New year, new me? Or whatever they say. [cw]

The question made him scoff in a chuckle, smiling a little as he still felt tears in his eyes. He sniffled at looked at Damiano, rubbing the back of his hands with his thumbs. It didnt have to be simple. “You know, I’m actually kind of tired of people deciding for me, especially about what I deserve, so how about you let me decide for myself?” He asked, smiling softly before he sniffled again. “If the picture dont fit the frame, we’ll find a frame that does. And that’s what I’ve learned about symbolism this week.”

This felt nice standing here with Damiano if he didnt think about the circumstances or where they were. The mention of a goal made the nephilim look a little curious. But when Damiano said it, he chuckled. “I would like that.” He admitted.
The nurse entered and he pouted slightly as she announced that visiting hours were over. The hybrid removed his hands and it felt a little colder on his cheeks now, but it also felt nice that he had done it. “Yeah, I’d like that.” He said, nodding to confirm it.

They went down the hall and the question made him hum thoughtfully. “I will try. But dont be sad if I cant.” He said, sending him a small smile. He didnt want to go home but he had to. It was already enough that he had snuck past Damiano’s parents wishes, though he would believe that it had been good. He was just about to go when he felt Damiano’s hand around his. He felt him shaking and he frowned a little, even with the reassuring smile he didnt quite understand what was going on until the doctors came running.
It all happened so quick just like last time and Jeremy felt like he finally came to his senses again once he was outside, Kurtis shaking him a little. It just seemed so distant. “Hello? Stop zoning out!” The lycan barked at him. Jeremy blinked a few times, mumbling a few words. “This was a bad idea.” Kurtis said, pulling out his phone as he dragged Jeremy who was still in shock  with the other hand. He called Zaira, leaving her a message to meet him at his house. He hated being home but Jeremy couldnt just go home like this.

He had to order a cab to take them home, Jeremy was seemingly unresponsive. Or he was rambling in mumbles, that sounded a bit like sorry. Kurtis couldnt tell. He paid in cash that Jeremy had on him, dragging the nephilim up to the front door and inside. He hadnt noticed Zaira on the roof, so he just took Jeremy to his room, placing him on the couch. “You’re so fucking dumb.” The lycan hissed, ruffling up his own hair as he felt so angry. He had seen how the doctors had had to intervene and he had made up his mind.

Kurtis stood a bit in his own thoughts and annoyance when Zaira crawled in. When she spoke, he jumped and cursed a surprised “Fuck! Where did you come from?” though it was also nice to know that she was there right away. Jeremy didnt answer her question, just sat there and stared. “He’s been like that since Damiano grabbed him. I saw it.” The lycan said, explaining what he saw and the aftermath. Jeremy lifted a hand to the wound that was now a scar before he finally seemed to snap out of it. “His sister called me.” He said a little hoarse, to then look at the ground. “It was going so well…” he said but Kurtis shook his head. “No, you’re just saying that because you want to believe that. I saw him too, I saw what he did.” Kurtis said, Jeremy frowning as he looked up. “He grabbed you remember?” The lycan reminded him but Jeremy had no memory of that. Kurtis sighed and looked to Zaira, not knowing what to say.

A week or so had passed since the visit and Jeremy sat in the library again to read some homework. He was wearing a more comfortable shirt over his uniform button up, but it was approved so no one minded it. He realized he was out of water and grabbed his bottle to go fill it at the water fountain in the hallway. “Hey look it’s the nerd.” some guy said as he chuckled and approached the nephilim. Jeremy ignored him, deciding that half a bottle would be better than letting the guy get close. “Oh calm down, we can just buy a nerd if we need one, dont get your panties in a twist.” He assured him but Jeremy didnt quite feel safe. And his suspicions were right as two of the guy’s friends blocked the door to the library. One grabbed around Jeremy’s wrist and he panicked quite instinctively, hitting the guy’s hand with the water bottle. “Dont touch me!” He yelled with the bottle slap, frightened as he took a few steps back. “My mom works with your mom. She didnt show up like last month, my mom says it’s because you got bit by a vampyre. I want to see it.” The guy said, Jeremy shaking his head no.

