I’ll make you mine

Gerard listened, at least to the best of his abilities with all the sobbing. He felt like this was so surreal, so when Eden confessed he hadn't thought it would go this far he nodded. Of course he had always felt the attraction, but actually developing some feelings for the vampyre was absurd if you asked him a few months ago. "You do make me feel all of those things," he said in a soft whimper, having gotten his sobbing mostly under control. He didn't know if he could ever return those words of loving nature, but he hoped it would come with time and the growth in his confidence. How could you really love someone else if you didn't love yourself? His free hand removed the tears, looking at Eden as he kissed his other hand, it felt like such a good environment. Xalvador had been wrong, and there was a great amount of relief in that.
The beg made him hiccup a small yes, nodding just to be sure that he was agreeing to this. "I should eat this, huh?" he mumbled, cracking a small smile, feeling his cheeks warm from all the sobbing. He was just a kid with a lot of emotions and unsolved trauma, so finally being able to get some of those feelings out was nice. It gave a relieving feeling, like his chest wasn't as tight anymore. He kept holding Eden's hand, his free hand grabbing a fork to dig in to the meal. Gerard was still not too much of a fan of food, perhaps because it felt like every meal this good could potentially be his last.
After the simple dinner, he got up from his seat, washing off his plate and utensils before placing them in the dishwasher. He knew that Eden had people to clean up after him, but he didn't like leaving his mess around. "It was very good," he finally said, clearly having gotten more control over his voice, but there was still a faint tremble to his breathing. "Thank you."

The nephilim had noticed how quiet the whole place was, but he hadn't really thought about the house being empty until Eden said it. He felt his heart beat a little faster at that notion, nodding as he went with the vampyre out on the balcony. It was such a different weather than how it had been in Spain, but at least it wasn't raining, although some dark clouds were forming above. Outside he stood and was quiet for a bit until he felt like he needed to get something off his chest. "I-I have to come clean about something, or maybe rather ... Clear something up," he said, looking discreetly at Eden. "You know I said I hadn't been with someone before, right?" he said, feeling a bit nervous to even talk about it, but he just didn't want to let Eden think he was just some inexperienced kid. "Well, I have been with a few girls ... No guys," he said. He felt a bit fraudulent. Had he lied or simply withheld the truth? And was Eden going to think lesser of him now?

Frankly he was unsure of what to expect, but he knew he had to say it. Taking a drag from the cigarette, it seemed to calm his nerves a bit, pushing the smoke down in to his lungs and holding it there for a while before finally pushing the smoke out in to the air. He shrugged a little at the notion he wasn't angry, because part of him had thought that it would ruin some illusion. But then some questions came that made Gerard red in the face, looking away as if he couldn't even think about it and be expected to look at Eden at the same time. He thought about it for a while, not really sure what to reply at first. "I guess I ... Gods ... I like to be in charge," he admitted, his cheeks burning bright red as his eyes flickered thinking about all of this. It was hard to open up just like this and out of the blue, but it was his own fault for bringing it up. He swallowed as he looked down. "B-but only if the other person, you know, likes what I'm doing - I just ... I guess I'm much more of a pleaser," he said, stumbling over a few words that just made him feel more nervous.
"I like kissing a lot, it feels good, and ... And I really like, uhm, when my hair gets tucked at," he mumbled. He felt embarrassed, but what guy his age wouldn't feel a bit embarrassed by saying this stuff out loud. He really was just a teenager, but it was clear that he was looking for something tender, something real in a partner. "I, merde, I like going down on a partner," he whispered, shaking a little as he grabbed on to the railing before shaking his head a little. He was clearly feeling a little out of it still, and didn't really know what else to say. But wasn't it obvious that he liked being touched? He liked it when he was held close, enjoyed every second of being wrapped up in another person in something so simple as a hug or sleeping. "I like to feel everything."

Gods, his cheeks were burning from the words he was saying, but part of him also did want to open up and talk about it. It would make things a lot easier if they did decide to go further. The fact that Eden could talk so casually about his own likes didn't make things easier on him. The nephilim liked things to be sweet, he didn't like being vulgar because it felt like it would take away from the experience of getting close to another person. Moving inside, he noticed how cold he had gotten, but he had taken notice of his words. Things would change, and he was happy about that, however talking about all of this made him wonder what Eden was like in such an intimate situation. He was so gentle and sweet with the kisses and affectionate touches, but he knew that things could change once a moment got heated.
He got pulled closer to Eden, feeling his whole back pressed against his front, blushing more - if that was even possible at this point - as he listened to the sweet words. He nodded, but part of him wanted to tell the vampyre what he had been thinking about since they had gotten back. "I wouldn't mind trying more," he said in a timid voice, not to say that they could just jump in to everything, but there was no reason for them to think that things would only stay at the kissing point. "As long as we take it slow" he added in a soft sigh as the feeling of Eden's breath against his scalp was something he had come to like a lot. It felt just as good as a hug at times, perhaps because it had the same close feeling.

