To make things worse [cw]

Next morning was a mix of feelings. Abel was happy to have Zaira around, at least he could check on her and make sure that she wasnt spiraling down some bad emotions, but on the other hand, it was like the only real solution was not something he could give her. He could just be by her side and be a friend.
He knocked on the door, sticking his head inside. "Goodmorning. K-Kurtis texted me. He a-asked how you're doing. S-should I just s-say you're fine?" he asked, walking over before he noticed how she was cuddled up with the lycan's jacket. He didnt say anything but he didnt have to.

It was hard to let go, even harder when her subconscious knew what was going on with her body. So as she heard the knock she didn't even try to move away from the jacket. It was like she had given in, given up and just missed Kurtis. She had woken up crying, but she felt better now, or at least she told herself. As Abel stuck his head in, she looked at him, not really knowing what to answer. "Can you tell him to come over?" she asked, sitting up, holding on to his jacket as if it was a binky. "I ... I think I need to tell him," she said, shaking a little.

Hadnt it been that she was going through pretty much the unthinkable, then he would have suggested her not to keep the jacket so close, but the thing is that she was and he could understand the need for comfort. Her question made him draw in a deep breath and he little reluctantly nodded. Her next words however made him frown. "Are y-you sure?" he asked. He wanted her to be a hundred percent sure. He couldnt imagine it turning out great, so if she was only doing it out of guilt or something else, then it would probably turn bad fairly quickly. If she was, he'd sit down next to her with his phone. "He may g-g-get angry. It would be very like h-him. But I'll be here with you a-all the way."

She nodded at his question. She was really sure. She needed to tell him and just rip off that band-aid. "If he gets angry that's fair," in all fairness she should've told him when she had found out. But she had been so scared. Scared that he would do something reckless or out of character for him. Looking down she sniffled a bit, smiling sadly. "Even if he hates me, he has the right to know," she said feeling so scared. "Besides ... The longer I keep this going, the worse it gets."

The reply made her frown, feeling her body shake a little. Her mind instinctively thought about the worst thing. Was he with his father? Was he getting beat up? Or what was truly going on here? She took out her own phone, finding his number with ease as she called him up. "Pick up, please pick up," she muttered as she held the phone to her ear. She was shaking with fear now. Needing to hear his voice, know that he wasn't hurting or getting hurt. She just wanted to hear his voice. Zaira was starting to struggle to breathe, actively having a panic attack, "please Kurt please," she whimpered.

"Kurt," she breathed out, but she barely got to say anything as he just cut her off in his neutral tone. She felt a few tears run down her cheeks. He wasn't home. He wasn't even in the city? "Where are you?" she whispered, trying not to let him heart the fact that she was crying. "When will you be back?" she asked.

A day or two? She was shaking now. Would she even muster up the courage to say it when he returned? Would she ever be able to say what she had been struggling with? She was silent for a while, looking down at her hands that were covered in the sleeves of his jacket. "... It's nothing," she muttered, not being able to hold back a sniffle, "just wanted to return your stupid jacket." And with that she hung up, throwing her phone across the room as she was shaking. That was when she started sobbing. She couldn't do it. She was a fucking coward.

It was a good thing that he was dense in some way because it would have been easy to tell that it was not just about returning a jacket. But he also wasnt completely dumb so her sniffle didnt go unheard but he didnt say anything. She hung up before he could say anything and Abel looked at her with worried eyes. She sobbed and he placed an arm around her, gently rubbing her back. "It's o-okay." he said in a soothing voice. "L-let's just f-forget for a day that all t-this is h-happening and go out f-for lunch. We c-can catch up, I c-can tell you about A-America and you c-can sit there and listen?"

She leaned against Abel, sobbing as she just pulled that stupid jacket closer to her. She felt so stupid. She felt so small and scared and alone. And yet here Abel was, holding her, soothing her back and she just leaned on him for the support he had. He suggested them going out for lunch and she nodded, burying her face in his chest as she just sobbed, trying to calm down.
It took her some time, but she eventually returned to only sniffles, and she seemed to calm down. "Yeah," she whispered. She was hungry as all hell and needed to eat if she wanted to feel just slightly better. "But I don't want to talk about ..." well it was pretty obvious she wasn't in the mood to talk about her own situation right now. She just wanted to do what he had suggested. He would talk, she would listen.

"G-good." he said to her whisper, though as she made it clear that she didnt want to talk about herself, he nodded in agreement and smiled. "Of course. I-I think I h-have enough to t-talk your ears off anyway. A-Americans are w-weird." he chuckled, getting up if she felt good enough to go. "Do y-you want to borrow something? M-my sister s-still has some clothes, if you're not f-freaked out b-by wearing a t-terminal ill girl's c-clothes." he said, walking over to a closet. It was fairly simple clothes, nothing fancy.

