Opening the Can of Worms

He could hear him move behind the door. He knew he was in there. He looked sad as he thought of what to do. He couldnt just leave now that he was here. He didnt want to leave. He knocked again, firm but also gentle. He wasnt here to fight. “I know you’re in there.” He said, drawing in a deep breath. “And I dont want to just come in. But I’ll have to if you dont open the door.” He said, wondering if there were any snoopy neighbours listening in. But that was beside the point. “Or I can go. But then I want to hear you say it. Jeremy go away and I’ll leave you alone.” He decided to give him a choice. But while he meant just for tonight, that was probably not what it really sounded like.

He just stood there and waited. It felt like forever somehow, standing in front of the door, waiting for an answer. And then he heard the shuffling, looking at the handle as he waited for it. Unless Damiano would tell him to go away. The door was opened and he looked at the hybrid standing there not far from it. It hurt to see him like this. He didnt like it. “I dont want to leave you.” He assured him. Would it help if he said that? Should he say more?
Damiano told him to go away, but when he saw the tears, how would he ever be able to look at himself if he walked out now? He just shook his head slowly, moving in as he closed the door behind him. He wasnt scared of him. Even if he would’ve been right to. “I love you.” He said, like he needed to tell him. His eyes were sad and full of hurt.

He did notice how Damiano was holding back. He didnt blame him. There was probably a lot of emotions to deal with, when he could feel Jeremy’s on top of that. But he was right. The circle couldnt keep going. “You’ll be angry.” Was a mild way to put it after a moment of silence. Amongst the things that revealing it could make Damiano feel, Jeremy was scared of the anger. Not because he feared getting hurt. He feared that Damiano might actually tear the guy apart and be expelled for good. “I’m not saying that lightly either.” He added, looking at Damiano with serious eyes.

Seeing Damiano look down and be quiet was probably worse than any reaction he could’ve come up with. It hurt. The question was also so far fetched from the truth that Jeremy was almost stunned by it; but only almost. Zaira had sort of warmed him up to the notion that he would be tired of the hybrid or seeing someone else. “The truth..” he repeated, blinking a few times. He sniffled and then nodded. The truth. He pulled out his phone and unlocked it, opening the messages before placing it in Damiano’s hand. It was the whole truth, all written in there. The threats, the demands. But it seemed that whenever the guy wanted to meet, Jeremy had found a convinient excuse to not go. But as of late, the guy was starting to get too impatient. And to remind the nephilim what was at stake, what could suddenly be sent to the whole school, was the sound clip attached. It wasnt long. But it was clear it was Jeremy and someone making out before being interrupted, in which the clip ended. It probably wasnt as bad as Jeremy believed it to be. Except for the fact that it was very clearly him being very homosexual with some other guy.
“It’s before we even met… before Zaira.” It felt like ages ago and yet it was dug up and used against him.

He let the hybrid read the whole thing if that was what he wanted. He just didnt want this to be between them anymore and cause more trouble. The question made him look down as he drew in a deep breath. Why hadnt he said anything? Because he was ashamed. He was afraid. He shook his head as the hybrid said his name. "It's okay." he told him. It hadnt been wrong of him to be upset by the way Jeremy had acted.
He looked up at him as he cupped his face, drawing in a deep breath. "Just take it easy. I have already decided. I'm just gonna let him leak it and wait for the whole thing to blow over." he said, nodding as if he needed the reassurance. "I was just scared, because he's in your class.. so if he leaked it it would come to you eventually." he just said, trailing off into the what-if scenario, not really having thought his words through in his distress.

Jeremy looked up at the demand with his brows furrowed. “No!” He objected softly. He wasnt dumb and he knew the hybrid’s temper, especially as Damiano made it clear that he would handle the situation. He didnt want him to get in trouble with the guy, it was already enough that this was happening in the first place. “You dont have to protect me. It’ll be fine.” He said. The guy didnt know Jeremy was seeing someone so it was all fine.

“And what if he leaks it and no one knows it’s me? We dont know.” He said with a sad frown. Damiano would know because he had spent so much time with the nephilim but others probably wouldnt know the difference between Jeremy and any other dude. “You wont- You wont lose me.” He cooed him softly, lifting his hands to place on the sides of the hybrid’s neck, letting his thumbs rest behind his ears as he held a gentle grip. “If my parents find out, I’ll just run away. Steal their boat, take you with me and sail somewhere new. A fresh start.” Which was a fine dream scenario but probably wouldnt work out in real life. “I just know that I cant tell you because you’ll tear him apart.”

"Good." he sighed in relief. That was at least one less worry for him to think about. The notion that he had somewhere to stay if everything went to shit made him nod. He gave him a soft peck before letting go, moving over to sit on the bed with a thoughtful expression. "I'm hoping it wont... go to shit." he said, lifting his hands to rub his face. Though he should feel some sort of relief, the pressure was still there. The worry was still there. And it was looming over his head.

“I guess it’s because we see it different. For me, a boyfriend isnt just someone I hide from all and everyone. I’d be proud of him and show him off.” He said and it wasnt even that he didnt want to do exactly that with Damiano. He did. It was just not in the cards yet. “But like this, then I have to at least show when I’m with you that I’m not joking around. That there is a future for us where we could be boyfriends out in the open?” He said because he wasnt even so sure anymore. Fuck. His mind was too scrambled to even make sense to himself.

“I am comitted to you.” He muttered, but he didnt want to argue. They had argued so much lately and what happened tonight had left him a little exhausted mentally. He felt drained. And he somehow felt sad that he couldnt just give Damiano what he wanted. “It makes sense. It does. But I dont know, Damiano. I know you want us to be boyfriends, even in secret.” And if course the but would be there, as horrible as it was to say. “.. but I cant. Not when it’s like this and I say things in school that hurts you.” He admitted. Was he completely crazy for that?

It was true, this was the one thing they could possibly never see eye to eye with. And Jeremy knew he was letting him down because of it. Damiano spoke and Jeremy didnt know where it was headed. And when Damiano said it wasnt a good time for them to be around each other, that made Jeremy’s heart hurt. Like a genuine hurt. “No, that’s not true.” He argued softly but maybe Damiano was right. Maybe this was why they had their arguments, about the same thing essentially, over and over. He didnt realize how hurt he felt until he had to sniffle and cover his eyes with a hand. “Fuck…” he sighed quietly, wishing he had the courage to say something that would prove him wrong. Like Kurtis. He knew the lycan would’ve just said whatever like we’ll make shit work or something more motivating than a swear word muttered under his breath. “I- um..” he said, getting up as he felt like he could choke if he stayed here. Maybe he just was a coward that could do nothing.

Maybe Damiano was right but gods it hurt. It hurt so much, that he didnt even really know what to do with himself. He wanted to cry or act out but it really wasnt in his nature. He was supposed to be calm, it was all everyone expected at this point. He felt the hybrid cup his face and it just felt like salt in the wound. Could he stop touching him with gentle hands when they’re were in the middle of ending things? “No. I’ll figure it out.” He muttered, but he felt a little bewildered. He just knew he didnt want to be here right now in this moment. If Damiano really wanted then he could call either a taxi or Zaira but Jeremy didnt want to wait around. “Just um…” he muttered, removing a few rogue tears before he shook his head deciding that his inner coward would always win. He took the hybrid’s key off his keychain and handed it to him before he went for the door to leave. He needed fresh air, maybe a fresh life. In some place where he didnt have to hide.
He wouldnt go home but he did end up calling Zaira. Though he was hurt then he wasnt completely out of touch with himself. He wanted to meet. Told her it was important if she had picked up. And then he went to the park, telling her to go there too.