To make things worse [cw]

Breathing out in a small scoff she looked down at his words. Yeah, sure, he had ruined it. Not that she believed that one bit. And then he asked something rather honest, and she shrugged. "I guess I'm scared of myself," she confessed, looking down at their hands. How could holding his hand feel so comforting and yet so frightening? She leaned closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. He smelled the same. Of course he did, she was silly for thinking otherwise, but she had been scared that he would smell like a stranger. "Could you ever hate me?" she asked after some silence.

Did he really mean that, or was he just saying it to convince himself? She looked up at him as he cupped her face, and if it had just been that, she would've given herself over to him. She would've leaned up and kissed him, just wanting to feel him as close as she craved him. But he said something that made her worry, looking down she shrugged. "My mother bought me a new perfume," she said, a blatant lie and she wasn't good at lying to him. Blinking a few times she wasn't sure what to do, so she did what she would've done when they were together, leaning up to place her lips against his neck. "I'm sorry," she whispered, kissing his neck in gentle peck. Gods it made her whole body tingle just feeling his heat.

She kissed his neck gently until he said her name. Was he annoyed with her? He hadn't ever said her name like that. Frowning she pulled away as he asked what she was doing. She wasn't even sure herself. Pushing away the inevitability of him finding out what was really going on with her? Pretending that she could fix everything just by kissing him, and then she realized she couldn't. Getting up she let go of his hand, her lower lip quivering as she walked away from him. She felt embarrassed. She was selfish and he was hurting enough as it was. "Sorry," she managed to say before locking herself in the bathroom.

When he returned all he would hear was the water running, faint sobs from the other side of the door. She would've thought that she could handle it. Be with him, sit beside him and just be a friend. But she couldn't. She was burning up inside with the fear of ruining his life, and all she could do was blame herself. Zaira looked at herself in the mirror, frowning in disgust as she slammed her hand against the glass. It broke a loud noise of glass falling to the ground and she sat down on the edge of the bathtub. Her hand was quickly soaked in blood and she just sat there, staring at it.

He came in and it was like she barely noticed, just crying, looking at her hand as it was being dragged under the faucet. Seeing the cold water mix with the warm blood was strange as she thought about his questions. "Can't you smell it?" she asked blankly. He had to have noticed, even if he was drunk and barely used his brain. Looking at her hand in his she felt a few more tears run down her cheek. "Can't you feel it?" she asked. Did she really have to say it?

Zaira felt her hand sting as the towel was pressed against it. No way, he said. Was he trying to tell her she was lying? "Always careful?" she asked, looking down she wondered if he even remembered. He had fallen asleep so fast that he probably hadn't noticed. She knew she should've done something about it, but she thought nothing of it. It was one in a million times and she refused to believe she could just get pregnant when so many women actively tried each day and failed. "You don't have to do anything," she said, just wanting to be clear in what she was saying. He had enough to think about, and she felt bad for telling him. "You can continue with your life however you want," she said, just staring at the towel. Was he going to get angry? Force her to have an abortion like he had with Vanessa?

"I don't know what to do yet ... I had hoped to figure it out fully before I told you," she confessed. That morning she had called him she knew her choice, but then it had shifted back and forth, trying to weigh out her options. His mumble made her frown, shaking her head, "I didn't know it until after you broke up, so don't feel bad," she said, placing her hand over the towel. She could understand if he wanted to go now. Leave her would be the normal reaction from him, wouldn't it? "I'm scared," she whispered, looking down at the towel.

He was leaving. She had been expecting that, and a lot more yelling. But he was so quiet. She just held on to the towel, shaking as he returned. It was hard to believe that he had stayed, maybe because she knew him. When things got rough his best solution was to make as much distance between him and whatever he wanted to avoid. He wrapped her hand up, and seeing his shoulders tremble she wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. "It's okay," she muttered in to his shoulder, just holding him because she couldn't give him something else. They were just kids, that was true, but somehow she still couldn't make her mind up. Was it really so crazy if she kept the child? Was it even a child or was it just a clump of cells in her stomach that could turn to a child? "Only Abel knows right now ... You don't have to tell anyone and I won't tell anyone if you don't want it," she said. She had to be reasonable here, whatever she did with her body was her choice, and she couldn't expect him to just play along.

Okay maybe it wasn't alright, but she wanted to show him that she wouldn't ever blame him. However what he said next made her heart ache, nodding as she just pressed herself closer to him. "And I don't think you can be with me if I terminate the pregnancy," she said, pulling out of the hug, wiping her tears away. She knew from the get go that she would be on her own whatever she chose. "Don't lie to me, Kurtis, you'd be too scared to touch me and risk getting here again," she said before her eyes followed his hand. She saw the gold chain, and it was rather different from anything she had seen him wear before. Looking at the chain in her hand she frowned. "Why did you get me something?" It didn't make sense. They weren't together, and he had made that clear.

"You're not a coward," she said. He had never been a coward, in fact she knew how much shit he had gone through. And he knew every dirty secret about her and her family. He explained the chain as she looked at it, turning around for him to put it on her and once it was on she turned back to look at him. She reached her good hand up, touching his cheek gently before pulling him down in a kiss. And that was the first time in weeks that she had felt an inkling of happiness. Just kissing him because she loved him, not because she missed him or was scared of his reaction. "Stay the night," she pleaded. She didn't want him to go yet, and she couldn't bear to be alone. "Stay and tell me you love me all night," all she had ever wanted was him. All she had ever truly longed for was to be with him, and she knew she couldn't. But she could love him, and she could hold him tight.

"Ditto," she replied, but then he moved away and she frowned. What was he doing? "Hey, don't," she said, but it was too late, he had cut his hand and she shook her head, guiding his hand to the sink. "You're such a dumbass," she muttered, her hand shaking a little as she held it under the running cold water for him. He would heal faster regardless, but she hated seeing him hurt.

"Of course I'm scared!" she objected, looking at him with serious eyes. "I'll never stop worrying, not even for a second, so just accept that," she muttered, closing her eyes as he kissed her head. Gods she loved him, and she wanted nothing more than for him to stay with her forever. Her bandaged hand reached up, touching his collar, looking at the nice fabric. "If you stop being scared of touching me," she said. She could feel him hesitate, she could sense how he wasn't comfortable around her when he knew what she was carrying. "I really thought we had a shot ... I really fucking love you," so much more there was to say, but regret was pretty big. "I love you and I wish I could take away all if any of your burdens."

He kissed her and she looked up at him with a frown at his words. "Fuck you're so dense Trevino," she said, grabbing his good hand guiding it down to her hip, lifting her shirt up, letting him feel her skin. "Tell me I'm lying when I say this; I will love you no matter what, alright? No matter what you say or do, it can't change how I feel about you," she spoke truthfully, looking up at him with her serious eyes. "I don't give a crap about your father, I don't give a shit about your family name ... I just want you to be happy, even if that isn't with me." Of course Zaira wanted him, but not at any cost. She wasn't selfish like that, she couldn't force him to be with her. Even though she longed for him every day. "Now please, just for tonight let us not talk about that."