Them surrounding the nephilim made the feeling of panic way worse. He hadnt ever been scared like this, of bullies and being pressed into a corner but his body was reacting all on it’s own. That was when he heard Damiano’s voice. All four looked at the hybrid, the guy turning as he smiled. “Almost couldnt recognize you, De Angelis.” He said, before he looked at the escort. This could get interesting. “Why are you here?” He asked, his friends holding Jeremy who did not seem comfortable with that at all. “We’re just fooling a bit around, arent we Wright?” He asked but Jeremy didnt answer. Like he couldnt say a word when someone was holding him like the guy’s friends were. Constricting him, controlling whether he could move or not. It was putting him in some sort of shock state. “I’ve know him since kindergarten so we go way back.” He said, ruffling up Jeremy’s hair a little.

He was right, Jeremy wasnt having fun, but the guys didnt really care about that. His reply made them all look rather surprised but Jeremy looked more hurt in that sense. The guy looked from the hybrid to Jeremy, drawing in a deep breath before he sighed. “Well isnt that a stick in our wheel. We were going to have a lot of fun.” He said, eyeing the escort once more before Damiano spoke to Jeremy. The guy’s released Jeremy and he came to his senses as he rubbed where they had been holding him. “Yeah, sure.” He said a little quiet, walking past the guys and towards Damiano. “We’ll continue some other day Wirght. I want to see that gnarly scar on your neck!” The guy said as he walked off with his friends.

The escort staying close by was probably for the best. Which wasnt a thought Jeremy normally would have had but after hearing Kurtis explain what he had seen and Jeremy realizing that he didnt even remember it. It was best for the both of them to have someone monitor them. He apologized but Jeremy shook his head and sighed. “Well you dont have to.” He said, looking up at the tall hybrid. The question made him shrug. He crossed his arms a little defensively before he spoke. “I get by. I forget to eat sometimes but it’s really nothing new, so it’ll probably pass.” He said, looking down. He didnt really know what to say, as he thought of the fact that Damiano only was here to resign from school. “What is the plan then? How are they going to make you feel better?”

They were going to send him to Switzerland? Jeremy was unable to hide how he felt about that, looking a little hurt as that meant they probably wouldnt be seeing each other for a long time. “Please tell me it’s just some joke.” He said, smiling as he found it a little absurd. The smile faded and he shook his head. He was being selfish. “If it is what it will take to make you feel better.” He reminded himself.

The confession didnt really put Jeremy at ease because who knew what was going to happen at the other facility? He spoke of the last time and Jeremy didnt quite want to admit that he couldnt even remember it happening. But he listened to him explain because that way he at least knew what the intent had been. “It’s okay to be scared. But I think it might have been better if you had just asked me to hold your hand.” He said, still keeping his arms a little crossed.
“I-… May have looked scared but it still hasnt changed how I feel about you. I dont know if that makes me dumb like Kurtis says, but I just…. I dont just want us to end.” He said, not knowing if he made sense or not, but it had to do. He let his hands fall down his side. “Will you be back at St. Jules if the treatment in Switzerland works?”

When he shook his head, Jeremy looked rather worried and the explanation didnt help either. “No…” he mumbled softly, looking at the hybrid as he felt so sad just thinking about it. So he wouldnt really see him anymore would he? He tensed his jaw at the thought that only seemed to develop quite quickly in his mind. He could feel his heart start to pick up a pace in panic and his breathing also went faster and irregular but he was trying to calm himself down with regular breaths, only that that didnt do much. “Then I wont see you again.” he mumbled, becoming a little disoriented and feeling so small all of a sudden. He reached out and grabbed onto the hybrid as to not just fall over right in that second. At this point he was quite visibly having a panic attack, holding onto Damiano like letting go meant death or something over exaggerated.

He felt his arms around him but he still felt so out of it. His thoughts were spiralling and he would feel so thankful that the hybrid had held him. For now he didnt feel much else than pressure in his chest and like the world wasnt really there. The soft murmur was like a pointer, guiding him through all the negative thoughts. His heart was still thumping and he could hear his own heartbeat in his ears, as if it was trying to drown out Damiano’s words. Yet he still listened and held onto him. Felt the worst subside slowly, like it was now just passing through. He heard the whisper and he tried to draw in some deep breaths, some of them made it through but he had to stand there in his arms for a bit. When he calmed down, his breath was still a little shaky but he felt more in control of himself. He looked up at Damiano, his eyes a little fluid. Without really thinking because he had had enough of that, he pushed himself up to greet Damiano’s lips with his own, not caring for just a second until he realized what he had done. Well the realization kicked in with feet scrambling down the hall and moving away, which meant that someone had seen them.