She got out of bed, pulling the jacket closer. Was it weird that she felt so fucking weak? Looking at her phone on the ground she could see the screen was cracked, but she could care less, following Abel to the closet. Looking at the different options she shrugged at his words. "I'd actually rather borrow something from your closet," she confessed. She felt like she needed baggy clothes, something to cover up and not the preppy clothes his sister had. "If you don't mind," she added.

"M-mine?" he repeated but then he smiled and nodded. He didnt mind at all. "Are you g-going to keep holding o-onto that?" he asked, though it was somehow something he was expecting. It seemed like a good source of comfort. He let her roam his closet and once they were both ready, they could head out. It was good thing that it was already weekend, adding more trouble to their list had they been skipping school together. Not that he wouldnt have done that for her. "The s-sun is out." he remarked as they stood outside. It wasnt warm anymore but at least it wasnt a grey and boring day.

It was the late saturday night after their day off and Alexis had decided to cut the trip a little short, mostly because Kurtis was definitely not having fun at all. And once they had gotten home, Kurtis had gone out to one of the house parties that were announced to be held this week. He got drunk and had fun until he didnt feel like being there anymore. A girl was playing with the collar on his shirt, offering him a place to sleep but somehow he just wasnt in a mood for that. He backed off from her reach before he walked out, pulling out his phone to Zaira. He knew he shouldnt, he wouldnt have hadnt he been slightly drunk. If she picked up, he’d say that same that he would to her voicemail. “I dont want to go home tonight.”

She knew he was talking about the jacket and she nodded. She hated herself for keeping it, but she also knew that it was that last thing she had of Kurtis. Maybe with it she could let go of the lycan. They headed out, having lunch and spending the most of the day away from the apartment. She had called her mom, making sure she knew where she was, but it turned out she was away on some business for the club. She guessed that was what you got from not listening and being in your head.

That night she knew there was a party. She knew because half the school posted about it, and it was hard to ignore. She had convinced Abel to stay over at her place. Seeing that her mother was gone she could get dressed in her own clothes. Putting on some movie she sat leaned up against Abel, half asleep already as her phone rang. Startled she picked up, "hello?" She muttered. But then she heard his voice and she felt her throat close up. "You can come by," she said without really thinking about it. The last thing she wanted was for Kurtis to feel like this, and she wanted to see him anyways. "My mom isn't home," she added, just letting him know that he didn't have to worry about parental supervision.

Zaira nodded, thanking Abel for today, and for everything he had done so far. He was really the friend she needed right now. When Kurtis showed up, she headed for the door, opening it for him. He looked like a lost kid. Though he probably would hate it if she pointed it out. "It's not like you to knock," she remarked, stepping aside to let him in. She was still wearing his jacket along with her own comfy clothes. "I'll grab some food for you," she said, walking out in to the kitchen where she opened the fridge. She could feel the nerves in her body going crazy, and she was scared that she couldn't keep it at bay.
Returning she placed some food and a water on the
coffee table for him, silently sitting down in the couch and pulling a blanket up around her. She felt like she needed to hide her body. Not that she was showing, no it was way too early for that but she felt self-conscious.

It felt so strange, and yet so familiar to have him around. She sat down in the couch, still not sure how to act around him, so she just gave him some space. Staring at the TV as he ate she was just quiet, and she hadn't thought about what she was wearing until he commented on it. Looking down she sighed, "yeah," she said, but it wasn't really cold as in her body was cold. She felt cold in her soul, in her heart, but saying that wouldn't help anything. "How was the party?" she instead asked. She had purposefully not gone, because being faced with alcohol wasn't an option right now.

He didn't want to talk about it. So that meant he had been spending his time making out with girls she bet. She hated thinking like that, but perhaps it made it easier for her. To understand that they weren't together anymore. He got up and she looked down to his foot, seeing glimpses of how it had looked and the snap she heard. Shivering she started fiddling with her thumbs as he sat down next to her. Her lower lip started quivering as he asked to hold her hand and she pulled the blanket closer around her as if to protect herself. "No, I think it's best if we don't," she muttered, staring at the carpet with hurt eyes. "I still feel like shit and it wouldn't be fair to you," she added, hoping it would make sense.

She felt nervous, and she knew that if he hadn't been out drinking he had been able to feel just how terrified she was. Scared that the secret she bore would make him freak out. She hadn't ever been scared of Kurtis hurting her, but seeing what he had gone through with his parents, part of her had to admit she was afraid. She just shook her head. It wouldn't be fair. None of this was fair. She cared for him so much, she wanted to be with him, but he had decided what was best for them. He had broken up with her. "I think that's a good thing," she said, putting on a trying smile. She watch him fiddle with his fingers and she knew she was doing the same. So she reached over, taking his hand and just holding it. "You need some place safe to stay."