They all grow up so fast

He moved away again, his words harsh and she shook her head a bit at herself. Why did her mouth always have to portray her? "It's supposed to mean that I don't know what to do ... I wish I could split myself down the middle sometimes," she said, but she felt like she was speaking for deaf ears. She sat up, looking at him with a frown on her face. Reaching over she placed a hand on his hand, wanting him to snap out of his jealousy, just for a moment. What she really hoped was the fact that he didn't dismiss her again. It felt like whatever she said ended up hurting those she loved. "I know I can't win with you; One moment you push me away, the next you hold on to me for dear life," she said in a soft voice. "I'm just as confused as you are, perhaps even more, but I want us to be honest with one another," she said, her voice almost pleading. Leaning forward she placed a soft kiss on his shoulder, letting her lips rest against his skin as she closed her eyes. "Would it make you happy? Would it make you feel like you won over Connor for my affection?" she whispered against his skin. She just wanted him to be honest and tell her why he had suggested this out of the blue. He had been so dead set on not doing anything when she had mentioned in the water, and now it was like that conversation never happened.

His disgusted tone made her sigh, feeling her eyes water a bit. It was a lot of emotions for her to hold in her chest all day every day. While it had become easier to handle, it didn't make the fact, that she couldn't be close to him and Connor like she wanted to, hurt any less. He grabbed her chin, and she looked in to his blue green eyes, feeling her heart beat faster as he pulled her closer. She could feel his breath on her face, feel how she was itching to lean in the rest of the way and connect their lips. He said he didn't like sharing, making her gasp under her breath, looking surprised at him. "I don't want to be just a Mariah to you," she replied, her voice sad as she felt ashamed to even mention it. However her heart told her that the one she loved, she needed to honor. She couldn't be with someone else while being with one person. His question made her swallow.
"Us?" she simply replied, wanting to hear what he meant.

He was luring her in, making her want to give in and just let him do whatever he wanted to do to her. She felt his finger playing with her lip, but the more she listened, the more torn she felt. She wanted to try all those things, she wanted to feel what it would feel like. However she feared that because he kept switching between wanting her and pushing her away, that she was going to end up hurting worse than having no contact to him. The hook came; It all had to be a secret. Saoirse looked down, biting her lower lip as she frowned. Everything had a price she thought, even love apparently. "I'll think about it," she said, moving to her feet as she started gathering her stuff. "I want to go home," she managed to say, thought it was clear from her voice how hurt she felt. How torn she actually was, was the most painful thing ever. She felt like she needed to sleep for forever just to catch up with how exhausted her body felt at this moment. She was shaking a bit, mostly because all of the things he had listed scared her a little. But at the same time, she wanted to. It was such a weird feeling, but it didn't feel like pressure. Simply put, it was making her more torn, and she grabbed her shirt, pulling it over her head, to cover up her body. Then her shorts and lastly her shoes. She was still shaking, a bit from the cold and a lot from her thoughts.

Everything was just strange to her, that he all of a sudden thought that saying all of this would change how he had pushed her away. When he said it didn't need to be a secret forever she frowned, mostly because she knew that the longer a secret was held, the greater the chance of hurting the ones she cared about.
His comment made her look down, because she had asked for that, but why did he have to be so crude all the time? "I know ... But the problem is that I could never choose between you and Connor," she said, feeling like she was making him angry with her words. She knew he got jealous, knew that he had said he hated sharing, but she hadn't figured out a way to go around this without hurting anyone. Maybe she was just destined to be in this weird in-between forever? Where she would never be able to try anything, never get to experience what that aching in her body was. Reaching down she grabbed the ball, holding it between her hands until he was ready to go.
They started walking towards the car, and Saoirse was silent for the most part. She kept thinking what he had meant by experimenting. What would that mean and to what extend? They reached the car, and she placed her stuff careful not to get too much sand on his seats. Sitting down in the front passenger seat, she just sat and stared. Her mind was working overtime, placing a few fingers at her temple to see if it would help with her headache.
"My parents are out for the weekend," she mumbled, feeling her heart beat faster in her chest. She didn't really know what she was suggesting. "Would you ... Would you like to join me and Connor's movie night?" she asked, frowning a little. She thought he was going to decline, mostly because he had been so clear i not wanting to share.