Gerard could barely do anything but chuckle at the question, turning around in his arms as he moved his hands up to cup his face. "Oui," he simply replied before connecting their lips. His eyes fell shut, taking in the feeling of the cold lips against his own warm. It was a feeling he had come to enjoy a little too much, even if it sometimes made him shiver a bit, he only saw it as a good sign. His lips moved against Eden's, a little eager, but still keeping it rather tender. He felt a little lightheaded, breaking the kiss and placing his forehead against the other man's, taking a few deep breaths to calm down. "Sorry, I guess I forgot to breathe," he chuckled a little apologetically, but he had been so eager that he had simply forgotten that his lungs did need oxygen to let him survive. Placing a few more kisses against his lips he smiled, still trying to catch up to his breath, but also his beating heart.
"Can we, perhaps, sit down?" he mumbled against his lips, nuzzling his nose against his, smiling a bit to himself. If Eden agreed he would move backwards until he felt a couch behind him, sitting down, but instead of the vampyre just sitting down next to him, he pulled at him lightly to sit down on his lap. It was clear he was feeling a mixture of bravery and nervousness, but he wanted to feel what it was like to be just a little bit closer. His lips moved down along the cold neck, sighing in delight. He was surprised at the fact that Eden barely weighed anything sitting on top of him, but he could still feel him right there. Perhaps it was the fact that he was cold, so there wouldn't really be any feeling of warmth hitting him. "Tell me what you want," he whispered against the part of his chest that was not hidden by his shirt.

It felt like losing his mind, not all the way, but just enough to not think so much, and just feel. It was very unlike him, but he also liked it a lot, feeling the vibrations against his lips made him smile. He hadn't expected getting pushed back like this, but feeling how close Eden was made him happy. It wasn't until his hair got tugged at that he moaned softly in to the vampyre's mouth. His arms moved to grab his hips, pressing him even closer than he already was, his heart beating out of control. Not only that, but he could feel his body react, making a hard bulge appear in his trousers. He became aware of it, breaking the kiss a little flustered, his breath hitching as he wasn't quite sure what to do about it all. He knew they didn't have to take it further, but in the moment he wanted to. He wanted to feel that love that Eden had spoken about, he wanted to see if it was real.
"I ... I want you to take your shirt off," he mumbled, flustered of course, but he was trying to also be confident in what he said. He had missed the feeling of Eden's bare skin against his own, how it had cooled him down on those warm Spain nights. "... If it wouldn't be too much trouble," he added as he noticed how demanding he had sounded. It wasn't what he was trying to accomplish, rather he had just missed him. Missed feeling all of him, or at least as much as their skin flesh together.

His demands made him smile, his hands moving from Eden's thighs to his shirt, unbuttoning it with a bit shaky hands. He had a bit of trouble getting it over his head, but with the vampyre's help it would go swimmingly. He nodded at the assurance, but simply moved his hands up to cup the other man's, pulling him down in a much more passionate kiss than he had tried before. It was clear he was going out of his comfort zone, but he also made sure to take it at his own pace. He liked Eden, he wanted to feel what it would be like to be with him, and even if he didn't go all the way, that would be okay. He just wanted to try something different. He groaned softly against the cold lips, feeling that his pants were tight around his bulge, but he was way too nervous to say anything about it. "Please ... Just tell me what you are thinking of," he pleaded in a raspy whisper, his eyes still closed as his hands moved down along his body, feeling the coldness of the vampyre and strangely enough not finding it repulsive. Gerard liked warm things, like blankets and duvets, but when it came to Eden it was like it didn't matter. His body was generating enough heat as it was. "I want to hear it," he said, opening his eyes halfway to look at the blue green eyes he cared for so much. His hands grabbed around his hips, not to hold him in place, but rather press him closer as if his body couldn't help itself. He was panting slowly, his voice a little shaky, but it was clear he was enjoying this intimacy.

Hearing those thoughts made Gerard blush wildly, mostly because he wasn't sure what to reply. He felt a bit scared, not that he was afraid of Eden, but more unsure about the unknown. He had never tried anything like that with another man, and while he found the thought appealing, he also felt scared. Scared to move too fast. That he would come to regret it if it turned out that Eden would not be true to his words about love. Maybe he was just being biased. He had heard that you couldn't trust vampyres. That they had a way of convincing you to do things you never thought you would be able to do. And yet, Gerard felt like himself still. He didn't feel influenced to do anything, in fact he had some thoughts himself.
He gritted his teeth, groaning in sweet agony as the vampyre rolled his hips towards his own, feeling his head spinning with the sweet declaration of love. The cold lips against his warm neck made him hum. "I feel like you'd be in charge" he admitted, but he was still flustered just thinking about it. "A-and we w-would t-take turns," he stuttered in a sweet shudder as he felt Eden against him. His skin flesh against his own just did something to him. "B-being o-o-over each o-other."

