But then something was uttered that he couldn't forgive. "I just don't want to catch whatever it is he has ... Have you seen the people he surround himself with? He picks his friends so carefully so that he thinks he can do whatever he wants!"
Damiano slammed his locker, messing with his long hair as he gave a glare at the three students that had been discussing him. "I guess it's true what they say about straight guys," he said, walking closer as his eyes darkened. "Even after a shower they still reek of unwashed ass," he sneered, his lip curling up as if he was a dog snarling. Who hit first was a blur, but next thing he knew he was sat in the principal's office with an ice bag to his broken brow. His parents had been called as well, his father talking with the headmaster as his mother was silently watching. They never took time out to come to school both of them, so this had to be serious.
"Are you listening mister De Angelis?" the headmaster spoke, making the hybrid snap out of his blank stare as he looked at the old man in front of him. "We are suspending you for the rest of the week; You are lucky that this is a warning and it is only because of your good grades that we are gracing you with another chance," Damiano nodded, absent minded as he got up from the chair. His mother placing a hand on his shoulder but he shrugged it off, grabbing his bag as he went to leave the office.
Rumors had already begun spreading. How a hybrid had attacked three students in the locker room and how he had only gotten suspended. Some students were calling for him to be expelled, claiming that safety was never guaranteed with hybrids. Other students claimed foul play, but it was something that divided the school roughly down the middle.

The car ride home was deadly silent. Damiano knew that he had fucked up, he had lost control and now two guys were badly injured and the third he didn't even want to think about. He just held the ice to his brow, hoping that perhaps a brain freeze would take away the awkward silence that was filling up the void in the car. That was when his father looked at him in the reflection, and no words were needed for the hybrid to know just how disappointed he was with his son. Damiano clenched his fist around the ice a little harder, just trying to numb himself a bit. Then his mother finally spoke, "Have you been taking your medication?" he sighed in response, nodding as he looked out the window. "Then why in the world are you acting like this?" she asked but the hybrid could give no answer. Maybe it was just how he was conditioned to live now? Maybe this was part of getting older? And perhaps, he was violent underneath his charming appearance.
They reached their home and his parents had to return to work while Damiano got sent upstairs and told to remain there until they came home. He just followed orders at this point, grabbing his bag as he went up the stairs in defeat. His sister looked at him, a sad frown on her face as she saw how beaten up he looked. Damiano wasn't a fighter, she told herself, he was a cuddly guy who liked talking things out. As he reached his room he sat down on his bed, staring in to the room with blank eyes. His mind was just so jumbled up and he hadn't realized that the ice had melted away and was simply lukewarm water in a plastic bag at this point. Placing the bag down he just sat there, unable to do much else than just try and figure out what had really happened.

He could hear a faint buzzing sound coming from his bag. But his arms felt heavy like they were filled with cement. His head was spinning a little, laying back on the bed as he just stared up at his ceiling. He had pictures stuck to it, pictures of his friends and family, but strangely none of Jeremy. Maybe because whenever they were together they never took the time for a selfie or anything. He could feel his eyes water again, his heart beating and it felt like it was knocking itself against his ribcage to get the ache to stop. What was wrong with him? He was just laying here in self pity and hurt, and yet he couldn't get himself to do anything. He felt utterly hopeless, all of those dark emotions from earlier still in his system although by now he should've beaten them out of himself. But alas here he was.
Giana was standing outside the building, texting some friends while she was on break.

Giana was actually rather surprised to see Jeremy here, not that he was a stranger because he had been by so often during summer. Only it seemed that he didn't really know yet what she knew. "He's not really in a good place to-" but then he broke her off, pleading to see him and she sighed, nodding as she unlocked the door upstairs, leading him the way just to be sure. Meanwhile she told Jeremy how her parents had been called to school, how apparently Damiano had attacked students and how confused she felt about all of this. "I'll be just downstairs if he starts getting worse ... And if he does, don't get too close to him, alright," she said as a fair warning before she unlocked the door in to the apartment.

Damiano was laying on the bed still, his eyes glazed over as he hadn't blinked in a while. That was until he heard the door unlock. Sitting up, his head was dangling a bit as he was just sat on his bed. Listening.