Saoirse knew he would say that, knew that he would think that Connor would hate it, and he was probably right. They stopped at the house, his words like a blank canvas that left her wondering what he meant. Leaning closer to him, she placed a hand on his cheek. He had teased her so much on the beach, and she felt like she wouldn't be able to sleep unless she got to do this. "I'll be thinking of you," she whispered softly, looking in to his eyes before placing her lips against his. Her kisses were always tender, always with so much meaning behind them as he made her heart beat so much faster. Leaning away she felt sadness rush over her, mostly because she wanted to kiss him again. She wanted to pull him close and just feel her heart beat in sync with his, but he was still a mystery to her. "Love you," she said before she opened the car door, grabbing her stuff from the back before she started walking up to the front door. Wiping away a few tears, she felt her hand shake a little as she reached for her key in her backpack. It always hurt her so much to walk away from him, but she knew she couldn't force him. She couldn't make him do anything that he didn't want to. Unlocking the door, she looked back if he was still there.

This was the part where she looked back and he had driven off in a hurry, however instead she felt his arms lock around her in a secure embrace. His lips found hers, and she couldn't help but whimper as her eyes felt shut. This kiss was different. Different in so many ways and it made her stomach spin with happiness. Her hands had dropped her bag, instead reaching around him to pull him closer to her, like his embrace wasn't enough. It was a strange feeling, but a good one nonetheless. His mumble made her frown, however he didn't push her away, instead it felt like he was pulling her closer. She needed to breathe, pulling out of the kiss, gasping softly for air. Blinking a few times, she seemed to realize what had just happened, as if her brain hadn't been able to process it. "Stay the night," she pleaded, however she didn't know if she was ready for all of the exploration that Amos had spoken about. "You don't have to sleep in the same room as me ... I just ... I need you," she whispered. It was no secret that Saoirse was bad being home alone, mostly because she seemed to just seclude herself to her room. That was why she often made plans, but Connor was probably too tired to come over, and she honestly missed spending time with Amos. The time at the beach today had been so wonderful, so much so that she didn't wish for the day to end just yet. "We can order pizza, you can steal some of our dad's soul stash, please - I'll do anything to make you stay," she pleaded.

Saoirse looked at him, feeling how he was tugging her closer made her feel her heart beat faster. The way his hands felt against her lower back was indescribable to her. She couldn't help but smile as he said he would stay, looking at him with hopeful eyes. She realized they were still standing outside, and that perhaps moving inside would be the best option. His words of warning made her look down to his chest. They always worried that she might regret some of the things she could end up doing, but would she not then know what it was like? "I trust you, Amos, I need to," she said softly, looking back at him.
They moved inside, and she grabbed her bag, placing it in the entrance, closing the door after them. She could feel her heart beat in her throat, looking at him she smiled. "I'm ... Uhm ... Going to take a shower," she said, feeling the seawater and sand itch on her skin. She wasn't brave or confident enough to ask him to join her, so she just leaned up to kiss his lips softly. The rules that her father had spoke of still rang in her head. Before he had said anything, she would've probably not have held back, but now she felt like she had to.
Getting out to the bathroom she looked at herself in the mirror, seeing her cheeks red. She could see her body shake a little, mostly from the nerves of having him close. Removing her clothes slowly she looked at herself in the mirror. Her white marks swirling over her torso and arms, almost as if hers were the inverted version of her father's. Removing some sand from her thigh and chest she walked over to turn on the water.