Gods he felt like a mess, sitting here with him in his lap, feeling his skin flesh against his own. His breath hiccupped a bit, the feeling of his heart beating so loudly in his chest made him feel lightheaded. It also didn't help that Eden smelled so intoxicating. His jaw was tensing as he looked up at the ceiling, feeling Eden attack his neck with loving kisses, and he felt completely in bliss. The question brought him back to reality, his face burning bright red. He knew he didn't have to feel this flustered, but his body just couldn't help reacting like this. "I'm not sure what I want," he confessed, panting softly as he felt out of breath.
The plea was so genuine, at least that was how it sounded in Gerard's ears, sighing to himself as he caught Eden's lips with his own, moving his hands up and pressing him closer. Gasping for air against his lips he leaned back, closing his eyes as he was shaking a little with excitement. "I'll stay," he whispered softly, his hands even shaking as they moved around his chest. It was clear he was overwhelmed by how his body was reacting.

Gerard probably looked like a lost puppy at this point. He was unsure of how to react, because part of him felt like running away and another part felt like just staying. It was as if his pledge to stay was his own body betraying him, but did he want to stay? It was hard for him to put words to it, especially seeing as he was clearly on edge about the whole friction and kissing. It felt good, so it wasn't wrong, right? Swallowing his eyes followed Eden's and after a quick glance he looked away. He was terrible at this. He was too nervous to say or do anything, and he was frustrated with his own body. The self-doubt always crept in to his mind at times like these.
His mind spiraling as all he could think of was how unappealing he must've been. Skinny and with little to no muscle. He felt like he looked like a kid still, and his mind couldn't wrap itself around the fact that Eden was aroused as well. It couldn't be. He felt a cold feeling run down his spine as the vampyre pulled him out of his thoughts, looking at him with a mixture of confused and hurt eyes. Trust him? Gerard trusted very few, he was always on edge; The only one he felt like he could always rely on was Xalvador, but saying that out loud might ruin the mood. And he didn't want to disappoint him. "I don't know what to trust ... My body seems to not even trust itself right now," he whispered, feeling the cold thumb over his lower lip that made him tremble. He closed his eyes and sighed, he was clearly conflicted. Everything he had learned from Xalvador was that vampyres couldn't be trusted, and yet here he was with the most caring vampyre in the world. The person that had gotten him out of starvation, of selling his body, and he still felt the doubt? He must've seemed like an ungrateful brat to Eden. "I guess I'm just scared, that's all, I'm sorry," he mumbled, pressing his eyes harder together as to not start crying. Why was he always such a crybaby?

Gerard felt like such a wuss. All he wanted was intimacy, but it seemed like he was even scared of that, even though it felt so good to have Eden this close. A wandering thought in his mind kept saying that this was like a band-aid, that he just had to rip it off, but deep down he knew he couldn't force this. He liked Eden, but for Gerard to trust someone was a great thing to ask. He had been alone all his life, the only support was his brother, but now with Eden in the picture, it felt like even that was slipping away. The loneliness was surrounding him, and yet here he sat with someone he genuinely liked.
Eden pulled him close, and it was as if he forced his floodgates open as he started sobbing in to the other man's chest. He was shaking a little, feeling so overwhelmed by these emotions that had been building up. How afraid he had been when Eden hadn't replied for weeks, how sad and alone it had made him really feel. How much he had missed being with the vampyre, and now that he was with him it just felt like too much. Gerard moved his arms up his back, wrapping his arms around him and hugging himself closer. He felt like he was about to float off the couch, he needed something to ground him, and Eden was the only one available right now.
As his sobbing died down to a light sniffle he kept on hiding his face. He was so embarrassed, because it seemed like he could never truly man up. Hadn't the orphanage taught him better than this? Hold in your emotions, boys aren't supposed to cry, his mind kept ringing of the adults from that dreadful place. How will you ever amount to anything if all you do is cry? He gulped, because he hadn't amounted to anything. He was a leech, wasn't he? Living off of what Eden could provide and not striving for more. Sure, he had his photography, but would that ever go somewhere? In this spiral of self-doubt he just fell silent, his eyes moving beneath his closed lids, but his breathing was clearly irregular like he hadn't calmed down yet.

He opened his eyes rather reluctantly, looking at the gentle eyes that met him. Eden was both a source of comfort and a source of worry for Gerard. Taking a deep breath he rubbed his eyes a bit, feeling them irritated and probably looking rather red from crying. "Just a lot of stuff," he mumbled, touching Eden's chest as mostly to distract his hands. Closing his eyes he took another deep breath before opening to look at the vampyre once again. What had the nephilim done to deserve him? "I'm afraid that I've ruined everything now ... And I don't feel like I deserve being here with you," he said, looking rather timidly at the vampyre that was still on top of him.
His body was confused, his mind a mess and yet he didn't want to go. He wanted to stay with Eden, he wanted to feel that love he had spoken about, but he was scared. Scared that it would change everything. "What if ... A lot of what ifs," he sighed, his fingers tracing along his bare chest. "I've never felt this way before - And I really don't want to ruin it."