"Well you'd be the first," she muttered, closing the door after her before heading downstairs once more. She did however decide to be more attentive to any sounds that might come from above.

Damiano heard the knock, getting up from the bed as he walked forward. His eyes were blank, and he opened the door slightly. Maybe because deep down he knew how he could get and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt more people. "What are you doing here?" he muttered, but he didn't sound like himself. It sounded like he had a growl stuck in his throat, or perhaps a cough. His eyes scanned Jeremy, but avoiding looking at his eyes. That would show just how much he was in pain right now. "You should go back to school," he said flatly, closing the door before he went back to the bed sitting down as if he was somehow robotic.

He had hoped the nephilim would just leave. Just get out before he lost it again. He was shaking a little, but sitting still otherwise. Then Jeremy came in to his room, and he felt scared. Scared that he would look at him and not recognise the sweet guy he had met at the party. "You should leave," he just said, but it seemed that the nephilim weren't giving up so easily. Damiano got up on his feet, standing quite tall in his small room and he made some distance between them. "I'm not safe," he said as a fair warning, feeling how his insides were burning.
He was a hybrid, so that meant he had no lycan form to act out in. And his medication hadn't felt like it had been helping either. "I could've killed those kids," he muttered shaking his head as if he didn't want to remember it. He knew hybrids got a bad reputation, and he wanted to fight that. But how could he when he just felt so much and yet so little. "Jeremy please leave, I don't trust myself and neither should you," a last warning.

Damiano seemed so dismissive and Jeremy felt so confused. What was it that had even happened? People said so many things and yet none of it sounded true. "Maybe I should but I'm not going to." he argued, planning to stay where he stood. "That's fine with me, I'll just stay over here." he said with a small shrug. Maybe he wasnt taking it too serious, but he truly didnt think that the hybrid would hurt him.
"But you didnt kill them. So dont stay around in those what-if's." he said, trying stay rational while hopefully making Damiano think it through as well. The warning just made Jeremy shake his head. "I know what happens when you're like this and you're on your own. I dont want you to hurt yourself."

"So it's better for me to hurt you?" he asked, shaking his head. No, this wasn't right. It was easier when it was just himself getting hurt, he could manage how much he needed and when enough was enough. But when he had lost control it had been bad. He remember when he was a kid and he had lost control once. It was a mess. He didn't even dare think about it as it just seemed to rile up the beast within him. He just couldn't bear these feelings anymore. He backed up against his window, his fingers grasping around the windowsill as if he was hanging on for dear life. All those negative feelings in the locker room had just made him lose it, and he could feel the beast in him wanting to let loose once more.
"Distract me!" he barked. If Jeremy intended on staying, he couldn't just stand there and be worried. He needed his head emptied from these thoughts of self destruction and even more the daemon in him already giving him horrid thoughts.

The question made him sigh as he obviously didnt know what to answer at all. No? Of course it wasnt better, but at least it didnt mean another scar waiting to be discovered. Not that Jeremy really minded them in that sense, it was just something he didnt want if it could be avoided. Like being here, watching him, making sure he wouldnt hurt himself. He watched as Damiano sat in the window. The bark made the nephilim frown before he nodded and crossed his arms. "Do you remember what we saw when we were on the boat? All the different things floating in the surface. Like the deflated unicorn stranded at sea?" he tried.

Damiano hated feeling like this. So out of control and not in touch with his own emotions. That was why he felt the need to hurt himself. It wasn't about punishing himself as much as it was about grounding his body. Making it feel tethered to the world and not feeling everything at once. He shook his head at Jeremy's words. That wasn't enough, and his hand clamped down in to the wooden windowsill, cracking the otherwise sturdy wooden frame. He just hummed, hoping it would make the nephilim talk more. But it was as if the more he talked, the more his body was feeling out of it. Words couldn't resolve this. He could feel his inner beast just wanting to tear his whole room apart and soon enough he was on his legs, reaching out for Jeremy. He held him by his shoulders, pressing him up against the door to his room. It made Damiano feel so many conflicting feelings. He didn't want to hurt the nephilim, he cared about him, but he just couldn't ignore his instincts. Gasping for air he stared in to his eyes for a while, his own so empty and yet so conflicted. His fingers tightened around his shoulders.