Saoirse decided to take her time with the shower, mostly because she needed to calm herself down. She could feel the lower par of her body almost aching, as if it needed something, but clueless as she was, she didn't know what to do with these emotions. Biting her lip as she stepped out of the shower, she grabbed a fresh towel for her hair and another for her body, wrapping herself up nicely. The walk from the bathroom to her bedroom wasn't long, and she looked down the hallway. He must've gone to the living room she thought.
Inside her bedroom she walked over to her small closet, looking at her options. She knew that Amos liked it when she wore something cute. She had her pyjamas, but that didn't really fit with what she had in mind. It would be easier just to ask him, but then again he would probably give her some spiel about her needing to choose for herself. She gave in, putting on some simple underwear as well as one of her summer dresses. It wasn't scarily short, it went to just around her knees, but it was after all still warm outside.
Coming in to the living room after her change she looked at him. "Do you want a shower too?" She asked.

Saoirse looked up at him as he came closer, and she could almost see the conflict in his eyes. Looking down as he complimentedher, she moved some of her wet hair behind her ear. "I'll order some food," she said as he was leaving for the bathroom. And that was what she did, laying down on the couch she called up the usual pizza place her and Connor ordered from. Giggling a bit as they recognized her order and voice. The food would be there in around forty minutes. Not bad, considering it was a Friday and it was a rather popular pizzeria in the Western District.
Laying on the couch, she decided to turn on the TV, zapping through the channels, but not really finding anything interesting. She decided to put on one of the streaming services, looking through the new titles in the Hope's of anything special popping up. She didn't really know what she was in the mood for. Her and Connor always seemed to just know, but she didn't want to bore Amos. He had said so himself that he wasn't much of a movie guy, but she at least wantedto give it a go. Turning around so she was laying on her stomach, she rested her head on one of the floofy pillows of the couch.

She was watching some documentary about underwater life and corals as he walked in. Sitting up she turned to look at him as he stood there, following a stray drop of water run from his hair, down his neck and further on to his chest. Swallowing she nodded, getting up from her seat and walking past him in to her parents' bedroom. She looked at the drawers, humming to herself as she reached down for some underwear that she guessed would fit. Then she found some sweatpants that could easily be adjusted as well as a shirt for him.
Walking back to him she found herself staring a little at him, mostly because she was always so taken aback by his looks. "Here ... I know it's not really your style, but I think it will fit," she said, handing over the clothes she had folded neatly for him.
It was strange, standing so close, but she was almost terrified of stepping over a boundary. What if he pushed her away again? Could she keep on feeling her heart break every time? Biting her lower lip she looked down. "Are you sure you want to be here? You look irritated, and I don't want to make you mad," she asked in a careful voice.

Saoirse honestly felt lost but she let him go change in peace. When he returned she had sat herself in the couch with a glass of water, looking at the screen before turning to look at him as he entered. Seeing him in their dad's clothes was a little weird, but it did show how much they were alike. He sat down, barely looking at her, and she thought that she was pressuring him again. Looking down she fiddled a bit with the seam of her dress. He said he didn't ignore her, but it did feel like it.
"Just tell me what you are thinking of - I won't be mad if it's something like me being annoying," she said, looking at him. She reached out, taking his hand in hers, just to let him know she wouldn't be angry or judge him. She loved him, and whatever he needed, she wanted to give to him. "Is it about the thing you suggested at the beach?" she asked in a timid voice, looking down at their hands if he was still letting her hold it.

Breathing out as he asked why she would think it was her, she looked at how their fingers interlocked. She could feel her heart flutter in the most wonderful way, but she still felt nervous. "I guess, because I keep giving you your freedom, only to take it away when I can't handle it anymore?" she said, phrasing it almost like a question. Shaking her head no, she looked at him, her eyes vulnerable as she wished she could make him feel more at ease. Did Connor feel this way too around her, or was he just better at hiding it? She didn't think about it very long as she felt the gentle pull for her to come closer. She did, her face mere inches away as she just looked at him. "I don't want to strangle you with my love, and I'm really trying to give you the space you need," she whispered, looking down to his lips. How they had felt outside by the door had been almost magical. Her breath got a little heavy, and slowed down as she looked at him, really just wanting to lean in and kiss him, but how could she do that when she didn't want to kill him with her love? She felt so split, split between what she had promised and what she was feeling right now.